No. 979: Annihilape

 Local Ape Too Angry To Live

Cross-gen evolutions have historically been hit-or-miss, but I'm proud to announce that this one is very much a Hit. This is a Digimon-core Pokemon, in the best possible way. He's breaking out of his shackles, eyes red with anger, hair standing on end like he's channeling the Ultimate Fist of the Ass-Whuppin', and he does it all without becoming fat or throwing away Primeape's design motifs.

I can't say enough about how much I love what they did with the fur, here. It frays around his shoulders like Akuma's torn gi, hangs down like wise kung-fu master's beard, same for the ears becoming long eyebrows. It also reminds me of the sculptor from Sekiro, or any other sort of ascetic who's thrown away all notions of personal grooming to devote their life to a solitary pursuit. And you can call it super saiyan hair if you want, but I think it looks proper ghostly, waving with wrathful energy.

My only criticism is that the 3D model just has those three extraneous strands of hair floating around as if moored to the model, instead of making the whole hair flicker like flames. But I love this angry bastard so much, I can't hold it against him.

 

Overall: 10/10 

No. 978: Tatsugiri

I've never had a piece of sushi that didn't make me think "wow, this would be even better if they had just cooked the fish"

Bulbapedia twists itself into knots trying to justify why this edible morsel is part Dragon. Sure, that Curly form resembles a shachihoko, which is a dragon-fish seen on the tops of Japanese roofs (akin to the European gothic gargoyle). But it's not named Shachigiri, is it? The Japanese name is Sharitatsu, because shari is "sushi rice". But that's not Shachihoko, either. In fact, it's the "tatsu" part that makes it a Dragon, because that's what Tatsu means. So, okay, fine, it's a fish that's arbitrarily given dragonic qualities, that's fine. So why doesn't it look like it? Droopy and Stretchy forms don't have any bit of shachihoko in 'em, and NONE of that has anything to do with being some damn sushi.

Anyway.

The gimmick about jumping into Dondozo's mouth to command it like some sort of giant fishy mech is fun. It's a shame double battles aren't more prevalent in the main game, but whatever. I just don't get why it has to be sushi.

Like, the idea that it imitates food to lure in prey, then boom surprise here's Dondozo, why are other Pokemon looking to eat sushi? It inflates its stomach sac to imitate rice, for what reason? People eat sushi. Not wild animals. I think you could've done this entire gimmick and just made them big fish + little fish. 

And I still don't understand why any of that makes it a Dragon.

 

Overall: 3/10 

No. 977: Dondozo

 Big Ass Fish

Not really much to say here, Dondozo is just a big ass fish and that's what he is. Sure, the little circle of fins on his head suggests a sushi chef, but that's Tatsugiri's bag. I won't blame Dondozo for that. Bro is just out here fishin' around, being big. Fishing bigly. He's a big fish. Big ass fish.

 

Overall: Big/Fish 

No. 976: Veluza

Vaultin' Veluzas!

One of the more horrifying Pokemon, Veluza literally fillets itself in order to boost its speed.



What I don't understand is why it's not related to the sushi Pokemon, Tatsugiri (coming up soon) is a completely unrelated fish. Also, between the metal coloration, translucent purple fins, angular noise-pattern-looking interior, and the way its flesh chunks just expand outwards, makes it feel like a robot. But it's not Steel-type at all, it's Water/Psychic.

idk, I don't want to think about Veluza any more than I have to. Plus we already had Barraskewda in the last gen, if you really need a seaborne danger sausage flying at mach-5 speeds.

