Hisuian Arcanine

I'll just cut to the chase - this design is almost great, but two things piss me off - the way the smoky parts of its fur are grey instead of black like the stripes, and those little orange bits on its mane.

In this image the tail looks even a different shade than the mane, but they're all the same in-game. Just, why not make them the same so-dark-grey-it-counts-as-black as the stripes? Besides, black/red is a good combo, but grey/red is less striking.

And as for those flecks of red in the mane... I think what gets me is that they aren't outlined like the other fur markings. They seem unfinished. I'd rather leave them out entirely tbh.

Overall: 6/10

Hisuian Growlithe

Growlithe: but with more saturated colors

Hisuian Growlithe is based on those komainu or lion-dog statues that guard Buddhist temples. I think that's where the Rock part of its typing comes in, because there's nothing rocky about a Growlithe with a bad haircut.

ok, fine, it's a cute haircut. And surprisingly, the single horn and Wartortle-esque tail makes it look like an authentic Gen-1 design. I like this guy, I can imagine him running around the room and bumping into table legs and stuff, getting soot all over the damn place, just generally acting like a rascal.

overall: 9/10

Hisuian Decidueye

You'll have to excuse me, I've been battered with Street Fighter news lately and can't think of anything else 

This artwork is very flattering to Hisuian Decidueye, who most of the time just looks like this:

And here's the thing, I get it. Samurai wear straw short-capes over their shoulders, and straw hats low over their eyes. That's cool! But then they also wear long flowing robes, or mighty armor, not just two long-ass legs sitting out and about. The scary thing is that owls are build like this in real life, they just have feathers such that we only think of them as having cute stubby little legs. So watch out for that.

anyway, while I could be down for a Grass/Fighting road runner, the result looks more like an upside-down teacup with legs running around. The proportions on the artwork are better than in-game, so the design isn't totally lost. Keeping its arms more "out", or longer feathers to create a full cloak, would have worked better.

Overall: 4/10

Hisuian Samurott

so how bout that Scarlet/Violet trailer, huh? 

Vanilla Samurott kinda sucked, and Hisui hasn't treated him much better. He's still fundamentally dumb, with a "samurai" theme made incomprehensible due to lack of any iconic samurai motifs, and a "shell sword" gimmick made  awkward due to being on all fours.

the new Dark typing gives his armor some extra spikes and flair, but it's too little too late. They had an opportunity to really redeem the design, maybe go Water/Fighting and have him stand upright, but alas. I'm gonna dock this one even lower than the original, too. Just for refusing to make any improvements whatsoever.

Overall: 3/10

Hisuian Typhlosion

well that's enough stalling.

Typhlosion is one of the most badass Pokemon ever, but he's been done a bit dirty by the transition to 3D. Dude needs those flames to be constantly raging to keep his presence. You see this shit?

This is weak shit.

Fortunately, Hisuian Typhlosion keeps his flames out all the time during battle - and they're spooky ghost flames, which is even better! although I wish they animated more like, well, flames. Instead of tentacles.

Regardless, there's still the minor tragedy that when he's just chilling in the overworld, no flames. It pisses me off. Charizard keeps it blazing 24/7, why can't my man Typhlosion?

Based on the design alone, this should be an easy 10/10, arguably even surpassing the original. But because of how its actually implemented in the game, I have to dock it points. And the sad truth is, if I was reviewing Typhlosion for the first time in this modern era, it would fall from that perfect grade, too.

Overall: 9/10

Touhoumon no. 9: Cirno

Beloved Tomboyish Daughter

Cirno is the strongest, what more do you need to know? She freezes frogs and doesn't afraid of anything.

Even besides the memes, Cirno remains enduringly popular because she's just so cool (pun intended). She's got a simple design and neat ice-crystal wings, with a big personality. I know everyone calls her a baka, but I think it's great how she doesn't let that faze her.

Also, she's got a nice Sp. Atk stat, and the surprisingly rare Ice typing. Plus she's cute as a button.

Overall: 9/10 10/10

Pokemon Scarlet & Violet announced

And here I was thinking Gamefreak was gonna take it easy after pumping out two games back-to-back...

I enjoyed the hell out of Legends Arceus and will probably make a post about it later, but suffice to say I'm really glad that Gen 9 is keeping the open-world vibes. I hope it brings back the emphasis on trainer battles, and let the Pokemon follow you around.

New starters look fine, we got a weed cat, applegator, and donald duck. As always, what really matters is their final evolutions, but I instantly like these more than last gen's.

Will I be able to review those Hisuian forms before these games launch? Knowing me, it'll be a struggle.

Raihan of Hammerlocke

the Kevin Durant of the Pokemon world

Raihan shows Piers how you rock a lanky frame, looking like a badass and staying on-brand. Check the coordination between shoes and hoodie, with the dragon-whisker laces. I wish we got to see more of him in the main game, because he's got a great design and his rivalry with Leon could be interesting.

Sadly, he ends up with one of the most pathetic gyms I've ever seen - you just step into his office, answer a few trivia questions, and battle a few trainers right there. It's a damn shame.

Sickass logo, though. and Raihan's hoodie looks mad comfy, I want to pull those drawstrings and make the "jaws" close up around his head.

Overall: 8/10

Piers of Spikemuth

God, wasn't it embarrassing when Piers starts to sing in his concert, but because there's no voice acting he's just shouting silently?

Honestly that little detail alone irreparably harmed Piers in my eyes. I know he's supposed to be this punk rocker, but I can't shake the image of him shaking his fist and lip-syncing into the microphone. So I'll try to give him a better examination here.

My man has the hair of an Octoling from Splatoon and the body of Midosuji from Yowamushi Pedal. That's a cool jacket and shoes, but those knobby knees aren't a good look. Piers is a victim of the need to wear something sports-related, so he ends up looking like one of those anemic marathon cyclists, but with a bunch of spiky accessories.

I think he's almost cool, but the hair is too alien and those knees are so distracting I don't even feel like giving him points for being involved with the storyline. Although it's admirable how he competes without using Dynamax, because it's a bullshit mechanic. 

His logo is just Team Yell, because they're actually just trainers from Spikemuth, but that's something we'll get into when we review the "Evil Team" themselves. For now, suffice to say that Piers falls a distant second to his sister.

Overall: 4/10

Melony of Chircester

forget Pikmin 4 I need HER 

Gamefreak gotta lot of nerve, making a stone-cold milf in the game and naming her Melony. Like how can I not make the obvious joke? But I'll resist, this is a Family blog, after all. (side note: anyone reading this with their family - there are probably better ways to spend your time together.)

I'm not sure if Frosmoth was designed first, or Melony, but they're perfect for each other. Big round soft maternal energy. She seems to have hooves instead of feet, but I can get over that. Just a really nice design, and check out the hidden triforce in her logo:

Whereas Bea and Allister are unconnected, aside from Ghost and Fighting being sorta opposites, Melony and Gordie have a cool little storyline, where she wanted him to become an Ice trainer and take over the gym, but he wanted to rock out as a Rock trainer. And depending on if you play Sword or Shield, I guess you see a different side of that argument.

Overall: 10/10