No. 226: Mantine

Manta Rays are frigging majestic.

Some of them grow to 12 feet across. That's bigger than a grand piano, and it's just floating around, eating plankton and stuff. They are pretty awesome animals, I have to say.

Which is why perhaps Mantine seems a little underwhelming. He's big and has special defense like no one's business, but as a type he's extremely weak to electric, and isn't even Gyarados. They have the same typing, so I'd pick Gyarados every time. And then Mantine doesn't add anything to its base, besides being a little cuter and having a pouty fat-face mouth.

A manta ray could've been done more scarily, or more majestically, but I guess Mantine will have to do.

Overall: 6/10

No. 225: Delibird

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He's a bird.

Aside from that novelty, and the lulzy nature of the Present move, there's not much Delibird has to offer. In fact, that's all he learns naturally. If you want him to actually be reliable in any way, you have to get him the TM for Ice Beam and Blizzard and stuff.

And even then, he won't be of much use.

also, Delibird is in the dubious category of "Pokemon carrying items" that doesn't sit quite well with me. Where do they get the bag? Who makes them? What are they made of? All these questions and more will never be answered, because Santa Claus exists only in the minds of the true believers and young at heart.

and since I'm a jaded bastard who's rating Pokemon, I'd say I'm fairly in the cynical range by now.

Overall: 4/10

No. 224: Octillery

Okay, what the hell.

Seriously you guys, what the hell.

This is Remoraid's evolved form.

That's right.


THIS

evolves into THIS



I have no clue what the ass piss Gamefreak was thinking. Is it a code bug? I wish. Octopi and squid are cool, and it makes me sad that they never got a full evolutionary chain. Wouldn't some electric squid Pokemon be awesome? You know it would.

But randomly, Remoraid grows a few legs, loses its internal skeleton, and frigging CHANGES IT'S ENTIRE PHYLUM OF CLASSIFICATION ARARHGAHRGAHRGAHR

seriously, I think I speak for us all when I say: WHAT THE HELL.


Octillery is a cool guy, he just has a completely nonsensical evolution. if only we could have had something better...


Overall: 4/10

No. 223: Remoraid

Remora, wasn't that the name of some girl in a children's book? like with Beezus and something?

wait, that was Ramona. Whatever. You know, sometimes I didn't like that girl. Like a Remora, she was just a parasite and a drag on her family, always being troublesome and stuff. sheesh.

But at least she made life exciting, unlike Remoraid, who is pretty dull. Pure water-type (like we don't have enough of those already) and while it has a neat ecological niche in the Poke-world, that doesn't translate over to battle. It can't hitch a ride on your opponent's Pokemon, draining their HP while you send out a new Pokemon to battle. Also, it has another gigantic failing that I will address tomorrow.

Overall: 2/10

No. 222: Corsola

I love how people keep forgetting Corosla is a rock type. c'mon, people.

I think a coral Pokemon is a neat idea, and Corsola handles it well. If it didn't have eyes, you'd probably think it was just a piece of coral, but BAM it's a Pokemon, bitch.

It always strikes me as strange, though, that Corsola appears to not be able to move her body at all. In the Stadium games, she just kinda bonks around statically, like a plastic toy you dropped as it settles. But she doesn't seem to have any points of articulation.

So how does she move? I suspect Corsolas are hollow. Inside, there is a lot of water, and Corsola moves by contracting their insides to throw the water around. Like, you know when you have a half-full milk jug and you slide it, then it stops and then slides a little more because of the milk sloshing around? Imagine if the milk could slosh itself around. That could create movement.

and I really wish Corosla evolved into some sort of multi-cannoned coral battle fortress or something.

Overall: 7/10

No. 221: Piloswine

Paw, thet shore as a Pile o' swine ya got they-ur

So, still a great typing, but now it looks kinda stupider. I mean, I like the tusks, but it reminds me more of a shetland sheepdog than a boar.

also, look at that hump. Just look at it. Think about what it looks like under that fur. I shudder when I think of those stubby legs, and that giant fat sack that it keeps on its back. To keep it warm I guess? I could see that being an evolutionary advantage.

Oh wait, this is Pokemon, Darwin's rolling in his grave so fast they made a solenoid out of him and are using it to generate electric power for the Pokecenters.

Overall: 6/10

No. 220: Swinub

Shoutouts to Buuta from Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann,

Swinub is a very useful little guy.

I've always maintained that if you want to be able to deal with any type in the game, then you can do that with only 6 types of your own:

1. Ice - the only type strong against Dragon
2. Ground - the only type strong against Electric
3. Fighting - the only type strong against Normal

also, each of these types are strong against 4 or more types, meaning you cover a lot of ground with just this "big three".

4. you should have a Dark, Ghost, or Bug type to deal with Psychic and Ghost types. Dark is obviously the best choice here, but I like the other types more, so I tend to go with them.

5. Either just grass, or a water and an electric type. Lots of people think they have to include a water and an electric, but if you have the "big three" then grass is all you need to cover the types electric and water do.

6. Similar thing as above, where you can use one flying, or a fire and a psychic type. So that Pidgeot you caught is more useful, type-wise, than your Alakazam or Charizard.

So as you can see, just 6 solo-type Pokemon can cover all the bases. But since dual-type Pokemon are a thing, you can get extra coverage, or pick up Fire with your Fighting type and Psychic with your Grass type, this freeing the flying slot for a Pokemon you just like.

[edit: as of Gen 6, this is no longer accurate. You now also need a Poison or Steel type to deal with Fairies.]

ANYWAY

Swinub is Ground-Ice, so he gets two out of my "big three" right there. That's some good shit. You can run something redundant like Machamp and Hitmonlee, and be cool.

Overall: 7/10

No. 219: Magcargo

In France, they pronounce it "Mag-car-gott"

I like how there just seems to be the idea that a snail is just a slug that put on a shell, instead of how they grow their own shells and are quite different species.

Because, dammit, it looks like that's all they do. Like how if any crab goes inside a sea shell, it evolves into a hermit crab.

So Magcargo is cool, because he is a flaming magma snail, which fits with the idea of magma slowly rolling down a hill, and a snail slowly oozing its way across your porch.

has anyone ever stepped on a snail? Don't they crunch and shit? Isn't that gross as hell? I had a dream I was eating cereal in bed, and then I turned the bowl and there was this nasty-ass snail on the side of my bowl, and more all over my pillow, you'd better believe I woke up fast as a flying fart.

Overall: 8/10

No. 218: Slugma

A lot of people think this is a Gen 3 Pokemon, for some reason.

See, I always picked Typhlosion, so I never had much use for another fire type. But Slugma is alright. I used one in the disappointing Pokemon Coliseum, and it was pretty good.

Again, I'll say it: the 3 steps to a great Pokemon design.

1. Take a base (slug)
2. Make is different (jowl things and horns)
3. Add something awesome (entire body is made out of bubbling lava)

see? great stuff. also, I liked the Heat Path in Sapphire, where you could also find Slugma. Fire types seem to be thrown in randomly in most games, because there's hardly ever any "volcano" area, but there was one of those in the third generation.

Overall: 8/10

No. 217: Ursaring

it is a bear

I kinda wish that Ursaring had kept the crescent moon thing going from Teddiursa. I mean, I guess it has a full moon now, but a circle is more boring that a crescent. Actually, if Ursaring had a crescent-shaped crest on its forehead like some samurai helmets, that would be badass beyond belief.

but as it is, it's okay. Just kinda being a bear, nuthin much else. Good thing bears are hardcore, otherwise this one would fall flat.

Overall: 6/10