Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Holiday Break

Now that I'm back on a fairly regular update schedule, I figure I ought to let y'all know I'll be on vacation from this weekend through the 4th of January. But make no mistake, I'll be right back at it after that.

Also - the month isn't even over yet, and already it's NAPACE's biggest in terms of views! Wow, I guess this is what happens with new game hype, spillover from Pokemon Go, and regular updates! Thanks for reading, guys. Eventually we'll run out of new Pokemon and the site will return to its dormant state, but let's not think of such sad things now.

No. 742: Cutiefly

check a look at this qt

Looks like a dang ass cat toy, complete with crinkly paper tied in a bow for "wings", and little bits of yarn dangling off and knotted at the end for "legs". If that's what they were going for, they nailed it. If not, well...

It's a cute little bit of fluff and that's all it was ever meant to be, really. But personally, I'm not a fan of pointless cute pieces of shit.


Overall: 3/10

Monday, December 19, 2016

No. 741: Oricorio

What, no Gangnam Style?


Oricorio comes in 4 different flavors to trade and collect. Each one has mediocre stats and gets one STAB move that comes at level 40, so good luck until then!

First up is the Cherry Flavor, always my go-to, unless Blue Raspberry is on board. I don't think Blue Raspberries exist in real life, but the Candy Man thought the world should taste good, and I thank him for it. Anyway, this one is based on flamenco, which is kinda cool I guess. I like how the wings look like the sashes on the dresses! She's got rhythm in her soul, passion in her heart, and fire in her eyes.

Baile Style: 7/10

Lemon is god-tier in sodas, but hit or miss when it comes to candy. Banana is an awful flavor in all cases except a natural banana itself. Oh damn, maybe it's pineapple? That would be good. Unfortunately, I don't think cheerleading is a kind of a dance, so I'm gonna have to dock points. But I get the high-energy connection with Electric typing.

Pom-Pom Style: 6/10

Peach is another favorite, when you get a red and a pink starburst in a pack you know you're gonna have a good day. And you know there's gotta be a hula Pokemon in the Hawaiian region. I kinda think it could've been its own thing, though? Instead of wrapped up in another gimmick? And why wasn't Belossom invited? Anyway, Pink Ranger here has some weirdness going on with those feather tips, they're barely hanging on.

Pa'u Style: 6/10
 
Grape sucks. There's a reason you never see grape ice cream. This bird doesn't suck though, once again we're connecting the wings to the dress elements, in this case kimono sleeves, with the tips forming fans. Obviously, this one is tailor-made for Valerie from Kalos, even though it's not a Fairy-type.The extra feathers by the eyes are a neat touch.

Sensu Style: 7/10


Altogether, it's a fine gimmick Pokemon that doesn't get in the way of itself. Really, they could've just made 4 distinct Pokemon, but at least you can swap their flavors back and forth if you want. All of the designs are at least decent, the only problem is that once again I feel like I'm looking at the background cast of the next Rio movie instead of Pokemon. They look too much like unique cartoon characters to get higher marks, even though the designs are pretty nice, especially the color schemes.

Overall: 7/10

Friday, December 16, 2016

No. 740: Crabominable

Silver and gold, silver and gold~


So like with Vikavolt, it's just straight-up bullshit how late you get Crabominable. Except it's even worse, because by that time you've only got the Elite 4 left.

That aside, he's still got issues. derpy face, Bartholomew Kuma hands, general style stolen from the Bumble, and a random piss-yellow patch of fur on the top of his head. He looks like a flailing idiot and I wouldn't add this crap to my team on any occasion, especially not in the final hour.

I want to like the concept of a yeti crab, and Ice/Fighting hasn't been seen before, but he's too ugly and I resent him too much for coming so late in the game.


Overall: 3/10

Thursday, December 15, 2016

No. 739: Crabrawler

I coulda been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.

