I said I'd run out of content for this pretty quick, didn't I?
well, let's talk about Pokemon Stadium. One of my favorite games on the N64, and the sequel was even better. My biggest regret in life was selling it to buy Colosseum instead. (have I told this story before?) And that's not to say Colosseum was bad, but it was just not what I wanted at all. And the Battle Revolution follow-up on the Wii wasn't what I wanted either.
See, for me the allure of the Stadium games (aside from the best mini-game collection around, that's right Mario Party eat your heart our) was the fact that you could just rent teams. You could build a stupidly overpowered team, or a wacky one, or just try out some Pokemon you never got the chance to properly catch and raise in the mainline games. But instead, Gamefreak thought that I wanted to just import my main-game team into the console and battle with that.
and yeah that's cool I guess, but I've had enough of those bastards in their own game. Let me experiment. I'd like a Stadium 3 that basically works like Showdown - pick any Pokemon, any nature, any moves, any held item, any IVs, the works. And then battle against CPUs in a loose "arcade mode" setting, against local players, or online. That's what I want, and clearly there's a market for it. Competitive Pokemon is already a (very minor) eSport, but with the proper support it could blow up.
Not that I would be into that aspect of it personally, I'd just have fun making teams with my favs from different regions and battling the CPUs. Which would be a nice challenge as long as they gave them decent teams and AI. Which they should also put in the main games, but that's another story.
Wednesday, April 18, 2018
Monday, April 16, 2018
No. 805: Stakataka
Jenga: the Pokemon
another reference that will be lost to non-Japanese, but Stakataka resembles not just a brick structure but specifically the base of a Japanese castle. It's a neat idea that it's a colony, too. I'm reminded of how the blocks moved around in Laputa, on that ancient technology shit.
but the thing I wonder is, what if you just capture ONE of them? can you take it home and have a lil' block friend? What if you only need like 4 blocks, so they can make tetris shapes? What if you have multiple entire Stakatakas (Stakataki?) and combine them together, can you build a modern-day Tower of Babel and rip the Pokegods from their thrones?
Clearly, future research is necessary.
Ultra Rank: B
another reference that will be lost to non-Japanese, but Stakataka resembles not just a brick structure but specifically the base of a Japanese castle. It's a neat idea that it's a colony, too. I'm reminded of how the blocks moved around in Laputa, on that ancient technology shit.
but the thing I wonder is, what if you just capture ONE of them? can you take it home and have a lil' block friend? What if you only need like 4 blocks, so they can make tetris shapes? What if you have multiple entire Stakatakas (Stakataki?) and combine them together, can you build a modern-day Tower of Babel and rip the Pokegods from their thrones?
Clearly, future research is necessary.
Ultra Rank: B
Wednesday, April 11, 2018
Wednesday Ramble
Was thinking the other day about how Gamefreak has continued to put unreleased Pokemon into the code (to be found by data-miners) long into the age where you can, you know, do updates and stuff.
I wonder why they do it this was, aside from a lack of interest in their craft? Are they THAT incompetent, that they haven't learned how to implement DLC yet? The rest of Nintendo has caught on, so there's no excuse. And before you go off, remember that DLC doesn't necessarily mean paid content, look at Splatoon (among others).
All I can think is that they want people to be able to download/unlock the hidden Pokemon from an event, then trade it to a friend who is living in the stone age and doesn't have access to wifi to update their game. But couldn't you maybe do a thing that sends across the update over LAN when you connect? and I don't even have to mention online battles, since that means you've got a connection, so clearly you can get the update.
maybe they just don't care. They don't care that their new legendaries are leaked and spoiled by the internet, because they still make their games primarily for children who don't know of such things. but aren't modern kids plugged in like hell? they watch them youtubers, one of them is bound to make a video about EXCLUSIVE HIDDEN POKEMON YOU WON'T BELIEVE (NOT CLICKBAIT!!!) or something, and yeah. Now you've got kids who don't understand why they can't catch Zeraora in their game already, even though it's on the card.
but hey, Gamefreak also made walking and running animations for every Pokemon in Sun/Moon then didn't use them, so maybe they just suck cocks.
