No. 692: Clauncher

This guy right here was the reason I bought X instead of Y

Because I think you know by now, if there's one thing I love, it's cacti. But if there's two things I love, it's cacti and crustaceans. And finally, at long last, a pistol shrimp Pokemon? you better believe I'm on that.

First off, we're blue instead of red. There are actually blue lobsters in places, like Slovenia or something I'm not sure, but more important, Krabby and Corphish are both red. So already we're setting ourselves apart. Add in some snazzy black and yellow highlights, and you got a unique color scheme that remains simple and attractive.

and of course we can't ignore that Big 'Ol Claw. just kinda hanging off to the side there. Like a piece of fried chicken. but seriously, it's fine. Perhaps it could have been bigger, but as we'll see, that's best left to the evolution. all in all, Clauncher is a damn fine Pokemon that makes me glad I still play these games.


Overall: 9/10

No. 691: Dragalge

You know, there was a time when Pokemon were easy for 2nd graders to draw.

I like Dragalge more than Skrelp, because it's got that flowing stuff and could almost look majestic or whatever. The flower-ish thing on its head is kinda strange, but I guess it's supposed to be an imitation of the imitation flower that those real life sea horses have? which is actually a pretty silly thing, when you think about it. Like, Dragalge has no real need to look like some kelp, it just does because it's hearkening back to an existing animal. Which itself is doing its damndest to look like something else. Which is probably trying its hardest to look appealing to other kelp, or something. Is that how kelp reproduce? I don't know. It's crazy, is what I'm trying to say.

Speaking of crazy, Dragon/Poison is just bizonkers, as far as type combos go. Especially with the new Fairy type, it's just got a weird set of weaknesses.

Skrelp was ugly, but Dragalge pulls through by NOT looking like a turd, but instead some ugly brown algae trailing in the current. Which, not that I think of it, isn't really that much of an improvement. But still.


Overall: 5/10

No. 690: Skrelp

sadly, there are real creatures that evolved to look similar to this ON PURPOSE

I love Skrelp's eyes, for some reason. That half-covered look is always cool, and you don't see many red-eyes Pokemon.

Also, I'm always happy to see the non-smooth edges return from the early gens, even if they're here used for the purpose of "looking like some crap".

though, that brings us back to the crux of the matter - Skrelp kinda looks like crap. Like a watery turd, wrapped around some purple whoosit. There's... there's no really getting around that. bleh.


Overall: 2/10

No. 689: Barbaracle

ha ha ha what the hell is even happening

7 heads? 7 hands? two of which are feet? is this what's really going on?

This guy looks straight out of Kinnikuman. Like he should be named Barnaclord, and his special move would be the Neo-Reverse Bloody Underwater Hell Death Driver Crush Grip.

I also have never been able to take something seriously if it is covered in regular stripes. but that's just me.

Overall: 1/10

No. 688: Binacle

Does these guys faces look hella Mario to anyone else?

Barnacles are weird. But I'm pretty sure making them bear paws sticking out of a grey cupcake is even weirder.

I just really don't like this guy, I'm sorry. it doesn't look cool, or fun, or cute, or anything. just dumb and ugly. The little heads look pissed to be with eachother, and I'm a little pissed that I have to be with them right now.


Overall: 1/10

No. 687: Malamar

Only 2 so far this month? Unacceptable. One a day from here on out, I'm disgusted with my own work ethic.

You don't often see squids represented with their actual head as their body, so this is kinda neat. I feel like it's got a little bit too many colors going on, though - two shades of purple, white, pink, blue, and yellow lights? tone it down, guy. He's like the Liberace of the cephalopod kingdom.

speaking of those lights, I like that a lot. Bio-luminescence is an absolutely insane thing to me. I remember studying it in middle school and getting really impressed by squids. Like you can just do that? You can just choose to light up like Las Vegas and attract chicks? Sick.

anyway, Malamar looks evil and deserves its Dark type for sure. The Contrary ability is wild, you can just throw something like Superpower out there, and it'll actually buff you. alright, maybe that isn't exactly wild, but if you're easily impressed you might think so.


Overall: 8/10

No. 686: Inkay

Sworn to secrecy, what a thing! What an octopus of a thing! And I have only an inkling!

Now, I knew all about how to evolve this guy because of The Internet, but I wonder how many little kids just got frustrated as heck? And that one kid, who was hanging his head upside-down off the edge of his bed, holding the 3DS, and it evolved after staying the same for so long, he must've gone freaking bananas.

I like Inkay a lot, though. Dark/Psychic is a neat combination, and it's kinda cool to see it used on something that could easily have been another boring Water type. It's cute, goes upside down, and has some unique gimmicks.

also if you DO turn him upside down (ctrl+alt+down arrow key) then he looks like a little blue haired guy getting sucked into a pot or something with his arms up like \o/ and stuff, haha


Overall: 9/10

No. 685: Slurpuff

this name makes me feel uncomfortable

so the cotton candy evolves into a lumpy droopy cupcake? I can dig it.

but I don't particularly like it, either. the main thing is, this does NOT look like a final evolution to me. even if it's going the cutesy route, it should do... something. something more.

also, who the hell would eat a cupcake that was as drippy as this one, holy Christ.


Overall: 3/10