Team Rocket of Kanto (and Johto)

As has been requested, I'm gonna do some more design reviews of the Evil Teams. I'd say the main content of this blog is pretty much over until Gen 7 happens, so I don't blame anybody who just tunes out. If you do, please remember NAPACE when that day comes! I guarantee I'll still have steaming hot opinions about the Pokemon in it. But for now, let's talk Grunts.

The Rocket Grunts designs are just goddamn perfect. Seriously, they're friggin' works of art. Logo is simple and recognizable, and they look both practical and somewhat threatening. Also, as Jessie and James proved, swapping the colors around for black-gloves-on-white-uniform is just as neat. I have seriously nothing bad to say about these classy peeps.

Grunts: 10/10


Team Rocket seems to have two tiers of executives - those that just wear fancier versions of the usual grunt uniforms, and those who get the inverted white models. Proton and Petrel are of the former, and they're pretty cool I guess. Not sure why Proton has gloves that go up past his elbows, though. One criticism I would give is that the orange and yellow lines, while not offensive, seem to kind of go against Rocket's monochromatic stylings - everybody else only uses black, white, and that trademark Rocket Red. Still, rather sharp outfits. Petrel gets the edge because of his cool hair and "as if I give a crap" swagger.

Proton: 7/10
Petrel: 8/10


With the top-level executives, we're back to the basic colors, but inverted - to show that they run this shit. there's a fan theory that Ariana is the mother of Mars (of Team Plasma) and the Rival (of gold/silver), and while there's nothing going for it aside from hairstyles, I'm willing to entertain it. Having an absent mom who is a crime boss explains why your Rival is such a little pissant.

Anyway, these two look great. They sport their R's on little breast-patches, as does the Big Boss himself, and share his look of a suit-coat with no lapels or tie. It's an odd, minimalist choice that I really like. The only thing "wrong" here, is that Ariana has a diamond on her pelvis for no reason.

Ariana: 9/10
Archer: 10/10


As for Giovanni, we all know he's a badass. I docked him points as a Gym Leader for not reppin' his Element, but as the boss of Team Rocket he's amazing. Refer to my older review here, but also remember I was looking at him through a different lens then.

Giovanni: 10/10


Anyway, the team as a whole feels very cohesive, and is probably the best Evil Team in the entire series. They come back for a rematch in the second generation, and it's just great fun beating them down a second time. I appreciate how their motivation was just "make money", because that's what a mafia-style criminal organization does. If you commit crimes in the name of your ideals, you're probably a terrorist or a politician.

Team Rocket Overall: 10/10

Janine of Fuschia City

So that's pretty much it for Johto, but on the return trip to Kanto you find the Gym Leaders have been changed a bit. I've already covered Blue before, so here's Janine.

Koga is her dad, they're both ninja, they both use Poison types. They both utilize some similar ninja tropes (scarf, fingers, those pants, gauntlets), and both look pretty fly. I especially like her black/pink color scheme, it's really unique and striking.

but she falls into the same pitfall as her father - being a ninja doesn't necessarily mean you look like a Poison trainer. I guess it's one of the most probably types, along with Dark and Bug, but whatever.


Also, since I didn't mention it before, this thing is called the Soul Badge. that's right, Poison type gym = Soul Badge. Never mind that Sabrina is over there giving away the Marsh Badge, and using Psychics. I feel like someone screwed up, especially since you could actually fight these gyms in either order.

so yeah - Janine is adorable, she looks in-control, she's pretty sweet. that's just about all I have to say.


Overall: 8/10

Blue of the Kanto Elite Four (and later Viridian City)

Gary here, Blue is a loser

Blue has the advantage of being an actual character in the game, instead of just "the final battle". he's a good rival, because he's an asshole and you hate him, but he's not an outright evil person, so you can imagine eventually resolving your rivalry and coming to see him even as a friend.

He got a slight redesign for Yellow, to be more accurate to the anime. He looked smug before, but now he looks downright cocky.

But if you thought that was bad, you ain't seen nothin' yet. I mean, look at this little prick. Look at that sneer, that vanity, that expression of utter contempt at the idea of you challenging his attitude. Dude could out-smug Draco Malfoy, and that's saying a lot.

Blue makes a fitting champion, not because of his stature, but because of his history with you. And he's dressed relatively casually, like you are - because you could easily be standing in his place. Gone are the old guard, the old bags and hermit monks and dragon mages, now it's time to fight that asshole from next door who's always been standing over you.