I wonder why they do it this was, aside from a lack of interest in their craft? Are they THAT incompetent, that they haven't learned how to implement DLC yet? The rest of Nintendo has caught on, so there's no excuse. And before you go off, remember that DLC doesn't necessarily mean paid content, look at Splatoon (among others).
All I can think is that they want people to be able to download/unlock the hidden Pokemon from an event, then trade it to a friend who is living in the stone age and doesn't have access to wifi to update their game. But couldn't you maybe do a thing that sends across the update over LAN when you connect? and I don't even have to mention online battles, since that means you've got a connection, so clearly you can get the update.
maybe they just don't care. They don't care that their new legendaries are leaked and spoiled by the internet, because they still make their games primarily for children who don't know of such things. but aren't modern kids plugged in like hell? they watch them youtubers, one of them is bound to make a video about EXCLUSIVE HIDDEN POKEMON YOU WON'T BELIEVE (NOT CLICKBAIT!!!) or something, and yeah. Now you've got kids who don't understand why they can't catch Zeraora in their game already, even though it's on the card.
but hey, Gamefreak also made walking and running animations for every Pokemon in Sun/Moon then didn't use them, so maybe they just suck cocks.
Tuesday, April 10, 2018
Aether Foundation of Alola
You know, going into this game, I was prepared for them to be the straight up Good Guys, because I didn't trust a Pokemon game with any sort of narrative nuance whatsoever.
So I wanted the Skull Grunts' shoes, but I need the Aether employees' shoes. I love the all-white look, they're futuristic in a very Apple or SpaceX sort of way. The gold accents are a bold choice, since sometimes white can eat it up and keep it from standing out, but they work it. The only miss here is the pocket-pouches, which are too large even for Rob Liefeld. Downsize by 50% and we'd be perfect.
Employees: 9/10
Wicke is thicker than a snicker, walking around in her Fuck-You-Up heels like your aunt when she's 8 margaritas deep into the luau. Reminds me of Velma from Scoopy-Doo, or more accurately reminds me of all those thirsty sexxxy Velma fan-arts you see all over the place. Wicke has a fun design, and communicates her role as the only actually trustworthy member of the Foundation.
Wicke: 10/10
Now Faba is lowkey the most extra one in the whole foundation. My man showed up to work with Flygon goggles. You know he don't need that sort of eye protection. You know he don't need to read shit out of the corner of his eye like a damn chameleon. How are they even staying on? They appear to just be grafted to his skin. Maybe they're vacuum sealed. Also he kinda reminds me of Adder from Advance Wars.
Faba: 10/10
Winner of the best Mother-of-the-Year award since Ragyo Kiryuin, it's Lusamine. And in an organization filled with bad bitches, she is without a doubt the baddest bitch of them all. Look at that strut, that figure, those confidently toned arms, that hair which forms a solid cone behind her. She's like Lady Gaga but with the entrepreneurial drive of Oprah and the budget of Jeff Bezos. She's also a terrible human being and it felt good to have a villain I actually hated for once in a Pokemon game. I'll never forgive her for what she did to poor Lillie. And Gladion too, but screw him.
Lusamine: 10/10
the Aether Foundation make a great foil for Team Skull, and show us the real villains aren't the street-level thugs (who are as much a victim of their environment as they are their own poor choices) but the gigantic corporations, operating outside of government supervision with supposed tech luminaries leading their supposedly altruistic efforts, as they work to enslave us all.
Or to look at it another way, Pokemon made PETA the bad guys in BW, now it's environmentalists! They just really don't give a shit.
I'm actually kinda surprised I came out of this giving almost everybody a perfect score, but this seems like a really iconic crew! It's a shame USUM just sort of shifted the plot beats laterally without making it any better or being a true sequel or anything, because I wanted to see MORE of Aether and Team Skull.
