KBT-6: Arcbeetle Dash

 More Medabots, More Power!

Arcbeetle was already cool, but the Dash model takes it over the top. I love all the gunbarrels (or jet thrusters) sticking out from every angle. You'd think it would look unbalanced, with that big spike on its chest, but the head spike works with the bigass pauldrons to balance it out, suggesting a rocketship with legs rather than a humanoid with a big nose.

And rocketship, indeed! it transforms, revealing the hercules beetle inspiration (if it wasn't already obvious). I wanna play a shmup as this thing.

I also have to say the color scheme is good, keeping the parts in solid blocks helps reduce the visual noise and keeps the design from looking too messy. Great work all around, gotta be one of my favorite Medabots.

 

Overall: 10/10 

No. 982: Dudunsparce

 

No. 977: Dondozo

 Big Ass Fish

Not really much to say here, Dondozo is just a big ass fish and that's what he is. Sure, the little circle of fins on his head suggests a sushi chef, but that's Tatsugiri's bag. I won't blame Dondozo for that. Bro is just out here fishin' around, being big. Fishing bigly. He's a big fish. Big ass fish.

 

Overall: Big/Fish 

No. 103: Grizzbolt

people said it was an Electabuzz ripoff but it's clearly a Zangoose ripoff

This guy kicks ass. He's like an electric Totoro with big-ass claws, and that's something I can get behind. Really solid proportions and classic Gen 1 design sensibilities. The only problem is that random black streak going into his cheek, it reminds me of how Yuji from JJK got a scar at the corner of his mouth at some point and it served to distract me every time I saw it. Wasn't even a cool scar. Made me wish he had a matching one on the other side of his mouth, because then it would look like clown makeup or something.

Overall: 9/10, no copyright infringement detected

No. 12345: Rocky

Today we're reviewing my pet cat Rocky.

First off, this asshole doesn't even learn any good moves. Scratch and Quick Attack aren't gonna do much for damage, and he lacks the bulk to make Rest useful. When Nuzzle and Lick are your best moves, you know there's a problem.

Moreover, what's up with that design? Who decided to put a random splash of color in the middle of your face like that? Gamefreak must have been drunk. And yeah sure, he's very fuzzy, but that just means white hairs getting everywhere and making any black T-shirts look grey.

And that's not even mentioning how Rocky wakes me up in the middle of the night because his stupid ass ate all his food in a hurry and threw it up without even tasting it, how he tries to bring down the posters from my walls and pulls books off my shelves, how he eats the window blinds and shreds the corners of the furniture...

What a dumbass loser cat, I love him very much 10/10

2-2: Blooper

Splatoon, eat your heart out

One of my lowkey favorite Mario enemies, Blooper rocks. That blank expression hides the cold and calculating mind of a murderer. You know cephalopods are smarter than we think, right? Blooper is always watching, always waiting, for a chance to wrap its tentacles around Mario and drag him down into the briny depths forever.

It's been playable only 3 times (Party 8, Sluggers, and Tennis Aces), but shows up all the time in games. Sunshine probably gave it the biggest spotlight, between multiple fights with Gooper Blooper and those frustrating-to-dismount Gooper Racers.

And as a classic enemy, it can be tough to deal with - bobbing in unpredictable patterns, yet somehow faster than Mario can swim. Certainly tougher than a Cheep-Cheep.

I really wish it had been used as a partner in a Paper Mario game, or given the driver's seat in a Mario Kart. The Blooper item is mildly distracting at worst, so I don't think anyone would notice it being gone.

Overall: 10/10

No. 906: Sprigatito

Okay, delayed long enough so that everyone who would care has already moved on, right? Good, time to get down to business.

This dank little kitty may not be a Fire type, but it's blazed out of its mind. There's nothing going on behind those bloodshot eyes besides bong fumes and a subliminal desire for tacos at 1 am. Forget Professor Oak, we need to call Dr. Dre and get him to analyze this chronic cat. Call it what you want - bud, pot, skunk, spliff, reefer, Mary Jane, sticky icky, the point is - the cat is weed.

Anyway, it's got an enormous noggin compared to its body, as is standard for starters these days, but it's an extremely cute noggin. And despite being the second feline starter in three generations, it doesn't overlap much with Litten in terms of design. I like it, even though this artwork has one eye slightly tilted. But I can blame that on the ganja. 

Overall: 420/10

Hisuian Voltorb

ballz

Before we get to the evaluation, can we unpack something first? Apparently, Pokemon aren't turned into pure energy and stored in Pokeballs as data. No, they're actually literally shrunk down and captured inside. Despite their ability to be stored in the PC and traded via network connection, apparently the canon truth is that there's literal tiny Pokemon sitting in each ball. And the ball itself... teleports?