Then, in a fitting twist, Blue takes up the Viridian City gym after Giovanni  departs to parts unknown. It's nice to see that he's mellowed out a bit, and taken up real responsibility. Because he IS skilled, after all. And when he's not being a dick about it, he turns out to make a fine gym leader. Though Viridian is still lacking any actual earth tones, because he just rolls with his all-round team anyway.

And I understand that he isn't wearing the same shirt as before, but I would've liked to see him still wear something purple. Like I said, he's hardly repping dat Ground-Type, so no need to throw out the old colors.


Overall: 9/10

Lance of the Kanto Elite Four

I wonder if Lance is hella pissed that he was the champion until two random kids came up and knocked him off his perch one after another?

Though he looks pretty full of himself here. Sweeping dat cape, Dracula all up in this bitch. Needs to comb his hair, but otherwise looking cool.

But now, now it is not the time for Dracula sneaking. Now is the time for majestic gesturing. Lance is summoning a powerful Djinn there, or perhaps ordering the armies of man to repel the invaders from the third wall. he's like a goddamn maestro of dragons, cape flowing in the wind, popped-ass collar looking all fly.

Lance is using the "most powerful" type, which makes sense for one of the final opponents. And he looks good doing it. As if he thinks he's in a different JRPG series, Tales of ______ maybe. I got nothing bad to say about this guy, except that when you lose your ice type to a lucky critical early on, it freaking suck to have to fight the rest of his team.


Overall: 10/10

Bruno of the Kanto Elite Four

HOO-HA!!
  
oh boy Bruno, I can not take you seriously when you stick your chin out like that, holy shiiiiiit


Okay, that's better. No, don't bother to get up, you'll hurt your jaw again.

Anyway, Bruno is a pretty hardcore dude. He wrestles his Machamp, and trains Onix just to punch them and stuff. Not sure why the Fighting-type guy uses Rock/Ground Pokemon, but I guess the Elite Four is pretty lax with their specifications. He still looks like Ryu from Street Fighter except older and more cave-hermit-style, and that is a good thing.

In fact, he's pretty much the ultimate Fighting-type trainer. He's got the muscle himself, the look of someone who's spent years training his Pokemon and his body, and he sits like a boss who isn't even done meditating on how to further improve his biceps when you walked in.

seriously, Bruno is a beast, and could probably beat up most Pokemon with his bare hands. Exactly the sort of Master Trainer I'd expect to find at the Indigo Plateau.

Overall: 10/10

Agatha of the Kanto Elite Four

notice how there are a lot of badass old men around in fiction, but not nearly as many badass old ladies?

Well, Agatha's here to change that. This old biddy runs Ghost types as if there were more than 3 ghosts in all of Kanto, and wears a look of supreme smugness on her face that could curdle milk.

Bitch has been kicking ass with Pokemon since before your were born, and she's not going to humor your sorry behind one single bit. That cane probably has the thigh bones of her former husband in it, too. She looks like a widow who took over a vast fortune to me.

I really like the idea of Agatha, as well as the small niche she inhabits. And I see nothing wrong with her simple pioneer-style elegance. Keep on keeping on, Granny! just don't rap my knuckles with a wooden spoon again.


Overall: 8/10

Lorelei of the Kanto Elite Four

what a frigid bitch, huh? huh? anyone?

Gamefreak, why do you keep doing this to me. This is a children's game. Why on earth would you draw a sexy curvy lady, and then not only give her in a ponytail and glasses, but then put her in a tiny side-slit skirt  and draw her legs creasing the skirt?? I'm only one man, Gamefreak. I can only take so much. You don't even know what you're doing to me here, man.

anyway, Lorelei is hot in that put-together sexy librarian sort of way. But this says nothing of her affiliation towards Ice-types. and I think, looking ahead to most of the future Elite Fours, that's going to be the standard. I hold Gym Leaders to represent their types, but E4 members tend to just sort of dress like badasses/fruitcakes, and then run whatever type they damn well please.

So, yeah. Lady looks fine. Even if she doesn't necessarily look Icy, at least doesn't look like she's pretending to be anything else.


