No. 987: Flutter Mane

 Little Miss Min-Maxed herself

That one tendril that's covered in scales, or maybe it's like the scales (feathers?) have worn away, bugs me. What's up with that? And what's up with the one red spike on its body, too? Is this battle damage? Is it shedding?

Regardless, I don't hate it. In fact, I could totally see Flutter Mane as a normal evolution for Misdreavous, no gimmick required. I'll totally believe this is a regular Pokemon, so it's a shame it will never be allowed to be.

 

Overall: 6/10 

No. 979: Annihilape

 Local Ape Too Angry To Live

Cross-gen evolutions have historically been hit-or-miss, but I'm proud to announce that this one is very much a Hit. This is a Digimon-core Pokemon, in the best possible way. He's breaking out of his shackles, eyes red with anger, hair standing on end like he's channeling the Ultimate Fist of the Ass-Whuppin', and he does it all without becoming fat or throwing away Primeape's design motifs.

I can't say enough about how much I love what they did with the fur, here. It frays around his shoulders like Akuma's torn gi, hangs down like wise kung-fu master's beard, same for the ears becoming long eyebrows. It also reminds me of the sculptor from Sekiro, or any other sort of ascetic who's thrown away all notions of personal grooming to devote their life to a solitary pursuit. And you can call it super saiyan hair if you want, but I think it looks proper ghostly, waving with wrathful energy.

My only criticism is that the 3D model just has those three extraneous strands of hair floating around as if moored to the model, instead of making the whole hair flicker like flames. But I love this angry bastard so much, I can't hold it against him.

 

Overall: 10/10 

No. 972: Houndstone

 Give a dog a bone

I feel like there was an opportunity for the first Ghost/Rock Pokemon, or at least Ghost/Ground considering Houndstone digs a lot and even gets Sand Rush as an ability (but not Sandstorm, oddly enough). In fact I'm honestly shocked to find out it's neither of these, I could have sworn it was during my playthrough.

But I think Houndstone is great! Probably the initial concept of "buried in the ground with a tombstone showing" started here, and they worked backwards to link the idea of "dogs burying bones" and "spirit candles" for Greavard.

I love his bony claws, but something about that lower jaw is just a little too cartoony for my taste. Otherwise, it's a Very Good Dog.

 

Overall: 9/10 

No. 971: Greavard

 it's a doggy dog world

One of the more muppet-like Pokemon I've ever seen, but I can dig it. (get it?) Greavard hides underground, but its candle sticks up, which is fantastic. The concept is great, and the design doesn't get in the way of itself - a simple color scheme is enough.

 

Overall: 8/10 

No 947: Brambleghast

 Let's go brambling! (aw dangit)

I'm not a fan of Pokemon where the concept is "wow look, these shapes are coincidentally lined up so they just so happen to resemble a face!" Like, miss me with that Pokemon Signs bullshit. These are magical monsters, if they wanted to have a face, they could just have one.

Dhelmise is the main culprit here, but I see it in some fakemon, and now Brambleghast. It's a bit more purposeful than the others, but it's still like... that's not a mouth. That's a line in the SHAPE of a mouth. How can you bite anything with that?

The other frustrating thing is that Brambleghast looks like some sort of thorny bone pumpkin, which could be the coolest thing ever. Except it's not, it's a few floating eye-seeds and some dry branches. Why couldn't it have just been a spiky jack-o-lantern, with an actual mouth? Or a haunted skeletonic ribcage thing? I don't want a dumb weed.

Overall: 2/10

No. 946: Bramblin

I'm a Bramblin' Man

 

It's funny how in Pokemon, the desert areas are almost always associated with Ghost-types (as well as Ground). "Ancient ruins hidden by the sand" seems to be the theme, although in this case I think the reasoning is that it's like a lonely tumbleweed rolling through a deserted western town... a ghost town, if you will.

But, I fear Bramlin might be my Vanilluxe. I liked that icy bastard, but where other people said "oh my god its literally just an ice cream cone" I see Bramblin and think "oh my god its literally just a tumbleweed". Which isn't accurate, I know - a real tumbleweed wouldn't have so much empty space inside, much less any floating eyes.

