The official Pokedex may be done, but I sure ain't.
There are still a good number of Mega Evolutions to discuss. And I want to take those as separate entries from their original forms, because they're entirely optional, and a crappy Mega shouldn't weight down an excellent Pokemon. So don't expect Gyarados, Pinsir, and Ampharos' scores to change, is what I'm saying.
With that said, another handful of Pokemon have retroactively been made Fairy-type. I'll think if that makes me change my mind about any of them, and do another entry if they need to be re-considered.
Also, are there any Pokemon you thought I really messed up in my review? did I under or over rate them, so much that you can't sleep at night? Let me know! I might do a few "round two" reviews.
Anyway, thanks for reading over 700 posts of my stupid opinions, and supporting NAPACE for these years. But if stupidity is what you like, shit is gonna get stupider and stupider from here on out.
in a good way, of course.
Monday, April 28, 2014
No. 718: Zygarde
at last, we come to the end. From B is for Bulbasaur, all the way to Z is for Zygarde.
but piss and puss, what in God's name is THIS thing. Is this the Monster at the End of the Book, as prophesied by Saint Grover? or some cruel joke by an unloving game designer.
I mean, seriously, it's like something out of Starcraft. Hexes everywhere, random spots of white and green. The colors are nice and simple, but that's about the only good thing I have to say about it. Frills coming up, hexamino-ass-lookin' arm wing things, and I don't even know where the eyes are.
It's a mess. a Goddamn mess. I'm sorry we had to end like this, but this is the world we live in. One where the final (as of April 2014) Pokemon is just shit shit SHIT.
Overall: 1/10
but piss and puss, what in God's name is THIS thing. Is this the Monster at the End of the Book, as prophesied by Saint Grover? or some cruel joke by an unloving game designer.
I mean, seriously, it's like something out of Starcraft. Hexes everywhere, random spots of white and green. The colors are nice and simple, but that's about the only good thing I have to say about it. Frills coming up, hexamino-ass-lookin' arm wing things, and I don't even know where the eyes are.
It's a mess. a Goddamn mess. I'm sorry we had to end like this, but this is the world we live in. One where the final (as of April 2014) Pokemon is just shit shit SHIT.
Overall: 1/10
Monday, April 21, 2014
No. 717: Yveltal
Why Yveltal? Y NOT?
despite his name sounding like it was put together as a random series of letters beamed down from space by the Planet of Blue Men in Corduroy Pants, Yveltal is alright.
For one thing, dude looks like a Y. that's important. there's some nice radial symmetry going on, and he even folds up into a neat little ball or something.
He's got a striking color scheme that, while perhaps a little too messy with those black veins, is still actually pretty simple in its structure. Red on the inside, black on the outside, add some funky claws and there you go. Plus I will never not dig those fur collar thingies.
Overall: 8/10
despite his name sounding like it was put together as a random series of letters beamed down from space by the Planet of Blue Men in Corduroy Pants, Yveltal is alright.
For one thing, dude looks like a Y. that's important. there's some nice radial symmetry going on, and he even folds up into a neat little ball or something.
He's got a striking color scheme that, while perhaps a little too messy with those black veins, is still actually pretty simple in its structure. Red on the inside, black on the outside, add some funky claws and there you go. Plus I will never not dig those fur collar thingies.
Overall: 8/10
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
No. 716: Xerneas
bitch got an entire christmas tree's worth of lightbulbs up on his head
also his legs are swords. that's pretty intense. anyway, we're entering the mercifully short group of legendaries for Gen 6. This one is supposed to look like an X, which it doesn't. Even from the front, it presents a more Y-shaped silhouette. so, whatever to that, I guess.
On one hand, I like it more than the other legendary deer we had. It looks appropriately fey and regal. and also, frikken sword-legs, man.
On the other hand, holy shits that is a lot of lights going on up there. I guess that's its gimmick, that it has literally 8 different colors upon its antlers, but I don't know if I like it. also, what the hell is even it's deal? like, we used to have legendaries that were just basically Rare Animals with elemental themes. Then we got ones that were guardians of forests, seas, mountains, etc. Then they became ancient primal forces governing Time, Space, and evil shadow dragons living in the Negative Dimension or whatever. Or maybe that was a Dr. Who plot. anyway, now it seems like we just have legendaries that are... legendary. For some reason. It's kind of getting back to the basics, but these guys have a shit-ton of power, because Lysander was using them for stuff, right?