Overall: 10/10
So I wanted the Skull Grunts' shoes, but I need the Aether employees' shoes. I love the all-white look, they're futuristic in a very Apple or SpaceX sort of way. The gold accents are a bold choice, since sometimes white can eat it up and keep it from standing out, but they work it. The only miss here is the pocket-pouches, which are too large even for Rob Liefeld. Downsize by 50% and we'd be perfect.
Employees: 9/10
Wicke is thicker than a snicker, walking around in her Fuck-You-Up heels like your aunt when she's 8 margaritas deep into the luau. Reminds me of Velma from Scoopy-Doo, or more accurately reminds me of all those thirsty sexxxy Velma fan-arts you see all over the place. Wicke has a fun design, and communicates her role as the only actually trustworthy member of the Foundation.
Wicke: 10/10
Now Faba is lowkey the most extra one in the whole foundation. My man showed up to work with Flygon goggles. You know he don't need that sort of eye protection. You know he don't need to read shit out of the corner of his eye like a damn chameleon. How are they even staying on? They appear to just be grafted to his skin. Maybe they're vacuum sealed. Also he kinda reminds me of Adder from Advance Wars.
Faba: 10/10
Winner of the best Mother-of-the-Year award since Ragyo Kiryuin, it's Lusamine. And in an organization filled with bad bitches, she is without a doubt the baddest bitch of them all. Look at that strut, that figure, those confidently toned arms, that hair which forms a solid cone behind her. She's like Lady Gaga but with the entrepreneurial drive of Oprah and the budget of Jeff Bezos. She's also a terrible human being and it felt good to have a villain I actually hated for once in a Pokemon game. I'll never forgive her for what she did to poor Lillie. And Gladion too, but screw him.
Lusamine: 10/10
the Aether Foundation make a great foil for Team Skull, and show us the real villains aren't the street-level thugs (who are as much a victim of their environment as they are their own poor choices) but the gigantic corporations, operating outside of government supervision with supposed tech luminaries leading their supposedly altruistic efforts, as they work to enslave us all.
Or to look at it another way, Pokemon made PETA the bad guys in BW, now it's environmentalists! They just really don't give a shit.
I'm actually kinda surprised I came out of this giving almost everybody a perfect score, but this seems like a really iconic crew! It's a shame USUM just sort of shifted the plot beats laterally without making it any better or being a true sequel or anything, because I wanted to see MORE of Aether and Team Skull.
Overall: 10/10
Monday, April 9, 2018
No. 804: Naganadel
don't tell nobody, but I used to be terrified of needles as a kid.
So I'm still waiting for a Poison/Dragon type that looks like Magellan's hydra from One Piece, instead of a cybertronic syringe or whatever the heck Dragalge was. But, I suppose we'll make do.
Naganadel looks like a Yu-Gi-Oh monster, is the thing. I get that it's an Ultra Beast, and theoretically a Legendary, and maybe those look more Yugi-esque than normal Pokemon. But still, Naganadel looks like it has 1700 attack and 1100 defense, and is a 3-star Tuner Monster that has some weird synergy that involves sending your hand into your opponent's graveyard to banish spells from your deck so that you can summon 16 monsters in one turn or some bullshit.
no, I'm not bitter, what are you talking about.
Anyway, it's alright, but somehow not crazy enough to be a good Ultra Beast? idk, I don't get the "otherworldly" feeling.
Ultra Grade: C+
So I'm still waiting for a Poison/Dragon type that looks like Magellan's hydra from One Piece, instead of a cybertronic syringe or whatever the heck Dragalge was. But, I suppose we'll make do.
Naganadel looks like a Yu-Gi-Oh monster, is the thing. I get that it's an Ultra Beast, and theoretically a Legendary, and maybe those look more Yugi-esque than normal Pokemon. But still, Naganadel looks like it has 1700 attack and 1100 defense, and is a 3-star Tuner Monster that has some weird synergy that involves sending your hand into your opponent's graveyard to banish spells from your deck so that you can summon 16 monsters in one turn or some bullshit.
no, I'm not bitter, what are you talking about.
