No. 187: Hoppip

Hoppip is pretty bad.

In terms of stats, that is. I mean, shit defense, alright speed, and shit attacks. Plus it's a grass/flying, so that means it'll be using absorb and gust. sheesh.

But I like the look of it, actually. And as you will see, its evolutions continue with a nice theme of the changing stages of a dandelion. That's the best thing about grass types; not only does the creature evolve, but you get to see a progression of the plant aspect as well, and it's usually more than just "flower --> big flower".

So yeah, Hoppip's alright.

Overall: 5/10

No. 186: Politoed

Nyoro~~n...

Someone messed up with the name. Politoed is pretty much an actual thing, when animals have too many fingers and stuff. Politoad would've been a frog-themed pun.

But then I have to say: Why the hell is this a Poliwhirl evolution. The swirl is different, the color is different, the body structure is different, no gloves, the eyes are completely different, it is NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE SAME DAMN THING. What the hell. Why didn't they just make another frog line if they wanted to. Or do something else.

And why would you want a pure water-type when you could have Poliwrath, who's part fighting?

Dumb Pokemon, dumb evolution.

Overall: 2/10

No. 185: Sudowoodo

You totally thought it was a grass type, didn't you.

So you sent out your Quilava, and bu-bu-bu-BWHAAAAAAAAT??? Not very effective!? Sudowoodo uses rock blast?? OH NO!

but seriously, that was a clever thing. Unless you had a guide or something, it totally caught you by surprise. I think it's kinda strange that there's only one in the entire game, because it isn't nearly legendary, but whatever.

I can't give Sudowoodo shit about being typed wrong, because that's the point. It mixes it up, and confuses you.

Well played, Gamefreak. Well played.

Overall: 6/10

No. 184: Azumarill

The the best thing that starts with "Azuma-" is Azumanga Daioh.

So, is this one Raiblue? I guess I actually like it better than Marill, because it at least tries to be a bit different. With that bubble pattern and all.

Because the ears are ripped from Wigglytuff, and the tail is still... wait.

It is an egg that someone photoshopped body parts onto. Look at it.

I mean, LOOK AT IT. Now I can't see it any other way. It's just - it looks shopped. I can tell from some of the pixels, and because I've seen quite a few Pokemon in my time.

Overall: egg/10

No. 183: Marill

it's Pikablue!!

Seriously, look at it. They wanted Marill to be the new Pikachu so hard. Cute little face, easy-to-draw design, rodent ears, zig-zaggy identifiable tail. They tried so hard.

Except screw Marill. Useless crap that doesn't nothing. I resent his existence, and don't appreciate the cuteness at all.

Unlike Pikachu, Marill has no characterization in the anime. If they made it have even the slightest semblance of a personality, then maybe I wouldn't be so harsh, but it is what it is.

Also, I've been making a lot of frigging typing errors as I hammer this bad boy out. I blame Marill.

Overall: 2/10

No. 182: Bellossom

If Bellossom was a 90s action cartoon, would it be named Bellawesome?

Bellossom loses a type when it evolves from Gloom, but since that type is poison, its no big deal. So the question is this: is Bellossom better than Vileplume, who, if you'll remember, I actually kinda like?

the answer is this: it depends. If you're into cute feminine things, then Bellossom totally has you covered. It looks like a hula dancer flower. If you aren't into that kind of stuff, then go with Vileplum, because it has a stinky flower on its head that reminds me of Toad.

Remember that one time in the anime, in the short before the second movie, I think, when a bunch of Bellossoms did a dance for Pikachu and pals? That was pretty neat.

Also Bellossom is a good thing to come out of a pokeball in Smash Bros, because sleepy opponents are opponents that will soon be dead.

Overall: 7/10

No. 181: Ampharos

Can we call this one the black sheep of the family?

It doesn't look much like a sheep, but at least it has the tail and ear-horns to tie it all together.

Ampharos is one of my favorite gen 2 Pokemon, and I don't really know why. I guess because it seems so noble and humble, being a lighthouse and all. It makes me feel calm. I don't even know why I like it so much, I mean, it looks more like a kangaroo than a sheep.

It's also one of the few Pokemon that actually look good rendered in 3D, because the generic latex texture the shitbrains responsible for Battle Revolution used actually look good on it.

I liked how you had to find medicine for it, it was a more human and touching task than saving the world and thwarting evil organizations. I always thought it weird that Jasmine didn't have an Ampharos...

But, despite how much Ampharos calms me down, and makes me nostalgic, and inspires nobility in all who bathe in its radiant light, I still kinda wish that the Mareep evolutions had continued to get woolier and woolier instead of sheared. Oh well.

Overall: 9/10

No. 180: Flaaffy

Half-shorn sheep are not cute.

They are terrifying. Just like when poodles get trimmed so that they are naked in parts but fluffy in parts, I don't like it.

But I do like how even thought the wool changed, and it turned pink, the horns and tail remain similar, so you know they're in the same evolution. Nice to see such continuity.

but back to my point: When nature designs an animal to be covered in hair, then shaving that hair off will look terrifyingly horrifying. Like those naked sphinx cats, or whatever. Why would you shave a cat? That's just cruel. Cats have nice furry coats, and it's a hell of a loss to shave it all off.

Unless you have a medical reason, or are a world-class assassin, don't make yourself bald.

Overall: 4/10

No. 179: Mareep

Do robots dream of electric sheep?

Mareep is a great Pokemon. It makes sense, looks great, has a great name, and is quite useful. But first, let's take a look at that tried-and-true formula for making a Pokemon, that we've not brought up in a while:

Step 1. Take a recognizable animal (in this case a sheep)
Step 2. Tweak it a bit (stripedy ear-horns and tail, blue skin)
Step 3. Add something crazy (electric ball)

It totally works, because sheep are made of wool, right? and wool makes static electricity! So an electric typing makes a ton of sense, unlike some other Pokemon where they just decided "pigs are psychic, right?" and moved on.

and the name! Mary, as in "Mary had a little lamb", plus sheep, and it all sounds like the kind of noise a cute little sheep-like animal might actually make!

The shiny form is also amazing, it looks the the same, put with pink wool. that is adorable.

Overall: 10/10

No. 178: Xatu

Xatu can see the future, as well as the past.

Gazing out into the endless expanse that is time, he beholds everything in creation, spread out before him and yet simultaneously. He sees that which has not yet come to pass. He sees all, knows more, and tells little. He is Xatu. Stare into his eyes, and you will see forever.



erm, anyway, yes. Xatu. Cool stuff. Looks like a totem pole. He absolutely wrecks fighting-types, which can come in handy.

I like how unique he looks. He's got a lot going on, design-wise, but it works. Unlike some later Pokemon with seemingly random splotches of color thrown on haphazardly.

and hey, the guy can see all that was, all that is, and all that will be. Gaze not too long into his eyes, or else you might lose yourself.

Overall: 8/10