No. 787: Tapu Bulu

bulushit

You know, for some reason I don't like this guy. Once again the shell looks totally superfluous to the rest of the design, and he almost looks like he's upside-down. Something about how his arms connect to his body. Basically I don't believe that he even fits inside his shell.

And get this - he's Grass type. Yeah, that's definitely what I think of, when I think of red-and-gold bulls, some damn ass vegetables.

Dummy broke his horns flipping open his shell and that just further confuses the silhouette, plus he has stupid hands that look like they can't even pour a bowl of cereal without making a huge mess all over the floor. And that's the #1 criteria I look for in a Tapu, obviously.

A lot of words written to say that basically, man is just ugly.


Overall: 2/10

No. 786: Tapu Lele

lel

Who's this cutie, peeking out from her shell? Why, it's Tapu Lele! D'awww!

I'm not sure exactly what her shell is supposed to be - people claim it's a butterfly, but that seems like a stretch to me. She looks more like her hair is made of coral or something, idk.

Also, unlike Koko from last time, Lele works with the shell and makes it a core part of the design, instead of feeling like an awkward afterthought. I'm not always a fan of the obviously-girly Pokemon, but this one is working for me.


Overall: 9/10

Bonus question: Are those white things eyelashes? Or a mustache? Or some sort of reverse eye-black, like baseball players wear? Or are they two tiny mouths? Discuss.

No. 785: Tapu Koko

I'm in love with the koko

The Tapu-series are interesting Legendaries because they actually go with the theme of the region. I mean, Xerneas and Dialga could have swapped designs and it wouldn't have really mattered. But the Tapus are specifically Polynesian, which is kinda neat.

There's a cool quality to seeing how they fold up into their shells - reminds me of high-quality McDonalds' Transformers toys. And I mean that in a good way! Another reason you can't just judge a Pokemon on its still artwork alone anymore.

But at the same time, wow those giant half-shells on your arms must be awkward. I appreciate the gimmick, but I think I'd honestly like Tapu Koko even more if it were just a cool little dude with claw-hands and a radical mohawk.


Overall: 7/10

No. 784: Kommo-o

Off the Florida keys / there's a place called Kommo-o ~

imagine how much noise this guy makes just moving around. Every daily activity is a constant cacophony of rattling plates and scales. The tiniest motion sets off a chain reaction of clattering and banging. It must be deafening.

That aside, Kommo-o is looking regal af with all that bling, peep the headdress and damn Royal Scepter of a tail. Random fringe of fur (feathers?) around the shoulders plays into it, too. Actually, looking back at Jangmo-o, he's got a tiny tuft on his chest, so I guess the feathers (fur?) aren't totally random.

I think there's a truly badass concept at work here, but there's just a little too much of it. It's all a cohesive design, repetition of the same motif, so that's better than some other disorganized messes of Pokemon, but it's just enough to push it into the "shoulda been a Digimon" territory for me. We're talking like 10% too much? Remove the all-grey plate dangle, maybe calm down the neck a bit, and it would be perfect.


Overall: 9/10

No. 783: Hakamo-o

If you've never actually got to see a haka performed live, I recommend it. It is terrifying.

ugg I don't like those shoulder nobules. They look like scales that haven't finished forming yet, which is kinda gross. Same with the stuff on his chest, just make it golden like the rest!

That aside, I'm lovin' Hakamo-o. Reminds me of the more saurian Gen 1 Pokemon, especially with those eyes and that snout. Also, he picks up the coveted Fighting sub-type, which almost never fails to make me like a Pokemon more.

And check this sly dog - he grew his awkward heart-shaped headplate into... a toenail? Eh, nice attempt, but I'd still clown him for it. Or at least I would, until I saw him uppercut a dude's head off his body. I'd probably give it a rest after that.


Overall: 9/10

No. 782: Jangmo-o

I got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle

When you're born with a heart-shaped scale on your forehead, there are two options - either get picked on mercilessly for being a care bear reject, or become such a badass that nobody dares mock you. Jangmo-o is clearly choosing the latter.

That expression and that strut let you know not to screw with him, he's 10 pounds of ass-whuppin' in a 5 pound sack. Don't you DARE make fun of his comically large, bulbous head.


Overall: 8/10

No. 781: Dhelmise

Dead men tell no tales...