 

Overall: 3/10 

No. 975: Cetitan

WHITE WHALE
HOLY GRAIL

Cetitan looks freakin' awesome! As with Cetoddle, I'm on board with the concept and colors, but this guy is more proportional and looks like a badass. Just a big ol' tank of a Pokemon, smashing glaciers and kicking ass and not taking shit from anybody.

then

it opens its mouth. 

and ughhhh I really wish you hadn't done that! I assumed that all three spikes were on its forehead, and the jaw would open below them, but looking at how the underbelly is colored and how that line curves around, I guess I was trying to avoid seeing the truth. This guy's teeth are higher up than his eyeballs, which exist on a thin little flap of skin. Those big, cool horns? Also only anchored by a fragile bit of flesh, and arranged in a way that surely makes using that mouth for anything impractical.

I mean it's still pretty cool overall, but Cetitan loses several points just by openings its mouth.

 

Overall: 8/10 

No. 974: Cetoddle

Did you know that whales once had legs? They evolved backwards from wolves or something. Crazy shit.

I thought I liked this line when it was first revealed, but the more I look at this artwork, the less I like it. Which is a shame, cuz I want to like it! Land whales are cool, making it Ice is bold, the colors are great. But those arms seem waaay too long. I swear they weren't like that in the game.

And even worse is how its mouth looks like a child with a cleft lip (don't look it up, it's exactly what you're thinking). The single cartoon baby goo-goo-ga-ga tooth doesn't help, either. I've been doing more of these quick redesigns lately, because sometimes the change is so simple and obvious it's crazy they never looked like this in the first place, so here:

No change on the arms, but somehow without that abomination of a mouth causing my direct psychic damage, I don't seem to care about them anymore. Also I changed the tooth into classic Gen 1 fangs, to go along with its iconic gen 1 horn.

Alas, the actual Cetoddle looks like somebody was owo'ing so hard they permanent disfigured their mouth. (still cute when it keeps its mouth shut, tho)

 

Overall: 5/10 

No. 973: Flamigo

 How many shrimps do you have to eat before you make your skin turn pink?

Yeah, Flamigo sucks. I think we all knew this was coming. Some say it's supposed to look like a boxing glove, but I think it looks like a flamingo. Not like it "punches" with its body, anyway. Doesn't even learn any punching moves. It just does flamingo shit.

Maybe if it had proper bird feet instead of flat little paws, there could be some salvaging this? But as it stands, if I saw Flamigo in somebody's yard next to their little gnomes, I'm running them both over with a lawnmover.

 

Overal1: 1/10 

No. 972: Houndstone

 Give a dog a bone

I feel like there was an opportunity for the first Ghost/Rock Pokemon, or at least Ghost/Ground considering Houndstone digs a lot and even gets Sand Rush as an ability (but not Sandstorm, oddly enough). In fact I'm honestly shocked to find out it's neither of these, I could have sworn it was during my playthrough.

But I think Houndstone is great! Probably the initial concept of "buried in the ground with a tombstone showing" started here, and they worked backwards to link the idea of "dogs burying bones" and "spirit candles" for Greavard.

I love his bony claws, but something about that lower jaw is just a little too cartoony for my taste. Otherwise, it's a Very Good Dog.

 

Overall: 9/10 

No. 971: Greavard

 it's a doggy dog world

One of the more muppet-like Pokemon I've ever seen, but I can dig it. (get it?) Greavard hides underground, but its candle sticks up, which is fantastic. The concept is great, and the design doesn't get in the way of itself - a simple color scheme is enough.

 

Overall: 8/10 

No. 970: Glimmora

 Will the real glim shady please stand up?

Okay, this artwork doesn't do it justice. Dream World, you're up!

Now that's the stuff! I was spoiled on most of the pokedex before playing the game, but Glimmora was a complete surprise to me, and it was really cool to see this weird flower growing out of the rock and realizing it was a Pokemon.

Again, it might be based on any number of things (to me it resembles an agave) but I think it's also cool to just be a weird freak. It has Starmie or Claydol vibes, which I love. Rock/Poison is a wild typing, and it has a neat niche as the ultimate hazard setter/spinner. The colors are great, too! I just can't get enough of Glimmora's bizarre beauty.

 

Overall: 10/10