No. 986: Brute Bonnet

Et tu, Brute?

One might call foul on Brute Bonnet, since obviously Pokeballs weren't invented back in dinosaur times, but I think from the Pokedex entries it's clear that Foongus and Amoongus just happen to look like that, and in fact the modern Pokeball design was inspired by their pattern, not the other way around. Yeah, they use their pattern for mimicry, but it says it doesn't even work on Pokemon, because obviously it wouldn't. They're adapting to humans, and trying to lure them in, instead.

So I'm okay with Brother Bruti here, it's like spiders evolving smiley-faces for no particular reason other than to prove God has a sense of humor.

And you know what, take away the green mossy fringe, and I'd really like the Brute Root! I think adding legs and a tail helps stability Amoongus's design in a neat way, turning him into some sort of centaur mushroom soldier thing. The fanged beak doesn't hurt, either. It's just that drapery I could do without.

 

Overall: 7/10  

No. 983: Kingambit

 Fu Rin Ka Zan

I hate that Kingambit sucks. I wish he was good. But he's not. He looks like a Mega Evolution, and I mean that in the most derogatory way possible. Gigantic crest and mustache that make him look unbalanced, and impractical protruding rib-blades. (although they're arguably more convenient than Bisharp's, since they act as a cage but allow him to keep his arms at his sides)

And then there's the stupid freaking hair-chair. I know he's modeled after a samurai general, specifically Takeda Shingen, squatting on his stool as he surveys the battle, but the fact that he doesn't even get his lazy ass up to walk around, but floats on it is insulting. Some people will tell you that he's moving like a chess piece, as if that makes it any better. It's still dumb as shit. I hate that his hair becomes the stool, too. It makes him look like one of those early Amiibos where they had random plastic chunks to prop up the figures.

If you size-down the crest and 'stache and ribs, take away his hair stool, and let him stand up, the underlying body construction isn't bad. But we don't live in that reality, and that makes it hurt all the more.

 

Overall: 1/10 

No. 962: Bombirdier

 Watch For Rolling Rocks

I hate Bombirdier. If it didn't have that bib, and was just a crane, I could actually dig it somewhat. Still a generic flying feathery asshole, but it would be fine.

Unfortunately, it has this dumbass bib, and it can't not have it, because that's its whole gimmick. It holds rocks in the bib like the stork delivering babies, and drops them on people. And honestly, a bird that specializes in rock-throwing could be cool! Maybe related to Sinbad's Roc, y'know? But instead, it's this crap.

If it was even a beard, that might kinda work! But it isn't. It's a goddamn bib that drags on the ground and the stupid freak trips over it all the time. And it has a random crease in it, even though it never makes sharp folds. I know it flies all the time in-game anyway, but I hate the execution of this concept so much.

 

Overall: 2/10 

No. 943: Mabosstiff

the oldest doggy in the world

I'm 50% sure they designed Mabosstiff with the express purpose of making a sympathetic elderly dog for Arven's storyline, and if that's the case they knocked it out of the park. Realizing Arven isn't just a weird sandwich freak, but doing this to cure his sick dog, is probably the most emotion I've ever felt from a Pokemon game. Anyone who's seen their pet grow old should know the feeling. How you get excited just seeing them walk around, because it's more energy than they've shown all week.

Take care of your pets, people. Love them while you can.

Anyway, putting that aside, Mabosstiff is a big improvement from Maschiff on the design front. He aged gracefully, looking like an elderly Marlon Brando in dog form. Big fan of those eyebrows. And when he opens his mouth, you can see he's still got a full set of chompers, they're just hidden under that dignified mustache.


Overall: 7/10

No. 942: Maschiff

the angriest doggy in the world

One of the niches nobody talks about is the "basic route 1 mammal, except its DARK". Like, in what world is Poochyena and Purrloin so damn evil that they have to be Dark-type, instead of Normal? Is it just so that they can get STAB from using Bite? I mean, it's a bit of early type diversity so I can't say I mind, but.

Maschiff looks like a smacked ass. I don't like his beady little Gen-2 eyes, or the way he has to talk out the side of his mouth like Cerebus the Aardvark. Also, there's just something about his color scheme that I don't like.


Overall: 3/10

No. 920: Lokix

Jack be Loquick

Lokix looks cool as hell and kicks the shit out of anybody who disagrees. Kamen Rider Black was the clear inspiration, which is fine because that also rocks. Lokix benefits from animations, with the way its back legs unfold to scythe at the opponent. I kinda wish it was Steel-type, so that those legs could be chainsaws. But as Bug/Dark, this thing is a Psychic-type's worst nightmare.

And everyone in Paldea knows this thing is awesome, they even made bike helmets using its likeness. Lokix was a core part of my team from the moment it evolved, embarrassing the shit out of Spidops.