Here's a riddle - why do I love Honedge, but not care for this guy at all? They're both inanimate-object-mons, that hardly look like anything more than their object. It's not like Vanilluxe, who's a pile of snow on top of some icicles, resembling (but not literally) an ice cream cone. No, with these boys, they're straight up a sword/anchor, that's possessed by a ghost.

So I can't really knock it on concept, I guess it just seems too busy? If it was just an anchor, or just the steering wheel, I think I'd like it more? Another thing that pisses me off is when they try and go "no its totally a face look see" but it hella does NOT look like a face. I see one eye, maybe, and then a pattern that people tell me should resemble jack-o-lantern teeth, but I can't see it. I can see faces in chairs, cars, and electrical outlets, but somehow not this pile of flotsam and jetsam.

Oh wait - the Pokemon is just the seaweed the whole time, and it's carrying around the anchor and wheel? So any resemblance to a face is entirely coincidental anyway? Wow, now I don't have to feel bad about disliking Dhelmise anymore. the way it sneaks in Steel-type STAB is nice tho, ain't even gonna front


Overall: 3/10

No. 780: Drampa

What the hell does Normal/Dragon even mean, really?

I'm kinda tired of things picking up Normal as a sub-type, but then I don't like the concept of Normal as a type existing at all. I've ranted about it in the past, go find that. Now it's the time to roast this geriatric bitch.

Go back to Wind Waker, you claymation bastard. Those eyes display no signs of life, and I know somebody just rolled up little bits for your hair and eyebrows. Looking unbalanced af, like he'll fall over if he wasn't gripping the ground in front of him with full strength. Where's the rest of the body? He's got arms hidden under that feather-fluff, but not nearly enough junk in the trunk to balance it out.

I can only imagine what the design process was for Drampa:
"okay we need just 1 more Pokemon to fit the quota"
"but we've done everything"
"c'monnnnnn just 1 more"
"okay...... what about...... a dragon? that's an old man? sorry dude I'm tapped"
"that's horrible, but it's late as hell. Sure, write it down. Tell the modelers to make it look like it was made out of Sculpee, I don't give a shit."


Overall: 1/10

No. 779: Bruxish

say it with me now - humu-humu-nuku-nuku-apu-a'a

I gotta give this one props for being so aggressively garish. Other Pokemon accidentally back into it, but Bruxish saw the warning signs and just plowed right through them, driving off the cliff like the end of Thelma & Louise. The whole thing looks like some sort of vaporwave-inspired snorkeling nightmare.

And you know what? "vaporwave-inspired snorkeling nightmare" just so happens to be my middle name. I love this big biggedy bitch. Tropical fish are supposed to be crazy-go-nuts! I dig the way it can hurt you both ways - big-ass chompers, or a magical psychic flower. And I can't get enough of that sassy 'tude.

one final note - whenever I seen a humu fish, I'm always struck by an intense desire to fry it whole and eat it like a steak. Yeah I know there's bones and guts and stuff in there, but they just look like little patties of meat to me. So am I saying I want to eat Bruxish?

maybe ~

Overall: 10/10

No. 778: Mimikyu

the only fault with this one is that it's not named Pikaboo.

So first off, let's get one thing straight - if I see anybody bullying Mimikyu, there's gonna be a problem. do NOT bully this adorable little guy. I'm dead serious.

With that out of the way, I love how meta Mimikyu is. It's jealous of Pikachu's popularity, which is apparently as omnipresent in Poke-world as it is in real life, but also serves as a satire of the Pika-clones we see every generation. Which really makes Togedemaru damn pointless, huh? Just stop it already, Gamefreak. You've got the period at the end of your sentence, now. We can be done with adding new electric rodents every gen.

So the design is fun and clever, but the ability is also neat. Like with Minior, it makes you use the Pokemon in a different way than normal. The ability to absorb that first hit gives it great versatility - use it to power up with Swords Dance or Z-Splash (I usually never take the time for these, but Mimikyu lets me get one off for free), or tack on some damage for free before switching out next turn, or maybe fight it out with Mimikyu's surprisingly solid stats.

It looks cute, but Mimikyu is a goddamn terror that will feed you your own face if you underestimate it. You've been warned.


Overall: 10/10