I don't even know anymore, man. Xerneas is kinda neat, but also freaking insane at the same time. Maybe it just has a bad case of "being french"
Overall: 6/10
also his legs are swords. that's pretty intense. anyway, we're entering the mercifully short group of legendaries for Gen 6. This one is supposed to look like an X, which it doesn't. Even from the front, it presents a more Y-shaped silhouette. so, whatever to that, I guess.
On one hand, I like it more than the other legendary deer we had. It looks appropriately fey and regal. and also, frikken sword-legs, man.
On the other hand, holy shits that is a lot of lights going on up there. I guess that's its gimmick, that it has literally 8 different colors upon its antlers, but I don't know if I like it. also, what the hell is even it's deal? like, we used to have legendaries that were just basically Rare Animals with elemental themes. Then we got ones that were guardians of forests, seas, mountains, etc. Then they became ancient primal forces governing Time, Space, and evil shadow dragons living in the Negative Dimension or whatever. Or maybe that was a Dr. Who plot. anyway, now it seems like we just have legendaries that are... legendary. For some reason. It's kind of getting back to the basics, but these guys have a shit-ton of power, because Lysander was using them for stuff, right?
I don't even know anymore, man. Xerneas is kinda neat, but also freaking insane at the same time. Maybe it just has a bad case of "being french"
Overall: 6/10
Monday, April 14, 2014
No. 715: Noivern
count chocula up in this bitch
and looks he brought all his favorite colors with him! turquoise, black, white, purple, red, they're all here. There was an era of Transformers where they kept making dudes with this color scheme, in varying intensities of pink-red and teal-green.
anyway, it's too many colors is what I'm saying. I dig the overall design, though. Ears are sub-woofers, cool.
and the collar fringe is neat. But I don't like the red bits around the toes, look at 'em, they aren't even on the toes, they're just in the general vicinity of the toes. On the toe knuckles maybe? that's stupid.
If Noivern calmed its 90's-throwback color business down then it would be much better.
Overall: 6/10
and looks he brought all his favorite colors with him! turquoise, black, white, purple, red, they're all here. There was an era of Transformers where they kept making dudes with this color scheme, in varying intensities of pink-red and teal-green.
anyway, it's too many colors is what I'm saying. I dig the overall design, though. Ears are sub-woofers, cool.
and the collar fringe is neat. But I don't like the red bits around the toes, look at 'em, they aren't even on the toes, they're just in the general vicinity of the toes. On the toe knuckles maybe? that's stupid.
If Noivern calmed its 90's-throwback color business down then it would be much better.
Overall: 6/10
Saturday, April 12, 2014
No. 714: Noibat
I think it says a lot if you compare this guy to Zubat.
and not even in a bad way necessarily, but still. Both are bats, yet Zubat is just a head with ears and a mouth, wings, and some abstract spikes for legs. and that's it. The key points of a "bat", in Gamefreak's mind, distilled down to its simplest form. and hell, they had to, graphical limitations!
whereas Noibat here, has the big ears, but they have three rings in them. He's got a defined eye, nose splotch, and this helmet-esque thing going on with the purple fur going over the black fur. midrif, actual mands and feet, he's a fully-thought-out creature. In some ways, it's a better design. I can picture it existing in a 3D space a lot better than Zubat, who always looks awkward when he isn't a flat sprite.
But at the same time, there was that simplistic charm of Zubat that Noibat doesn't really have. A child would have a hell of a time trying to get this guy just right, whereas Zubat is a piece of cake.
I'm sorry this isn't more humorous, but I'm realizing this is the 6th-to-last Pokemon, and then that's it. So excuse me for feeling a little more reflective than usual. I'm rating Noi higher than Zu, though, because when I think about it Zubat is actually just kinda booty-sweat. I guess the take-away from all this is that not all progress is bad? also dragon-bats are cool?