But that just makes me think, is a tumbleweed really that interested to be the entire concept? It's Ghost-type, but I don't see much spookiness. If anything, the shape reminds me of Chandelure, and then I'm thinking about a much cooler Pokemon. Which is also an object-mon, but for some reason it's different. I liked Minior, too, which is also very similar. Not sure why Bramlin just leaves me so cold.

idk, I think it could have used a jaunty cowboy hat, or maybe it should be a little imp running around inside the tumbleweed-cage, like a hamster ball.

Overall: 4/10

No. 937: Ceruledge

 Swordsoul of Mo Ye

Ceruledge was largely the deciding factor in my choice of Violet over Scarlet. Because as cool as Armarouge is, Ceruledge is even cooler. Twin flaming ghost blades? Sign me the hell up!

Again, I have to stress, this isn't a Pokemon design. And it's not a Digimon, either - it's a Medabot, or a Net Navi, or the star of an indie metroidvania game. But once again I will stress even harder, it's so damn cool I drop any pretense of having standards for stylistic unity. Ceruledge would have changed my brain chemistry if it existed when I was 9 years old.

Aside from everything I said about Armarouge (because most of it still applies), what makes Ceruledge so good is how the swords are done. They flare out when in battle like a lightsaber, and have a cool curve to them instead of just being straight blades, not to mention the way the cross-guard looks like flames itself. The trail of fire rising from its eye is just the cherry on top.

 

...bit weird how Charcadet is clearly meant to evolve into Armarouge, and hardly has any purple at all to justify a Ceruledge connection, but hey. We're ignoring a lot of faults, today. (I know they evolve with items, but in that case how come Armarouge looks like the "default"? Shouldn't Charcadet look unlike either of them, until an outside force interacts with it?)

Overall: 10/10

No. 911: Skeledirge

Call 9-1-1... we just nuked the building.

So we're looking at a mashup of themes, here. Skeledirge is a crocodile, with a wreath of flames coming from the corners of its mouth. And if this were Gen 1, it would have probably stopped there. But this is Gen 9, baby! So he's got a little bird made of fire that sits on his nose, like those birds that clean crocodile's teeth. But wait, there's more! He's also got a Ghost sub-type, justified by face paint reminiscent of the candy skulls from Mexico's Day of the Dead. And you bet your ass that still isn't enough, because he's also a lounge singer and that fire bird turns into a microphone and then into a phoenix and flies at the opponent.

And somehow? it all works. What a legend. I'm only taking points off because somebody said the way his flames are arranged makes it look like he's got Bozo the Clown hair, with the facepaint and all.

Overall: 9/10

Hisuian Zoroark

so they're just running with the body horror, huh

it's gross as hell to see Hisuian Zoroark's raw muscles bulging out of its lacerated flesh, I can't lie. Who asked you to go that far, Gamefreak? Jesus Christ.

but the mass of writhing hair is cool as hell, and totally justifies being bloody instead of ghostly - this isn't a spirit, this is a goddamn zombie corpse.

however, once again the shiny variant may prove superior - using purple instead of red removes most of the horror and just leaves a badass ghost fox demon. Which I think I'd prefer to have in my party, but I can't deny that Hisuian Zoroark absolutely nails the unsettling vibe it's going for.

Overall: 9/10

Hisuian Zorua

Remember how this one was announced via some found-footage style video?

The new typing dramatically boosts the effectiveness of Zorua's gimmick ability - even if it pretends to be something else, as a Dark type, it still had 3 weaknesses. But as a Normal/Ghost, it's got just 1 weakness, and 3 complete immunities.

Now, what's unusual here is the choice of red and white to represent "ghostly spirit energy". Usually, it's blue and white. The resulting pink tendrils make me think of something organic, rather than ephemeral. The shiny is blue, and I think that fits much better.

Overall: 5/10

No. 902: Basculegion

Big Mouth Billy Bass

First of all, you need to know that Basculegion comes in two flavors. The above is male, sporting a snazzy red mustache. The one below is female, as you can tell by the eyelashes and lipstick.

Also, on the off chance anyone cares, the Basculin you find in Hisui isn't the territorial Red or Blue striped versions from Unova, but a new White-striped form. Oddly, both male and female Basculin share their coloring with the female Basculegion. Not sure if that means anything.

