No. 945: Grafaiai

mf thinks hes banksy

it's actually cool when Pokemon completely change species when they evolve, as long as they're connected in some superficial way. Wingull evolving into Pelliper? Yeah sure, I'd believe that seagulls are just baby pelicans, whatever. Shroodle evolving into Grafaiai? Now that's a stretch, I've never once thought about shrews and aye-ayes even inhabiting the same continents before.

What's more, Grafaiai looks like Darby Allin's fursona, but with huge gross drippy middle fingers. I know that's the aye-aye's calling card, but it looks even freakier here than it does in real life. I don't want to know where he sticks that finger to get it all goopy.

If I can be remotely positive, I think there's something going on with the hindquarters that I like, something about the shape of the legs, and use of stripes. And removing the pupils from the eyes was a good move. But I just can't get over the hoodie, and those disgusting fingers. If Grafaiai flipped me the bird I'd probably throw up.


Overall: 2/10

No. 944: Shroodle

oodles of shroodles

Now what am I looking at here, exactly

Shroodle looks like the head of some larger character, but they cut off the body and just stuck a few tiny feets to the bottom of it. And even if I accept this creature whose eyes are so preposterously large they could not each be contained within the same small body, what's going on with the nose situation? I guess those are buckteeth, dipped in purple venom, but they look like boogers hanging on the end of the nose.

And it's Poison/Normal at the end of all that hideousness? Get away from me with your tiny tuft of hair.


Overall: 2/10

No. 943: Mabosstiff

the oldest doggy in the world

I'm 50% sure they designed Mabosstiff with the express purpose of making a sympathetic elderly dog for Arven's storyline, and if that's the case they knocked it out of the park. Realizing Arven isn't just a weird sandwich freak, but doing this to cure his sick dog, is probably the most emotion I've ever felt from a Pokemon game. Anyone who's seen their pet grow old should know the feeling. How you get excited just seeing them walk around, because it's more energy than they've shown all week.

Take care of your pets, people. Love them while you can.

Anyway, putting that aside, Mabosstiff is a big improvement from Maschiff on the design front. He aged gracefully, looking like an elderly Marlon Brando in dog form. Big fan of those eyebrows. And when he opens his mouth, you can see he's still got a full set of chompers, they're just hidden under that dignified mustache.


Overall: 7/10

No. 942: Maschiff

the angriest doggy in the world

One of the niches nobody talks about is the "basic route 1 mammal, except its DARK". Like, in what world is Poochyena and Purrloin so damn evil that they have to be Dark-type, instead of Normal? Is it just so that they can get STAB from using Bite? I mean, it's a bit of early type diversity so I can't say I mind, but.

Maschiff looks like a smacked ass. I don't like his beady little Gen-2 eyes, or the way he has to talk out the side of his mouth like Cerebus the Aardvark. Also, there's just something about his color scheme that I don't like.


Overall: 3/10

No. 941: Kilowattrel

or in America, Poundwattrel

 

 Kilowattrel looks like one of those classic Pokemon designs - take a recognizable animal (bird), tweak it a bit (big throat sac), and then add something cool (electric powers). But it turns out, the frigatebird is an actual bird that already looks exactly like this, except red. It even has the throat sac. So all they did was copy an existing animal and make it yellow.

So I guess I'll have to credit Mother Nature for the design, but it looks pretty cool anyway! aside from the eyes, those are Gamefreak originals and still pierce into my soul and weird me out. But the black-and-yellow color scheme looks sharp.

Kilowattrel is the odd Sp. Atk focused Flying-type, and combined with skyhigh Speed, it felt very strong to me and was almost on my final team.

Overall: 8/10

No. 940: Wattrel

Watt's the deal with airplane food?

While Squawkabilly shat up the joint with its boring typing, Wattrel brings it home as an Electric/Flying type. I'm a fan of taking regular birds and just making them somewhat elemental, like Talonflame.

