No. 075: Golem

Evolution be damned.

Okay, this one just doesn't make any sense. Geodude is made out of rocks, he has two arms. Graveler is made out of rocks, he has 4 arms and little legs. Golem is a dinosaur encased in a turtle-shell-rock-egg. what the hell.

This doesn't make any sense at all, not even a little. I seriously have NO IDEA how they thought this would make anyone happy, or what they were trying to do.

A better idea would have been a larger rock guy with 6 fully-fledged limbs, walking like a spider or something. Call him Grantite. So much better.

...But I can't give Golem a completely failing grade, because while he comes out of nowhere like a bastard child, he looks okay on his own.

Overall: 3/10

No. 074: Graveler

Stone Cold Commandos... Rock Rock On!!

I like Graveler more than Geodude, even though they both have stupid names. Not much more, but he looks burly and stuff.

Mostly, I appreciate how Graveler is a very obvious step-up from Geodude, he looks like the only possible pokemon that could evolve from Geodude, and that he could have come from naught else. I do so hope that this trend continues with the final evolution as well...!

Overall: 5/10

No. 073: Geodude

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude

I just can't take Geodude seriously. I mean, Geodude? Seriously? That's the best they could come up with? Was Rockguy taken?

one other thing that bothers me: why can Geodude, and many other pokemon, just kinda levitate? what the hell. If they are psychic or have wings, I accept flying around. but why should Geodude be able to float. If he can, then why can't he learn fly? what's up with that?

Overall: 4/10

No. 072: Tentacruel

Bigger, better, badder.

Tentacruel is a much better thing to have around than Tentacool. He actually looks like a boss, and isn't clogging up the world's oceans.

he basically just looks dangerous. Which is something that not many pokemon do, so props to him on that regard.

Not much to say, really, just that it's a good thing that Tentacool evolves into something not sucky.

Oh, and also I do like the red jewel head thing Tentacruel has going on.

Overall: 6/10

No. 071: Tentacool

Jewel of the sea my ass...

Recently, fishermen all over the world have reported catching a much higher number of jellyfish. they don't want to catch the jellies, they just kind of show up. jellyfish are growing in unprecedented numbers, and taking over waters that they usually don't inhabit, killing the native fish. this is putting a crunch on the fishing indestry, the beaches, and basically anyone who doesn't want a bunch of frigging jellyfish all over the damn place.

I guess that the pokemon world is having a similar problem.

you can't surf 5 feet without running into a level 15 Tentacool. never mind that you're on the waters outside cinnabar island, and that your team is in the 50's. you will meet some damn jellyfish.

Also, Tentacool isn't based off the gently floating jellyfish, either. that's a frigging Box Jelly, which can swim 25 mph upstream, has tiny eyes, some of the deadliest poison in the world, and actively hunts its prey. which is honestly pretty cool but also freaky as hell. gives me the creeps.

Overall: 1/10

No. 070: Victreebel

The sweet ring of victory.

Remember in the anime when James would always get eaten by his Victreebel?

yeah, that was funny the first time, but every goddamned time he calls it out? why even bother?

Victrebell has the same type problems as weepinbell, but at least it's right side up, so it can at least feed properly.

I don't have any real beef with Victreebel, it works fine for a pitcher plant pokemon, but there are much better grass types.

Overall: 5/10

No. 070: Weepinbell

what the hell.

what sort of evolution loses legs. that - that's the opposite of evolution.

Also, I never got why Weepinbell is grass/poison. a poison subtype was spread around like crazy in the first gen, and it never really helped. grass/water makes much more sense, since it IS a pitcher plant or something.

except wait, it's upside down. what the hell, how is that even going to work.

what the hell, Weepinbell. seriously.

Overall: 3/10

No. 069: Bellsprout

as sexy as the number suggests

Remember that one anime episode, in the Indigo League, where a bellsprout wiped the floor with Bulbasaur, and then Pikachu? That was great, and made me love Bellsprout so hard.

Which says a lot, because in-game Bellsprout is a joke, and his evolutions are dumb. But we'll get to them tomorrow.

Suffice to say, Bellsprout looks cool doing drunken boxing, weaving all around and whipping people with its feet, and stuff. But I don't think it's enough to give it a full score, because I seem to be handing those out like the ice cream man hands out push-pops on a hot summer day.

Overall: 8/10

No. 068: Machamp

man oh man Machamp is the man

I freaking love every inch of Machamp's amazing body. And with four arms, there's that much more to love.

From his awesome head crests, to his already-meanioned 4 arms, to his fashionable speedo, to his overall ripped bod, Machamp is a Man's Pokemon.

He is so badass I don't even think I can stand it.

take a look at his original art:

See? Machamp is the champion of all fighting pokemon.

Overall: 10/10

No. 067: Machoke

I machoke you out

I like Machoke, too. He's ripped as hell, and apparently has scars or something on his arm. Also, he is rocking that speedo like none other.

ALSO, notice that he has a prize-fighter champion belt on. That's right, each and every Machoke is a champion prize-fighter. So badass.

Machoke is great, but honestly his scars or whatever make him seem out of place with his evolutions.

Overall: 9/10