Beta No. 220: Magby

The Babypalooza comes to an end. At last, rest for the weary pilgrim.


And fortunately, it's a high one!


They slimmed down Magby for his final version, and took away his Bart Simpson haircut, and I think it was a mistake. I love the look of this little guy. He looks like a thug, instead of a dork, which is appropriate for Magmar's line. Though I will say the artwork for this one seems to have ignored a key detail - I think Magby is supposed to have flame patterns on his belly! That makes him even better. Finally, Magmar has a prevolution that can stand toe-to-toe with Elekid.

Why couldn't all of the babies be like this one!?


Overall: 10/10

Beta No. 219: Elebabee

socially awkward bee


oh god it's CUTE tho!



Listen, the world is not fair. Elebabee is adorable, but Elekid already kicks ass. Maybe we can alter reality to make Elebabe the first form, and Electabuzz the final form? But then we'd lose Electavire, who is still cool in his own way. This sucks. Elebabee deserves to exist, looking like a self-satisfied ring-toss game, but it cannot without destroying something else of value. Leibniz was wrong, truly we do not live in the best of all possible worlds.


Overall: 9/10

Beta No. 218: Lipp

Let's get one thing straight - it's weird that Lipp is still based around kissing, when it's a baby.


And yes, those lips are still... just... offensive.


But all that aside, Lipp is a step up from Smoochum, I think? It dunno, I like the hair better, and I appreciate how it's wearing a dress like Jynx, instead of a generic baby-body. Still pretty bad overall, but not the worst thing ever. Improvement!


Overall: 3/10

Beta No. 214, 215 & 216: Lefmew, Dandemew & Cottomew

WHOAH EVERYBODY CAT PLANET TONIGHT YEAH





Doing all three of these furballs at once, because I would just be repeating myself.

so yeah, I think I can tell right off the bat why this line was changed. There's barely any progression from start to finish! They all look like the In-Training forms of Digimon. And they're all cute, sure, but I expect my Pokemon to at least achieve something on part with a Digimon's Champion form by the 3rd evolution.

Weirdest part is, the Hoppip line they came up with barely shows progression, either. At least it's more clearly a dandelion, instead of getting confused with the cotton plant toward the end.

Also interesting to note that the Lefmew family are supposed to be cats - the :3 face, the tail, the ears - but Hoppip, Jumpluff, and Skiploom are just generic plant-monsters. I think the dandelion concept works, and they can be cats, but they just needed to GROW. It's a shame, because Lefmew in particular is pretty good, but the promise goes nowhere.

Lefmew: 8/10

Dandemew: 2/10

Cottomew: 2/10

Beta No. 217: Ballerine

May I offer you an egg in this trying time?

ok, I can do this. I'm strong enough. It's the last group of babies. deep breath, let's do this...


Actually, no. Screw this, Ballerine sucks. Mr. Mime having babies is horrifying and I don't want to think about tiny clown mime eggs dancing all over the place and crawling into my nightmares. I hate the smiling egg baby.


Overall: no/10

Beta No. 213: Puddi

Puddi Puddi!

Let's close out the year with a whimper, I suppose. Bangs are overrated. You all know the script by now.

This is Chinese knock-off Growlithe. The ears are all wrong, the hair tufts are made of synthetic polymers, and there's not a trace of the noble soul we all associate with Growlithe. Reminds me of those robotic Poo-chi toys, though somehow Puddi here came first.


Overall: 1/10

Beta No. 212: Hitmontop

oh what the fuck is this shit

I do not know what I'm looking at here. I see at least 5 things I could interpret as eyeballs. Maybe the colored artwork will make more sense?


Dear Lord.

ok, it makes more sense, but I still don't like what I'm seeing. Unlike the final Hitmontop, who is just doing a head-stand, this freak has "legs" on his head and an eyeball in his stomach, just spinning on a point while he "kicks" you with his ear-feet. It's horrible, this isn't martial arts at all, if my Gong evolved into this I would try to reverse time and do it all over again. Let's just forget this madness ever happened, okay?


Overall: 1/10

Beta No. 211: Gong

Tamogotchi lookin dude

Tyrogue only really looks like Hitmonchan. But was his beta equivalent any better? Well, he's kinda got boxing gloves, so that's a direct tie to Hitmonchan. But none of the Hitmons have ears like that, and he's not really looking Hitmonlee-ish in any way, so... lateral movement.


Evolutionary place aside, I dig this little dude. Much more than Tyrogue, who reminds me of the sort of skinny little kid who will attempt to start conversations about Minecraft with total strangers. But not Gong, Gong would punch strangers in the shins to bring them to their knees, then uppercut them in the jaw. He kicks ass.

Tyrogue and Gong both eat Lucky Charms for breakfast, but the different is that Gong doesn't take out the marshmallows and organize them by shape first.


Overall: 8/10

Beta No. 210: Octillery

WHY CAN'T WE HAVE NICE THINGS

OK, I can understand changing Remoraid, even if it totally ruins the design. But Octillery was just a goddamn tank, that should be kosher, right!? Why did they change this! It kicks 155mm of ass!

It's such a perfect design. The tentacles are curled to resemble wheels, like the Metal Slug tanks. At the same time, they're curled like fried octopus, often served in batter - "Takoyaki". And when you squish a takoyaki and see a bit of octopus poking out, it looks kinda like Octillery here. So it's more than just an octopus tank, which would be sick enough, there's a second layer of visual pun going on. I love it and will never forgive Gamefreak from denying us this wondrous creation.


Overall: 10/10

Beta No. 209: Remoraid

you know I keep that mf thang on me

Look at this early Remoraid! This makes SENSE! It's got a clear revolver barrel, trigger, hammer, and handle! It's a literal triggerfish, it looks like a damn GUN.


I suppose it was changed because the 4kids mentality of the time wouldn't allow the precious American children to see an image of a cartoon gun-fish in their video games. As if they aren't already awash in the violence on the news and in the movies. As if video-games contain the biggest gun-related threats to U.S. children.

*is just handed a news bulletin*

hm. the Columbine Massacre happened just months before Pokemon Gold & Silver released in Japan. um, that... explains things a bit. Well then.

(this Remoraid design is still much better, though!)


Overall: 8/10