No. 307: Meditite

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUM

Head like a chestnut, ears like sweet rolls, Meditite is ready to rumble.

As long as rumbling doesn't entail doing much work, that is, because he'd much rather sit there and meditate all day. just like his name, get it? If you change one letter, it's like a joke, if you're feeling generous.

I don't think he should be Fighting type, though. He looks like a wimpy nerd. Pure Psychic would've been okay, and then his evolution could get the Fighting sub-type.

Wait, is he wearing a diaper? Oh snap, I think he is. Friiiiig, that's nasty. I don't want some diaper Pokemon on my team. Maybe he has to wear one because when he's meditating he doesn't even get up to go to the bathroom that is disgusting


Overall: 3/10

No. 306: Aggron

aggro as BALLS

holy shit does this guy kick ass.

First, do you know his Japanese name? Bossgodora. That's right, BOSS-FRIGGING-GODORA. I don't even know what a Godora is, but I think it fought Godzilla at one point.

Next, it's ability is called Heavy Metal. Don't even pretend you didn't perk your little ears up when I said that, even all you indie hipster alternative pissers out there, you all wish you could have an ability called Heavy Metal. You'd be like someone from JoJo's Goddamn Bizarre Adventure.

Lastly, 200 base defense. That's 3rd best in the entire world. I don't think anything (except Ground, screw the type chart) can put a scratch on his stainless steel glorious body, he will tank everything like he's the main character of a Jackie Chan movie. and do you know who that is? Jackie Mother-loving Chan, that's who. The man is made of steel and not-give-a-shit, just like Aggron.

holy balls you guys what if Aggron and Tyranitar had a giant Kaiju battle wouldn't that be the best thing.


Overall: 10/10

No. 305: Lairon

I imagine final bosses just sit around all day, gettin' their lair on.

Now, I know what you're thinking: Why should I use a Lairon when Rhyhorn already exists?

Well, maybe because you're playing Sapphire or Ruby, not Red or Blue, you shit-for-brains. Also, Lairon, like Aron, gets that crazy defense. Resistance to 10 types, bitch. As long as no Fighting or Ground show up, you're fine.

On the other hand, what are you gonna do with a Lairon? It don't learn no Rock moves naturally, and Rock kinda sucks. Steel likewise. With Rhyhorn you at least get STAB Earthquake.

meh, they're both plate-metal, quadrupedal rock monsters. potato potato.


Ovearall: 5/10

No. 304: Aron

I used to know a kid named Aaron. Dude was a jerk.

Aron is one tough little dude. With his defense, plus his typing, you'd be hard-pressed to do much of anything to him. Unless, you know, you used Ground, which is super-effective against both Rock and Steel, for some reason.

Why is that? Dirt and rocks are like the same thing, they are frequently mixed together, and they don't harm each other. And sand has never done anything significant to metal.

anyway, Aron is about Geodude level - he is certainly there, and I see him, but that's about as far as it goes.


Overall: 5/10

No. 303: Mawile

I seriously thought it was Mawlile, with an L in there up until just now.

Mawile joins the ranks of "Pokemon with more than one head, or at least more than one mouth, in either case, it freaks me out", alongside such members as Dodrio, Wobbuffet, and Girafarig.

However, I have a question: Why isn't Mawile a Grass type? I mean, she's obviously venus flytrap inspired, she looks almost like a Deku Baba from Zelda. Why pure steel? The teeth? She looks pretty soft other than that part.

Weird Pokemon, that's for sure. Also, she's the only Pokemon who actually is turned around and standing backwards. Unless you buy into the punching-bag theory for Wobbuffet, in which case you are spending too much time thinking about a shitty Pokemon.


Overall: 6/10

No. 302: Sableye

Sable Eye for the Ghost Guy

This Pokemon sucks, but I love it anyway. Just getting that out there.

Dark/Ghost is a fantastic combination, because it means Sableye has no weaknesses. None. You cannot score a super-effective hit against Sableye. Now if you just paired this typing with Shedinja's Wonder Guard...

