No. 009: Blastoise

His name is "Tortank" in France, which is pretty cool as well.

as we come to the end of our first generation of starters, we end on Blastoise, who is one of the best pokemon in the whole game.

Well, in design anyway.

Water CANONS on his back, TWO of them, plus he's a cocky ass like wartortle, but can obviously back it up. He shows venasaur what you can do with excess weight, and shows his previous evolutions how to make a turtle look badass.

Oh, how I wish all pokemon were as amazing as Blastoise.

Overall: 10/10

No. 008: Wartortle

Why do middle evolutions suck so much?

Seriously, they all are inferior to their predecessor and their evolution.

Wartortle has a fluffy tail, and a sassy attitude. He's really too cocky for the way he looks, however, and those gigantic ears aren't helping.

Also, check this: erase the ears and tail: it's squirtle! were the designers really that lazy?

Overall: 4/10

No. 007: Squirtle

Here he is, the Tiny Turtle Pokemon!!

Well, Squirtle's okay. pretty cute, and also kinda cool. Liked the shades on Ash's one.

However, the regular squirtle has no shades, and aside from his cute looks and cuter name, he's not got a lot.

SO as a cutey? win. As a badass? not so much.

even in brawl, where he's like an air ninja, his goofy expression ruins it.

overall: 7/10

No. 006: Charizard

Okay, now we're talking!

You love this guy. So do I. Everyone does, and why not?

1. dragon
2. FIRE dragon
3. badass in the anime
4. actually a great pokemon in the games
5. did I mention HE'S A DRAGON??

Seriously, Charizard is about as good as it gets for pokemon. one of the best.
There is nothing bad I can say about this man, at all.

his type combo even takes away his ice and ground weakness, and doesn't give him double weaknesses! (if you pretend Rock doesn't exist...)

plus he's a dragon.

Overall: 10/10

No. 005: Charmeleon

Remember when I said that Charmander just got better?

I lied.

This guy, while looking pretty badass, is also a regular ass in the sense that he's a jerk. Just look at his jerky face.

Okay, maybe not that much, and in fact, he is pretty cool. So I guess he's not even bad at all, just... not as good as his former or next evolution. But his name is great.

overall: 8/10

No. 004: Charmander

Time to move on to better stuff.

Remember in the first season, how Ash met that one trainer, Dario, and he left his Charmander out in the rain, and it was so loyal it almost died waiting for him, and then Ash took care of it and it loved him?

Yeah, me too. Charmander is the best. He's cute, original (when flaming tails were all the rage), and would you believe me if I said that he GETS EVEN BETTER as he evolves?

well, he does. and Agumon can eat his heart out, because Charmander is the best tiny fiery dinosaur of all time.

Overall: 10/10

No. 003: Venusaur

Okay. This isn't funny anymore.

What in the hell is a "venu" anyway? Venus Fly-trap? Does Japan not know what those look like? Because I don't see any here. Anyway, Venusaur is a fat lard who just thumps his way about all the time. He does have a cool flower on his back, but he looks like a toad that got squashed by a car.

At first, I thought he was stupid, but then later I realized how ironically cool he was. Then, I realized that he was neither of these things, he was just ugly.

I want to see bulbasaur giving a Venusaur a vine-ship suplex.

Overall: 4/10

No. 002: Ivysaur

I'm going down the list in the national pokedex order, if you couldn't tell.

And that means Ivysaur is next. Now, the whole (plant)saur thing is starting to get old. And he can't seem to decide if he's gonna be cute or pissed, but that's the problem all middle-evolution pokemon have. So as far as 2/3 stage pokemon go, he's pretty good.

also, he's in brawl, for some reason. That doesn't make me like him, tho. he can't recover and has an over powered neutral B. also he kinda waddles about even more than king dedede and wario, and that's saying something.

really, he's just a slightly-meaner bulbasaur, but with none of the innovation.

overall: 7/10

No. 001: Bulbasaur

You know this one. I know it.

Okay, first: great name, a dinosaur with a bulb.

second, great look, a cute dinosaur with a bulb.

third, vine whip and razor leaf look so fly just coming out of the base of his bulb there. and solarbeam is epic as balls from this little guy.

My only problem is, he's a grass/poison. Why poison? Does he have any poison moves? i don't even know.

Overall Rating: 9/10

thesis statement

you guys, not all pokemon are created equal.

some are just better than others.

some just suck more than others.

some are just horrible wastes of a pokeball.


In this blog, I'll be telling you which are which.

all these opinions are completely arbitrary, they are not based on in-game performance, nostalgia, uniqueness, or any one thing. rather, I will be judging them on a composite of all these and more, including, but not limited to,
-amount of spikes
-colors
-personal bias
-being another frigging normal/flying type
-etc

In short, if you don't agree, stuff it. I don't care, go write your own blog.