To make matters worse, this shrinking is actually an inherent ability of the Pokemon, not something done via technology to reduce the space between their atoms or whatever. At least, according to Pokemon Legends: Arceus. That's right, every Pokemon just possesses the ability to shrink itself when in danger, and we exploit that reflex to put them in Pokeballs.

now I don't know about you, but I find that information wildly upsetting and changes basically everything about how I look at these games. What a nightmare.

Speaking of nightmares, it was generally understood that Voltorb is based on the Pokeball, right? It's like a mimic, and that's its camouflage. But then Hisuian Voltorb predates the Pokeball, they're a recent invention and Voltorbs/Electrodes have lived in Hisui for ages already. Which suggests that the Pokeball is actually based on the Voltorb, not the other way around.

This is too much for me, I can't even do a rating right now

Overall: mind blown/10

Touhoumon no. 9: Cirno

Beloved Tomboyish Daughter

Cirno is the strongest, what more do you need to know? She freezes frogs and doesn't afraid of anything.

Even besides the memes, Cirno remains enduringly popular because she's just so cool (pun intended). She's got a simple design and neat ice-crystal wings, with a big personality. I know everyone calls her a baka, but I think it's great how she doesn't let that faze her.

Also, she's got a nice Sp. Atk stat, and the surprisingly rare Ice typing. Plus she's cute as a button.

Overall: 9/10 10/10

Monster Rancher #65: Tiger

They're Grrrrrreat!

Hey wait a minute - that's no tiger. He doesn't even have stripes! it's just your normal, everyday blue wolf with horns!

which, I admit, is still plenty monstrous. Just not seeing the "tiger" in this one. It's still an iconic monster, with a design that those charlatans and grifters over at Gamefreak would blatantly steal later for their Shiny Lycanroc.

Also, fun fact - you can find this Monster by popping in Insane Clown Posse's Riddlebox. Whoop whoop!

Overall: 8/10

No. 827: Nickit

Let's be honest, at this point the most surprising thing this blog could do is to begin posting regularly. Happy April Fools.

We've done foxes before with Vulpix and Zorua, so is this a well worth plumbing a third time? Well, aside from having the proportions common to modern starters, Nickit is fine. It's just a fox, whose tail kinda looks like a big sack of loot. Not trying to rock the boat.

I like the facial markings, and how much personality it's showing. That's about as much as I can say, "sly fox thief" is like easy mode when it comes to mashing up themes.


Overall: 10/10







okay, okay. I'm kidding. Had to get at least one in there!

Overall: 5/10

No. 825: Dottler

Dottler Doclittle

I may have spoken too soon about those eyeballs going away - you can still kinda see them on Dottler, but the effect is muted because you only see the lower half. They mostly just register as glowing eyes.

Speaking of which, it's neat how Dottler's spots light up in its animations. Bug/Psychic is a fresh combination, I applaud Gamefreak for doing something for the regional bug besides Flying or Poison. Also, notice those V's return as... hands? whiskers? Who cares, just jot that down for later.

So, overall I'm positive about Dottler, but there's something about it that doesn't sit right. It doesn't feel like a Pokemon, but instead more like a Super Mario Galaxy enemy. That's a very specific and weird comparison, I know, but I'm a specifically weird guy. idk, something about it looks as if it comes from another game entirely.

so I'll just roll Dottler like a d20 to decide the rating


Overall: 16

Beta No. 217: Ballerine

May I offer you an egg in this trying time?

ok, I can do this. I'm strong enough. It's the last group of babies. deep breath, let's do this...


Actually, no. Screw this, Ballerine sucks. Mr. Mime having babies is horrifying and I don't want to think about tiny clown mime eggs dancing all over the place and crawling into my nightmares. I hate the smiling egg baby.


Overall: no/10

No. 807: Zeraora

yare yare daze

hey look its' Eletctric Lucario wha thef uck do youo want I''m durnk


 Overall:
7

New Schedule and Plans

Hey NAPACErs! Thanks for sticking with me during the hiatus. But going forward, we're kicking things up a notch. Let me announce the new weekly content schedule:

MONDAY
a brand new Pokemon review!

TUESDAY
we'll alternate between a brand new Trainer review, or Town review!

WEDNSDAY
Wacky Wednesday, where I ramble about a different topic each week!

THURSDAY
every other Thursday well drop a brand new episode of the NAPACE podcast!

FRIDAY
Fan Art Friday~ We'll be spotlighting the best pieces we've recieved each week!

SATURDAY
I come directly to your house and slap you in the face!

SUNDAY
Live stream day! Tune in to see me work through every game in the franchise!


Wow! So much content on the way, I hope y'all are ready! Also, there's new items in the store, so check that out! And as always, remember to Like, Comment, and Subscribe! Plus, extra bonuses for the Patreons~ it's thanks to you that I can do what I do.