I'm a fan of crab Pokemon, and Crabrawler brings me closer to that dream of an all-crustacean time. It breaks the mold and isn't Water-type either, which is good and fine. If we can have Fire turtles and Ground crocodiles, I think it's okay to have Fighting crabs. I like how it uses its claws as blunt instruments to punch things instead of grip them, that's a new take. And the hair looks like a yankee's pompadour.

Not sure I like the half-closed eye, though - I understand it's meant to look like a beat-up boxer, but is Crabrawler just thrashed at all times? It can't go through a day without getting into a fight and having a big ol' shiner opened up on his head? That's kind of hardcore.

But let me take another opportunity to talk about what could've been:

An artist's rendering of a potential Gen-1 Crabrawler. It's not perfect, and I think the point here isn't that the design concept is wrong, but rather it looks simplistic, as if constructed out of basic primaries in Maya. The end result is a Pokemon that look plastic, manufactured, and fake.

Crabrawler still rocks, but I dunno you guys. This is the last alt-art I have, so I'll probably stop bringing it up, but now that it's in my head I can't stop seeing a lot of these new Pokemon as smoothed-out, toy versions of real Pokemon.


Overall: 8/10

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

No. 738: Vikavolt

Vic Viper, I see you. Parodius is still best Gradius.

So, that is a massively cool head+jaws. Aside from the Gradius reference, it looks like a railgun, and also like it could cut the crap out of some trees just flying past, like Kuwagamon in that first Digimon episode.

After that, eh it's a kind of generic beetle body, with weird-ass semi-circular wings. Or is it just one singular wing? Hard to tell. I usually like my pokemon with more mobility, but for a flying death-cannon-chainsaw, it's acceptable.

What is unacceptable is that you have to wait all the way until the very-near-endgame to evolve it. You get the damn thing route 1, it evolves at 20 and starts to pull its weight, then drops off a cliff when everything else in your party starts evolving around 30-36, and it's still stuck as a Charjabug through all 6 trials and the Aether shenanigans. Now, I get the idea of spacing out a Pokemon's evolutions so that it doesn't come too early - look at the pseudo-legendaries that take until 50 usually to reach their final stage, or how some late-game Pokemon in Black & White evolve around 40. But that's because those pseudos are so damn strong it's worth the wait, and those late-game Pokemon come to you at level 38 and junk.

Vikavolt is cool, but he's absolutely not worth the wait. I hate the "evolve at a location" evolutions on principal because they're so ridiculously contrived and arbitrary (Leafeon is a mid-game Pokemon and Glaceon is late-game according to Alola) and why can't it just be levels? If you didn't want me to use Vikavolt until I was around level 45 in my party, just friggin' say so.

Oh, and it's even slower than Charjabug, which did not even have legs, so actually the idea of it flying around cutting down trees is unrealistic. What a mess. It's still got a badass front end, but I can't get how frustrating everything else about it is out of my head.


Overall: 6/10

Monday, December 12, 2016

No. 737: Charjabug

wonder if he learns Aerobatics because he's like a Boeing 737?

Which makes him learning Aerobatics and going Maximum Spider even funnier.

But I'm pretty sure you can stack these guys really well, or stick 'em end-to-end in some sort of grotesque Poke-Centipede, but mainly it looks like a bus to me. A shitty bus.

I'm just thinking of how neat a big-ass bug bus would be, like the cat bus from Totoro, except with feelers and legs! And that's not Charjabug. Charjabug doesn't even look capable of movement. Charjabug looks like a damn piece of moldy caramel.

It gives me a chuckle, but that's about it.


Overall: 3/10

Saturday, December 10, 2016

No. 736: Grubbin

Isn't this guy a Pikmin enemy?

I feel like Grubbin could be some Chinese delicacy - like you pick them up by the jaws, and then bite the soft body. I'm imagining they're like the side of a Jolly Rancher in this scenario.

Alternatively, maybe there's some weird trend where people clip Grubbin onto their noses or navels or ears or whatever, or at least imitation jewelry.