Overall: 7/10

Giovanni of Viridian City

has is really been two entire weeks? well shit.

but I'm back, and what a gym leader to come back to. Giovanni ruled the roost in Kanto, and almost had Johto as well. He simultaneously works as the mob boss leader of Team Rocket, and the gym leader of the prominent Viridian City. Just look at him, smirking like a boss. He knows he's Bad News, he's just waiting for you to find out.

Design didn't change much at all here. Still wearing a menacing dark suit, high-collared shirt, and a big R on his breast pocket. This one looks even more evil, though, I feel. I like the stance, too.

Now, Giovanni was replaced by your least favorite neighbor by the time Gold and Silver roll around, but in the remakes, he appears again through some event or something I kinda forget. But he's there, you can fight him, and he's looking like a full-on mafia don this time. He claims to have retired, but looking at that double-breasted overcoat, fedora, and red handkerchief, I'd say he just moved on to full-time illegal activities.


I do have to call the Earth Badge out a bit, though, because it looks like freaking Grass. Why didn't Erika give this one away instead of the Rainbow Pride badge? and why does Giovanni feel the need to specialize in Ground, anyway? shouldn't he be Dark-type, through-and-through? I guess it didn't exist in his games, and Poison was already taken, so...

Really, the only thing I can dock him on is how his design, gym, badge, and type don't sync at all. While is a pity, because his design and character is wonderful, and works really well in the story. Were you surprised when he turned out to be that mystery gym leader of that one town with the boarded-up gym? I wasn't, because I peeked ahead in the strategy guide. But anyway, Giovanni is menacing and fits his role in the story quite well. His role as a gym leader, maybe not so much. Which again, it a pity. But I've apparently decided (and I think with good reason) that representing your elemental theme is a requirement for being a top-class gym leader.


Overall: 7/10

Blaine of Cinnabar Island

I'm technically on a vacation right now, but I'll do be best to squeeze out a few updates once and awhile. Expect things to return to normal around August, when I'll really try getting back into this thing.

Blaine is one hard-boiled scientist. He arguably created Mewtwo, uses Fire-type Pokemon, lives on a volcano, and looks like Dr. Eggman's skinny cousin. I think everyone likes Blaine.

If you thought Blaine was cool before, standing all stoic with the wind blowing his labcoat, then he looks freaking zub-zero cold right now, screaming with potent fury as his coat billows behind him, legs akimbo he faces the storm and just shouts in its face, Official Pokemon League Licensed tie flapping like a tiger's tail, the sun shining off of his chrome dome with as much gleaming brilliance as his eyes are dark, bottomless pits of soul, Blain truly has indeed become the Master of All Things.

Now that he's even older, Blaine appears to have cooled off a bit. He's using a cane (no doubt concealing a knife or flamethrower or scorpion or something). He's wearing a little hat, trying to dress dapper to impress his ladyfriend. The use of actual red reminds you he trains Fire types, and his smiling mustache reminds you he won't end your life today.


Blaine and his island also possess a story arc, and are actually plot relevant. I like to see that. It was also interesting to see how the gym had to be re-located during Gold/Silver, which makes the world feel like something alive and changing.

Blaine just kicks ass left and right, he's amazing. He's some sort of diabolical pyrotechnic genetic scientist, and in the manga he had a psychic link with Mewtwo and stuff and it was beautiful. Even in the anime, where he looks like a little bitch, he's still a badass. Ash saves his gym, and unlike all the other weak-hearted leaders who give their badges away like candy, Blaine just gives Ash the right to challenge him again. damn.


Overall: 10/10

Koga of Fucshia City

whoa, two updates back-to-back? don't have a heart attack now, people, let's all calm down.

Ninjas are cool. I think we can all agree on that. And while American-style ninjas are kinda goofy, Japanese ninjas are just badasss. Koga looks pretty badass himself here, dark colors for a sneaky Poison master.

I think it's really interesting how the idea of what a classic "ninja" is differs in Japan vs the USA. In America, a Ninja wears an all-black jumpsuit with a tiny slit for his eyes, like a burka. Or maybe they're in bright colors reminiscent of Tae-kwon-do belts, wearing headband bandannas.

But here, Koga is exemplifying several Japanese ninja traits - metal shingaurds? check. poofy thigh cloth? check. scarf that stands out? check. making those finger signs? check. All he's really missing is the headband with the metal plate in it, recently popularized by Naruto.


