Team Aqua of New Hoenn

Let's check out Neo Aqua! They also got a redesign, and rebranding.

Well, they're certainly busier, that's for sure. Also looking rough, with those frayed shorts. Except they're wearing tights, and silly boots. Hey, don't those shoes look like the ones Neo Magma wears? Did they buy them at the same store? I like everything until you get below the end of the pants/shorts, I guess. Also - they're brown now! Either the whole team got a tan, or this Magma-vs-Aqua conflict has more racial tension than I previously assumed.

Grunts: 6/10



The admins are completely different. They're wearing what appears to be high-performance wetsuits, except Shelly has "fashionable" holes in hers, and Matt appears to have torn his. Dammit Matt, those things cost money! Also how the ever-loving shit did you get a reverse tan of the Aqua logo on your chest!? And what's happening around the edges of your hairline? Christ, Matt, you're a mess. Did you seriously pump so many steroids your chest and arms exploded out of your suit? I can still see it hanging on around your neck and hands there.

But Shelly, I'm not done with you. I miss the old red-head look, not gonna lie. This Empress Hancock style isn't working for me, nor is the random blue streaks. And at least Matt had the decency to put his logo on his chest, but yours is just lost in the design. If you're supposed to look like pirates, neither of you really succeeded.

Shelly: 2/10
Matt: 1/10



Now we come to the bossman himself, and he's wearing a golden anchor around his neck, like he's Flava Flav or something. And again, we see the confusion - high-tech wetsuit, but a weird frayed skirt-cape? And putting back on the bandanna, as if it's salvageable at this point. Man, this whole team redesign was a mistake.

Archie: 3/10

I like the basic idea here, I think - Magma becomes totalitarian and super-strict, almost Nazi-esque, while Aqua becomes wild and chaotic, like mercenary pirates. That works to differentiate the teams even more, but damn if the designs for Aqua did not pay off. Busy, confused, they're just ugly and only the grunts actually look piratical. Matt certainly looks "wild", but he also looks like he's lost his goddamn mind.


Overall: 2/10

Team Aqua of Old Hoenn

Yeah, these are coming out slow. I'm in no rush, just kinda killing time until Gen 7 gets announced. Thanks for continuing to read, but I understand if you're done with this, too.

Anyway, it's Team Aqua! The other side of Hoenn's eco-terrorism boom.


I like this look a lot, you guys. Tight striped shirt immediately makes on think of sailors of Frenchmen. As is normal, the female grunt must show some skin. But then she gets to wear pants! That's pretty nice. These guys look mean and piratical, I love the bandannas and simple colors.

Grunts: 10/10



They have some admins as well, though in-game they look nearly identical to the grunts, similar to Magma. Similar as well, nobody cares about Matt, the male admin - but Shelly is surprisingly popular. And for good reason! She's basically Nami before the Timeskip even happened. I love her hair, you don't see much poofy curly hair in Pokemon, or Japanese games at all for that matter. And, she runs with the orange/blue color combo, getting it into her clothes as well. Yoithink of the New York Knicks, she got dat Mango Sentinel goin' on. Anyway, it's great - she looks like a modest Pirate Queen, definitely a rank higher than the grunts.

Shelly: 10/10



Their Boss, Archie, seems to be drawing a big page from Giovanni's wardrobe. What is it with the "wear a suit but no tie" fashion craze? I kinda like how he ain't even wearing a shirt underneath it, though - dude is ready to strip it all off at the drop of a hat. Aside from that, he's pretty boring though. Seen it before.

Archie: 6/10




These guys have a stupid goal, we've covered that. But I like the cut of their jib. The nautical theme works pretty well, even if their leader doesn't do much with it.

Overall: 8/10