Overall: 10/10

No. 904: Overqwil

no I know where it was now, this is a Donkey Kong Country boss

Overqwil has a cool name, and that's the most positive thing I can say about it. I can't stop thinking about certain toys I would get as a kid, which never stood up because they were sculpted in an action pose, or designed with a weird bottom like this. Always pissed me off, when something only functions as a keychain. I want to stand it up with my other toys!

and in a similar vein, Overqwil pisses me off because of how ridiculous it looks out of the water. The idea of a big floating mine could work, but holy shit why did you have to make the top and bottom spikes so large?

Overall: 1/10

Hisuian Qwilfish

I swear I saw this in a New Super Mario Bros. game

Sometimes, they revisit iconic Pokemon and remix them into cool new regional forms. Other times, they pluck unpopular Pokemon from obscurity and try to rebrand them in the hopes of getting somebody, anybody, to care about them. Hisuian Qwilfish is the latter.

It's Dark/Poison now, and makes a big deal out of being Poisonous with its new signature move Barb Barrage, which is confusing because it was already Water/Poison. being Dark is the new part, but that's not where the emphasis lies?

The coolest thing about Hisuian Qwilfish is that it has the number 9 on its tail, representing the grand total of Qwilfish fans in the entire world.

Overall: 3/10

Hisuian Samurott

so how bout that Scarlet/Violet trailer, huh? 

Vanilla Samurott kinda sucked, and Hisui hasn't treated him much better. He's still fundamentally dumb, with a "samurai" theme made incomprehensible due to lack of any iconic samurai motifs, and a "shell sword" gimmick made  awkward due to being on all fours.

the new Dark typing gives his armor some extra spikes and flair, but it's too little too late. They had an opportunity to really redeem the design, maybe go Water/Fighting and have him stand upright, but alas. I'm gonna dock this one even lower than the original, too. Just for refusing to make any improvements whatsoever.

Overall: 3/10

Piers of Spikemuth

God, wasn't it embarrassing when Piers starts to sing in his concert, but because there's no voice acting he's just shouting silently?

Honestly that little detail alone irreparably harmed Piers in my eyes. I know he's supposed to be this punk rocker, but I can't shake the image of him shaking his fist and lip-syncing into the microphone. So I'll try to give him a better examination here.

My man has the hair of an Octoling from Splatoon and the body of Midosuji from Yowamushi Pedal. That's a cool jacket and shoes, but those knobby knees aren't a good look. Piers is a victim of the need to wear something sports-related, so he ends up looking like one of those anemic marathon cyclists, but with a bunch of spiky accessories.

I think he's almost cool, but the hair is too alien and those knees are so distracting I don't even feel like giving him points for being involved with the storyline. Although it's admirable how he competes without using Dynamax, because it's a bullshit mechanic. 

His logo is just Team Yell, because they're actually just trainers from Spikemuth, but that's something we'll get into when we review the "Evil Team" themselves. For now, suffice to say that Piers falls a distant second to his sister.

Overall: 4/10

Gigantamax no. 31: Urshifu

Finishing up the Gigantamaxes, right before the new game's launch~

 

And we're ending with a whimper. I liked Urshifu well enough, but the Gigantamax form is just... the same. Looks like a Shiny, if anything. They're bigger but not any better.

These colors could have been the original colors, and I think it would've been neat! But they have the exact same proportions and everything, it's a weird way to go out. You have an original Pokemon, designed for this generation and its gimmicks, and you couldn't even do anything to be clever about its Gigantamax form? For shame.

Again, the design is still good, because it's just unchanged. But I'm going to give this one a harsh score because of how lazy this feels.

Overall: 200/1000

Gigantamax no. 22: Grimmsnarl

bow down before a true mon ami

Gigantamax Grimmsnarl is absolutely awesome. Let's get that out of the way first. Those proportions read like Lordgenome's Lazengann, and I think it's really neat how the red linework stands out with his black hairy body.

To make it even better, did you know he has a freakin' drill kick? Reminds me of a Skullgirls character,it's beyond sick. His special attack animation is this smug "begone with you, tiresome worm" gesture that he's doing in the artwork. It's a ton of personality conveyed via animations, when most Gigantamax Pokemon just kinda... stomp around and roar. But Gigantamax Grimmsnarl is too cool for that.

Somebody put this guy in Pokken 2, I don't care if you have to scale him down. In fact, I'll just rip off his design and put him into my own fighting game, with even more shape-shifting moves using that coat of hair.

Overall: 10/10

Galarian Moltres

like a phoenix from the ashes

OH YEAH THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! Moltres was the weakest of the Kanto trio, but Galarian Moltres is the best of the new generation. And that's saying something, as the other two are quite good as well!

But you just can't beat the godlike color scheme of Brett "The Hitman" Hart, especially not when it's all on fire like that. Honestly this thing barely resembles Moltres anymore, with the hooked beak, but that's fine because Moltres was a big dumb chicken and Galarian Moltres is some avenging spirit of flaming majesty.