Anyway, it's alright, but somehow not crazy enough to be a good Ultra Beast? idk, I don't get the "otherworldly" feeling.
Ultra Grade: C+
Friday, April 6, 2018
Upcoming Schedule (for real)
well, damn. some of y'all called my bluff. I wasn't sure I still had people reading, to be honest.
but see... I don't have a podcast. or any fan-art. or a twitch. or any merch. or a patreon. I don't have anything. I'm sorry
but, I am gonna finish this ish off! I've only got like 4 or 5 more posts worth of actual content, so I'll knock those out in the coming weeks. Then it'll be back on hiatus, since Gamefreak in their infinite wisdom haven't seen fit to announce anything relating to Gen 8 yet. I know people have requested reviews on Professors and Main Characters before, but honestly I don't have strong enough opinions on those to make it any fun writing about them. The Profs are mainly forgettable, the MCs are mainly good, and in modern games you play dress-up anyway so the designs are irrelevant. That's my entire take!
As for the Wednesday Rambles, I guess I could keep those up if people want? It's weird though, because I wouldn't want to talk about stuff NOT at least tangeltially related to Pokemon, but after all these years I've exhausted almost all my opinions on this subject. Hence why I need new content from the Powers That Be to continue the blog. anyway, I wish I could have more regular posts for you loyal readers, but it just wouldn't be NAPACE without the abject failure to keep to a consistent schedule.
but see... I don't have a podcast. or any fan-art. or a twitch. or any merch. or a patreon. I don't have anything. I'm sorry
but, I am gonna finish this ish off! I've only got like 4 or 5 more posts worth of actual content, so I'll knock those out in the coming weeks. Then it'll be back on hiatus, since Gamefreak in their infinite wisdom haven't seen fit to announce anything relating to Gen 8 yet. I know people have requested reviews on Professors and Main Characters before, but honestly I don't have strong enough opinions on those to make it any fun writing about them. The Profs are mainly forgettable, the MCs are mainly good, and in modern games you play dress-up anyway so the designs are irrelevant. That's my entire take!
As for the Wednesday Rambles, I guess I could keep those up if people want? It's weird though, because I wouldn't want to talk about stuff NOT at least tangeltially related to Pokemon, but after all these years I've exhausted almost all my opinions on this subject. Hence why I need new content from the Powers That Be to continue the blog. anyway, I wish I could have more regular posts for you loyal readers, but it just wouldn't be NAPACE without the abject failure to keep to a consistent schedule.
oh, but I am coming directly to your house to slap you in the face every Saturday, that's a promise.
Wednesday, April 4, 2018
Wednesday Ramble
So, we're already starting to get "leaks" for Gen 8. Note that Gen 8 hasn't even been announced yet, but.
And I'm honestly hesitant to condemn or confirm anything - we like in an age where people can make a perfect mock-up of Rayman on the Smash Bros select screen or 3D print a false NX controller, but also in an age where the final evolutions for Sun/Moon were leaked from highly-detailed model sheets and King of Fighters 14 had its entire roster leaked before the game was even announced. We're seeing crazier fake leaks, and crazier true leaks, than ever before.
So while I'll definitely check out every supposed leak I see, and probably end up wishing some of them were true, I refuse to sign off one way or the other. Best to just wait for Nintendo to make it all official.
And I'm honestly hesitant to condemn or confirm anything - we like in an age where people can make a perfect mock-up of Rayman on the Smash Bros select screen or 3D print a false NX controller, but also in an age where the final evolutions for Sun/Moon were leaked from highly-detailed model sheets and King of Fighters 14 had its entire roster leaked before the game was even announced. We're seeing crazier fake leaks, and crazier true leaks, than ever before.
So while I'll definitely check out every supposed leak I see, and probably end up wishing some of them were true, I refuse to sign off one way or the other. Best to just wait for Nintendo to make it all official.
