No. 708: Phantump

a Ghost/Grass and they waste it on a haunted tree? that's cool I guess, but what about a pumpkin? oh wait, they do that too? huh. I suppose there's no reason to be upset then, is there?

Gen 6 has been continuing the Gen 5 mission of finally delivering all these cool Ghost type combination Pokemon, so here we are with Grass/Ghost. Something that's been too long in coming.

looks like a little shadow spirit got his head stuck in a log, with branches as horns. nice and simple. I like it.

also the possessor of some new moves, Phantom Force (a good bridge for Physical-attack Ghosts, who need something between Shadow Punch and Shadow Force), and the interesting Forest's Curse, which adds Grass to the opponent's type.

However, it doesn't replace any of their types, so they still get all their STABs. or more, if they were running Solarbeam or something despite being Fire-type, idk. also I'm not sure how Phantump is supposed to take advantage of this switch, it doesn't have any Fire, Flying, Ice, or Bug moves, aside from maybe one or two TMs. and it also takes away any Leech Seed opportunities, since that don't work on other Grass-types.

I guess it could be more useful in double or triple battles. Phantump itself is still great, though.


Overall: 8/10

No. 707: Klefki

do you ever see some Pokemon and you're just





and you try to not say anything because okay every Pokemon is special but you're still just

Klefki is that Pokemon. It boggles my mind that this piece of shit made it out the door.

I mean, seriously? my Mom's key-ring? is this how you really want to play this, Gamefreak? Christ, I can even SEE the individual keys on there. How'd they get there? what the piss is that limp-dick little key on top up there? holy flaming balls, even if this wasn't a goddamn keychain, it would still be an awful design. to hell with that pink dongle, to hell with that dumbass hoop.

Look, I defended the Vanillite line, because it was ice cream + icicle + snow + snowcone, it was a neat fusion of ideas that a lot of people didn't think about and just saw it as an ice cream cone. But Klefki here? no. I can't even begin to.

I'm sure if I looked at the Pokedex there'd be some smart-ass entry about "Klefki steals keys from suburban families because they remind them of its dead mother" or something, but I just don't care. this is flat out one of the stupidest, most pointless, and just all around most TERRIBLE designs I've seen in a long, long time. Perhaps the worst since, gee, Druddigon?

oh, and of course it's a Fairy-type. Really off to a strong start, here, as a species.


Overall: 1/10

No. 706: Goodra

My name's Goodra and I like sticky hugs!

Awwww! I'd hug a Goodra, even though I might come out like Dan Aykroyd after getting Slimed. But I bet Goodra's slime smells like soap, because that's just the kind of guy he is.

He's also a fat-bottomed sauropod, joining Dragonite, Tyranitar, and other bottom-heavy drakes on the upper edge of the tier lists. Why is that, by the way? Don't any of these guys even lift? I mean, I know Conkeldurr does, but he's skipped leg day since the day he was born, so he's not a good role model, either. Well, there's always Machamp, that guy's body is a temple to Personal Health. Wait, I feel like I've gotten off track here, what were we talking about again?

oh right, slime dragon here. Well, he finally deserves his typing, though I think he could easily pick up a secondary typing like Poison or Water without much fuss. I also think it's neat how the "shell" just sorta moves down to the end of the tail. I just would maybe have rather seen a big-ass sloppy mollusk as the final stage? but then his type would be pants-on-head levels of "mistakes were made".

I guess it's not really fair to judge on what-ifs, but I can't help it. Goodra himself is cool, but sometimes... sometimes I just sit and think about... about what could have been...

overall: 7/10

No. 705: Sliggoo

this is probably the cutest snail I've ever seen

Again, I question why Dragon has been brought into this mix. Snails are clearly Bugs, and being goopy is clearly a Poison or Water thing to be. and I don't see why we need another pure Dragon-type, we've got enough of those already. though to be fair, we have enough Bug and Water types, too, so I guess there's that.

regardless, Sliggoo is okay. that goofy grin and green eyes sell it. and I still dig the colors, the whole line really stands out in the Pokedex.


Overall: 6/10

No. 704: Goomy

Thanks, doc.

Okay, first things first - why aren't you a a Poison-type, or at least Bug-type? and why are you a Dragon type?

I mean, this is clearly a little slime dude, right? or like a slug thing? sure, it's cuter than heck, but... Draconian? Dragonic? Drakeish?

nah, not seeing it, personally.


Now, I know Goomy's evolutions are more deserving of the typing, but still. Trapinch didn't look like a dragon, and was Ground, and then evolved into being Ground/Dragon. Though perhaps that's not the best comparison, because it still picked up that Dragon sub-type too early, Vibrava didn't match either of its typings! I'm making myself mad again, just go back and read my posts on those assholes to know what I think of them.

