Molayne of the Alola Elite Four

 may as well get string bean out of the way, too

While a retired Trial Captain in SM, Molayne takes a spot on the Elite Four in USUM. But he's still dressing like it's a day off, you gotta have more flash than that! You specialize in Steel types, at least dress like Otacon or something and go with the technician style.

Instead, he looks like Steven Merchant by way of Professor Layton.

Overall: 1/10

Ryuki of the Alola Elite Four

this guy kinda fell through the cracks when I was doing my trainer reviews a few years ago, so I'll review him here

Once you beat the Alolan League and become Champion, you can face "Challengers" in place of Kukui as the final battle. And most of those challengers are just the other trainers from the story, but also this dude, Ryuki, who comes from another region and wants to apply for the job as Dragon Gym-leader once the league gets off its feet.

Would have been cool to see that in USUM, huh! Instead, he's just this random traveling dude who maybe doesn't count? Which is a shame, because he freaking rocks. All you Dragon trainers out there need to show up with AT LEAST this amount of raw energy if you want to compete.

My boy has spikes on top of spikes, he turned his collar into some sort of maw attacking his chest, and his eyes glow white with fierce power. I do question the wisdom of leaving just your thumbs out of your gloves, even if you want to play that guitar, because I thought you needed ALL the fingers for that. But the little zettai ryouiki going on? kind of slutty, but I think that's okay

Overall: 9/10

Pokemon Legends: Arceus launches!

 The new game is here, and from what I've seen the Hisuian forms introduced are... hit and miss. Mostly miss. But I want to play the game myself a bit, and wait until we have good official artwork, so it'll be a while before I get to those reviews of the new Pokemon.

In the meantime, I think I'll review some trainers, so look forward to that.

The best Gen 8 Pokemon

From one perspective, marketing the game with the early-route birds and rodents, some Galarian forms, and a few random Fairies keeps the actual Pokedex a mystery and allows people to discover the game for themselves. But for people like me, I have to know what I should look forward to, in order to get excited about a Pokemon game.

10. Galarian Zigzagoon

9. Galarian Darmanitan

8. Frosmoth

7. Galarian Moltres

6. Polteageist

5. Orbeetle

4. Grapploct

3. Centiskorch

2. Dragapult

1. Toxtricity

And boy, did Galar deliver. If we'd know that Toxtricity and Dragapult were headlining the game, I legitimately think a lot of negative press could've been avoided. Because at the end of the day, what matters most is that there's awesome Pokemon to catch.

How about you? What were your favorites of the 8th gen?

The Worst Gen 8 Pokemon

Well well, what's all this then? You lot up to some mischief as usual? Good riddance to bad rubbish, I always say!

10. Dracovish

9. Runerigus

8. Galarian Weezing

7. Galarian Mr. Mime

6. Eternatus

5. Greedent

4. Chewtle

3. Arctovish

2. Blipbug

1. Calyrex

Some of the ones here are spaghetti messes like Runerigus and Eternatus, others are ugly cartoons like Blipbug and Greedent, and then Calyrex deserves a tip of the hat for becoming the new Worst Pokemon Ever. Actually, scratch that. Calyrex deserves nothing. Nothing except a swift kick in the head.

But, now I ask the peanut gallery - you are your Bottom 10 Pokemon from this gen?

8th Gen Summary

Perhaps Legends: Arceus should be counted as part of Gen 8. I mean, it's not really Gen 9 yet, is it? But I don't feel like waiting around to see how things develop, the timing is right to wrap this up here. We'll cover the Hisuan Forms later.

Anyway, the 8th Gen averaged out to 5.7 / 10. Like as in Alola, we factor in the Galarian forms, but not Gigantamax. The Gigantamaxes come out to 5.5 / 10, so they actively bring the generation down.