Why am I coming up with bizzare uses for Grubbin? Because he's rather boring otherwise and I needed to fill the space. Not bad, just dull. At least he isn't another caterpillar, being a big-jaw bug gives him a slight edge over Caterpie, Wurmple, Scatterbug, and their ilk. And those sideways mouth-parts are neat.


Overall: 5/10

Friday, December 9, 2016

No. 735: Gumshoos

EVEN MORE OBVIOUS TRUMP JOKES LOLOLOL

But, Gumshoos has no relation. He's supposed to be like a detective, hence the name. I think the hair is supposed to look like a cap? And the weird fur is supposed to look like the lapels of an overcoat?

I don't know, it's all very weird and feels like they're trying to reference some specific fictional detective, but all the ones I know either wear fedoras, or Sherlock Holmes hats. None of this stupid driver cap bullshit. Maybe I'm just missing the reference? The most famous detective in Japanese culture I thought was Inspector Zenigata, characterized by the coat yes, but also a fedora and enormous cleft chin.

All in all, Gumshoos feels like an awkward joke that lingers in the air and everyone just has to chuckle as if they thought it was funny so nobody's feelings get hurt but at the same time don't want to encourage more jokes like that in the future.


Overall: 1/10

Thursday, December 8, 2016

No. 734: Yungoos

FORCED UNFUNNY DONALD TRUMP MEME LOL

Didn't we already have a mongoose Pokemon? was this well really so deep we could draw from it a second time? Especially considering we already have a handful of weasel/ferret things already.

The focus on the teeth is a new angle I guess, but I don't really like the way the face is constructed - it feels super flat, or fake like a stuffed animal.

I ask this every time, but especially in a game with a new form of Rattata - why did we need a new regional rodent? Couldn't Alolan Rattata have sufficed? Yungoos looks stupid and an admittedly neat Stakeout ability doesn't even start to remotely make sense until his evolved form.


Overall: 2/10

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

No. 733: Toucannon

turns out every color of Froot-Loop is actually the exact same flavor.

After a poor start, I wasn't expecting much from this line. But then, descending from the heavens like my own personally big-beaked savior, came Toucannon. He's angry as a hell and twice as pissed.

And unlike Trumbeak, he benefits from the animation - his beak actually changes colors as it powers-up, looking like a super meter charging. It fits great for his very unique personal move, Beak Blast, which goes last but burns anyone who makes contact with him before that. 100 power is great, and while it sucks to take a hit, you get to burn the opponent out of it! As a Flying type! How often does that happen!?

It's a great gimmicky move (I pair it with Drill Peck to get some immediate attack power if I can't afford to tank anything) and he still retains his decent movepool from before.

Plus (and I cannot emphasize this enough) he is goddamn livid 100% of the time. Maybe he hates his previous forms, maybe he hates Alola, maybe he hates YOU, I have no idea but it's amazing.


Overall: 10/10

Monday, December 5, 2016

No. 732: Trumbeak

is this bird wearing lipstick

I ended up actually using my Trumbeak somewhat, because he learned Brick Break and some other move, ending up with quite a bit of versatility. And also because, in an effort to only build a team around new Pokemon, there's slim pickings on the first island.

But I mentioned before that I'm going to start taking a Pokemon's animations into account, since they are no longer designed to communicate everything about them in one still image. And usually that means better things, you can see their gimmicks or design facets that weren't apparent.

But Trumbeak actually gets worse with animations - I've never seen a bird pucker up and blow a kiss before, but now I have and it's goofy as hell. Beaks don't work that way, and if you wanted him to have a trumpet for a beak then maybe just make it like that from the start. Have we had any pokemon that are made to look like musical instruments before? Might be neat, actually.

Anyway, Trumbeak had a chance to stand out a bit from the rest of his filthy avian cousins by pushing the woodpecker theme, but instead of getting a drill beak he flaps that thing open and plays a tune. Well, he may as well play his own funeral march because he is dead to me now.