Thinking about it with a mature mind, I'm pretty sure this was intended to be a cherry blossom petal, not a heart. That's hella Japanese, which fits the Ninja-themed gym. But at the time, I was all "wow a heart wow this is lame and girly you guys are the worst ninjas ever wooooow"

Koga is one of my secret favorites. I don't really like Poison-types that much, but I really like Ninjas, and Koga has a solid ninja design that mercifully doesn't go overboard. I also like how he has this sort of story-line going on - he's the leader of the ninja clan, and as you can see by the greying temples in his second incarnation, he's getting up there in years. In Gold/Silver, he appears to have retired and let his daughter take the reigns. However, he turns up later as a member of the Elite Four! rather than retire, he seems to have moved up in the world.

I guess you could say that he looks just as much like a Dark trainer as a Poison trainer, and depending on his lineup he might appear to be more of a Bug trainer, but he's still pretty awesome.


Overall: 9/10

Sabrina of Saffron City

Remember Sabrina the Teenage Witch? so did Gamefreak, when they decided that a vaguely spooky psychic girl should be named Sabrina.

Looking a little Majin Buu with that head tendril, aren't we? The outfit is interesting, though - looks like a uniform that someone on a space battleship would wear, or something.

Hey, look at that! They just updated it in HD, instead of creating a new design. Looks better, obviously. Thick calves have been replaced for thick hips, which is a welcome trade. Also interesting to note that the angle changed, now she's looking up at us from under her brows, giving her a more mysterious aura instead of looking down like a stern empress.

Okay, first off, what the shit are those things on her arms. Bracers? Armlets? Handcuffs? I have no clue. Is it some random thing that the Japanese have associated with psychics, like spoons. Also Sabrina is now looking a lot more trendy, and while I of course appreciate the tank top, it doesn't really say "I am a powerful Esper" to me.


Wow, that is one boring-ass badge. Did they run out of imagination one day and just stop right there? "Yeah, two concentric circles, okay, let's all go home. I'm done for today." The teleporting tiles in the gym were neat, though.

While the newest design doesn't really speak to anything in particular, the earlier ones had a certain character that I really like. One could argue that it doesn't look like something a psychic would wear, but then again, what the hell would a psychic wear? Aside from the gypsy fortune-teller cliche I mean.


Overall: 6/10

Erika of Celadon City

Apologies to all my Otaku brethren, but I've never been a big fan of the kimono


okay wow that looks lazy and shitty gen 1 may have had some nice-ass Pokemon but the character design was just NOT THERE


now this is a little better. I find it funny that she's wearing a pokeball-pattern kimono, instead of something more traditional like azaleas or sparrows or waves or whatever. she still looks bland to me, but I can see a "big sister" style personality emerging.

In Heart Gold, she's got an even more interesting design (though she looks younger than ever), incorporating maple leaves, clouds, and pokeballs. and look how playful she is! that little smile, that the way she's holding her pokeball, that tiny little bend in her knees, it's all really really cute. I'm still not convinced kimonos are the height of beauty, or that Erika is suddenly interesting and wonderful, but it's a start.


Her gym end up usually being not that hard to beat, because most Grass-types suck. also she only lets in female trainers, because discrimination based on gender is alive and well in the Pokemon world. also her dialogue references her dozing off a lot, which seems kind of odd. Is she just really tired from watering plants all night, or does she have a condition?

though there's one thing she never conveyed - that she trains Grass Pokemon. Her badge doesn't even looks much like any flower I've ever seen, more like the kind of badge Elton John would give away. He'd use a Krokorok, of course.

Erika certainly gained more personality over time, and her design got more ornate. This is the good kind of progress. By the end of it, she brought herself all the way up to mediocre! If she had maybe gone with a green kimono, or perhaps flowers in her hair, she would've scored much better.


Overall: 4/10

Lt. Surge of Vermillion City

please, imagine Guile's theme playing in your head as you read this.


Actually, this one pretty much gets it all right on the first try. Spiky yellow hair, because he uses Electric-types, muscles, cocky grin, military commando uniform, it's all here.

I don't really like this on as much, even thought its like exactly the same design. I think it's his stance, reminds me of Giovanni or something. Can't see his muscles, looks more like a crafty battle tactician than the dude who will lead the charge jumping out of helicopters. But like I said, that's all in the pose. The design itself is still good, and the lightning badge on his arm is a nice touch.

