Wallace of Sootopolis City

it's a good thing Fly exists, because otherwise I don't think Sootopolis City would get like any mail

His official art doesn't show it, but Wallace is all the time posing his ass off, jazz fingers going wild, being basically the biggest flashiest most flamboyant trainer ever.

and it's pretty great. His color scheme is actually kinda subtle, being most white and cyan. maybe it might look like an Ice trainer to some, but the way everything about him is about flow, I don't think so. his cape flows like a waterfall, or spreads like a wave. it's a really neat design choice.


Then, in Emerald, he gets so full of himself he gets to be the Champion. Now, we've seen Koga get promoted, and Lance take back his place, but it doesn't make sense to me that he could just waltz up and become Champ.

actually, that's exactly what YOU do when you beat them. except you don't bother to wait around and fight other challengers. what's up with that, Player Character? show some respect for the position!


Overall: 8/10
In the remake

Tate and Liza of Mossdeep City

seriously thought these was two girls for the longest time

you know, there's not much chinese-dressed people in Pokemon. So it's good to see a little of that show up here, in these brats fashionable pajamas or whatever. I'd let my children sleep/pratice tai chi in those.

I also super like the idea of psychic twins being the gym leaders for a double-battles-only gym. Shows off the new system, which is good, because pretty much nobody else in the game did. While I'm on the subject, I just want to say how much I like triple battles, because it feels like I've got my actual party out there on the field and stuff, and it makes battling a lot more complicated and interesting, and I'd hate to see it gone in gen 6. so fingers crossed.


anyway, back to Tater and Liszt. I suppose they work, they're designs are more focused on looking like innocent twins rather than powerful psychics, but that works. because when you see two chinese twins in pajamas sitting together and holding hands and staring at you with shining unblinking eyes, you begin to expect them to have latent telekinetic powers. or at least I do.


Overall: 6/10
in the remake

Winoa of Fortree City

damn I forgot this one even existed

That's a pretty funky outfit she's wearing, I don't even know what to make of it. Like, I see an aviator's cap, okay. Hair going crazy like wings, okay. a choker I guess. Then some bizarre one-piece that turns into bloomers, which then turns into like sleeves for her legs? they can't really be called pants, I don't think. It's bizarre.

Like, is this what flight jumpsuits look like? I don't really think so. I don't really think Gamefreak knew what they were doing here. You just sort of breeze into her little Ewok-village-ass town, zap her or freeze her, and move on.


seriously, I don't remember shit about this girl. cool hat/hair, though.


Overall: 2/10
In the remake

Norman of Petalburg City

No, May... I am your father.

Other than that little "twist", if you can even call it that, Norman is super boring. I mean, he's the Normal-type gym leader, I get it. Dude has about as much personality as Wonder Bread. He's Norman, and he's pretty frikken' normal.

I suppose having his gym revolve around using X Attack and X Defend and stuff is kinda unique, tho. Not that it mattered much, just gave my guys a free turn to attack.


He's got some sense of style, I suppose. I wear a sweater kinda like his, except grey. I dunno, he's pretty much living up to everything I'd expect out of a "Normal Gym Leader". I guess I shouldn't fault him too much. He actually feels like he's sort of a strategic all-rounder, but chooses to work with Normals because you have to specialize to own a gym, and they're the most flexible.

In the end, I suppose a totally normal score would be appropriate. Does "normal" not sound like a word to anyone else now? normal normal normal


Overall: 5/10
In the remake

October is my Favorite Month

I love October for a few reasons, and especially THIS October. Because Pokemon X and Y are coming out in less than two weeks. In case you didn't know.

So here's my self-imposed challenge - a post every day this month. Every single day, content of some kind comin' atcha.

I know I've got more than a few gym leaders and elite four members to get through, but I think I'm going to get through Hoenn and then stop. Because I'm getting bored. I want to wade into the Gen 6 Pokemon, and I don't want to wait too long. But I don't want to start immediately, either, because I need to actually PLAY the game before fully formulating my opinions.

so my plan is as follows -

1st - 6th: Hoenn gym leaders
7th - 11th: Hoenn elite four
12th - 19th: Random first impressions of the game
20th onward: 6th gen train gets rollin'

Any complaints about this plan? because this is looking like a damn fine plan to me. I like this plan.