Overall: 1/10

Sunday, December 4, 2016

No. 731: Pikipek

I was gonna try and type out the Woody Woodpecker laugh, but it would just come across as gibberish. You'll have to imagine it yourself.

New region, new piece of crap bird. It never changes. Kinda looks like those little cardinals that are all over Hawai'i, so that's nice, but in the end nobody has any reason to give a single shit about this little dude if it weren't for his evolutions.

So instead, I'll just take this opportunity to point out another mounting problem with Pokemon. Back in Gen 4 we complained about them being over-designed, but these days we're seeing a different sort of under-designed aspect, where they make the pokemon exceedingly simple for the modelers/engine.

The fur and feathers get simplified into smooth little spikes or flaps, it's the clay-style I was talking about earlier with Popplio. Granted, this re-designed Pikipek is still super boring because it's just another bird, but it looks as if the artist was at least trying.


Overall: 2/10

Pokemon Moon First Thoughts vol. 6

Finished the game! Or at least beat the Elite Four and saw the credits.

-I can't believe I got into a Pokemon game's plot so much that I don't want to give away spoilers! Somebody, give the people in charge of story/writing a raise, they were putting in work. I felt connected to the major characters, and even the minor ones showing up at the end for the big party was cool.

-Speaking of, they did a great job handling the box Legendary this time around, though it would've been even cooler to get Nebby in your actual party, and restrict its evolution to storyline events.

-I've got some opinions on the Elite 4 themselves, but I'll save that for when we get to rating them, after the Alolan pokemon are done.

-Odd choice for Victory Road (Grand Poni Canton in this case) not to take place directly before the league, but whatever. I walked into that icy cave expecting a major dungeon and was slightly disappointed there weren't any trainers to be found.

-Have I mentioned that it's some ol' bullshit trying to get the version-exclusive colors and clothes? Your trainer customization is already so limited, why screw it up further?

-Overall, this was a great game. I was engaged every step of the way and had a lot of fun. Definitely one of my favorites, going right up there with SoulSilver and Black 2. Would love to see a Moon 2 on the Switch, like the rumors are saying, some sequel that advances the story and lets us see where the characters are in a few years.

Saturday, December 3, 2016

No. 730: Primarina

Remember Prima Guides? Remember how much they sucked?

For once, the secondary typing makes total sense. It's one of the most blatant waifu-mons I've ever seen, so of course it's part Fairy. After all, it's a pretty pretty princess! That hair must be a nightmare to maintain.

It's funny to compare Primarina to Dewgong. they're both based on seals but one of them is flat and boring, and the other has little costume details all over the damn place. (yes I know a dugong isn't a seal but work with me here). Chalk it up to higher graphical fidelity allowing the designers to include more elements, or perhaps shifting design sensibilities. But the result is something that looks nothing like a Pokemon.

I think I've isolated what it is about these recent starters, and some others, that does sit right with me:  they don't look like common monsters. They look like unique characters. And I think that's an important part of a Pokemon (aside from Legendaries obviously) is that they ought to be monsters. Not necessarily animals, but.

And yeah, I know there's only one starter in the game anyway so they're practically unique, but I just can't imagine other people running around with their own Primarinas, or Decidueyes, or any of them existing in the wild.

And it's too bad, because Primarina has a decent design, but she belongs in some children's cartoon as the Queen of Mermaidopolis, not in a pokeball.


Overall: 3/10

Thursday, December 1, 2016

No. 729: Brionne

I've had it with this idolshit invading all my favorite series

Brionne is better than Popplio, though that isn't exactly hard. That collar turning into a dress is a nice touch, and it's got cute eyes. So, a success, I suppose? In a limited sort of way for an off-night.

because it's still not terribly exciting, and I don't really like the ears, but at least it's cute.


Overall: 5/10