Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Cilan of Striation Gym

oh god what day is it. what year is it. HAVE I REALLY BEEN ASLEEP FOR SO LONG!?

Yeah, sorry about that. Came down with a bad case of "new job" and though I remain unfortunately employed, I would feel awful letting an entire month go by without a single post.

A pity Cilan is what I have waiting for me. This rutabaga of a human being is so utterly devoid of personality, one might confuse him for a bit of topiary, or perhaps an unusually large speck of dust on your glasses.

His name is Cilan because his Japanese name is Dent and that doesn't make any goddamn sense. Cilantro is at least something related to plants, which he uses. Also he replaced Brock in the anime, for some unknown reason.

But mostly I hate that he's a waiter. I have a pathological hatred of waiters, especially hoity-toity ones like this. He probably expects a 25% tip regardless of his service. Tough luck, chump - just as I balk at sales tax, I balk at tipping. Oh, of course I do it, but I hate it.

"Oh don't mess with waiters they'll spit in your food" I hear you say. Screw that noise, no other profession has to be bribed to NOT be a total ass. I'm sorry you aren't paid well enough, maybe you should unionize and do something about it. Just mark up those "tips" into the menu ahead of time and we'll go from there. I hate the feeling of buying a nice 10 dollar meal and then having to scrounge around for the extra dollar fiddy. Europe, despite being our backwards cousins in other regards, at least has this figured out.

So yeah Cilan can choke on it. But he gets a bonus point because his brothers are even worse.

Overall: 2/10

Monday, October 13, 2014

Sinnoh League Champion Cynthia

a classy dame indeed

After a mediocre Elite Four, you finally get to Cynthia, who's so cool you get the idea she could solo the previous four with no problem. She doesn't stick to one type, which is perfectly fine and maybe even should be encouraged for a champion. I didn't really care much for my playthrough of Pearl (as you may have gathered by now), but that final confrontation with Cynthia was definitely one of the highlights. It came down to my last guy, and her Lucario. I don't remember the specifics of the battle, but it was great.

And likewise, Cynthia's design is great. I love how her clothes somehow both resemble a no-nonsense business suit, but also an elegant ball gown. Black fur trim really helps.

What's cooler, is that she shows up in the next game. Just hanging out like a badass in her private ocean-front property, of course. I love it when Pokemon does this, acknowledges that it takes place in a connected universe.

Oh snap, noticed one more thing - the tips of her shoes - also have a thin yellow band, just like her hair accessories. Gotta love that devotion of fashion.

Overall: 10/10

Friday, October 10, 2014

Lucian of the Sinnoh Elite Four

Objection!! That's actually Miles Edgeworth, not a Pokemon Trainer!

No, it's just Lucian. Though props to this guy for actually sticking to a theme - Aaron and Brenda didn't look the part at all, and Flint wasn't even trying.

Because while he may not eccentric as hell like other Psychic-type masters, you just look at him and know he's gonna do some freaking magic. Possibly with his fingers. Because really, who wears burgundy suits and has wavy purple hair, except magicians?

He's stylish and understated, which would make him stand out against the usual Elite Four crowd (a dude going to a masquerade ball, a shirtless sailor, a ninja, literally Ryu, and a man in a full suit of plate armor). However, as we've seen, the Sinnoh Elite Four isn't the usual lineup. They must have run out of costuming budget, because these basic bitches are still just wearing whatever hell clothes they had on when they got the job.

I mean, you're slick and all, Luce, but I would not bat an eye if you were just a Cool Trainer on Victory road.

Overall: 5/10

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Flint of the Sinnoh Elite Four

holy shit it's Ronald McDonald

An entire color combination has been forever tainted by a single, ubiquitous character. Though having a red afro doesn't really do you any favors in not being compared to the Ran Ran Ru.

Also, Flint is supposedly a Fire user? despite the fact that his Diamond/Pearl team features more non-Fire types than it does Fire types. Maybe you should've thought of the immense scarcity of Fire in Sinnoh before you decided to make a trainer specialize in the type, Gamefreak. Maybe you should've put more goddamn Fire types in the game in the first place, Gamefreak. Why don't you look me in the eyes when I'm speaking, Gamefreak.

Yeah, I know he got fixed in Platinum, I don't even care. Dude looks dorky and uncommitted to his type. Maybe with a yellow afro and a red shirt? Or would that be too Bo-bobo-esque.

As it stands, Flint should go back to flipping burgers.

Overall: 2/10

Lord of Djinn

Uh, all the actual information I wanted to convey is in that thing at the top of the page. Don't worry, I'll remove it when the kickstarter finishes in a few weeks.

I just wanted to make an "official" post about it, to give people space to comment and tell me they hate my shilling or want to know more or whatever.

Also, maybe I should mention that I did the character designs for the game. Since this blog is basically about critiquing character designs these days, anyway.

So do I practice what I preach with my own designs? Ha ha, I have no idea! I just draw what looks cool! this is the life of the truly carefree

But yeah, this is the only post I'm going to make about Lord of Djinn. the obnoxious header above will suffice. NAPACE remains committed primarily to Pokemon (and Pokemon Trainers). So holler at me in the comments if you want, otherwise feel free to ignore it. The Gym Leader reviews will continue regardless.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Bertha of the Sinnoh Elite Four

Has anybody with the name Bertha ever been taken seriously?

It's not about to start now. We already had the "badass old lady" gimmick character, so another one is just annoying. It's like they forgot they already did one. And she uses Ground-type Pokemon, for absolutely no reason at all.

Also that's just an ugly scarf she got on. You don't freaking wear a brown scarf with a white coat and black dress. And what's that red? Christ, you'd think for someone so old she would've learned a little bit about fashion by now. Looks like she just grabbed the first 5 items she saw at Goodwill and called it a day.

I'm kind of surprised myself that I'm being so mean to a poor old woman, but I mean, c'mon. Sometimes people are just ugly and lame. Even old people. Who have, you know, historically been associated with "beauty" and "coolness".

Overall: 1/10

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Aaron of the Sinnoh Elite Four

Remember Aaron Carter? And 98 degrees? And *NSYNC? Doesn't it all seem like a dream, now?

Nice to see a Bug specialist so high up. Usually Bugs get relegated to the opening stages, as early bugs are usually bootysweat. And I guess green hair is something I could associate with insects.

Other than that, Aaron just looks like the "cute" love interest in a shoujo manga. you know, one of those ones that make like they're about action and stuff but are really just about how much each of the male characters wants to protect the blank slate female lead?

Not much else to say here. Generic design with unappealing shades of green and orange.

Overall: 4/10