No. 988: Slither Wing

 obscure 0² vibes, y'know?

Slither Wing got done dirty by the artwork. It doesn't communicate how the tail is actually as long as its body, how it has proper wings not just a single spine, and that it can walk on its hind legs. Especially when all we had was the blurry low-res Pokedex artwork, I thought it looked like a complete dud.

Turns out, Slither Wing is really cool! I don't know why this moth has a dinosaur tail, but I'm not complaining. It doesn't even feel like a moth anymore, but some weird hairy insect-reptile beast, which is awesome. I like how it's fuzzy and cute, but also has the right bodyplan to strike cool poses. 

 

Overall: 9/10 

No. 954: Rabsca

Whatever. Go my scarab

 

I gave Rellor a ton of shit (which he'd probably enjoy, the little freak) but Rabsca is worth the effort. I think the concept of a mystic scarab cradling the egg of the Dreaming World is really cool. The colors are striking, too!

Note: that is Rabsca's front you're seeing, not its back. That's a sleeping face, with a big white mustache and eyebrows, NOT the top of the beetle's head and its jaws/horns. Personally I wish it was the other way, but the ambiguity is probably intentional in the design. But it's a good design either way.

Revival Blessing is also pretty cool, though useless in-game if you can just buy Revives. I get why Rabsca learns it, that fits into the whole "magical scarab of rebirth" theme, and Pawmot uses its paws as a defibrillator or something, but it's funny that both of them are 1000-steps evolutions. Do you think Bramblin is jealous that it didn't get the move, too?


Overall: 8/10

No. 953: Rellor

 Rolling Start~

 

Taking the 2022 award for "Least Effort Put Into Naming A Pokemon", Rellor just looks like some random bum. He's just a dude, a regular little dude, with a unibrow and beard, muppet-style. Except he rolls around a big ball of shit mud, and does it upside-down because maybe dung beetles do that irl? I don't care enough to verify that fact.

Oh, and while "walk 1000 steps" is a fun evolution mechanic, in practice it's a pain in the ass because the counter resets if you walk with a different Pokemon, and Rellor is slow as hell so you can't really walk around normally with it anyway, and even after meeting the step requirements it doesn't automatically evolve, or in battle, you need to level it up with an item while outside the ball. ugh.


Overall: 1/10

No. 920: Lokix

Jack be Loquick

Lokix looks cool as hell and kicks the shit out of anybody who disagrees. Kamen Rider Black was the clear inspiration, which is fine because that also rocks. Lokix benefits from animations, with the way its back legs unfold to scythe at the opponent. I kinda wish it was Steel-type, so that those legs could be chainsaws. But as Bug/Dark, this thing is a Psychic-type's worst nightmare.

And everyone in Paldea knows this thing is awesome, they even made bike helmets using its likeness. Lokix was a core part of my team from the moment it evolved, embarrassing the shit out of Spidops.

Overall: 10/10

No. 919: Nymble

Jack be Nymble

The worst thing about Nymble is that it's so Goddamn tiny that I keep running into it in the wild by accident.

The second worst thing about Nymble is that its eyes look like it's constantly on the verge of tears, eyes blurring and about to cry.

The third worst thing about Nymble is that... well, maybe there isn't one. But I can't think of a "best thing" about Nymble, either. Those wings are kinda weird? Cuz they're actually legs? Is that worth any points?

Overall: 3/10

No. 918: Spidops

Call of Duty: Spidops

If this is how the early-game bug and rodent Pokemon are looking, then damn we're in good hands this generation! Spidops is great, he looks like a Mega Man X boss and moves like Agent 47. I love the animation where he draws the web-garrote taut, ready to choke a bitch. Spidops moves with such purpose and personality, it's hard to believe he's only the 2nd stage in this line. I wonder what sort of badass assassin spider he'll evolve into?

Hm? what's what? I've been passed a paper just now... It seems that Spidops doesn't evolve. This is it. Surely that can't be right, we call this bug "Not Found" because his base stat total is 404. His whole setup revolves around forcing the opponent to switch out, and punishing that with Sticky Web and Stakeout. Except Spidops isn't threatening to anything because it's so weak.

A damn shame, because I really like the design and concept going on here, but I had to bench my Spidops because being SO SLOW made it simply unfun to use in the main game. Especially with a much better Bug-type right around the corner. I know I don't tend to grade on stats, just designs, but sometimes I can't help but be influenced by the way the Pokemon performs in-game, you know?

Overall: 9/10

No. 917: Tarountula

round boi

We've had a couple of bagworm Pokemon before, like Pineco and Burmy. Tarountula fills that niche in a new way, and I think for the better. It's just more interesting to have a spider hanging around than a dumb ol' cocoon.