Wattrel's eyes and slight smile makes him look like he's about to star in a mediocre 3D animated film by Illumination, but overall the design is nice. Sensible colors immediately set him apart from other regional birds, especially other region's waterfowl. I've got nothing bad to say here, just that it's a solid bird.

Overall: 6/10

No. 939: Bellibolt

 my eyes are up here

Bellibolt doesn't even look like a final evolution. It's gotta be the awkward middle stage, right? We've got a badass electric Poliwrath coming up next, right? No? Ah, well shit.

The elephant in the room is the eye-cheeks situation. See, you would think that its eyes are the big eyeballs on the sides of its head where a frog's eyes normally go, but actually it's the goofy little face in the middle! Those aren't nostrils, they're eyeballs! Don't you feel tricked?

Well, yep, you really tricked me, Bellibolt! I almost didn't realize you're just a green Lubba from Super Mario Galaxy 2. idk, it just makes me wonder what the point is. To give little kids and annoying adults something to "um, actually" their friends about? It doesn't make the actual design better, in fact it just confuses what ought to be a decent electric Chansey pastiche.

See? isn't that just better? The shape is fine, it's a round bouncy friend. But we get rid of the weird eye-cheeks, and make the actual eyes more alive, instead of looking like the real face is a flat decal sticker. Now I dislike the original even more, because I've had a glimpse of what could have been.

Overall: 3/10

 

P.S. what if the belly is the REAL eyeball???

No. 938: Tadbulb

light up the night
 

Another tiny little guy who gets in my way a lot. But I have to admit, a light-bulb tadpole is clever. There's some issue of "why isn't the frog Pokemon at least part Water?" but I actually kinda like it when Pokemon just commit to their element instead of bringing over real-world expectations of how that animal should exist. Not really a fan of Tadbulb's face, though.

Overall: 6/10

No. 937: Ceruledge

 Swordsoul of Mo Ye

Ceruledge was largely the deciding factor in my choice of Violet over Scarlet. Because as cool as Armarouge is, Ceruledge is even cooler. Twin flaming ghost blades? Sign me the hell up!

Again, I have to stress, this isn't a Pokemon design. And it's not a Digimon, either - it's a Medabot, or a Net Navi, or the star of an indie metroidvania game. But once again I will stress even harder, it's so damn cool I drop any pretense of having standards for stylistic unity. Ceruledge would have changed my brain chemistry if it existed when I was 9 years old.

Aside from everything I said about Armarouge (because most of it still applies), what makes Ceruledge so good is how the swords are done. They flare out when in battle like a lightsaber, and have a cool curve to them instead of just being straight blades, not to mention the way the cross-guard looks like flames itself. The trail of fire rising from its eye is just the cherry on top.

 

...bit weird how Charcadet is clearly meant to evolve into Armarouge, and hardly has any purple at all to justify a Ceruledge connection, but hey. We're ignoring a lot of faults, today. (I know they evolve with items, but in that case how come Armarouge looks like the "default"? Shouldn't Charcadet look unlike either of them, until an outside force interacts with it?)

Overall: 10/10

No. 936: Armarouge

FireMan.EXE

During the lead-up to Sword & Shield, Gamefreak didn't reveal that many Pokemon. For some, this was cool - they wanted to jump into the game unspoiled, with a sense of exploration. For me, who prefers to plan my teams out ahead of time, this was frustrating. I couldn't get excited when I didn't know the whole dex, and the ones they showed were dumbass losers.

 

They did not make the same mistake with Scarlet & Violet.

Armarouge and Ceruledge (we'll get there tomorrow) are freaking awesome. These two kick inordinate amounts of ass, and almost single-handedly convinced me that maybe Gen 9 would cook after all.

No, it doesn't look like a Pokemon. But it's so cool, I don't care. Yes, I thought it's name was Armarogue up until writing this review, because I'm very stupid and always mix up those two words, but that doesn't matter either. The colors are great, the typing is strong, the silhouette and proportions are heroic, the way the pauldrons turn into an arm cannon is sick as hell!

 

Overall: 10/10