No. 987: Flutter Mane

 Little Miss Min-Maxed herself

That one tendril that's covered in scales, or maybe it's like the scales (feathers?) have worn away, bugs me. What's up with that? And what's up with the one red spike on its body, too? Is this battle damage? Is it shedding?

Regardless, I don't hate it. In fact, I could totally see Flutter Mane as a normal evolution for Misdreavous, no gimmick required. I'll totally believe this is a regular Pokemon, so it's a shame it will never be allowed to be.

 

Overall: 6/10 

No. 985: Scream Tail

 I whip my hair back and forth

I mean, yeah, it's Jigglypuff with a Majin Buu head tendril, what else is there to say? Kinda stupid, not really sure what we're doing here.

I'm also not sure what's up with these names, can't we get actual Pokemon names? Even Ultra Beasts had names. Call this pink bitch Jigglypunk or something.

The one thing I'll give 'em is that I admire the consistency of design motifs - yellow eyes, eyeshadow, fangs, usually a tail, and extra hair. They decided those are the elements that define "prehistoric" and are determined to represent them in each one. I like that.

 

Overall: 3/10 

No. 959: Tinkaton

Lil' Miss Trouble

 

When I caught a Tinkatink, and evolved it into Tinkatuff, and looked at the space in the Pokedex to see there was a third form, I immediately predicted its name would be Tinkaton and I was not let down.

Tiny girls with big hammers are scientifically proven to be awesome, it's as simple as that. I love how ridiculously huge the hammer is, and I like the design of it this time, too! It's neat how the core of it is still the rattle from when it was a baby.

In fact, I appreciate how the design aspects grew with each stage of this line: the hair goes from a tiny tuft, to a ponytail, to twintails. Tinkatuff adds metal flanges at the hip, and now Tinkaton has 4 of them. The teeth grow over time, too. It's just really pleasing consistency.

And again, it cannot be stated enough, Tinkaton rocks. I think it's awesome that it knocks Corviknights down out of the sky. Gigaton Hammer is a based move. And her pose when sleeping is adorable.


Overall: 10/10

No. 958: Tinkatuff

Ruff 'n' Tuff

Tinkatuff fixes the proportions of Tintatink, but has the problem of so many middle evolutions that I'm just waiting for the final form.

Also I don't really like that hammer design, the way the metal is wrapped without any support, won't it just bend completely the moment you try to use it to hammer anything? It needs crossbar support to hold the sides up.

But still, Tinkatuff herself is well-designed.


Overall: 7/10

No. 957: Tinkatink

in the pink

 

the concept of a baby running around with a rattle made out of metal, whacking things and causing trouble, is terrifying. Little poopy pants babies should not be trusted with heavy dangerous objects. I think we should put Tinkatink in timeout until she can learn to behave.

Design-wise, my issue here is that Tinkatink is too abbreviated. Like, this line is always going to be gremlin-mode, but the absolute lack of a torso here looks really weird compared to the size of the arms.


Overall: 3/10

No. 927: Dachsbun

Inugami Korone

Still adorable, and I still want to eat its ears. I believe they taste like cinnamon donuts. Or chocolate-covered ones? But the hair makes me reconsider things... not a fan of fur in my food.

But rather than being a loaf of bread with legs, it's clever how they worked the bread into the design in multiple ways. You can't see it from this image, but its spine looks like braided bread. And the Well-Baked Body is a clever ability, big fan of getting bonus Type immunities!

Actually, now I'm starting to think Daschbun is like a big savory pretzel. I wanna dunk it in honey mustard sauce and take a bite. OK now I'm hungry, review's over, I gotta get something to eat.

Overall: 9/10

No. 926: Fidough

how much is that doggy in the window

Fidough looks delicious. We've theorized for years about the "most edible Pokemon", but I think we have a new top dog. I wanna rip off its ears, spread some butter & jam on them, and have a snack. Does that make me a monster?

anyway, it's cute, and certainly whimsical enough to justify the Fairy typing. Even though Fairy Bread is Australian, not Spanish...

Overall: 8/10

No. 905: Enamorus

Oh baby. What is going on here.

I've never been a fan of the genies, and while at least Enamorus isn't another palette swap, that doesn't make her any good. There's too much sassy-ass tomfoolery going on in this design, and I refuse to spend another word on it.

Incarnate Form: 1/10

Like all the others, Enamorus also has a Beast Mode, which completes the "Four Cardinal Beasts" quartet that nobody even noticed was going on. It's a Chinese mythology thing, with a Tiger, Phoenix, Dragon, and now - Turtle. Since the others got their Therian Forms all the way back in BW2, a full decade ago, I have to wonder... was Enamorus planned from that long ago, and just never implemented until now? Or was it a coincidence that the others took on the forms of a Tiger, Phoenix, and Dragon, and then somebody said "wait a minute... we can work with this!"