Flannery of Lavaridge Town

THE MOST EXCITING TIME OF DAY HAS FLANNERY COME

now here's a little secret - I dig it when characters have baggy pants and tight tops. And I mean from a character-design perspective, male or female, I think it's neat. somehow combines a relaxed look (the bottoms) with an athletic look (the top).

so Flannery has that going for her. In addition to having hair that looks like it's exploding out of her head, and a helpful little flame symbol on her shirt. I'm saying she clearly communicates her Fire expertise, is what I'm saying. I'm also saying she's incredibly hot, and possibly the most memorable character in the entire 3rd Gen. She got that older-punk-girl thing going on. it's great


uh, yeah. I really like Flannery, I think that's apparent. I also think she has a good design, and Torkoal is a cool signature Pokemon. and she lives in a town his hotsprings next to a volcano, that's amazing.

Overall: 10/10
in the remake

Wattson of Mauville City

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Some people laugh because they are in good spirits. Some other people laugh to cover up the emptiness within. Wattson laughs because he owns a team of animals who can electrocute people to death, and holds too much political sway to ever be convicted.

He looks a little bit like your janitor from elementary school, the one you should might have actually been santa claus. But he's got that nice electric coloring, and a helpful lightning-bolt patch on his shoulder there. Which looks a little like an SS logo now that I think of it. Truly, the greatest monster of our time.


real talk, though, Wattson is great. That's a clever name, and he also has a unique body type for a gym leader. Electric type leaders are almost always genius, and this sadistic bastard here is no exception. He's too old to care about the laws of men anymore, and spends his time running high voltage through animals and building robots. Didn't he have a robotic Raikou in the anime? what the heck was up with that, anyway?

damn, Wattson, you crazy.


Overall: 10/10
In the remake

Brawly of Dewford Town

I'm pretty sure I used this guy in a Final Fantasy some time. Or maybe it was Lufia.

Point is, he looks a helluva lot like he belongs in a fantasy JRPG. and I mean, he is in a JRPG, but Pokemon isn't really fantasy. more technology than anything else.

anyways, he's got that nice blue/orange color scheme, but not much to identify him as a Fighting-type gym leader. Other than the fact he's the leader of a gym on an island to the southwest, which seems to be where Gamefreak puts all their Fighting dudes.


His pose and frame suggest he's athletic, and with that freaking name I'd obviously guess he's a fighter, but the design alone really doesn't communicate that at all. some knuckle wraps, or a martial arts belt, something like that would be good. I dunno, he just seems more attached to making sure everything in his life is blue and orange than looking like he trains beefy muscle Pokemon to punch things.


Overall: 4/10
In the remake

Roxanne of Rustboro City

We're only 3 weeks away from X and Y, and here I am just starting with Hoenn gym leaders. I guess I'll justify it by saying that I'd kind of like a little time to actually PLAY the new games before I start ripping into the Pokemon, but you and I both know it's because I was a lazy turd over the summer.

anyway, Roxanne. Her thighs are thicker than her waist.


Overall: 3/10

no wait, that's not all I wanted to say! uh, her name has "rocks" in it, and she's a Rock-type trainer. which seems to be a popular first-gym choice. She doesn't look it, though. I'd expect Normal, or possibly Psychic.


also, she um, has... a... nosepass? okay, I guess I really don't have much to say. and in fact, I'm gonna lower that score up there. Roxanne is forgettable to the extreme. she doesn't fit her theme, has no personality that I can recall, and her badge is stupid.


Overall: 1/10
In the remake

Janine of Fuschia City

So that's pretty much it for Johto, but on the return trip to Kanto you find the Gym Leaders have been changed a bit. I've already covered Blue before, so here's Janine.

Koga is her dad, they're both ninja, they both use Poison types. They both utilize some similar ninja tropes (scarf, fingers, those pants, gauntlets), and both look pretty fly. I especially like her black/pink color scheme, it's really unique and striking.

but she falls into the same pitfall as her father - being a ninja doesn't necessarily mean you look like a Poison trainer. I guess it's one of the most probably types, along with Dark and Bug, but whatever.


Also, since I didn't mention it before, this thing is called the Soul Badge. that's right, Poison type gym = Soul Badge. Never mind that Sabrina is over there giving away the Marsh Badge, and using Psychics. I feel like someone screwed up, especially since you could actually fight these gyms in either order.

so yeah - Janine is adorable, she looks in-control, she's pretty sweet. that's just about all I have to say.


Overall: 8/10