Also, the design is frigging awesome. It reminds me of Stitch, from Disney's "Some Hawaiian Girl and her Hot Sister and Also an Alien named Stitch". But what you don't see is that Sable here has a creepy, sharp-toothed grin. And a ruby and a sapphire embedded in its back. it's sinister and creepy, but also looks like you just might be able to becomes its friend. Another great Ghost-type.


Overall: 10/10

No. 301: Delcatty

Don't declaw your cats, people, please.

I said that Skitty is the best cat, and I stand by that. Delcatty is fine too, but by the time that cat grows up, I realize that it's just another useless Normal type.

not even those gorgeous eyes can sway me, Delcatty, don't even try.

Well, maybe a little bit. And I like how the tail-tip-wagglers from Skitty somehow became little thingums on the side of Delcatty's neck warmer.

Okay, fine. You can get a good score, Delcatty. Now come on over here and let me pet you, there's a good kitty...


Overall: 9/10

300 Spartans ain't got nothin' on this.

Wow, 300 Pokemon? That's a lot of Pokemon. And that's not even half way to all the Pokemon that there are.

How did there get to be so many Pokemon? I can't say it happened when I wasn't watching, because I've dutifully bought every generation.

anyway, thanks for reading 300 of these things. I know I don't update as frequently as I'd like, and I don't have an excuse. But I want you to know that I'll try not to be that guy who stops updating, or goes on long hiatuses because "LOL SCHOOL YOU KNOW", because that's bullshit. It's not like I shouldn't be able to spare 15 minutes at some point during the day, Christ. So thanks for sticking with it.

And I hope you'll keep sticking with it, or at least, for about two more weeks. Important date coming up, with some big news that (I hope) you might be interested in.

No. 300: Skitty

First person to mention hot Skitty on Wailord action gets a boot up their ass.

Gamefreak keeps trying to make decent cat Pokemon. I don't know why they find it so hard, because if Japan is good at one thing, it is having an unsettling amount of fetishes. But if Japan is good at two things, it is drawing cute cats.

However, they seem to not be able to tap into that over here at Gamefreak. Meowth is frigging ugly, Persian is a literal cat, and, aside from our Star of the Day, the rest are also kinda dumb and weird. I mean, how hard is it to do something vaguely Hello Kitty-ish?

But they really don't need to make anymore "cute kitten" type Pokemon, because they did it right when they did Skitty.

Skitty is pretty. And also cute, and adorable. I don't want it to ever have to fight, because I want it purring on my lap. I love cats, and I'd love to have a Skitty. Did I ever tell you about my cats? I have 3 cats, let me tell you about them! Only not all of them are actually mine. One is my sister's, and the other is kind of my mom's. We found him under a bush when he was really little, and raised him up. He's really stupid, though, and is now starting to get old, but I love the guy anyway. My sister's cat has only half a tail, and sometimes she bends it in such a way that it looks like a leg. We always joked about how one time my sister said that cats have 5 legs when she was like in kindergarten, and now she has a cat that looks like it has 5 legs. The first cat I mentioned is colored like Chii from Chii's Sweet Home, which is to say he's grey with black stripes and white on the bottom. My sister's cat is a tortoiseshell. My cat is black with white feet, belly, and chin. She's really affectionate, and misses me whenever I go away. She's basically the cutest thing ever, and a total teddy bear. Like, if someone comes over, she'll just roll on her back for them to pet her. But I love her to pieces, and spoil her horribly. Sometimes I think I talk too much about my cats but then I think of how much I love my cats and I realize that I love talking about my cats, in fact, I could talk all day about my cats, and I think I will...


Overall: 10/10

No. 299: Nosepass

That has got to be the second or third largest nose I've ever seen.

Possibly based on the Moai of Easter Island, probably intended to look ridiculous, and definitely making a guest appearance in my nightmares tonight, it's Nosepass!

This is another one of those design concepts that seems totally random, but I actually don't mind. It's a stone statue with a giant red proboscis that apparently points to magnets like a compass needle.

Nose pass is pretty simple to understand, really: It is a rock thing. With a big nose. That is a magnet.

That's all there is to it.


Overall: 6/10