Sunday, May 3, 2015

Mega Evolution no. 46: Audino

Would you like to make a contract?

Awww, look! It's got a little stethoscope! And a cute lil' labcoat! And cute lil' booties!

Mega Audino is almost too cute, for real. It's one of those Megas where I wish it could just be the regular evolution. But also isn't it pretty freaking stupid that they had to give a Mega to something from the 6th gen? like, you couldn't make it good enough already? It's like the most convoluted balance patch ever.

But yeah, I like it. Mega Audino really runs with the "doctor" theme, much more than Blissey or Chansey ever did, who just remained big fluffy eggs. Audio is fluffy and egg-shaped, but as you can see, it has curly tendrils and ears and shit, so obviously it is superior.

Overall: 8/10

Saturday, May 2, 2015

Mega Evolution no. 45: Gallade

As any parent knows, you can't give one child a Mega Evolution without their sibling also demanding one.

I think this could be called an improvement. It still has the awkward Amazing World of Gumball hips, an a blue crest for no reason (why not red?), but at least it looks cooler.

Actually making the arm blades out of the red blades that have been established by all previous forms was a good move. And the crest looks more Kinnikuman-esque, so that's neat. Also I dig the split cape, which echoes the style of the feet, and reminds me of Mega Gardevoir's dress flaps.

what's up with the chest gem shrinking, tho? Does that signify anything? What are those things supposed to be, anyway, does the Pokedex ever mention it? I suppose I could look this up, but that sounds too much like work.

Overall: 7/10

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Mega Evolution no. 44: Lopunny

goddamit Gamefreak you know exactly what you're doing, don't you

Of course Gardevoir and Lopunny were gonna get mega evos. I should have guessed.

But while Gardevoir was pretty alright, Lopunny is just a trainwreck of a Pokemon, from head to toe, not a single thing goes right here. What jumps out at me first, is the bizarre intersection of arms and neck at the top of its torso, looking like the kind of anatomy 2nd graders draw. That head is going to snap that neck, and the stick-thin arms look ridiculous compared to the generous thighs.

Oh, and let's talk about those thighs - Lopunny appears to be wearing stockings with "sexy" rips in them! Wonderful! Also it stuck its arms in a pair of giant packing peanuts, but that's another issue.

Wait no, let's also talk about the giant-ass butterfly just on the front of its head like it's trying to teach Kate Winslet how to fly. Or maybe we could talk about how stupid it is that its ears have multiple scrunchies on them, further contributing the image of a sepia-tone 80's jazzercise bunny.

Overall: 1/10

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Mega Evolution no. 43: Rayquaza

going to ride a bicycle made of nightmares straight up your ass

Rayquaza is one of my favorite legendaries, he's badass as hell. Mega Rayquaza coul have been even cooler, but he screws the pooch in a major way - those tendrils.

They look out of place and completely ruin the silhouette. And they aren't even nice thing curves, one of 'em has hoops in it, and is otherwise smooth, while the top ones are crackly and jaggedy! Show some consistency! And get rid of the crap on the end of your tail, too.

Because with that gone, it's just a Rayquaza with Dragonballs embedded in his side, and a mean-ass mandible piece for cutting down entire forests or something. And then the Seven-Pronged-Sword marking on his eye is badass as well.

A pity I can barely make out all that, thanks to the neon tentacles flapping around all over the place like a 15-year-old at a Nightcore rave.

Overall: 6/10

Friday, April 24, 2015

Mega Evolution no. 42: Latias/Latios

they look so goddamn like the same person, I would say to them "you want ice cream cone", they would both say yes

Yeah, I can't tell these wonky funks apart, so I'm doing them both at the same time. Red and Blue both go to Purple, makes sense to me.

Anyway, this is another Mega form for a Legendary, which I just disagree with on principle. Legendaries are already overpowered, do they need to get more overpowered-er? Gamefreak thinks so.

The design has some good points, the arms becoming full pods and all. But I think they still ought to have proper wings on their backs, instead of trailing under-side wing-legs danglers. And is it just me, or is the color combination, combined with the way they look like they're wearing diapers, remind you of Mewtwo?

Overall: 3/10

Monday, April 20, 2015

Mega Evolution no. 41: Metagross

I don't know why I expected anything else from Mega Metagross

Beldum was a single arm. Metang is two of those arms on a body. Metagross is two Metangs stuck together. So, logically, Mega Metagross is two Metagross stuck together, length-wise.

That's right - it's hard to tell from this picture, but he has FOUR MORE ARMS on the back end there. They aren't quite as large, but still. It's ridiculous, but again - could it have been anything else? It's this kind of insane yet consistent logic that I can't help but love. I wish Magneton has used it, and been a cluster of Magnemite all together, instead of just one dumb flying saucer mofo.

Oh, and Mega Metagross also gets some gold plating on his X and a chin-spike, so he can swag all over everything. As well as ram you like a Trireme. As if he didn't already have enough ways to destroy faces.

I like the idea here, but I'm taking off a point because I'm not sure it's executed quite as well as it could have been. Why not an 8-legged spider monster?

Overall: 9/10

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Mega Evolution no. 40: Salamence

they said I could become anything I wanted. So I became a frisbee.

What the greater hell is happening here, exactly. Salamence has always been kinda doofy, but he just kicked it up a notch. His wings are now just a big-ol crescent shape, which by all accounts shouldn't be able to move, which means he has to glide everywhere.

Which is kind of a step down, isn't it? his lil' backpack harness straps there aren't helping this illusion, he looks like he just strapped in for some ziplining. Oh, and I thought he cut off his arms at first, but it turns out he just tucked them in like his hands were cold and he's sticking them under his shirt into his armpits, like we've all done.

But in any case, Mega Salamence looks stupid. Going from a dragon with the power of free flight, to some sort of armless lizard strapped to a moon disc, is not my idea of an upgrade.

Overall: 1/10