Saturday, September 23, 2017

Alolan Muk

High above the mucky-muck / castle made of clouds...

Definitely the hidden gem of my Sun playthrough, which is pretty appropriate. A diamond, hidden in the sludge. Though should I have been so surprised, given how much I already liked regular Muk? I guess I just wasn't liking the rainbow texture. I get that it's like an oil slick, but...

Then, I saw it animated, and my opinion did a 360 degree turn and moonwalked in the opposite direction. The way the colors shift and run through its goopy mass is mesmerizing, the sort of quality that I've come to not expect from Gamefreak. And the bits of rubble make a convincing set of teeth and fangs, moving far beyond the hippo stylings of his predecessor.

I love this big oopy-galoopy, runny ice cream, oobleck-lookin', Super Mario Sunshine extra, BP spill, ecology-destroying bastard.


Overall: 9/10 -> 10/10

Friday, September 22, 2017

Alolan Grimer

make it your mission to be as excited about anything as Alolan Grimer is about life

Dude is livin' it up in paradise, got himself a nice green tan, grew some teeth, and his lower lips is stained with mai tai juice.

But honestly, I'm not sure it's a good look for him. It's the lip that's throwing me, mainly. I don't mind the green coloring, that's a neutral side-movement, but why is one bit of him green? That and the teeth give him a hippo-like appearance, which doesn't seem intentional since it doesn't play into anything else he has going on.

Those buck-teeth are adorable, tho. And adding a Dark subtype makes him more useful in-game. But I can't support a yellow chinstrap beard like that.


Overall: 6/10 -> 5/10

Friday, September 15, 2017

Alolan Golem

We can all agree that Alolan Golem is just fun to say, right? Alolan Golem Alolan Golem Alolan Golem

Alolan Golem continues the proud trend of vanilla Golem by having almost nothing to do with his predecessors. Instead of being basically magnetic throughout, he's got a freaking railgun mounted on his back instead. So sure, there's a theme of magnetism going, but now those weird golden nuggets are lining the barrel? And the iron fibers form a beard?

It's almost cool, it almost works. But that railgun looks like it was put together by Fred Flintstone or something. And what the HELL is up with his arms and legs!? They're stubbier and less-detailed than regular Golem! Did they just forget to reference the orignal, or simplify things for the sake of an easier model? I can buy that his arms aren't needed since he can blast the shit out of stuff with his railgun, but why on earth did his toes just turn into mittens? Perhaps its related to how Alolan Geodude has mitten-hands.

In the end, I think Alolan Golem has a much cooler concept than his classic counterpart, but as has been the theme with this line, screws up the execution.


Overall: 3/10 -> 2/10

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Alolan Graveler

just gross

Alolan Graveler looks like a piece of chewed candy that falls out of your mouth and under the couch, then you recover it a month later and it's picked up a small ecosystem of gunk and junk. I guess the black parts are iron shavings that get attracted to it and the yellow bits are gems that grew from within, but they look like arm-hair and a unibrow, and puss-filled warts, respectively.

What's frustrating is that there exists something called a thunder egg - a stone that, when cracked open, reveals a beautiful crystal growing inside. They could've run with that theme, for an electrified version of a Rock Pokemon. But instead, it just sort of looks the same, but picks up crap like a diseased katamari.

And let's not even talk about how once again Graveler has a second pair of atrophied, vestigial arms that disappear immediately in the 3rd form, as if we were never supposed to notice them to begin with.


Overall: 5/10 -> 2/10

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Alolan Geodude

thick eyebrows = martial arts prowess, it's confirmed

I've wanted a Rock/Electric type for a while. Honestly I sort of wish Nosepass and Probopass had gone that route if it was supposed to be magnetic, instead of Rock/Steel and bizarrely hairy. So already I'm into this on a concept level.

But the two-tone rocks remind me of Mega Aerodactyl in a bad way. I get that they're like the magnetic filaments or whatever coming to the surface, but I'd like it more if the whole guy was a single hunk of magnetic rock. Still, the typing is worlds better than the redundancy of Rock/Ground. But it had the potential to really elevate itself. Speaking of elevation, Geodude now has an excuse for why it levitates (magnets n shit), yet still lacks the Levitation ability and takes 4x Ground damage... one step forward, one step back.

but did you notice he's got mitten hands now? That's not even a positive or negative change, just - why? Being magnetic means your fingers fuse together now? Did someone forget to add the lines? is it like wearing thick insulated gloves to deal with electrical situations? Less fingers = simpler to model???


Overall: 4/10 -> 5/10

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Alolan Dugtrio

You know, Japan, tanned people don't HAVE to have blonde hair.

Now I understand that the pointless Alolan Diglett was just an excuse to get to this. And don't get me wrong, I get the joke, I'm laughing - even named mine The Supremes. A group of Dugtrio wearing wigs IS funny, isn't it?

[pause for laughter]

With that out of the way, screw this. Dumb ass Dugtrios in wigs, what the heck, yo. I almost want to give it points for being so-bad-its-good, but honestly I feel insulted. This is even worse than that time Mega Ampharos was just Ampharos with hair.


Overall: 3/10 -> 1/10

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Alolan Diglett

wait, what's the difference?

Oh, I see. It's a shade darker, and has little hairs. And black dirt, which represents volcanic soil but of course that's stupid, because it's not a part of Diglett anyway, a regular Diglett in Alolan ground would kick up the same color dirt. And it shoulda been the famous Kaua'i Red Dirt if anything.

So other than those exceedingly small cosmetic changes, how is it different? Gained a Steel sub-type, so now it has even more weaknesses? Lost Arena Trap? Wow, what a great idea.

There's no way in which Alolan Diglett is better than regular Diglett, and those hairs are stupid. Well okay, they're not that stupid, remind me of a Yoshi's Island enemy, but it's all so pointless. If anything, I'd hope a remix of Diglett would reveal what's below the surface. Like make Alolan Diglet walk around above ground or something, wouldn't that be fun?

Nope, they just gave it a tan and glued a few muppet hairs to the top. What a waste.


Overall: 10/10 -> 3/10