No. 177: Natu

Know what I hate?

The bulbapedia physiology entries. I mean, this is what they have down for Natu:

Natu is a tiny, mostly green bird Pokémon with a nearly spherical body, and with accentuations of red, yellow and black along with its main coloration. It possesses brightly colored, yellow-and-red wings with thick black stripes. The wings are small and not fully grown, thus making it unable to fly. Natu has a red crest on the top of its head, and its three-toed feet and three tail feathers are also red. Natu also has almond-shaped eyes and a yellow beak.

Dear lord, was that not the most useless paragraph ever? How about just writing "frigging look at the picture dumbass" and it will give them all the same information. The only thing of any note whatsoever in that block of pretentious bullshit was that Natu apparently can't fly, which is strange, because I taught mine Fly. So whatever.

But seriously, those things are pointless. In rare cases do they provide any new information, like for example if the picture of Golbat was with it wrapped up in its wings, then a paragraph describing the mouth would be useful, because I can't see the mouth. But if I CAN see the damn mouth, or the color of the eyes, or the "nearly spherical body" then don't tell me about it, dammit.


oh yeah, Natu. I like him, he's a bird, but some bright spark made him also psychic-type, which is a unique combination. He reminds me of a Native American design, which I'm sure is what they were going for, and Xatu will make it even more obvious.

Overall: 7/10

No. 176: Togetic

Wait, what is this thing again?

Seriously, I don't remember this one at all. I don't remember it in the anime, or ever seeing it in-game, whether in the wild or in a trainer's party. And I know for certain that I never used one myself. No way in hell was I gonna raise that piece of shit Togepi.

wait...

IS THAT A NORMAL-FLYING.  FAIRY-FLYING. HOLY HELL IT IS.

You know how I feel about this kind of crap. You KNOW it.

Togetic just looks stupid and lame and dumb and useless. I don't like the bulbous body and head seamlessly transforming into eachother, I don't like the facial features that look incredibly pasted-on, I hate the dumb tiny little baby wings, and I don't like the loss of the shell. It seemed to merge into the body, wtf is up with that?

geez, What is with all these horrible Pokemon lately. Hopefully the next one can save me.

Overall: 1/10

No. 175: Togepi

Okay, no.

Togepi... why did you have to be a thing. You did nothing of value, got in trouble, acted like a crybaby, just went "DUR HUR METRONOME LULZ" a few times and basically was a big pain in the ass.

That said, finding Togepi in the dig site, fairly early through Kanto, really teased a second generation, and was exciting for find a completely new Pokemon. Also, I like how it would close up into an egg and hide in Misty's bag. That was cool, and shut it up at the same time.

So I guess I can't completely hate on Togepi. It certainly looks like gold compared to the last two jokers. Or at least bronze...


Overall: 3/10

No. 174: Igglybuff

Yet another useless pink turd.

I tolerate Jigglypuff because she's in Smash Bros, mainly. But Wigglytuff is pretty stupid. And then I friggin' draw the line at Igglybuff.

What was the reason? Was there anyone, anywhere, that honestly looked at Jigglypuff and said, "I wish I had a smaller, weaker version of that thing!"

And the eyes aren't even green. Or teal, or whatever the hell color Jigglypuff's eyes are.

Baby Pokemon suck, man. Some are okay, but they mostly just suck.


Overall: 1/10

No. 173: Cleffa

Oh joy.

Remember how much I hate the Clefairy evolutionary line? Well, I hate it lots.

And Clefable is a useless piece of garbage. Baby Pokemon are useful for giving established Pokemon with minimal evolutions some more forms, you you can raise them with more fun. Like Magmar, for instance. Having a Magmar is okay, but if you can start it as a Magby, then you get the joy of evolution.

But with Cleffa, you just get the joy of a stupid useless piece of shit evolving into a BIGGER piece of shit, which then you can waste a goddamn moon stone on to turn it into an even BIGGER piece of shit.