Either way, the end result is a garish pink turtle that not even Barbie would be caught dead with. Yet somehow, still better than the base form.

Therian Form: 2/10

I'm going to be mean and round down the average, because I think this Pokemon is fucking awful.

Overall: 1/10

Opal of Ballonlea

Triplets of Bellville (or would that be Solo of Bellville?)

You know how I ragged on Allister for the confusing theme? Opal has no such problems, because she's just a bad bitch. Sure, she's wearing the glove, but there's no attempt to be "sporty" here. Just old lady cotton candy drip.

Opal is seriously amazing, she's reached the age where she no longer gives a shit and just does whatever she wants. Yubaba vibes.

And the way she forcibly adopts Bede to snap him out of his emo phase... it's too good. She's just the best, and that gigantic poof around her neck gives her a unique top-heavy silhouette.

Overall: 10/10

Gigantamax no. 23: Alcremie

How come ladies don't jump outta cakes on your birthday anymore? And how'd they get in there, anyway?

It's neat how Gigantamax Alcremie takes elements from all the various Alcremie flavors and toppings, to combine into a giant ziggurat of a cake, upon which the main body is perched. From upon its altar, the icon of frosted sweetness metes out judgement upon the righteous and sinful alike, smothering them in sugary cream.

I can't tell if I just made myself scared, or hungry.

Overall: 900/1000

Gigantamax no. 22: Grimmsnarl

bow down before a true mon ami

Gigantamax Grimmsnarl is absolutely awesome. Let's get that out of the way first. Those proportions read like Lordgenome's Lazengann, and I think it's really neat how the red linework stands out with his black hairy body.

To make it even better, did you know he has a freakin' drill kick? Reminds me of a Skullgirls character,it's beyond sick. His special attack animation is this smug "begone with you, tiresome worm" gesture that he's doing in the artwork. It's a ton of personality conveyed via animations, when most Gigantamax Pokemon just kinda... stomp around and roar. But Gigantamax Grimmsnarl is too cool for that.

Somebody put this guy in Pokken 2, I don't care if you have to scale him down. In fact, I'll just rip off his design and put him into my own fighting game, with even more shape-shifting moves using that coat of hair.

Overall: 10/10

Gigantamax no. 21: Hatterene

remember earlier in this year when everyone was deliriously horny for the big vampire girl in Resident Evil 8?

Doesn't that seem like an eternity ago, now? What the hell was this year

anyway, Gigantamax Hatterene may LOOK like a big soft mommy but her actual body is quite small. Well, the whole thing is huge, so maybe her true body is now just regular-Pokemon sized? Point is, everything else is some sort of hair/tentacle/shell apparatus.

I kinda like the triple-tentacle style as an evolution over a single "hand", though.

Overall: 600/1000

Galarian Weezing

and an epic bacon mustache waffle to you too, good sir! *tips hat*

Gamefreak has this idea that when you make something really tall, it gets really funny. Except I'm not laughing. It was dumb as hell for Alolan Executor, and Galarian Weezing is dumb as hell, too.

I don't appreciate this Doug Dimmadome (owner of the Dimsdale Dimmadome) looking bastard and his smoggy mustache, which you must realize is just putrid gas hanging around his face. Think about that. Euugh.

I think the literal stovepipe hats don't have to be a silly concept, and you could probably design a whole Pokemon line around that. Some sort of Poison/Steel factory robot mech? instead, we have British Cosplay Weezing, who is part Fairy because who knows anymore

Overall: 1/10

Galarian Rapidash

the last unicorn

Rapidash was already a unicorn, but its Galarian form is REALLY a unicorn. And it's finally part Fairy, which seems like it should have been there from the start and only picked up a Psychic sub-type upon evolution, but.

I usually like those trailing things on hooves, but in this case they look like they get in the way of the already drag-on-the-floor-long mane and tail. And I liked the cotton candy better, anyway. But I admit I am not the target demographic: manchildren in their 30s little girls. That's the intended market for My Little Pony, right? It's so easy to forget...

Overall: 6/10

No. 888: Zacian

Great Grey Wolf Sif

Clearly the better of the two legendaries, and thus the reason why Sword is the superior choice. Not that it matters much, because Gamefreak got tired of programming actual different characters and areas into the games to justify releasing two versions, it's just a few Pokemon that you can get from trading online anyway.