Overall: 7/10
and not even in a bad way necessarily, but still. Both are bats, yet Zubat is just a head with ears and a mouth, wings, and some abstract spikes for legs. and that's it. The key points of a "bat", in Gamefreak's mind, distilled down to its simplest form. and hell, they had to, graphical limitations!
whereas Noibat here, has the big ears, but they have three rings in them. He's got a defined eye, nose splotch, and this helmet-esque thing going on with the purple fur going over the black fur. midrif, actual mands and feet, he's a fully-thought-out creature. In some ways, it's a better design. I can picture it existing in a 3D space a lot better than Zubat, who always looks awkward when he isn't a flat sprite.
But at the same time, there was that simplistic charm of Zubat that Noibat doesn't really have. A child would have a hell of a time trying to get this guy just right, whereas Zubat is a piece of cake.
I'm sorry this isn't more humorous, but I'm realizing this is the 6th-to-last Pokemon, and then that's it. So excuse me for feeling a little more reflective than usual. I'm rating Noi higher than Zu, though, because when I think about it Zubat is actually just kinda booty-sweat. I guess the take-away from all this is that not all progress is bad? also dragon-bats are cool?
Overall: 7/10
Thursday, April 10, 2014
No. 713: Avalugg
I heard one of these sunk the Titanic.
Now, this is what I'm talking about! Turn the ice upside down, that's unusual. so it's a big walking iceberg with cracks in it, and a trangular head, and all these icicles hanging down, it's really cool.
also has Defense for DAYS. pity it's Special Defense is so low, flick a lighted candle at it and the poor thing will practically evaporate, like someone from a half-remembered dream, to reference another DiCaprio movie.
I'm also digging the blue outline instead of the traditional black, really sells the whole "I'm a giant frikken' hunk of ice" theme.
Overall: 8/10
Now, this is what I'm talking about! Turn the ice upside down, that's unusual. so it's a big walking iceberg with cracks in it, and a trangular head, and all these icicles hanging down, it's really cool.
also has Defense for DAYS. pity it's Special Defense is so low, flick a lighted candle at it and the poor thing will practically evaporate, like someone from a half-remembered dream, to reference another DiCaprio movie.
I'm also digging the blue outline instead of the traditional black, really sells the whole "I'm a giant frikken' hunk of ice" theme.
Overall: 8/10
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
No. 712: Bergmite
Just the tip of the iceberg.
I like Bergmite's eyes, for some reason. The rest of him is sort of, eh, uninspired? it's a hunk of ice with some legs. That's been seen quite a few times before, and Bergmite isn't really doing anything special with it.
I like the effect of his eyes being under the ice, that's kind of cool. And I'm always happy to see the slightly irregular outlines of his ice, instead of smooth curves all over the place. also, he's got high defense for an Ice-type.
But in the end, he doesn't have the power to do anything, and he's still just a little dude with some frozen junk on his back. he's a walking ice crystal. I body those for free all day in Metroid, Bergmite ain't no great shakes.
Overall: 5/10
I like Bergmite's eyes, for some reason. The rest of him is sort of, eh, uninspired? it's a hunk of ice with some legs. That's been seen quite a few times before, and Bergmite isn't really doing anything special with it.
I like the effect of his eyes being under the ice, that's kind of cool. And I'm always happy to see the slightly irregular outlines of his ice, instead of smooth curves all over the place. also, he's got high defense for an Ice-type.
But in the end, he doesn't have the power to do anything, and he's still just a little dude with some frozen junk on his back. he's a walking ice crystal. I body those for free all day in Metroid, Bergmite ain't no great shakes.
Overall: 5/10
Sunday, April 6, 2014
No. 711: Gourgeist
Hi, this is Marzipan, I'm busy being a haunted pumpkin Pokemon right now, call me back or leave a message after the tone. BEEEEP
So, it's like a candle I guess? because the hair can fall down and look like dripping wax?
that's... okay. but I just don't like the overall shape of it, I feel like this is a strange direction for the "jack o lantern" Pokemon. if anything, now it looks like it needs a Fire subtype? also pink is a stupid color choice here. does not go well with either tone of brown.
I think the main problem is that it's tall, instead of big and fat. and I like my Pumpkins like I like my women - carved up and left out on the porch. wait no, that's horrible. I like them big and fat. wait no, that's not true either.
whatever. I like my women like I like my Pokemon - certainly a lot better than 4/10.
Overall: 4/10
So, it's like a candle I guess? because the hair can fall down and look like dripping wax?
that's... okay. but I just don't like the overall shape of it, I feel like this is a strange direction for the "jack o lantern" Pokemon. if anything, now it looks like it needs a Fire subtype? also pink is a stupid color choice here. does not go well with either tone of brown.