With that said, it's not like Tarountula is anything special. It's the first spider Pokemon that actually has 8 legs, but the legs aren't emphasized in the design so honestly it could have gotten away with just 6 without an issue. I think it looks like a silly bug who got stuck in a big ball of spaghetti, and sometimes that's okay.

Overall: 5/10

No. 900: Kleavor

when you throw Rock and Scissors at the same time

Look, Kleavor has a tough act to follow. Not only is it competing with Scyther, one of the hardest Pokemon ever created, it has to contend with the other potential evolution in Scizor. And the Scyther vs Scisor debate was already a hot topic!

and I'm sorry to say, that Kleavor falls a distant third here. What the art doesn't communicate is how comically large Kleavor's axes are in its in-game model.

The tiny stick arms and the giant axes make it look unbalanced, which is a shame. The main body is pretty cool, I like the rocks around its face, and a hatchetman Pokemon could totally work. But Kleavor just isn't it.

Honestly, if we didn't have Scyther or Scizor around as a benchmark, I'd probably be higher on Kleavor. But there's no way I'd evolve my Scyther into this stone age bastard except to fill out a Pokedex.

Overall: 6/10

Gigantamax no. 20: Centiskorch

fruit by the foot

I loved Centiskorch. and Gigantamax Centiskorch is just the same, but longer. Which also makes it awesome. When you scale up a "long" Pokemon like this, it makes sense to increase the length more than would be proportional. The red-hot underbelly is sick, but really there's not any new design ideas here.

Still, this is another one I would have been fine to see as the final evolution of the line (although not as large, obviously), and it looks like a terrifying road of flames come to life. Elder Centipede up in this bitch!

Overall: 1000/1000

Gigantamax no. 14: Orbeetle

FIVE GOLDEN ORBS

It's weird that the U.S. Navy basically confirmed that they've seen UFOs (or UAPs as they're apparently called nowadays) and the president got so spooked he created a Space Force, and the general response from the public was "ok"

like, I know we've been busy with a lot of terrible shit lately, but it feels a bit like that should have been bigger news? Or at least more worth questioning why we need to put astronauts with guns out there?

Gigantamax Orbeetle is an extension of Orbeetle's design, but while I liked that one I think they needed to fully abandon the "body" to make this work. Simply use Orbeetle's face on the front of the UFO body, and leave it at that. Having useless limbs dangling in front just looks silly.

And I still think they could just make a dedicated UFO Pokemon instead of merging concepts like this...

Overall: 400/1000

Gigantamax no. 2: Butterfree

the poor man's Mothra

can we talk about how when your Pokemon gets gigantic that's called "Dynamax", but when it gets gigantic AND dynamically changes into a new form that's called "Gigantamax? Like, what the hell? It's as bad as Kingdom Hearts, where when a person splits, their body (without its heart) is called a "Nobody", but their heart (without its body) is called a "Heartless".

anyway, this is literally just Butterfree but with bigger wings. I guess the green shimmer is nice? and ironically the proportions are closer to real-life butterflies. By the way, now that I pointed it out, I can't stop noticing the cloud halo in every one of these things and I think I honestly despise it. Feels like someone drew them as part of the concept art once, people thought they were a solid physical aspect of each design.

Like, are the clouds what make them big? How come they grow giant and THEN the clouds form overhead, then? I hate it.

Overall: 400/1000

No. 873: Frosmoth

 Mother. Mother. Mothest.

It doesn't show up in the artwork, but Frosmoth's wings are slightly see-through in-game and that's a really cool effect. I love this type combo, and how they handled it. Frosmoth looks soft and fluffy in the same way a snowbank does, but also like a fluffy coat, which ties into the moth fuzz motif. Great stuff.

But that's just a lot of fancy words to say that I wish Frosmoth was my mommy moth gf

Overall: 10/10

No. 872: Snom

 smol snom

I wonder if Gamefreak knew they had a hit on their hands when they designed Snom. Like, it was by far the most memed Pokemon upon release, everybody and their dog were drawing fanart of Snoms sitting in places they don't belong, or cuddling up to ice cream or whatever. It just hit the perfect vein of "no talk me im angy" that was in the air at the time.

But did it catch them off guard? Did they have all the Snom merchandise ready to go, or did they have to scramble to capitalize on its popularity? Again, this is a fantastic Pokemon that wasn't mentioned before release, as were most of the best in this game. I'm not sure if they really wanted to surprise people, or if they just misunderstood their own game that hard where they thought advertising it with Galarian Weezing and Chewtle was a good move.

Anyway, Snom is wonderful because it's a tiny lil' bug with and a unique typing and nifty translucent shell. Maybe it got a little too hyped by the memes, but it's still great.

Overall: 9/10

No. 851: Centiskorch

 I just wanna grill

Imagine having your eyebrows and mustache being on fire, then doing the same thing do your ass because why not. That's Centiskorch, coming or going he'll burn you both ways. I love how nearly reversible this boy is, but actually you'd never mistake which side is up - cuz his underbelly glows like a series of stove tops. Fantastic animation work here.

