Wednesday, April 16, 2014

No. 716: Xerneas

bitch got an entire christmas tree's worth of lightbulbs up on his head

also his legs are swords. that's pretty intense. anyway, we're entering the mercifully short group of legendaries for Gen 6. This one is supposed to look like an X, which it doesn't. Even from the front, it presents a more Y-shaped silhouette. so, whatever to that, I guess.

On one hand, I like it more than the other legendary deer we had. It looks appropriately fey and regal. and also, frikken sword-legs, man.

On the other hand, holy shits that is a lot of lights going on up there. I guess that's its gimmick, that it has literally 8 different colors upon its antlers, but I don't know if I like it. also, what the hell is even it's deal? like, we used to have legendaries that were just basically Rare Animals with elemental themes. Then we got ones that were guardians of forests, seas, mountains, etc. Then they became ancient primal forces governing Time, Space, and evil shadow dragons living in the Negative Dimension or whatever. Or maybe that was a Dr. Who plot. anyway, now it seems like we just have legendaries that are... legendary. For some reason. It's kind of getting back to the basics, but these guys have a shit-ton of power, because Lysander was using them for stuff, right?

I don't even know anymore, man. Xerneas is kinda neat, but also freaking insane at the same time. Maybe it just has a bad case of "being french"


Overall: 6/10

Monday, April 14, 2014

No. 715: Noivern

count chocula up in this bitch

and looks he brought all his favorite colors with him! turquoise, black, white, purple, red, they're all here. And giving me a strange Go Away Big Green Monster vibe. Image posted in case any of you had deprived childhoods and didn't get to tell that freakish monster-mash of a face that he doesn't scare you and make his facial features go away one by one.


anyway, it's too many colors is what I'm saying. I dig the overall design, though. Ears are sub-woofers, cool.
 and the collar fringe is neat. But I don't like the red bits around the toes, look at 'em, they aren't even on the toes, they're just in the general vicinity of the toes. On the toe knuckles maybe? that's stupid.

If Noivern calmed its 90's-throwback color busines down then it would be much better.


Overall: 6/10

Saturday, April 12, 2014

No. 714: Noibat

I think it says a lot if you compare this guy to Zubat.

and not even in a bad way necessarily, but still. Both are bats, yet Zubat is just a head with ears and a mouth, wings, and some abstract spikes for legs. and that's it. The key points of a "bat", in Gamefreak's mind, distilled down to its simplest form. and hell, they had to, graphical limitations!

whereas Noibat here, has the big ears, but they have three rings in them. He's got a defined eye, nose splotch, and this helmet-esque thing going on with the purple fur going over the black fur. midrif, actual mands and feet, he's a fully-thought-out creature. In some ways, it's a better design. I can picture it existing in a 3D space a lot better than Zubat, who always looks awkward when he isn't a flat sprite.

But at the same time, there was that simplistic charm of Zubat that Noibat doesn't really have. A child would have a hell of a time trying to get this guy just right, whereas Zubat is a piece of cake.

I'm sorry this isn't more humorous, but I'm realizing this is the 6th-to-last Pokemon, and then that's it. So excuse me for feeling a little more reflective than usual. I'm rating Noi higher than Zu, though, because when I think about it Zubat is actually just kinda booty-sweat. I guess the take-away from all this is that not all progress is bad? also dragon-bats are cool?


Overall: 7/10

Thursday, April 10, 2014

No. 713: Avalugg

I heard one of these sunk the Titanic.

Now, this is what I'm talking about! Turn the ice upside down, that's unusual. so it's a big walking iceberg with cracks in it, and a trangular head, and all these icicles hanging down, it's really cool.

also has Defense for DAYS. pity it's Special Defense is so low, flick a lighted candle at it and the poor thing will practically evaporate, like someone from a half-remembered dream, to reference another DiCaprio movie.

I'm also digging the blue outline instead of the traditional black, really sells the whole "I'm a giant frikken' hunk of ice" theme.


Overall: 8/10

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

No. 712: Bergmite

Just the tip of the iceberg.

I like Bergmite's eyes, for some reason. The rest of him is sort of, eh, uninspired? it's a hunk of ice with some legs. That's been seen quite a few times before, and Bergmite isn't really doing anything special with it.

I like the effect of his eyes being under the ice, that's kind of cool. And I'm always happy to see the slightly irregular outlines of his ice, instead of smooth curves all over the place. also, he's got high defense for an Ice-type.

But in the end, he doesn't have the power to do anything, and he's still just a little dude with some frozen junk on his back. he's a walking ice crystal. I body those for free all day in Metroid, Bergmite ain't no great shakes.


Overall: 5/10

Sunday, April 6, 2014

No. 711: Gourgeist

Hi, this is Marzipan, I'm busy being a haunted pumpkin Pokemon right now, call me back or leave a message after the tone. BEEEEP

So, it's like a candle I guess? because the hair can fall down and look like dripping wax?

that's... okay. but I just don't like the overall shape of it, I feel like this is a strange direction for the "jack o lantern" Pokemon. if anything, now it looks like it needs a Fire subtype? also pink is a stupid color choice here. does not go well with either tone of brown.

I think the main problem is that it's tall, instead of big and fat. and I like my Pumpkins like I like my women - carved up and left out on the porch. wait no, that's horrible. I like them big and fat. wait no, that's not true either.

whatever. I like my women like I like my Pokemon - certainly a lot better than 4/10.


Overall: 4/10

Friday, April 4, 2014

No. 710: Pumpkaboo

Did someone just say "pumpkaboo"? 'cause I think I just heard someone say "pumpkaboo"!

Love this little guy. is it a bat? is it a pumpkin? it's both! or maybe it's some kind of truffle? looks like something Rachel Alucard would summon.

in any case, Pumpkaboo is pretty neat. I like how they come in multiple sizes, like actual animals in real life do. Or actual pumpkins, I suppose. But yeah, you can catch itty-bitty ones for bite-sized eating, or big ass ones for sitting on and riding to the moon or whatever. It's got an intentionally ambiguous design that reads as both pumpkin and bat, without really using any cliches of either - no stereotypical bat wings, no grinning jack-o-lantern smile. that's why I like it so much.

another thing - Trick or Treat is a much better move than Forest's Curse, because it safely adds a type that allows Pumpkaboo to exploit the fact that Ghosts are good against Ghosts, without the enemy Ghost being able to Ghost back at him. But he can still Ghost, because he's Ghost. But the enemy is also Ghost. Does that make sense?


Overall: 10/10