Cleffa, I don't care that you are shaped like a star. That doesn't do jack squat for me. Go away, Cleffa. I wish you'd never been born.

Overall: 1/10

No. 172: Pichu

Because, you know, Pikachu just wasn't cute enough.

But it brings up a bigger point: Pokemon can breed in Gold and Silver. They couldn't before. Pokemon eggs are treated as new discoveries. Apparently no one had ever seen a baby Pikachu (which would be a Pichu) before.

That would be really, really stupid.

Did everyone just assume Pokemon popped out of the ground, or maybe that they weren't a renewable resource, or what!? How in the hell did scientists NOT discover "hey these animals make the sexy and do an egg".

But actually, given the amount of lenience in breeding partners found in Pokemon, (hot Skitty on Wailord action!) perhaps they DON'T actually make the sexy. I like to think that there is a legendary stork Pokemon that literally flies around and brings eggs to expectant Poke-parents. It would make a lot more sense that way.

Oh, and Pichu. I love Pikachu, but Pichu is dumb. It did not need to be cuter. Also Pichu was a waste of a slot in Super Smash Bros. Melee. Screw Pichu.

Overall: 3/10

No. 171: Lanturn

Lanturn reminds me of a submarine, for some reason. If only it were yellow...

Actually, I think that might have been kinda what they were going for. Chincou and Lanturn don't really look like anything specific, but they definitely look fishy, which is what counts.

Actually, you know what Lanturn looks like? A goldfish. Maybe that's it...

I wish it had kept the + shaped eyes, because that was cool. And I don't understand what the point of the top electric dongle is, because that is nowhere near the mouth.

I don't think I ever used a Lanturn, and I actually kind of want to now. He gives off that dopey-cute look, like Quagsire. Wait, we haven't gotten to Quagsire yet. Whatever.

Overall: 8/10

No. 170: Chinchou

There was a time when people said, "you can't mix two types that are opposed to each other in the same Pokemon!"

Then along came Chinchou, and they saw the error of their ways. It was possible, after all, for two dissimilar elements to coexist in one perfect body. The thunder and the seas could learn to work together, instead of against one another. And so Chinchou came into being, frustrating the hell out of ground types for years to come.

Chinchou has a great typing. Since you will probably have a ground type on your team, the ability of water to destroy fire doesn't matter that much, so it's almost more useful to have a grass type. Except those usually suck, whereas water is useful for surfing, and electric is just cool. But it feels like such a waste to have both of those, when you could consolidate them into one Pokemon. Except that's just what Chinchou is. Like the late great Hannah Montanna, the best of both worlds.

But as for the Pokemon's design itself, Chinchou is great. Very cute, unique eyes that remind me of the positive sign on a battery, he's like a cute lil' angler fish. With two angles. Niiiiiice.

Overall: 10/10

No. 169: Crobat

Ah, the first of several new additions to old Pokemon lines.

And it has the problems that will become typical of such "bonus" Pokemon.

To start with, it is purple. Not blue. Which completely spits in the face of the Zubat and Golbat color theme. Next, it grows another set of wings, its current wings get smaller, and it closes its mouth.

Damn, it's not even like the same pokemon, is it!?

They changed like everything about Golbat. Zubat to Golbat was about bigger mouth, bigger wings, staying frigging blue. Crobat just goes "screw that mess I'm doing things my own way!"

and, honestly, it looks cool.

I don't like the dumb evolutionary progression, but Crobat looks a helluva lot cooler than Golbat. But why the hell does it evolve with happiness? Golbat is like 42% Piss and 13% VInegar by volume, it should not need "happiness" to reach its final stage. It should evolve just by sheer spite.

Overall: 6/10

So yeah, shinies.

Guess those guys at Gamefreak heard me shooting my mouth off about shinies, because they apparently remote-hacked my game to make me find a shiny today. Shiny Cubchoo, which looks like this:  

 Which honestly I can't complain about. (the normal flavor is light blue instead of the purple) But your bribes will not win me over, Gamefreak! You still need to be less stingy with the shinies!