You know how Fire Blast shoots out that firey 大 kanji? Centiskorch basically has that on its face. This is the kickass shit I live for. I don't even care that he loses to Stealth Rocks, I don't play competitive. I just wreck face on all the in-game trainers with my goddamn flaming grilltop centipede of destruction.

Overall: 10/10

No. 850: Sizzlepede

 look ma, the bacon is cooking itself!

Another line that would've made me hype for the game if Gamefreak had let me know about it beforehand, Sizzlepede looks like an evil hot dog that got run over with a cartoon steamroller. Thing is slim like the new iPhone.

Centipedes are scary in real life, but somehow I've come around to liking them in fiction. I've always liked bugs in general, specifically the entry-level ones like scorpions, stag beetles, and spiders. But maybe it was James & the Giant Peach, or a couple of centipede bosses in Japanese video games, but I'm starting to think these guys kick ass. They're long-ass, edgy caterpillars. Sizzlepede is fine, but I can't wait to get on to his evolution tbh.

Overall: 7/10

No. 826: Orbeetle

where my Mecha fans at, we eating good tonight

This thing has Getter Robo eyes, Victory V Gundam crests, and hits a Gunbuster pose when it attacks. It's the most mecha Pokemon ever, and it's not even a Steel type. I love it.

Orbeetle looks a bit awkwardly put together, both in this artwork and in its model, but the way its limbs are just dangling from the main body somehow works. Hovering like a UFO, opening up its wings and all the spots glowing with Getter Ray Energy, I fully expect it to launch an Itano Circus barrage of missiles.

Who's Ledian? never heard of 'im


Overall: 10/10

No. 825: Dottler

Dottler Doclittle

I may have spoken too soon about those eyeballs going away - you can still kinda see them on Dottler, but the effect is muted because you only see the lower half. They mostly just register as glowing eyes.

Speaking of which, it's neat how Dottler's spots light up in its animations. Bug/Psychic is a fresh combination, I applaud Gamefreak for doing something for the regional bug besides Flying or Poison. Also, notice those V's return as... hands? whiskers? Who cares, just jot that down for later.

So, overall I'm positive about Dottler, but there's something about it that doesn't sit right. It doesn't feel like a Pokemon, but instead more like a Super Mario Galaxy enemy. That's a very specific and weird comparison, I know, but I'm a specifically weird guy. idk, something about it looks as if it comes from another game entirely.

so I'll just roll Dottler like a d20 to decide the rating


Overall: 16

No. 824: Blipbug

👀

I well and truly hate this stupid thing. Dumb ass aspect ratio stretched out head, eyeballs permanently looking down and to the side, why would any loving Arceus create such a foul creature? it can't even reach the ground with all its legs because its head is too big.

I do note that the V theme going on will be continued, but thankfully nothing else of this wretched abomination carries over through the rest of the line.


Overall: 1/10

No. 795: Pheromosa

"Ask not the sparrow how the eagle soars!"

Pheromosa looking like Lusamine really only helped fuel those Lilie-Nihilego rumors, but it turns out they're utterly unconnected! Pheromosa isn't even remotely related to the plot, so it's unclear if Lusamine even knew what it looked like so she could model herself off it! strange.

But this one is like the female counterpart to Buzzswole - slim and trim instead of big and brolic. Also she's some sort of Lady Gaga cockroach? Who runs around at light speed and kicks things in the face? Sure, why not. Unlike the two box legendaries, you can't really go wrong here. I prefer Buzzswole, but Pheromosa is cool, too. Striking color scheme, fun hair/wings, and more eyelash than Tammy Faye Bakker. I don't see any problems here.

In closing, I'd like to motion that we make it canon that Buzzswole and Pheromosa are happily married in whatever hell-dimension they came from. Any objections? No? Then the motion passes.


Ultra Grade: A

No. 794: Buzzswole

mad natty EV gains brah

Let's not think about how those "muscles" are actually probably sacs filled with blood. Instead, consider that Buzzswole has an excellent name and looks like a Street Sharks character. He looks like he could flex the bark off a tree. My guy is beyond ripped or shredded, he's torn to goddamn pieces of confetti.

Buzzswole didn't even skip leg day, you see those calves? And he's got FOUR legs, too, which means he has to squat FOUR TIMES AS HARD as the rest of us. Wait, I mean twice as hard. How does math work again? Who cares, what's important is that this bulging blood bug poses like Hulk Hogan and looks like he's about 3 seconds away from cutting an impromptu promo on his opponent at all times.

The only downside to this glorious beast is that he's only available in Sun, which means you'd miss out on Lunala.


Ultra Grade: A+