But, Zacian looks regal enough, with a neat crown and golden wings. I like that he's not some all-powerful God of Abstract Concepts, just a cool mystical dog bearing a sacred weapon. That seems more in-line with what I want from a legendary.

He's got an armorless form, too - which really shows off the scars from countless battles, even a missing ear. I like how it just changes depending on if you literally equip its item or not. Of course you'd want it armored, which is the cooler form anyway (because it has a goddamn sword) but still.

Overall: 8/10

No. 869: Alcremie

Comes in 31 Wonderful Flavors!

Fairy-type Pokemon have to be the most edible of all Pokemon types, right? They keep making them into cake, or ice cream, or cotton candy, or whatever. Alcremie looks delicious but also looks like a cutie, and it's really neat how you can get different variations depending on what item Milcery holds and which direction you spin to whip it up.

I'm not gonna review each of them, but in general I think I'm a fan of the original or the pure-white color, with strawberries or heart candy toppings. They're all pretty good, though. What's your fav-o flav-o?

I know I'm usual Mr. Cool Guys Only when it comes to my favorites, but Alcremie juts hits the spot, you know? Makes me think of the familiar from a Magical Girl anime, who tells the protagonist she has to wield the Wand of Patisseries and save Crème de la Crèmeland~

Overall: 9/10

No. 868: Milcery

we're all thinking it but we're not gonna say it 

Anyone remember that old Disney movie, Aristocats? About those french cats who got lost and had to find their way back home? Well there was one scene where they were all lapping up bowls of cream, and their little mouse friend came out with a cracker and dipped it in the cream and ate it, and I always thought that looked delicious. So I would dip my Ritz crackers in milk too, but honestly it just made them soggy. Maybe it hits different when you're a mouse and the cracker is as tall as you are.

I forget where I was going with that, but Milcery's eyes are just empty parenthesis () () and for that I'm going to dock it points.

Overall: 4/10

No. 861: Grimmsnarl

wooly bully

See, it was all worth it for this titanic badass. I love the colors, I love the overall proportions, and I love the concept. Hair being used to accentuate his muscles, and as tentacles? That's amazing, keep it up. I especially like the face here, the mouth and fangs look very skull-like is the best way, and his nose & ears have elevated to become like three horns. The animations on this beast are also fantastic, check out the delivery on that lariat!

In a way, this is the beauty of Pokemon. If you showed me Impidimp, I wouldn't want it around. Morgrem was only tolerable because I knew what came next. But even the worst starts can lead into something wonderful.

Just... don't try to imagine the amount of poke-bucks you'd have to spend on hair product every month to keep a Grimmsnarl. 

Overall: 10/10

No. 860: Morgrem

pssht... nuthin personel, kid

In the past I've dogged on Pokemon for being unnecessarily emo, or for having random sections of their body different colors. And while it's true that Morgrem looks as if he just waded through a vat of green paint, it's all part of the transformation to being green and retired in his next evolution. Maybe there could have been, oh I don't know, a gradient or something? to separate the halves? but I'm okay with it.

And I'm also okay with the emo haircut, because again it feeds into the evolving theme - he's becoming a hair monster. And demons are emo or whatever, it tracks. I disapprove of Starraptor's stupid haircut, but on Morgrem it's his entire gimmick so I'll allow it.

That is to say, I'm not the biggest fan of Morgrem and his skinny spaghetti limbs, but I understand this is a natural part of the process.

Overall: 5/10

No. 859: Impidimp

1-900-490-FREAK

This little psycho took forever to get officially revealed. I remember he was in one of the E3 demos, but only as an enemy. Nintendo refused to mention him, they wanted to talk about the new corgi Pokemon instead. Then he showed up during that weird 24-hour mushroom forest marathon stream where they announced Galarian Ponyta, just running around in the background. Again, no official confirmation on whether Impidimp was real or a figment of our collective imaginations.

But finally the truth could be held back no longer, and here we are. Impidimp is real, and honestly I kind of hate him. On some level that feels hypocritical - he's a little dude based on an ambiguous imp/demon, without any of the usual faults I slam these things for aside from a grossly huge head.

idk he just looks freakin' stupid to me. Dumb ass face, tongue all hanging out, weird eyes and too many repeating crescent shapes. I appreciate a bit of design motif, but there's so much of it going on in his head region (and absolutely nothing on the rest of his body, which feels like a total afterthought) that it gets visually confusing. I'm amazed how noisy this design is, for only using 2 main colors

 But mainly I think he looks like an impossible idiot, and not in the fun way. If I was a demon I would feel insulted. (for legal reasons I must make it clear that I am not, currently, a demon)

Overall: 2/10