Anyway, with all that out of the way, Basculegion itself - one of the most morbid Pokedex entries ever. "Clad in the souls of its comrades who perished before finishing the journey upstream to mate." In other words, it's wearing armor made from the souls of dead virgins. Goth.

The design is fine, I guess that's what a ghostly salmon would look like, but mainly it won me over by being so helpful in the game. Being able to jump into the sea or river and instantly start swimming kicks ass, especially because you can double-jump for some reason. Sure, this role gets overshadowed once you get flight near the end of the game, but Basculegion did its role well.

Overall: 6/10

Hisuian Typhlosion

well that's enough stalling.

Typhlosion is one of the most badass Pokemon ever, but he's been done a bit dirty by the transition to 3D. Dude needs those flames to be constantly raging to keep his presence. You see this shit?

This is weak shit.

Fortunately, Hisuian Typhlosion keeps his flames out all the time during battle - and they're spooky ghost flames, which is even better! although I wish they animated more like, well, flames. Instead of tentacles.

Regardless, there's still the minor tragedy that when he's just chilling in the overworld, no flames. It pisses me off. Charizard keeps it blazing 24/7, why can't my man Typhlosion?

Based on the design alone, this should be an easy 10/10, arguably even surpassing the original. But because of how its actually implemented in the game, I have to dock it points. And the sad truth is, if I was reviewing Typhlosion for the first time in this modern era, it would fall from that perfect grade, too.

Overall: 9/10

Allister of Stow-on-Side

Shy Guy

Allister is the first one for whom the sports theme falls apart. He's a weirdo masked kid with baggy sleeves, who needs suspenders to hold up his shorts. Maybe they'd stay up on their own if he didn't weigh them down with those chunky Pokeball-holders, but. My man has clearly never been involved in athletic activity in his life. He has the body of a heavy reader, not a heavy lifter.

And usually I'm all about people with cool masks, but Allister isn't cool enough to deserve that respect. He's a shy nerd, nothing more. Get outta here with your frilly shoes.

And we're not even going to talk about the Black Sperm logo he's trying to use.

Overall: 3/10

Gigantamax no. 6: Gengar

scary shit yo

What is it with these supplemental Gengar forms and clipping into the floor? Was that a key element in the original Gengar's charm that escaped my notice? I mean sure he's a ghost and floats through floors, but I always saw him as more "solid" and "bouncing around".

Gigantamax Gengar looks like an evil funhouse, where you walk through the mouth/door and enter a nightmarish mirror world of headless clowns. Or at least, that's my recurring childhood nightmare. Not sure about the rest of y'all.

but wait - if this form is already so tall, what about the rest of him? Does it work like an iceberg, is there more under the floor? We could be looking at the largest Gigantamax Pokemon ever, if his true size could be confirmed.

Overall: 600/1000

No. 898: Calyrex

There's nothing scarier than a poorly-designed Pokemon.

I can't quite believe what I'm about to write, but I can't quite believe what I'm seeing, either.

I have a new least-favorite Pokemon.

Dunsparce was awful, we've been over that. I'm not coming around on it or anything. But Calyrex is just so offensively terrible in every single way that it's overpowering my two-decades-long feud with the Dunce.

Where to begin? How about at the top, with this ginormous oversized bomb fruit braincel noggin. Maybe it's supposed to be a crown, but it looks like a swollen egg sac from a Metroid enemy. Then below that, we have the most serious face in the world, a real Princess Mononoke deer-god snuggled right in between the aforementioned balloon and what appear to be Akuma's prayer beads but with the Triforce on them.

Already this sounds nightmarish, but it gets worse. Basic stubby body, basic bitch arm flaps, then LONG ASS SLENDERMAN TOOTHPICK LEGS. No feed, just thigh-highs. And this royal piece of shit has the audacity to pose with one arm out like "whoosh" like he did something. There's a little cape or wings or whatever but NO, fuck you dude.

I mocked up some suggestions that don't completely save this wretched thing, but are at least improvements on whatever bullshit concept they had going on. Version 1 just downsizes stuff so he's still a weird little serious gremlin, the second leans into the "what the fuck" factor for maximum weirdness. I would still hate both of these, but I wouldn't feel the outright revulsion I do when I look at actual Calyrex.

And then, to make things even worse, this Little Lord Fuckleroy has the nerve to mount those glorious steeds Glastrier and Spectrier, and ride them like he thinks he's Napoleon.

