Help! The Pokemon are leaking again!

I've been awoken from my peaceful slumber by the news of another massive Gamefreak leak. Seems the hackers got a ton of information, from design documents to news of upcoming projects to deep Poke-lore, and most relevant to our purposes: more beta designs!

I don't know if I really want to review all these guys, and even if I do I'll probably wait for someone to draw some artwork of them, but maybe this is a sign from the heavens that I should get off my ass and finish up Gen 9 before somebody leaks the entirety of Gen 10 or something.

oh yeah, hello again, btw. Anybody still out there? Is this thing even on???

EVEN MORE BETAMONS

GOD DAMN


Thanks to an enormous leak of Nintendo beta builds, they uncovered even MORE beta Pokemon, from an early version of Diamond/Pearl. Unlike the past leaks, hardly any of these are "new" Pokemon - just early designs, or unfinished sprites. Can you guess who everybody here is supposed to be? (shouldn't be that hard)

At this rate, they're discovering new Pokemon faster than I can review the existing canonical ones. That's worrying.

MORE Betamons

So apparently they found ANOTHER early build of Gold/Silver, with even more Betamon designs! Some completely original ones, some early versions of existing ones, and some earlier versions of beta designs that ended up being cut anyway!



That's Celebi in the top middle, by the way. Looking like a desiccated corpse.

I'll wait for people to unpack everything and create some appropriate artwork, but I definitely intend to take a look at these peeps, too!

Beta No. 251: Leafeon

Finally, we've made it to the end! Just in time for E3.

And waiting for us is not Celebi, but an Eeveelution. All the way apart from Umbreon and Espeon. That's so random and unfitting, that I think we can say with certainty these dex numbers were never intended to be final, at least not down at the end.

It's odd, most of the early version of existing Pokemon are from Gen 2, but Leafeon wouldn't be revisited until Gen 4. And when they did, they should've kept this one! My complaint about the real Leafeon is how it's just a generic mammal with some leaves glued on, this one looks like it's properly foliage. The greenery is everywhere on it, not just ears and tail. Not the most exciting end to the beta-dex, but at least it's a strong note - an example of an early design which surpasses the final result.


Overall: 7/10

Beta No. 250: Tael

Give a big hand for #250!!!

Again, weird dex numbers. I have no explanation. They were probably drunk.

Clearly, this would become Aipom. In the process, it would stop looking so lemurian, and become more simian. Aipom is a freaky freak, but Tael looks like a friend. Actually, I'd quibble with that art - maybe Tael was always meant to be a cat? a cat with thumbs??? I rather like the fact that his tail-hand is an honest-to-goodness cartoon glove, instead of Aipom's strange little fingies.


Overall: 8/10

Beta No. 246: Sneasel

Nestled between the Legendary Dogs and Legendary Birds is... Sneasel.

It's only a demo, maybe the numbering wasn't set yet? Perhaps a placeholder? Cuz it's a weird ass position for a random single-stage Pokemon.


To make matters worse, this version of Sneasel is... significantly more boring than the final one, to say the least. It's just a cartoon weasel, with no flair. It's a fine cartoon weasel, but nothing more. But, it was only pure-Dark. I was hoping to discover the justification for Sneasel's Ice typing (perhaps the original had heavy fur?) but no dice! They just made that up to get more Ice in the game.


Overall: 4/10

Beta No. 245: Sui

this Pokemon smokes weed. don't ask me how I know, I just know.

That single glowing eye is freaking me the hell out.


I was dogging (hah) pretty hard on Actual Suicune, all those years ago. But looking at the alternative, I feel that I may have been too harsh. At least that one took good care of its hair. This one just lets that shit clot and clump, forming natural dreadlocks and smelling horrible. Becoming a vegan or getting really into communism is soon to follow. And I'm all for sticking it to The Man, but becoming a hippie shouldn't just be a cover-up for your total surrender on the personal hygiene front. Sui might be full of wisdom, or it might just be full of lice.


Overall: 1/10

Beta No. 244: En

Hot Dog!