I think the main problem is that it's tall, instead of big and fat. and I like my Pumpkins like I like my women - carved up and left out on the porch. wait no, that's horrible. I like them big and fat. wait no, that's not true either.
whatever. I like my women like I like my Pokemon - certainly a lot better than 4/10.
Overall: 4/10
Friday, April 4, 2014
No. 710: Pumpkaboo
Did someone just say "pumpkaboo"? 'cause I think I just heard someone say "pumpkaboo"!
Love this little guy. is it a bat? is it a pumpkin? it's both! or maybe it's some kind of truffle? looks like something Rachel Alucard would summon.
in any case, Pumpkaboo is pretty neat. I like how they come in multiple sizes, like actual animals in real life do. Or actual pumpkins, I suppose. But yeah, you can catch itty-bitty ones for bite-sized eating, or big ass ones for sitting on and riding to the moon or whatever. It's got an intentionally ambiguous design that reads as both pumpkin and bat, without really using any cliches of either - no stereotypical bat wings, no grinning jack-o-lantern smile. that's why I like it so much.
another thing - Trick or Treat is a much better move than Forest's Curse, because it safely adds a type that allows Pumpkaboo to exploit the fact that Ghosts are good against Ghosts, without the enemy Ghost being able to Ghost back at him. But he can still Ghost, because he's Ghost. But the enemy is also Ghost. Does that make sense?
Overall: 10/10
Love this little guy. is it a bat? is it a pumpkin? it's both! or maybe it's some kind of truffle? looks like something Rachel Alucard would summon.
in any case, Pumpkaboo is pretty neat. I like how they come in multiple sizes, like actual animals in real life do. Or actual pumpkins, I suppose. But yeah, you can catch itty-bitty ones for bite-sized eating, or big ass ones for sitting on and riding to the moon or whatever. It's got an intentionally ambiguous design that reads as both pumpkin and bat, without really using any cliches of either - no stereotypical bat wings, no grinning jack-o-lantern smile. that's why I like it so much.
another thing - Trick or Treat is a much better move than Forest's Curse, because it safely adds a type that allows Pumpkaboo to exploit the fact that Ghosts are good against Ghosts, without the enemy Ghost being able to Ghost back at him. But he can still Ghost, because he's Ghost. But the enemy is also Ghost. Does that make sense?
Overall: 10/10
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
No. 709: Trevenant
Why don't you make like a tree and leaf?
No! I'm kidding! Plase stay!
We got Trevenant over here, making a ruckus like he owns the place. rowdy asshole. A possessed evil tree is a stable of the RPG genre, and it finally makes an appearance in Pokemon.
I like the look of how there's a ghostly shadow connecting the pieces of wood, and the singular red eye. But is it just me, or do those bits of leafery look more like shrubs than leaves? I don't know, I just don't care for how they're drawn. Nor the little leaves just hanging on all over the place, either fall off and be bare, or clump together! you're just complicating the silhouette.
Yeah, Phantump had little single leafie bits, but I'd expect that to grow up to leaf clumps at the very least. or drop off altogether? it just bugs me.
Overall: 6/10
No! I'm kidding! Plase stay!
We got Trevenant over here, making a ruckus like he owns the place. rowdy asshole. A possessed evil tree is a stable of the RPG genre, and it finally makes an appearance in Pokemon.
I like the look of how there's a ghostly shadow connecting the pieces of wood, and the singular red eye. But is it just me, or do those bits of leafery look more like shrubs than leaves? I don't know, I just don't care for how they're drawn. Nor the little leaves just hanging on all over the place, either fall off and be bare, or clump together! you're just complicating the silhouette.
Yeah, Phantump had little single leafie bits, but I'd expect that to grow up to leaf clumps at the very least. or drop off altogether? it just bugs me.
Overall: 6/10
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
No. 9999999
I come from the far-flung future. There is no hope. This blog will continue forever, Pokemon will never die, but the releases of updates will grow further and further apart with each passing generation.
I have seen this dismal future, and there is no hope. The only path to salvation is to cancel the blog right now.
I hope this message reaches you before it's too late. It is already too late for me...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)