Tuesday, April 3, 2018
Team Skull of Alola
I love these knuckleheads SO much you guys
It's taken us this long to get an "evil team" with some real Urban Flavor, but Team Skull dishes it out in spades. They keep it monochromatic except for their cotton-candy-colored hair, and keep it fresh with silver bling and sick-ass all-white shoes. I wanna cop those shoes, for real. Oh, and check out how the skull hat they wear has one eye all droopy, because it's attitude! And they spit hot #barz at you! They're the best!!
Grunts: 10/10
Now, Plumeria... Plumeria's the sort of girl to make a man wanna drop out of high school and become a single father, if you know what I mean. I like the way she incorporates the X pattern of the grunt's shirts into her top, and the skull barettes are a nice touch. And while most Bad Girls like her would have a tramp stamp, she's taken the initiative to get it nice and large right across her navel. That's the sort of commitment to the team that you look for in a lieutenant.
Plumeria: 10/10
but it wouldn't be Team Skull without the Big Bad Boss who beats ya down and beats ya down and never lets up. That's right, I'm talkin about your boy and mine, Guzma. You can tell he's the boss because his necklace is GOLD. The X's on his pants feel kinda tacked on, but outside of that he's perfect. Dude looks like trouble, he's like Enzo Amore but without the meth (Plumeria reminds me of Carmella, now that I think of it). And I loved his role in the story, too - seems like a petty thug, but he's actually being used by the true evil organization.
My personal theory is that he gave up golf after never being able to beat Kahili, and that's what got him so salty and bitter in the first place. Oh, and he loves Bug types. And I lowkey ship him with Lusamine shut up. Point is, he's perfect.
Guzma: 10/10
Their logo, by the way, is an S twisted into a kinda-sorta skull shape. It's honestly the weakest part of the whole team, but that's okay because everything else is on point. The designs are great, their leaders have great personalities (I love the detail about Plumeria challenging for the Elite 4 title in the post-game, proving that she can be a serious threat if she cleans up her act!), their theme music rocks, and they have a logical part in the story. Nanu's endless losing battle with them is something else you could really go in depth with the headcanon if you wanted to. And unlike any other evil team before them, their lack of a clear plan is totally fine - because there IS no plan! They just wanna hang out and be thugs!
Overall: 10/10
It's taken us this long to get an "evil team" with some real Urban Flavor, but Team Skull dishes it out in spades. They keep it monochromatic except for their cotton-candy-colored hair, and keep it fresh with silver bling and sick-ass all-white shoes. I wanna cop those shoes, for real. Oh, and check out how the skull hat they wear has one eye all droopy, because it's attitude! And they spit hot #barz at you! They're the best!!
Grunts: 10/10
Now, Plumeria... Plumeria's the sort of girl to make a man wanna drop out of high school and become a single father, if you know what I mean. I like the way she incorporates the X pattern of the grunt's shirts into her top, and the skull barettes are a nice touch. And while most Bad Girls like her would have a tramp stamp, she's taken the initiative to get it nice and large right across her navel. That's the sort of commitment to the team that you look for in a lieutenant.
Plumeria: 10/10
but it wouldn't be Team Skull without the Big Bad Boss who beats ya down and beats ya down and never lets up. That's right, I'm talkin about your boy and mine, Guzma. You can tell he's the boss because his necklace is GOLD. The X's on his pants feel kinda tacked on, but outside of that he's perfect. Dude looks like trouble, he's like Enzo Amore but without the meth (Plumeria reminds me of Carmella, now that I think of it). And I loved his role in the story, too - seems like a petty thug, but he's actually being used by the true evil organization.
My personal theory is that he gave up golf after never being able to beat Kahili, and that's what got him so salty and bitter in the first place. Oh, and he loves Bug types. And I lowkey ship him with Lusamine shut up. Point is, he's perfect.