...why ain't y'all laughin'

I wonder if these names were just placeholders, too. They're so simple, and literally just "thunder", "fire", "water", in Japanese.


En here looks like he could be a Gen 6 Pokemon, actually. Just has that vibe. Those black flames are kinda neat, but I think the artist should've realized that he's got fire on his ankles, too - not just gauntlets. I really like Entei, but I have to say that his beta form is neat, too. Just lacks the "Legendary" punch.


Overall: 6/10

Beta No. 243: Rai

I weep for the tragedy of the hundreds of thousands of Deviantart pictures that never came into existence, because they didn't use this design.

I mean, just look at this anime-ass bitch. Lookin like something out of the Lion King 3. Like if Sasuke became blonde, then also a dog. The sort of Pokemon that doesn't just have fans, but fangirls.

Alas, it was not to be. We got Raikou instead, and I think the world is for the better. Although, looking at these proto Legendary Dogs, I can see why they're DOGS. Instead of, you know, big cats. Nice to have that mystery cleared up, instead of having to argue with people who think a leopard is a type of canine.


Overall: 4/10

Beta No. 242: Kingdra

I suppose it's worth talking about Kingdra?

I suppose someone, theoretically, might care about Kingdra.

I'm not one of those people, but I admit this version does a lot more to earn its Dragon typing. Wings are a bit tacky, and I wonder who was going around giving curly mustaches to everybody, but hey. The Kingdra we got is no great looker, either. I think the #1 feature for beta-Kingdra is the snout.


Overall: 5/10

Beta No. 240: Likk

"hey, can you just draw the dumbest shit ever?"

"yeah sure boss no problem, one grade-A doofus coming right up"


Lickitung is weird, and Lickilicky sucks, but Likk here is extremely silly. Nobody has mustaches like that if they want to be taken seriously, and I don't know why he has to grab his tongue like that. Also, is there a second tongue wrapped around his head like a turban? That's disgusting, I do not support this. And no offense to the artist, but given the dramatic drop in quality compared to all the other illustrations, I think we know who came last on the priority list.


Overall: 1/10

Beta No. 239: Porygon2

Out of all the beta-version of existing Pokemon, this one is probably the most outlandish.

I mean, it makes a sort of sense - Porygon was polygons, sharp and angular. Now that technology has advanced, they can render smooth shapes, so they make a creature out of spheres to demonstrate it. Absolutely no connection to the duck (or whatever) Porygon was, but hey. It'll make a good tech demo.

The elephant (or rather, lion) in the room, of course, is that this is a dead-ringer for the iconic Japanese mascot for Mr. Donuts - Pon de Lion, A lion with a Pon de Ring donut for a mane.



The only problem is... Pon de Lion was created in 2003. These betas are from 1997. There's a rumor that the designer for Pon de Lion, Yuichi Ito, worked for Gamefreak at the time, but in actuality he just did a commercial for them, for another non-Pokemon game. So I don't know if he was inspired by this almost-Porygon2, or just a synchronicity of ideas.

So, I'm not gonna dock points for copying Mr. Donuts, because apparently Porygon2 came first. And I think if you just colored it the same pink, white, and blue, it would be a better design than the awkward, ugly Porygon2 we actually got.


Overall: 7/10

Beta No. 238: Warwolf

Wasn't there a Rob Liefeld character named Warwolf back in the day? Maybe a Mortal Kombat character?

Regardless, it's a good name. You have to be a badass to back it up, though.


And luckily, Warwolf backs it up and then some. You can tell he's ready to rumble, because he has angry eyes. (see: Cloyster, Gengar, etc) Also, kinda reminds me of Sandslash? Mostly ball-shaped, a clawed version of a previously cuddly little dude, except this is the arctic flavor. I'm all about it. 100% would use Warwolf on my team, if he were real.


Overall: 10/10

Beta No. 237: Wolfman

Who else remembers how broken Sasquatch was in Darkstalkers 3?

I really like those pixel eyes. They read as round, but also the cross makes them look like they're shining.