But what do I think of Goomy? cool color scheme that we haven't seen before, different take on the slug/snail than what Slugma did, but I don't understand the typing.


Overall: 5/10

No. 703: Carbink

yeah, it is becoming a thing, isn't it.

Fairy-type being added in so I'm not supposed to hate it completely, I mean.

Because seriously, what the heck is even going on here. It's like a rock with a rabbit coming out of the top? or something? I thought we covered the whole "it has gemstones in it" thing with Gigalith a while back. But this guy doesn't even evolve? what the crap.

Look, I like the idea of the Carbuncle, a creature with gemstones growing from its skin. it's a neat-sounding name, appropriately whimsical, and I was going to name my romhack (remember that?) Pokemon Carbuncle, until I realize that it is also the name of a terrifyingly hideous skin condition. Don't search it up. Trust me, shit is nastycats.

But Carbink here, just takes that general concept, and goes absolutely nowhere with it. Huge waste of potential.


Overall: 2/10

No. 702: Dedenne

There's been a lot of creativity in the 6th gen, so far. We've had a ton of new type combos, angry pandas, cursed swords, flaming lions, and now...

and electric rodent. huh. Well, at least it's got that Fairy sub-type, making it somewhat better than any other of the many Pikachu ripoffs, but at the same time...

holy flaming crap balls, it's another Pikachu ripoff.

Gamefreak, why do you do this? Why do you create these things, bring them into a world that wants them not? And it keeps happening. Once or twice I can understand, the staff got drunk and forgot they had already made Pikachu so they did it again, but goddamn FOUR TIMES IN A ROW???

are you INSANE? are you OUT OF YOUR MIND? do you WANT me to have to come over there and rip your EYEBROWS off!?

I hope I don't have to say anything about Dedenne's design itself. Looks too much like Pikachu, antenna whiskers would be neat if they didn't look busy and random, ears are tacked on, tail is just there being stupid, there was no thought whatsoever put into this Pokemon at any stage of the design.

oh god, I just realized - having a Fairy sub-type is becoming the go-to "this Pokemon sucks but here's something you don't see too often maybe now you'll accept it?" thing, isn't it.


Overall: 1/10

No. 701: Hawlucha

Remember Lucha Libre? that show was cray.

Hawlucha itself is pretty cray. Jumping off the top rope to moonsault on some poor Rattata, hitting a Sneasel with a flying lariat, all it's missing is a suplex or piledriver move. But seriously, Hawlucha takes advantage of X/Y's camera and 3D animations. it does the same "animation", but due to camera switchery can either look like it crashes down from above, or dives right into the opponent. that's clever. I like it.

Flying Press is a strange move, though. It has both Fighting and Flying properties, but only gets STAB from the Fighting part of it. And because Fighting and Flying contradict one another, it ends up NOT being good against Steel and Rock like you'd expect, or Bug like you'd expect. I'd almost rather just actually use a strong Fighting move and a strong Flying move, because this one doesn't technically add anything in terms of coverage.

looks cool, tho. Just like Hawlucha. I like using the Mexican flag as a colorscheme, and the wings as a cap also fit nicely. Same with the head being one big beak, it's like a person wearing an eagle skin.


Overall: 9/10

No. 700: Sylveon

Trans rights!

I remember all the hype and hullabaloo over what type Sylveon was going to be. people speculating right and left, some thinking Flying, others Normal, some holding out for Bug (which was not ever a viable option), still others leaning towards Fairy (which was not technically a type at the time), and those on the fringe banking on Glumprang (which was not technically even word)

But in the end, Fairy it was. and holy catfish, those ribbons are going everywhere! Sylveon, take care of your bows, girl! They'll tangle in your ears and trip you up!

If you take away the ribbons it's terrible generic, but in my mind the ribbons mess up the silhouette something awful. Maybe if they were just bows, without all the trailing? or maybe if it had tiny fairy wings instead? I don't know, its face reminds me too much of Victini, and I apparently don't care for Fairys that much.

I also feel like we're just prolonging the eventual day when Eevee will have an evolution for every type, and I'm not 100% sure I want to get there.


Overall: 4/10

No. 699: Aurorus

shiny frikken sparkle magic let's go

Check it - that border between the underbelly and overcoat? hexagonal, like ice crystals, that's some planning right there.

Aurorus just doesn't disappoint, unless you want something that can stand up to Steel and Fighting types. Then you will be very disappointed. But if you want a majestic beast that has aurora borealis fins and shoots all manner of crazy crap, then here you go.