Happy Easter everyone, and as always, Stay Above Average!!

Mina of Poni Island

dude weed lmao

Mina is stoned out of her gourd 100% of the time, and I'm not ruling out paint fumes as the culprit. Look how she painted her face - clearly with a wide swing of the spray can, such that it even got her hair in there, too. Or maybe she was attempting a mustache, but got it over the bridge of the nose by mistake? It's possible.

And I have to say, Mina not even having a trial, and everything else about Poni island, made it really feel like an afterthought from Gamefreak. Which is like, what the shit, that's my home, that's Kaua'i. The Garden Isle. And you made it a deserted canyon? And now in USUM there's some crazy evil cloud over it? I don't like it! Not one bit!

At least Mina has some comfy-looking shoes, but honestly I wouldn't trust her with a paint bucket, much less an important job like Trial Captain. dopey girl can't even keep her hair out of the paint.


Overall: /10

Alolan Exeggutor

long pokemon is long

I think it's been established now that when it comes to humor, Gamefreak and I aren't often on the same page. For my part, while I can appreciate a silly design or pun, that wears thin very quickly when I have to constantly send it out into battle. A joke depends on the initial shock, and seeing Alolan Exeggutor's Manute Bol-lookin' ass over and over doesn't make it any funnier.

The boy is tall. That's it, that's the joke. Everybody laugh, now! Remember to keep laughing! No, we didn't think through the design any more than that! He looks as out of place among all the other Pokemon as one vertical video among a bunch of proper horizontal ones. (side note: what sort of deranged sociopath shoots vertical videos, anyway? Human eyes are arranged side-by-side, not one on top of the other. When I see someone do a pan around their backyard with their phone held vertically, instead of simply turning that phone 90 degrees and getting the entire scene they wanted in the shot at once, I want to strangle some one. Anyway.)

Oh, and he's also got a tail with another head on it, because why the hell not. Dragon-type, too. Do you see anything draconic about this walking wooden Burj Khalifa? I don't. But I guess it's another little joke, like Mega Ampharos. Oh, the fun we have~

I mean, I have to admit I enjoyed all the jokes and memes people made about it when it was released, so it was good in that way. But I honestly don't like the proportions - I'm aware of what actual palm trees look like, I lived on Hawai'i, but I think regular Exeggutor does a fine job of abstracting that concept down into a fun monster design. This Tall & Slim Edition wasn't needed at all.

 

No. 25b: Alolan Pikachu

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

Alolan Pikachu is straight-up terrifying. They claim that the tropical climate made it grow taller, but a Pikachu should NOT have those proportions. Looking like a Captain Tsubasa character.

More disconcerting is the fact that the only moves Alolan Pikachu learn are Stomp, Spit-up, and Hyberbeam. Literally nothing else. They don't even lean Stockpile! What the shit are they spitting up!?

Honestly, I have to assume Gamefreak just wanted to give children nightmares with this one. And the less said about the random backpack, the better. Get away from me, you Dora the Explorer ass lanky motherfucker.


Overall: 1/10

No. 746: Shiinotic

I'm afraid your princess is in another castle.

Shiinotic is gonna scare some children, let's just make that straight. And his arms are what used to be Morelull's legs, so that means Morelull was walking around on a single arm? More than a little horrifying!

Also, we can't ignore the fact that Shiinotic appears to be wearing a Jigglypuff's skin for pants. At the moment I don't have any comment on this other than screaming at increasingly higher pitches, so we'll leave it at that for now.

I can dig the overall proportions, big-ass floppy mushroom heads as pseudo-turbans are great, but everything about Shiinotic just makes me want to turn on all the lights in my house and play Mario Kart. Cuz who ever got killed by a cursed druggie mushroom zombie while playing Mario Kart, right? hahaha like that would ever hap

No. 755: Morelull

moar lulz

Despite looking like a child's night-light mixed with those awful bean sprouts they sometimes try and slip into stir-fried rice, Morelull is okay. It wouldn't be out of place in a Paper Mario game.

The biggest problem is its "feet" are just a single stalk with three prongs. It looks like the least stable thing in the world, my cat would knock this bitch down in a flash. Slam the door, BOOM down it goes. Morelull looks like the Pokemon version of the one kid who always gets picked on at school.

Because aside from that, it's okay. Morelull differentiates itself from Shroomish and Foongus by choosing to be tall instead of squat, and the "glowing mushroom" angle is fresh. Just give it legs that don't look like Iggy Koopa's hair and we can raise it above mediocre.


Overall: 5/10

Or, you could turn it upside down and lose the 'shrooms, and now we have some Grass/Ghost sprout. Though looking at it again, maybe it's ice cream with a palm tree on top? Whatever the case, I'm naming it Lullmore.



Lullmore: 7/10