Lorelei of the Kanto Elite Four

what a frigid bitch, huh? huh? anyone?

Gamefreak, why do you keep doing this to me. This is a children's game. Why on earth would you draw a sexy curvy lady, and then not only give her in a ponytail and glasses, but then put her in a tiny side-slit skirt  and draw her legs creasing the skirt?? I'm only one man, Gamefreak. I can only take so much. You don't even know what you're doing to me here, man.

anyway, Lorelei is hot in that put-together sexy librarian sort of way. But this says nothing of her affiliation towards Ice-types. and I think, looking ahead to most of the future Elite Fours, that's going to be the standard. I hold Gym Leaders to represent their types, but E4 members tend to just sort of dress like badasses/fruitcakes, and then run whatever type they damn well please.

So, yeah. Lady looks fine. Even if she doesn't necessarily look Icy, at least doesn't look like she's pretending to be anything else.


Overall: 7/10

Giovanni of Viridian City

has is really been two entire weeks? well shit.

but I'm back, and what a gym leader to come back to. Giovanni ruled the roost in Kanto, and almost had Johto as well. He simultaneously works as the mob boss leader of Team Rocket, and the gym leader of the prominent Viridian City. Just look at him, smirking like a boss. He knows he's Bad News, he's just waiting for you to find out.

Design didn't change much at all here. Still wearing a menacing dark suit, high-collared shirt, and a big R on his breast pocket. This one looks even more evil, though, I feel. I like the stance, too.

Now, Giovanni was replaced by your least favorite neighbor by the time Gold and Silver roll around, but in the remakes, he appears again through some event or something I kinda forget. But he's there, you can fight him, and he's looking like a full-on mafia don this time. He claims to have retired, but looking at that double-breasted overcoat, fedora, and red handkerchief, I'd say he just moved on to full-time illegal activities.


I do have to call the Earth Badge out a bit, though, because it looks like freaking Grass. Why didn't Erika give this one away instead of the Rainbow Pride badge? and why does Giovanni feel the need to specialize in Ground, anyway? shouldn't he be Dark-type, through-and-through? I guess it didn't exist in his games, and Poison was already taken, so...

Really, the only thing I can dock him on is how his design, gym, badge, and type don't sync at all. While is a pity, because his design and character is wonderful, and works really well in the story. Were you surprised when he turned out to be that mystery gym leader of that one town with the boarded-up gym? I wasn't, because I peeked ahead in the strategy guide. But anyway, Giovanni is menacing and fits his role in the story quite well. His role as a gym leader, maybe not so much. Which again, it a pity. But I've apparently decided (and I think with good reason) that representing your elemental theme is a requirement for being a top-class gym leader.


Overall: 7/10

Blaine of Cinnabar Island

I'm technically on a vacation right now, but I'll do be best to squeeze out a few updates once and awhile. Expect things to return to normal around August, when I'll really try getting back into this thing.

Blaine is one hard-boiled scientist. He arguably created Mewtwo, uses Fire-type Pokemon, lives on a volcano, and looks like Dr. Eggman's skinny cousin. I think everyone likes Blaine.

If you thought Blaine was cool before, standing all stoic with the wind blowing his labcoat, then he looks freaking zub-zero cold right now, screaming with potent fury as his coat billows behind him, legs akimbo he faces the storm and just shouts in its face, Official Pokemon League Licensed tie flapping like a tiger's tail, the sun shining off of his chrome dome with as much gleaming brilliance as his eyes are dark, bottomless pits of soul, Blain truly has indeed become the Master of All Things.

Now that he's even older, Blaine appears to have cooled off a bit. He's using a cane (no doubt concealing a knife or flamethrower or scorpion or something). He's wearing a little hat, trying to dress dapper to impress his ladyfriend. The use of actual red reminds you he trains Fire types, and his smiling mustache reminds you he won't end your life today.


Blaine and his island also possess a story arc, and are actually plot relevant. I like to see that. It was also interesting to see how the gym had to be re-located during Gold/Silver, which makes the world feel like something alive and changing.

Blaine just kicks ass left and right, he's amazing. He's some sort of diabolical pyrotechnic genetic scientist, and in the manga he had a psychic link with Mewtwo and stuff and it was beautiful. Even in the anime, where he looks like a little bitch, he's still a badass. Ash saves his gym, and unlike all the other weak-hearted leaders who give their badges away like candy, Blaine just gives Ash the right to challenge him again. damn.


Overall: 10/10

Koga of Fucshia City

whoa, two updates back-to-back? don't have a heart attack now, people, let's all calm down.

