Brycen of Icirrus City

[kabuki intensifies]

For some reason, Brycen feels out of place in Black and White. He seems to me like he ought to be from the Gold and Silver games. Possibly because his limited color pallette seems very easy to accomplish on the GBC, and possibly because in my head I'm conflating Pryce and Falkner.

In any case, I never got much of a read on him. He's stoic, I guess? But also theatrical? Or rather, he also has a job as an actor. Man, what is it with these gym leaders all picking up part-time jobs? is job security that poor for being a Gym Leader? (I guess it is, seeing as how a good number of them were replaced by the time BW2 came out)

So I got nothing against the guy, except that I now realize his hair hangs down despite also going up in a braid. That's really freaking stupid, just do the braid and lose the rest.


Overall: 5/10

Skyla of Mistralon City

Does she remind anyone else of Mega Man? Or is it just me?

But seriously, between Skyla here and Elesa, I'm detecting an uptick in the fanservice department. Especially with the Black/White female protagonist wearing Daisy Dukes. And I can't say I'm complaining, no sirree, I'm just saying I'm noticing it.

Last time we had a Flying-type gym leader lady, she was utterly forgettable. I think she was wearing a flight jumpsuit of some sort? Maybe with wings on her head? In any case, Skyla obviously took the lesson - to get remembered, show some skin and get a nice tan because it's bikini season in Unova or something.

Skyla's got a spunky personality, a propeller in her hair, and makes a flight suit look good. What's not to like?


Overall: 8/10

Clay of Driftveil City

The only hard part of Black &White. But maybe that's because 4 out of my 6 Pokemon were Weak to ground, and I didn't have a single Pokemon Good against it...

I kind of like this take on the classic Cowboy. Instead of being yeehaw 'merica, he's basically an oil tycoon. Which is a stereotype I don't see that much anymore.

So I mean, Clay could have run with it a bit more. Maybe an all-white suit, more rhinestones and fringe, I don't know. And as it is, he's got quite a bit of colors going on. I think it's the patch of blue on his crotch that's bugging me, I wish he just wore brown pants, or just blue jeans. The chaps look odd.

Still, he's alright. No Elesa, but a far cry from the infamous Busboy Bros,


Overall: 5/10

Elesa of Nimbasa City

"Let it go, let it - " oh wait, Elesa, not Elsa. Nevermind.

She's stylish, she's poised, she's hip, and I can't decide if those are flesh-colored panels on her front, or actual cut-outs. I'm hoping for the latter.

Elesa is really cool. Not only does she have her colors down, but her heaphones look like gigantic earbuds, except maybe the tips of those cords can be used to electrocute people. I don't know.

But I do know that she's hella chic, and so the nation-wide search for an exemplary Unova Gym Leader at last comes to an end - we've found our girl. Her gym is also pretty cool, and I liked her hometown a lot as well. I spent more time there than I did in the supposed "big city" of Castellia.


I'm not sure I like her second outfit as much, because it seems a little too lady Gaga for me. I guess that's the point, because she's a fashion model? But the gigantic puffy coat really isn't working thematically with her swimear-looking outfit, and you've lose the earbud connection with her headphones, meaning the random red just seems... random.

It's like she Mega Evolved, and turned out about as well as most Megas. And since I took previous redesigns into account, I'm afraid this has to count against her overall score. A pity.


Overall: 8/10

Burgh of Castelia City

this man came dressed as a fruit salad

Is it too much to ask for a manly Bug specialist? Isn't Kamen Rider a thing for you, Japan? Instead we keep getting androgynous little boys and effeminate men. But for what he is, I kinda like him.

His hair is fabulous, and dat color coordination is godlike. Also dig that butterfly belt buckle. And how he lined up the stripes on his belt to match the stripes on his pants, because when you look this good you don't do things half-way.

Also this guy has more than one iron in the fire - he's a successful artist, so even if this whole Gym Leader thing doesn't pan out, he'll be okay. I respect that.

However, he's only tangentially Bug-related. Honestly looks like he would be at home in an Elite Four group, where they seem to be more lax with how thematical you dress.

The search for a good Unova gym leader continues.


Overall: 5/10

Lenora of Nacrene City

Arguably offensive?

On one hand, she's pretty much your usual Mammy caricature - a large black woman with red lips, an apron, and a headscarf. Except I don't really feel any malicious intent here - just a sort of misguided attempt at someone in Nintendo telling Gamefreak to include "more diversity", and unfortunately Japan's idea of black people is restricted to Bob Sapp and google images.

And even if you don't feel offended, Nintendo clearly decided that something needed to change, because after a short while they removed the apron from her artwork and anime appearances. I don't remember hearing any noise about it at the time, so probably it was just an internal decision once the game got into the hands of NOA's marketers.

Unfortunately, even setting that aside, Lenora is still boring. Normal-type leaders tend to be, and she just feels like she hasn't really gotten into her role yet. I guess her gym was fossil themed? She could do a lot more to look like an archaeologist, historian, explorer, something.

Again, she's just not worth getting offended about, or even caring about at all. It's an ironic shame the first black Gym Leader is so... vanilla.


Overall: 3/10

Cress of Striation Gym

what the metaphorical shit


This sumbitch named Cress, which isn't anything I think a man have any business being named. And his Japanese name is Corn, which is not only utterly irrelevant but also stupid as hell.

Because I mean seriously - dude looks like he got a head like Max & Cheese when they did that Shrek crossover with the blue food coloring instead of orange. Droopy goopy meatball on a stick pastaroni head.

Is he supposed to be the "cool" one? Or, god forbid, the "sexy" one? I balk at the very idea. Ladies  in the audience, back me up on this one - would you want this dopey Dr. Suess-ass piece of shit serving you wine and parfaits and biz? I wouldn't. I'd punch him in the face, or maybe give him the Stone Cold Stunner.

I also hate his pose, "did I do that?"-style bullshit, get out of here, man. There's no way anyone gave this loon control of a gym. Actually, the reason they all share the gym is probably because it takes three of them to do the job of a normal human being.

If I had to pick two words to describe the abomination I see before me, they would be ABSOLUTE and ASS.


Overall: 1/10

Chili of the Striation Gym

Oh hell I hate guys like this

You know the type, that anime character who only shouts and fist-pumps all the time and can't shut up about how FIRED UP he is, and basically just acts a fool and gets everyone else in trouble but then thinks he can laugh it off. Black * Star is literally the only time this character has been done right. And possibly Takeshi Sendou of Hajime no Ippo, but I'd argue his character has a bit more nuance to it.

Anyway, Chili has an ass for a head and a head for an ass. He's unrealistically hyped up about being a shitty gym leader in a podunk little town, where he acts as a goddamn waiter. And he makes sure to try and type-trump your starter, like a douche.

Now, chili gives me gas, but I would've give a single fart for Chili. I can't even imagine how he thinks he could look like anything even remotely approaching a "cool person".


Overall: 1/10