No. 968: Orthworm

 Would you still love me if I were a worm?

Between Dandadan, Dune, and the Beetlejuice sequel, sandworm fans are eating good. Then you have Orthworm, who looks like Lowly Worm got roboticized. What a dopey idiot. Also it sprouts arms through its "windows", so it can't even properly commit to being a worm.

Plus, feels like a missed opportunity to not have a gimmick about being split in half and still surviving, especially since if it's meant to be a subway train that could just be decoupling its carriages or something.

 

Overall: 4/10 

No. 967: Cyclizar

 funny number

Cyclizar's design is fine, great even. Solid proportions, looks like a friendly monster, little splash of orange, I dig it.

No, the problem here is that the damned thing has wheels but doesn't use them. It looks like a bike for no reason, it isn't a bike, but people ride it like a bike, but it's not a bike, it just runs on four legs. Koraidon also does this, but Cyclizar is here now so he must bear the brunt of my wrath.

This is a Pokemon. You just had a car with an engine and wheels. Why can't Cyclizar literally have tires that spin? I agree that it's clever to hide the wheel in the dewlap, but you could also just make it function as a proper wheel. Gigan has a sawblade in his tummy, Tails spins his tails like helicopter blades, I can handle a little anatomical impossibility in my made-up monsters. And if you're not willing to give him real tires, then just abandon the wheel motif altogether. I can also accept people just riding lizards like they're horses.

also, it's a little sad that this thing only exists as a diminished version of your ride legendary, an awkward evolutionary middle point between the epic past and glorious future.

 

Overall: 7/10 

No. 966: Revavroom

 Va-va-voom? You forgot one "va", and it was the most important one!

A confused Pokemon. Clearly it has a mouth, below the eye as most mouths are, but actually its mouth is up top and has a big floppy tongue. And I'm all for bringing back tongues in Pokemon, but the placement bothers me - either put the eyes up there, too, or don't put a false mouth down below!

Also, let's talk about the whole concept: It floats like a Ghost and has a body made of Rock, but it's Steel/Poison. Sure, a toxic engine would be Steel/Poison, but possessed objects tend to be ghostly (especially how Varoom floats around). And why's it got the rock wheels if it isn't going to be Rock? There's too much going on, here!

Like, any attempt to "ground Revavroom in reality" by going "well it can't literally be a car Pokemon, it has to be naturalistic, like it uses rocks as wheels" should have immediately gone out the window by realizing you're making a car engine Pokemon. Screw reality, just make a haunted car or whatever!

At least it has some semblance of a design, but I still think it's really weird. 

 

Overall: 2/10 

No. 965: Varoom

Parooooomba

What exactly am I looking at, here? An internal organ from some mechanical beast? Spare parts for Fred Flintstone's car? Some sort of AI-generated hallucination? Whatever it is, it sucks, and I want it to go away.

 

Overall: 1/10 

No. 964: Palafin

Neo Spacian Aqua Dolphin
 
So I don't wanna spend more than 10 seconds on Zero Form, it's literally just Palafin but with a heart on it. What we really came here for is Hero Form.

I love the concept here. Dolphins are known to rescue shipwrecked people, so it's an easy leap from that heroic image to an actual superhero, and from there to this "alter-ego quick-change" gimmick. (let's just ignore the reality that dolphins are often aggressive and cruel irl) And the way that gimmick is incorporated into the battle system really well - you have to swap him out, so he can duck into a phone booth to change. Fun!

The problem comes in the execution of the design. Palafin looks like a dork. His goggles are screwed in too tight, looking like Kurt Angle on that one episode of TNA. Then his tail becomes an un-dolphin-like split so that he can stand up, which is pointless because he's a water type - they don't need to stand up. They can just levitate in the animations. (which would also be a very superhero thing to do!) Also, he's got fingers but not a thumb. This just looks wrong.

But the biggest mistake is in giving him this Dracula-esque collar. Spawn and Dr. Strange are maybe the only heroes who use that, so it's a very odd design choice - especially when you think about how it would ruin the hydrodynamic shape! And come to think of it, where's the cape? He's even got the fasteners on his shoulders, but no cape? Just a collar? It's bizarre, and looks stupid.

btw, I don't understand why this had to be a two-stage evolution Pokemon. idk if you can even call it dex padding, because they still had to make two distinct designs, but. It's one more weird oddity dragging down what should be a really fun Pokemon. I'm rating it lower just because of how disappointed I am.

 

Overall: 2/10

No. 963: Finizen

 Ecco the Dolphin was a trip and a half

It's sometimes shocking to find that such basic animal concepts as "dolphin" still haven't been covered by Pokemon, well into the 9th gen. Finizen does a fine job of it, I like the aquamarine colors. Maybe they could have spiced up the design more than they did, it's almost literally just a dolphin, but knowing the major gimmick coming up I understand playing this one safe.

As such, my only real critique is the eyes. I thought it had big eyes with big pupils, but actually it has bulging eyes and no sclera. And now I can't stop noticing it.

 

Overall: 7/10 

No. 962: Bombirdier

 Watch For Rolling Rocks

I hate Bombirdier. If it didn't have that bib, and was just a crane, I could actually dig it somewhat. Still a generic flying feathery asshole, but it would be fine.

Unfortunately, it has this dumbass bib, and it can't not have it, because that's its whole gimmick. It holds rocks in the bib like the stork delivering babies, and drops them on people. And honestly, a bird that specializes in rock-throwing could be cool! Maybe related to Sinbad's Roc, y'know? But instead, it's this crap.

If it was even a beard, that might kinda work! But it isn't. It's a goddamn bib that drags on the ground and the stupid freak trips over it all the time. And it has a random crease in it, even though it never makes sharp folds. I know it flies all the time in-game anyway, but I hate the execution of this concept so much.

 

Overall: 2/10 

No. 961: Wugtrio

 what if there were 3 of them

Not a fan of reversing the color scheme, the pink bodies make them look somehow obscene. And the fact that they all come out of the rock, which then slides around all over the place when they move, is awful. This is a Pokemon that was designed to exist as a static image, not a 3D model that moves through the environment, which you'd think would be the opposite of how they design them nowadays.

 

Overall: 3/10 

No. 960: Wiglett

happy Wiglett Wednesday to all who celebrate


I've said before that I like these Convergent Evolution Pokemon, and I view them as functionally identical to Regional Forms. In fact, I wish all Regional Forms could be separately categorized in the Pokedex, as if they were completely independent Pokemon (because they are).

But, as for Wiglett itself, I'm pretty sure I fought this thing in Yoshi's Island. Cute little fella, not much else to say.


Overall: 7/10 

Pokemon Gen 10 Revealed

What day is it? What year is it? Oh, it's February 27, 2026?

Why, that's the 30th anniversary of Pokemon! And they announced a new game!

 

I like two of the starters already, and the third isn't awful. Hopefully the rest of the dex shapes up well, but it's not releasing until 2027 so I still have time to finish reviewing Gen 9!