Ninjas are cool. I think we can all agree on that. And while American-style ninjas are kinda goofy, Japanese ninjas are just badasss. Koga looks pretty badass himself here, dark colors for a sneaky Poison master.

I think it's really interesting how the idea of what a classic "ninja" is differs in Japan vs the USA. In America, a Ninja wears an all-black jumpsuit with a tiny slit for his eyes, like a burka. Or maybe they're in bright colors reminiscent of Tae-kwon-do belts, wearing headband bandannas.

But here, Koga is exemplifying several Japanese ninja traits - metal shingaurds? check. poofy thigh cloth? check. scarf that stands out? check. making those finger signs? check. All he's really missing is the headband with the metal plate in it, recently popularized by Naruto.


Thinking about it with a mature mind, I'm pretty sure this was intended to be a cherry blossom petal, not a heart. That's hella Japanese, which fits the Ninja-themed gym. But at the time, I was all "wow a heart wow this is lame and girly you guys are the worst ninjas ever wooooow"

Koga is one of my secret favorites. I don't really like Poison-types that much, but I really like Ninjas, and Koga has a solid ninja design that mercifully doesn't go overboard. I also like how he has this sort of story-line going on - he's the leader of the ninja clan, and as you can see by the greying temples in his second incarnation, he's getting up there in years. In Gold/Silver, he appears to have retired and let his daughter take the reigns. However, he turns up later as a member of the Elite Four! rather than retire, he seems to have moved up in the world.

I guess you could say that he looks just as much like a Dark trainer as a Poison trainer, and depending on his lineup he might appear to be more of a Bug trainer, but he's still pretty awesome.


Overall: 9/10

Sabrina of Saffron City

Remember Sabrina the Teenage Witch? so did Gamefreak, when they decided that a vaguely spooky psychic girl should be named Sabrina.

Looking a little Majin Buu with that head tendril, aren't we? The outfit is interesting, though - looks like a uniform that someone on a space battleship would wear, or something.

Hey, look at that! They just updated it in HD, instead of creating a new design. Looks better, obviously. Thick calves have been replaced for thick hips, which is a welcome trade. Also interesting to note that the angle changed, now she's looking up at us from under her brows, giving her a more mysterious aura instead of looking down like a stern empress.

Okay, first off, what the shit are those things on her arms. Bracers? Armlets? Handcuffs? I have no clue. Is it some random thing that the Japanese have associated with psychics, like spoons. Also Sabrina is now looking a lot more trendy, and while I of course appreciate the tank top, it doesn't really say "I am a powerful Esper" to me.


Wow, that is one boring-ass badge. Did they run out of imagination one day and just stop right there? "Yeah, two concentric circles, okay, let's all go home. I'm done for today." The teleporting tiles in the gym were neat, though.

While the newest design doesn't really speak to anything in particular, the earlier ones had a certain character that I really like. One could argue that it doesn't look like something a psychic would wear, but then again, what the hell would a psychic wear? Aside from the gypsy fortune-teller cliche I mean.


Overall: 6/10

Erika of Celadon City

Apologies to all my Otaku brethren, but I've never been a big fan of the kimono


okay wow that looks lazy and shitty gen 1 may have had some nice-ass Pokemon but the character design was just NOT THERE


now this is a little better. I find it funny that she's wearing a pokeball-pattern kimono, instead of something more traditional like azaleas or sparrows or waves or whatever. she still looks bland to me, but I can see a "big sister" style personality emerging.

In Heart Gold, she's got an even more interesting design (though she looks younger than ever), incorporating maple leaves, clouds, and pokeballs. and look how playful she is! that little smile, that the way she's holding her pokeball, that tiny little bend in her knees, it's all really really cute. I'm still not convinced kimonos are the height of beauty, or that Erika is suddenly interesting and wonderful, but it's a start.


Her gym end up usually being not that hard to beat, because most Grass-types suck. also she only lets in female trainers, because discrimination based on gender is alive and well in the Pokemon world. also her dialogue references her dozing off a lot, which seems kind of odd. Is she just really tired from watering plants all night, or does she have a condition?

though there's one thing she never conveyed - that she trains Grass Pokemon. Her badge doesn't even looks much like any flower I've ever seen, more like the kind of badge Elton John would give away. He'd use a Krokorok, of course.

Erika certainly gained more personality over time, and her design got more ornate. This is the good kind of progress. By the end of it, she brought herself all the way up to mediocre! If she had maybe gone with a green kimono, or perhaps flowers in her hair, she would've scored much better.


Overall: 4/10