I despise this with every fiber of my being. It's a sin and a crime. I'm going to fly to Gamefreak's house and beat them up.

Overall: -1/10

No. 897: Spectrier

Wasn't one of the beta Legendary Dogs kinda like this?

Holy shit, ANOTHER gem. Again, it's a simple concept, but one that hasn't been done before in Pokemon (spooky horse), and without anything to distract from the excellent design elements. I think it's cool how the hair tapers off into transparency, kinda like Dragapult's tail.

But the mane (hah) thing here is those hooves! Spectral hooves, disconnected from the leg itself, leaving a trail of purple ghost-smoke... it doesn't get any cooler than that. I love how it looks like it's floating, just by standing still. A great contrast with the exceptionally-solid Glastrier. I want to think that Spectrier doesn't leave hoofprints when it gallops through the night, straight into the nightmares of every young child of Galar.

Overall: 10/10

No. 887: Dragapult

if you can hear it coming, that means it's already too late.

Dragapult kicks immense amounts of ass. This is the sort of shit that keeps me coming back to Pokemon, because as many stinkers as they put out, they'll eventually hit upon some absolutely bangers. It's everything cool about Drakloak, except MORE. The narrowed eyes and low profile head let you know it means business, the chevrons got fixed up, I like his little red fingers, the entire concept is still cool beyond belief, everything is going right.

Also can we talk about how it's a Ghost type, so its tail is trailing off into invisibility? Brilliant. Dragapult is fast as hell, hits hard, launches its offspring like heat-seeking missiles, and does it all while making every other Dragon-type look goofy.

Overall: 10/10

No. 886: Drakloak

 take your kid to work day

So, I'll ask the question - when your Dreepy evolves into Drakloak, where does the extra Dreepy come from? How come it doesn't need its own Pokeball? What if THAT Dreepy also evolves into a Drakloak, do they stack? 

but even as we wrack our brains to figure out the implications of such a conundrum, we have to admit that Drakloak is pretty cool. Stealth bomber head on a ghost dragon body, that's fantastic. And I love how it uses Dreepy as missiles, reminds me of those old Digimon who shot "living" missiles.

The only note I have against it is that I think the red chevron on its chest should be centered better. Why's it overlapping the yellow part? Dragapult doesn't have that problem.

Overall: 9/10

No. 885: Dreepy

my favorite missile 

Ghost/Dragon is a banging type combo. and we start off strong with Dreepy, who's got that perfect blend of "cute" and "weirdo". He looks like a muppet, or those Creepies from Super Mario World. Honestly I don't have much else to say about the guy, I'm just excited to get on to his evolved forms.

Overall: 8/10

No. 867: Runerigus

killlll meee... 

Runerigus looks like shit. I'm not gonna beat around the bush, I'm just gonna come out and lead with the conclusion here. Cofagrigus is one of my favorite Pokemon, and I'm extremely glad normal Yamask don't evolve into Runerigus.

It looks like when you accidentally break your mom's vase so you have to try and glue it back together and hope she doesn't notice, except the glue is an evil shadow monster or something. What bothers me so much about this sort of design is that it looks haphazard and ramshackle, except EVERY Runerigus is exactly the same. The same shattered pieces being held together in the same "random" way. Perhaps I've let other Pokemon slide for similar crimes, and I'm being too harsh on the ol' broken art project, but being a hypocrite is just one of my many virtues.

What stings as well is that the completed slab isn't even cool looking - it's just kind of a worm that was drawn in crayon. I'd rather see a design where this is used as the base (ala Spiritomb or Cursola) and then the ghostly dragon rises from the lines as if summoned, but that's not what we got.

I'd also be okay if this was the payoff for collecting all the Unown or something - going back to what I said about Yamask, imagine if each one held a different chunk and you collected them all to get this Legendary Pokemon. it would still look dumb, but the method of finding it would be cool. As opposed to the completely arbitrary method you actually use - I won't repeat it here, just look it up yourself and think about how anyone would ever discover that on their own. Sirfetch'd has a weird requirement to evolve as well, I'm not saying that sort of thing tanks a Pokemon. But it certainly doesn't help Runerigus here.

Anyway, to make a long story short - Runerigus looks like shit.

Overall: 1/10