I'm still just so excited that we have actual dinosaurs in Pokemon now. I mean, look at that thing, elegant sparkly-ass brontosaurus with anime eyes and lots of special effects - this thing is like if Frozen was a Pokemon, and was actually deserving of an Oscar.


Overall: Best Animated Picture/10

No. 698: Amaura

My Little Poke

So when I saw Tyrunt, I thought that my fossil was already decided. Chompers the Pokemon? hell yeah!

Then I saw Amaura, and my heart melted. (get it? because it's ice ahahahahahaha)

seriously though, I like using Ice types, and get sad that there aren't many, especially not early enough in the game to actually have the fun of using and growing with. Then Ice/Rock is a strange combination, and gets lit up by a lot of things, but whatever.

Mainly though, I like the ability. Normal moves become Ice-type? STAB Hyper Beam? are you kidding me? of COURSE I want this thing in my life.

The design itself is cute and simple, big ol' eyes and a nice gradient on the eyelash-fins. it looks like an ice cream flavor, or something. I want to eat it with a spoon. that sounds horrible, I apologize.


Overall: 8/10

No. 697: Tyrantrum

A King's Arrival is Never Quiet

It's the not-so-subtle things that make Tyrantrum so cool. The head crest looks like a crown, the white frill looks like a collar, red is of course historically a royal color, and the white lines make it look like the fringe on one of those cool cloaks that you always see kings wearing in cartoons and stuff.

But as fierce as he is, I'm getting strong Digimon vibes here. Or maybe Monster Hunter. Or maybe I'm overthinking it?

bah, what are the concerns of commoners to that of the Crown? It's good to be king.


Overall: 8/10

No. 696: Tyrunt

When I first saw this guy, I was all "dagg, yo, I want THAT one"

I mean, has it really taken this long to get an honest-to-goodness T-Rex Pokemon? We've had giant thunder lizards, and Godzilla-esque duders, but this is the first time the King Tyrant Lizard makes an appearance.

And as neat as it is, I kind of see why they didn't do it earlier - it just ended up like Gon. Who's adorable and badass, sure, but it's not really very creative, is it?

Nothing wrong with Tyrunt, and Rock/Dragon is a strange typing, but if you don't like T-rexes then there's not much else to this guy.


Overall: 6/10

No. 695: Heliolisk

clever girl

Don't worry, the frill is still there. its all around its neck, and flares out like a giant victorian ruff when it attacks. But it also looks like a sun, thanks to those points on the edges of it.

Remember way back when, and I said there should be a Light Type? this would be a prime candidate for said type. Light/Electric. or Solar/Electric, or whatever. But it's a freaking solar-powered frilled lizard who can learn surf, so I'm not really complaining about a damn thing.

Oh yeah, it can learn Surf by the way. Why? perhaps its a reference to those real-life lizards that have sanic-tier speed, and can run on top of water. Or maybe it's just because Heliolisk is awesome and awesome things should be able to do things that don't make sense because they're awesome. I'm down with either explanation.

Only thing I have against it? This is the final form. I just feel like there's even more potential waiting in this line, maybe something more fierce looking, but oh well.


Overall: 9/10

No. 694: Helioptile

So, Lent started yesterday. I think a good thing would be to resolve to post every single day. I'm sure it's what Jesus wants me to do with my life.

Aw, what a cute little neener! This guy is adorable, I'm not going to entertain any arguments on this point. Kinda reminds me of Sgt. Frog.

Also, his ear flaps flare out when he uses attacks, so he's totally a frilled lizard thing, like in Jumanji. I mean Jurassic Park. Same movie, they both had Robin Williams in them. (no they didn't)

Anyway, I can't believe it's taken this long to get a frilled lizard into Pokemon, it's such a "I can't believe this thing is a real animal" animal, that exaggerating it into a fanciful monster seems like a logical next step.


Overall: 8/10

No. 693: Clawitzer

"I want to make a Pokemon that's a crustacean with a big claw"
"Okay well we already have like three of those so - "
"No you don't get it. I mean a BIG claw."
"How big are we talking here."

There was a time in the design for this guy, where they clearly passed the point of "this claw is too big". But they said screw it, and kept going just to see what would happen. And what happened was glorious.

The body itself has almost atrophied, but that claw is so badass it grew its own antenna and has a mouth like a dragon and is probably sentient. But all it knows how to do is wreck faces.

Seriously, I love this guy. Also, Mega Launcher is a fun ability because it makes those non-STAB moves just as good as if they were STAB. So no matter who shows up to play, you can make them sorry they decided to play against a shrimp with a giant freaking howitzer gun of a claw.


Overall: 10/10