Overall: 10/10

No. 893: Zarude

 "The Rude"

I didn't watch the movie, so I actually don't know shit about Zarude. But he falls into that small category of Legendaries who I wish were regular Pokemon, because I can imagine the rest of their line, and I'd like to use them on my journey instead of just downloading them for the collection after I've already finished playing.

I like him a fair deal more than Rillaboom, the other Grass-type monkey in the game. He just looks more like a "monster" than a "character", you know? Those green arm-bands and give a nice weight to his forearms, and the stripes on his chest make him seem emaciated and hungry for blood. Zarude looks wicked, it's great.

Overall: 9/10

No. 892: Urshifu

 Be like water, my friend

Urshifu has a Akira Yuki tstsuzanko going on, and looks pretty badass. I like the studded knuckles, and again the bandanna. Hey, does he have a little bit of chin fuzz going on? They're really swinging for the fences on the bear market, huh.

Now, there's two forms for Urshifu. Single Strike was that first one, and now Rapid Strike. Basically it's Bajiquan vs Tai Chi, as far as styles are concerned. Note how the designs are actually the same, it's just that in Single Strike all the fur is rising up, whereas in Rapid Strike it's flowing down. Kinda neat, but makes it odd you get hard locked into one form or the other, without being able to swap. (for the record, I like Single Strike more) 

Overall: 8/10

No. 877: Morepeko

AH↓HA↑HA↓HA↑HA↓HA↑

Time for another regional Pika-clone. This one has Doraemon pockets and a bifurcated colorscheme like Monokuma. Also it has the body shape of a Minion.

When its belly is empty it gets Hangry and changes form, but the only gameplay difference is that its signature move becomes Dark-type instead of Electric.

Last gen we had Mimikyu, who was the resident Pika-clone while also having a fun gimmick and a fantastic design concept. Morepeko is mildly gimmicky and that's better than not being anything at all besides a fruitless effort to capture the Pikachu Appeal, (the Pikappeal, if you will) but I still don't like it much. Attaching it to Marnie in an attempt to siphon some of her popularity didn't work, it's just kind of dumb and useless.

Morepeko? how about LESSpeko, thank you.

Overall: 3/10

No. 862: Obstagoon

Back into the regular numbers

I want to like Obstagoon. I really do. I thought this was a much-needed spice for the Zigzagoon line, and giving a boring generic 2-stage regional rodent a boss 3rd form is a good idea!

Sadly, Obstagoon looks like a dude in a fursuit. The fur on his limbs is SO differentiated from his black body fur, it looks artificial. And something about the proportions is off, at least the legs. This mockup I saw fixes a lot of my issues:

But even that aside, there's something weird about Obstagoon doing his best Gene Simmons impression, while simultaneously trying to convey that he doesn't feel disposed to receive Communion so he'd just like a blessing instead. The mixed signals aren't working for me. I know he was created entirely to give Piers a signature Pokemon, but it could've gone a lot better.

Overall: 4/10

Galarian Linoone

badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom

I was harsh on regular Hoenn-brand Linoone, but I stand by that. Furret already exists, Linoone is redundant. But now that he's in this new style, he's a lot better! It's cool how the fur pattern makes a shooting star trailing from his eye, and the sharp teeth are a nice touch.

He's less subtle about being a badger, but I'll take that over being a subtle piece of shit. Still, something about his proportions bother me. I don't have a good reason for it, maybe I'm subconsciously terrified of his aerodynamic shape.

Overall: 7/10

Galarian Zigzagoon

Ziggy Stardust

Throwing this in the middle of things because we have Obstagoon coming up next, which is a Galar-exclusive evolution for the Zigzagoon line. I'll do so for the others with  regional variants of their early forms, but stuff like Galarian Weezing will be saved for the end.

Anyway, I freaking LOVE Galarian Zigzagoon. I didn't see much purpose in the vanilla version, but this monochromatic little psycho is wonderful. The pink accent colors of his mouth and eyes help him fit in with the Spikemuth aesthetic, and stand out in general from every other Pokemon.

Honestly I think he's a fantastic bundle of energy, and the sharp contrast makes his zig-zag pattern work even better than just shades of brown.

Overall: 10/10

No. 861: Grimmsnarl

wooly bully

See, it was all worth it for this titanic badass. I love the colors, I love the overall proportions, and I love the concept. Hair being used to accentuate his muscles, and as tentacles? That's amazing, keep it up. I especially like the face here, the mouth and fangs look very skull-like is the best way, and his nose & ears have elevated to become like three horns. The animations on this beast are also fantastic, check out the delivery on that lariat!

In a way, this is the beauty of Pokemon. If you showed me Impidimp, I wouldn't want it around. Morgrem was only tolerable because I knew what came next. But even the worst starts can lead into something wonderful.

Just... don't try to imagine the amount of poke-bucks you'd have to spend on hair product every month to keep a Grimmsnarl. 

Overall: 10/10