These eyes are nice and glowy, too! Pokemon needs more Ice-types, especially back then, so I'm in Wolfman's camp to begin with. Let's just do something about that name, cuz otherwise I love the dude. I can imagine the playground debates and internet theories about whether the wolf face is alive, or just a skin he's wearing, what his real face looks like, etc. Mystique like that is important!


Overall: 9/10

Beta No. 234: Plux

Shoutouts to Herculeskabuterimon.

In the beta, an evolution to Pinsir was considered, to mirror Scyther's Scizor. Which sounds cool! But also, it means no Heracross. Which is less cool.

And if I'm forced to pick between Heracross or Plux, I gotta side with my main man. Plux is kinda neat and Pinsir feels like he deserves something (we do NOT talk about that ugly ass Mega), but I do have questions here. Namely, why the mask? It's creeping me out, not gonna lie. Makes it look like one of the Angels from Neon Genesis Evangelion.


Overall: 7/10

Beta No. 233: Scizor

Just a recolored Scizor?

Well... yeah, maybe.

But I think it's different enough to warrant talking about! I like how the head more closely resembles Scyther, plus obviously the coloring. This beta version was a bit more bulky, compared to Scizor's sleek curves. And the claws have more convincing eyes, though the effect is somehow goofier. Honestly I can't say this would have been better than what we got, but I don't think I like it any less. It's equally badass, just in a different way. The Scyther bloodline remains strong, no matter what timeline!


Overall: 10/10

Beta No. 232: Happi

Happi Happi Joi Joi~

It's proto-Blissey! That's about all you need to know, really.


Though it's odd, since Chansey and Blissey put their faces up high on their egg-shaped bodies, it gave the appearance of age. Compared to Happi, who looks "younger" just because the face is larger compared to the body. Odd choice for an evolution.

The one thing I like here is how it's wearing dual egg holsters, like it's about to quick-draw some yolk. And that giant heart seems on-the-nose (this Pokemon has a lot of HP and healing moves!!) but it's better than just being a big featherey egg, at least.


Overall: 4/10

Beta No. 230: Pangshi

He hopped... then he hopped... then he hopped again!!

OK now we're cooking with fire! For those who don't know, a Jiangshi is a Chinese vampire, basically. They're reanimated corpses, but rigor mortis has set in and they're so stiff they have to hop around to move, holding their arms outstretched. The paper talisman affixed to their head are either (ineffective) magical seals, or essentially the address of the deceased's proper burial ground, which the body is attempting to return to. It depends on the myth, of course.


And fusing that concept with a panda, for the sake of a pun, is GENIUS. This artwork here kinda misses the point, a Pangshi would most likely not be able to sit down like this, but hey. Undead hopping panda, what more do you want? I really wish this one had been real.


Overall: 9/10

Beta No. 229: Kurstraw

I love that voodoo that you do so well.

More Ghost pokemon? Sign me right up. Gen 2 was miserable on this count, we only got Misdreavus. A voodoo doll makes for a great base.

Also, it reminds me of the animation for the move Curse, dontcha think? Which was always strange, that's the purpose of a ???-type move that works differently for Ghost-types? Because it's a neat gimmick move, but doesn't really deserve being so special in its classification.

Back to Kurstraw, I like it a lot! Not doing much besides just being a straw voodoo dummy with ears, but that's enough for me.


Overall: 7/10

Beta No. 228: Madame

enormous bitch energy

Madame is the cancelled evolution of Farfetch'd, who always stood out as an odd duck (ha) without much purpose in the game, who only became more irrelevant as the years passed and the gutters clogged and overflowed up with Normal/Flying losers. That outstretched hand looks like she's throwing up a gang sign. I gotta be honest - I thought Swanna was the bitchiest bird ever, but madame has it beat.


Which makes it funny that the artist here decided to make it a cool ninja duck, or something. And credit to them, it does look kinda cool! I wouldn't mess with a pissed off duck in a mask, reverse-gripping a leeksword. But seems like clearly the opposite direction Gamefreak was going. All in all, it's still just a duck with a leek, but both takes give it personality. And I can respect a duck with personality.


Overall: 7/10