Okay, if you weren't humming Guile's theme in your head, you should probably start now. Because as George Washington is my witness, this is literally just Guile with slightly different hair. The cockiness is back, and he definitely looks a lot less formal while still being a badass who is in control, but really... I can't look at it and NOT just see Guile with a haircut.


His gym is the start of interesting gyms, though. The electric wall "puzzle" is certainly more complex than just walking past a few assholes and battling the leader. And his badge looks kickass.

I think I actually liked his gen 1 design the best, thought 3 is good, too (just copycat). But he exudes a definite persona, which is a good thing. He still isn't as flashy as some of the leaders that will come later, but simple works just as well.


Overall: 7/10

Misty of Cerulean City

Now, Misty was a cute little spitfire who dressed like a less-well-endowed Tifa Lockheart in the anime, but again, none of that matters now.


Fortunately, she's still a hottie in the games. though one of her legs appears to be melded into the shadow realm. She looks like a swimmer, which makes sense, but not much of a "leader" honestly...


Notice that Misty has much more dynamic poses that convey personality than Brock? this is partially because Brock has the personality of, well, a rock, but also because Misty is clearly a energetic young lass, who at least in the games is devoid of that acidic tongue.

A few years later, and she's grown up a bit, changed her hairstyle, and in general looks a lore more... mom-ish. Still the same bright smile, though. And I like how this time around she actually looks in charge of things. For some reason swim instructors wear jackets over their swimsuits, because I guess they don't get in the water themselves? but it's working.


Misty's gym is alright, it's guys and gals in the water, what you'd expect. But as easy as she is on the eyes, she really doesn't look like one of the Top 8 Trainers in the country. She looks like a different version of the regular Swimmer trainers. Though if you see her as just a competent girl who somehow got handed control of the whole gym for some reason, she makes more sense. I don't know, I just feel bad giving Misty a bad score, but... she's really not that good.

urgh... see, here's a little secret: while I disapprove of sexualizing Pokemon, I definitely have no problem thinking the trainers themselves are babes. which makes it hard to view their designs in an objective way, you dig? anyway, I'll try to keep it on the down-low, but I'm really acting like the wolf in that Tex Avery cartoon over here. so, keep that in mind and forgive me if I'm mysteriously lenient with my scores for all the ladies.

With that said, here's where I'm putting my foot down - Misty is too generic, even if she does have a nice midriff.


Overall: 4/10

Brock of Pewter City

let's kick this gym leader thing off in the only way that makes any sense, the beginning.


Man, Brock looked like a little punk back in the day. Super generic, just a no-fun-allowed sort of asshole. Moving right the hell along.

In the remakes, Brock apparently decided to spruce up his wardrobe a little. Look how reinforced those knees are, that's a man who knows he's going to be kneeling in the gravel looking for rocks and shit all day. way to plan ahead. Nice grey/brown/orange color scheme, looks solid. Nothing exciting, but he's the freaking ROCK trainer, what do you expect?

But for the remakes of Gold/Silver, Brock again changed it up. Now he's sporting more of a "wise college Junior" sort of look, as opposed to the "I hike in mountains" look. maybe he even lost some weight? kept the colors, though, that's good. I think I kinda liked the other one better, though. This is almost TOO plain.


Now, our friend Brock is a fan of Rocks. Which means he can get beat down by 2/3rd of your potential starters without much hurry, especially since he lives in Kanto, which means he is also a fan of Ground by default. Because every Rock-type in Kanto was also Rock/Ground, which means 4x weakness to getting splashed or throwing leaves at it.

makes him a minimal challenge, appropriate for the first boss. Even his big Pokemon, Onix, looks cool but has sucky stats. maybe Brock's just such a nice guy he goes easy on all the little tykes, who knows.


That gen III design is the sweet spot of subdued design yet sticks with his theme and placement in the game, but the first is just awful and the latest falls a bit short as well. Also his gym is as boring as, well, a rock. I'm gonna go ahead and give him a baseline score to set the standards. Anyone who is cooler than Brock will score higher, and anyone who doesn't even match up to Brock will score lower. I think that makes a lot of sense.

Overall: 5/10

ps - I guess he's in the anime too but I don't even want to open that kettle of fish with this. The anime is pretty much fanfiction for the games in my opinion, and I'd only be able to use it as argument points for like 5 characters anyway. I'm just not going to even bring it up, okay?