That means this is the best-ranking Generation since Hoenn, which sounds wild but... actually, kinda tracks. The first Pokemon they showed off were underwhelming, just boring mainly. But upon release, all the hidden gems came out and I ended up with a dozen or so that I absolutely loved! And that was the overall impression of the game, too. I went in not expecting much, but surprisingly enjoyed it.

A lot of the criticisms I have still stand, and I remain cynical about the future of the franchise (although Arceus: Legends might be a step in the right direction?), but it makes me glad to know that the designers can still turn out some killer Pokemon. 

other regional scores, for reference:
Gen 1 - 6.2

Gen 2 - 5.8

Gen 3 - 6.1

Gen 4 - 4.8

Gen 5 - 5.4

Gen 6 - 5.6

Gen 7 - 5.4

Gen 8 - 5.7

Gigantamax no. 31: Urshifu

Finishing up the Gigantamaxes, right before the new game's launch~

 

And we're ending with a whimper. I liked Urshifu well enough, but the Gigantamax form is just... the same. Looks like a Shiny, if anything. They're bigger but not any better.

These colors could have been the original colors, and I think it would've been neat! But they have the exact same proportions and everything, it's a weird way to go out. You have an original Pokemon, designed for this generation and its gimmicks, and you couldn't even do anything to be clever about its Gigantamax form? For shame.

Again, the design is still good, because it's just unchanged. But I'm going to give this one a harsh score because of how lazy this feels.

Overall: 200/1000

Gigantamax no. 30: Inteleon

Sniping's a good job, mate.

I used the large version of this one because otherwise it's so damn skinny you can't hardly make out anything. Although I suppose there's not much to make out? It's just Inteleon using its tail as a sniper platform, and making a water-gun from its finger.

I think this would actually be better if it was a geyser keeping it afloat, the frill on the tail makes you think it's a water spout but no. That's just his tail. Compare/Contrast with Gigantamax Sanaconda, if you want.

Gigantamax Inteleon is silly, but not offensively so.

Overall: 500/1000

Gigantamax no. 29: Cinderace

Aim for the Ace!!

First of all, shoutouts to Gunbuster, Getter Robo, Gurren Lagann, and every other badass Mecha anime where they pose like that.

Secondly, I'm almost more interested in that giant ball of fire than Cinderace himself. I mean it has a face, I could see that sized-down and being just a cool lil' Hitodama Pokemon.

But I like this one more than Rillaboom's, because the way it kicks that flaming sun is cooler than just banging on some drums.

Overall: 700/1000

Gigantamax no. 28: Rillaboom

my college roommate was briefly in a band called "Our Band Has Three Drummers", and the genre of music they played is what I would describe as "Loud".

that is to say, Rillaboom makes me anxious to see a drum set that large. I don't think it's healthy for the environment. Its also another one of those weird ones where the actual Pokemon doesn't grow much, but it gets this new equipment? Idk, I think if you're making a giant version of your gorilla Pokemon, you could do something along the lines of that other famously large ape, King Kong.

Or you could give him the drum kit from Satan and let him go to work

Overall: 400/1000

Gigantamax no. 27: Blastoise

Fortress Whale, eat your heart out

okay now this is what I'm talking' about! Blastoise turning into a giant fortress is exactly the sort of cool idea that only makes sense if the Pokemon itself is actually that big. Instead of its guns getting larger, it just gets MORE of them. My guy looks like he's got several battleships worth of gunnery on there.

Blastoise is already great, and while this doesn't replace the original, or look like a potential 4th evolution, it works perfectly as a temporary power-up mode. In other words, it's one of the few Gigantamax designs that's actually doing its job.

Overall: 1000/1000

Gigantamax no. 26: Venusaur

Yes, NOW I'm finally doing these guys.

Gigantamax Venusaur looks like he's being smothered by his own flower. Or maybe somebody stuck a cracked rice bowl on top of him, like trapping a toad so you can carry it outside. Perhaps it's a large pink bowl cut?

No matter how you slice it, this looks stupid.

Overall: 300/1000