Guzma: 10/10
Their logo, by the way, is an S twisted into a kinda-sorta skull shape. It's honestly the weakest part of the whole team, but that's okay because everything else is on point. The designs are great, their leaders have great personalities (I love the detail about Plumeria challenging for the Elite 4 title in the post-game, proving that she can be a serious threat if she cleans up her act!), their theme music rocks, and they have a logical part in the story. Nanu's endless losing battle with them is something else you could really go in depth with the headcanon if you wanted to. And unlike any other evil team before them, their lack of a clear plan is totally fine - because there IS no plan! They just wanna hang out and be thugs!
Overall: 10/10
Monday, April 2, 2018
No. 803: Poipole
[WWE Eric Bischoff theme] I'm back... and better than ever!
So Poipole is a new Ultra Beast introduced in USUM. This is actually the first instance of sequel games introducing brand-new Pokemon not found in the previous game's code. That's pretty cool! I was relying on this sort of thing to make USUM worth buying!
Except... it's essentially a Legendary. It evolves, but you get it very late in the game, and the evolution requirement is to take it to the Move Learner at the Elite 4, which is right around the corner because again - you're late in the game. So any thrill of adding a Legendary to your party early and leveling it up as you adventure is lost. They may as well just hand you the final form.
All that aside, is this thing any good? Despite the name sounding like Curly from the Three Stooges saying Prince's favorite color, I kinda like the little bugger. The techno theme is unusual for a Poison-type, but somehow its head seems medical to me. Like injectors? So dealing in chemicals and stuff makes sense.
Ultra Grade: B+
So Poipole is a new Ultra Beast introduced in USUM. This is actually the first instance of sequel games introducing brand-new Pokemon not found in the previous game's code. That's pretty cool! I was relying on this sort of thing to make USUM worth buying!
Except... it's essentially a Legendary. It evolves, but you get it very late in the game, and the evolution requirement is to take it to the Move Learner at the Elite 4, which is right around the corner because again - you're late in the game. So any thrill of adding a Legendary to your party early and leveling it up as you adventure is lost. They may as well just hand you the final form.
All that aside, is this thing any good? Despite the name sounding like Curly from the Three Stooges saying Prince's favorite color, I kinda like the little bugger. The techno theme is unusual for a Poison-type, but somehow its head seems medical to me. Like injectors? So dealing in chemicals and stuff makes sense.
Ultra Grade: B+
Sunday, April 1, 2018
New Schedule and Plans
Hey NAPACErs! Thanks for sticking with me during the hiatus. But going forward, we're kicking things up a notch. Let me announce the new weekly content schedule:
MONDAY
a brand new Pokemon review!
TUESDAY
we'll alternate between a brand new Trainer review, or Town review!
WEDNSDAY
Wacky Wednesday, where I ramble about a different topic each week!
THURSDAY
every other Thursday well drop a brand new episode of the NAPACE podcast!
FRIDAY
Fan Art Friday~ We'll be spotlighting the best pieces we've recieved each week!
SATURDAY
I come directly to your house and slap you in the face!
SUNDAY
Live stream day! Tune in to see me work through every game in the franchise!
Wow! So much content on the way, I hope y'all are ready! Also, there's new items in the store, so check that out! And as always, remember to Like, Comment, and Subscribe! Plus, extra bonuses for the Patreons~ it's thanks to you that I can do what I do.
Happy Easter everyone, and as always, Stay Above Average!!
MONDAY
a brand new Pokemon review!
TUESDAY
we'll alternate between a brand new Trainer review, or Town review!
WEDNSDAY
Wacky Wednesday, where I ramble about a different topic each week!
THURSDAY
every other Thursday well drop a brand new episode of the NAPACE podcast!
FRIDAY
Fan Art Friday~ We'll be spotlighting the best pieces we've recieved each week!
SATURDAY
I come directly to your house and slap you in the face!
SUNDAY
Live stream day! Tune in to see me work through every game in the franchise!
Wow! So much content on the way, I hope y'all are ready! Also, there's new items in the store, so check that out! And as always, remember to Like, Comment, and Subscribe! Plus, extra bonuses for the Patreons~ it's thanks to you that I can do what I do.
Happy Easter everyone, and as always, Stay Above Average!!
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