No. 684: Swirlix

what the heck is this crap

some sort of dubstep cotton candy? is that what this is supposed to be? I don't even see visible hands here. and it's another pink blob. look, Gamefreak, it doesn't help matters if you try to take all your repetitive pink normal-type whatevers, and just make them Fairy-type whatevers. They're slightly more useful, sure, but they're still all pretty homogeneous.

Now, some people may wonder why I'm so hard on this cotton candy dipshit, when I liked the ice cream cone mon. well, Vanillite at least had the decency to tie ice cream, snow, cones, and icicles into one neat package. But Swirlix is just a lump of sugar floss. there's nothing clever going on here at all.


Overall: 2/10

No. 683: Aromatisse

uh

I'm not sure what I expected Spritzee to evolve into, but a fat can-can dancer was not one of them.

I am uncomfortable with the way it's displaying its leg. Fat feathery fuschia Pokemon should not be trying to show off their legs, however shapely.

but I do like the progression, it's like a squat little troll thing. reminds me of those bird-weirdos from Labyrinth, the ones that could take off their heads and shit. that movie was on drugs, now that I think about it. But Aromatisse really needs another evolution, this doesn't take it far enough. I want it to end up like one of The Wild Things from Where they Are. or maybe Donquixote Doflamingo.


Overall: 5/10

No. 682: Spritzee

no, it's not a Normal/Flying type, no matter how much it looks like a bird.

It's actually a Fairy-type. but that's about all I can say about it. It has average stats, and no special moves or gimmicks. I guess it's pretty slow and has more health than usual, but...

I guess I kinda like the design, though. the abstract beak is neat, and the tiny little legs looking like a purple knife is cool. I mean, it's pink and all, but it isn't stupid or dumb by any means.

I also see it learns a nice set of STAB moves. btw - good job Gamefreak for giving Fairys something to work with right off the bat. Between Draining Kiss, Moonblast, and Disarming Voice, there are some actual options there.

so, Spritzee - surprisingly decent after all?


Overall: 6/10

No. 681: Aegislash

this guy is basically a Yu-gi-oh card
 

He's like one of those Effect Monsters that has a super-high ATK, but when you attack it it instantly goes into Defense Position and switches its ATK and DEF stats. I'm sure something like that exists, right? it can't be more broken than the WXYZ-Super-Synchro Dragon Beastmax or whatever they have these days.

but yeah, Aegislash. a gimmick Pokemon that freakin' works. amazing. he's all defense, until he uses an offensive move, in which case BOOM it's all offense. In some ways I suppose one might prefer Doublade, who is just a reliable high attack and defense kind of guy, similar to how sometimes Scyther is preferable to Scizor.

But in any case, let's talk about this pimp-ass sword. Purple and Gold, like he owns the place. the overall idea of an eyeball in the hilt and tassels of hands remains, but now it looks somehow more humanoid, and thus I think ought to remove the "IT'S JUST A FREAKING SWORD" critique

This guy is boss. all praise here.


Overall: 10/10

No. 680: Doublade

what's this, two posts in one day? has the world gone mad!?

no, I just wanted to do something to make up for that unintentional hiatus, and with the next one being Doublade, doubling up seemed like the right thing to do. Though now I have 3 swords posted today. oh well

Doublade is just two Honedges, but with pink. I wish I could say it's more than that, and maybe it resembles a family crest sort of thing that rich Europeans hang on their walls of their estates and don't let you take the swords down and play Zorro up and down the grand staircase when you visit and then call your mom and tell you never to come back, but uh, wow I forgot where I was for a second

It's just as stupid and uninspired now as it was when Dugtrio, Magneton, and Klinklang did it. stop please, Gamefreak.


Overall: 3/10

No. 679: Honedge

my ideal Ghost/Steel type would be like a haunted suit of armor, but I'll take what I can get.

Some people get pissed at this guy for "just being a freaking sword", but I think it's clever how the sword's tassel is its hand, and it removes its own sheath, and has a glowing eye like the Soul Edge or something.

and a cursed sword is just as easy to imagine having real emotion and stuff as anything else, so yeah.

I also dig the way the design on the scabbard fakes you out, you think it's the face, but it ain't.


Overall: 9/10

No. 678: Meowstic

What's up, me-meow?

Okay, moving forward - Meowstic! two flavors to savor, and each with a double-helping of tails.

I like how they're basically color-reversals of one another, but with other differences as well. Male Meowstic has bands and more points, whereas female Mewostic has this ripple border at her color changes and these round poof things.

they also even learn different attacks, which is pretty neat-o. Really makes gender difference matter, but doesn't clog up the Pokedex with a separate species for each! Nidoran, sit the frig down, you know I'm talking about you.

yet they still retain the same color scheme and effective silhouette. Really, the only thing I don't like is the folded-rabbit ears, but I admit those even have a purpose as they unfold for attack animations and stuff. so yeah, these are some nice kitties.


Overall: 8/10