Team Plasma of New Unova

These losers returned for Round 2 in Black/White 2. While I think that's probably the best overall game in the series, it wasn't because of the evil team.


Somebody's been playing Metal Gear Solid! Grunts looking like they got dat MGS1 Sneaking Suit on. Except berets with big goofy stitching on them. Also, the masks just covering the mouths look strange for some reason. They've forgone the out-of-place crusader theme, so they're just generic Bad Guys from a Mission Impossible movie, now.

Grunts: 5/10


oh christ who's this fat piece of shit

It's Zinzolin, who has a bizarre name and even stranger fashion. Not content to wear the world's tallest ushanka hat, he's also wrapped himself in a queen-size comforter and strapped it to himself with velcro. He might not even be all that fat, actually. He's just bundled up like the snuggiest bug for a snow day. I guess Unova was freezing over at the time, but still.

Zinzolin: 1/10


Trying to take this years' "Least Probable Hairstyle", it's Corless, the new face of Plasma. He's a scientist, which is something the logic-challenge Plasma desperately needed. And lab coats almost always look good, they're basically the only times in modern society you can acceptably wear a longcoat and stride around the inside of facilities and people will take you seriously. And I would take Corless seriously, except for the water slide going on around the top of his head. Shit looks a Tamashi Nations Wind Effect piece just glued up there. Maybe he doesn't even know he has it? Could it be a giant parasitic worm, and everyone's pretending not to notice? He'd be great without it, but I gotta dock serious points here.

Corless: 7/10


Finally, we got old man Ghetsis again. He has a cloak made out of Pride from FMA, that's pretty dope. And I think that's Sora's Keyblade? and Vegeta's Scouter? Why he looking like he's going to an anime convention and couldn't find a cosplay in time so he just threw on every piece of merch he owned? The cape is seriously bitching, but the rest I don't care for. At least it's better than his last gaudy outfit.

Ghetsis: 6/10



Amazingly, Plasma comes out BETTER in their renewed form. I think cutting away the faux-medieval theme was a smart choice, even if they're still lacking in cohesion. Oh, I forgot to mention the Shadow Triad, who showed up in both incarnations of the team, but were strangely underused and never really explained, nor do they have any official art. It's like they're shadows, lost to the world... but seriously, if Gamefreak cannot give enough of a crap to produce official art, then I won't give enough of a crap to review them. They were ninjas. That doesn't fit with anything else. Plasma is just a mess, okay? But at least Neo Plasma is a little fancier mess - like your cat threw up some caviar, instead of just kibble.

Overall: 3/10