No. 840: Applin

this is just an Earthbound enemy

There's an alarming number of Dragon pokemon that are really biologically closer to worms. I mean it's just the Goomy line and now this, but that's still about 2 more than I really think should exist.

I know it has this typing for its future forms, but we'll get there. Right now, I just gotta say that no apple has ever looked as delicious as the ones you throw in Pokemon Snap. Shoutouts to the new game coming soon, I can't wait. I hope they include more routes, and ways to upload your photos online to compare with others, and make your own scrapbooks, and of course a ton of new Pokemon, and multiplayer games where you both sit in the "car" and take your best pics like a safari cruise at Disneyworld, and... oh right, this is about Applin.

I don't know, it's a silly little worm in an apple. I guess that's cool. But not really.


Overall: 4/10

No. 839: Coalossal

I fought this guy in Banjo-Tooie

I guess we're done being a speedy wheel, or crazy kart, and it's time to go Full Rhydon. Look, it is what it is. I don't get it either. The last two were kinda dumb, but in a fun way that could be building to something really cool. But Coalossal is... not that.

I mean, for a hunka hunka burnin' kaiju, he's not bad. Beefy boy with a badass head, I love to see the return of the oldschool angry-eyes, and that glowing furnace of a mouth is wonderful. But you know what still scuttles the whole design?


That Marge Simpson hair pile of embers on his head. It's silly enough that Carkol doesn't lose his entire shit when he zips around, but Coalossal is so much more vertical, and walks with the grace of a washing machine. No WAY that coal stack would remain in a perfect pyramid, or wobble around like a tower of jelly.

Honestly, the artwork tones it down a lot and makes it more reasonable. But the in-game model is just... preposterous. Unbalances the design in an awful way.


Overall: 4/10

No. 838: Carkol

I am speed.

Rock/Fire minecart coal Pokemon is a good idea! but holy shit I cannot stop laughing looking at Carkol's face. His eyes are all the way peeled back like he set the thrusters to Ludicrous Speed, my man is dropping coal left and right. He's gonna arrive at the destination freaking empty, especially since his "wheels" aren't even close to round. If this Pokemon existed in real life, Darwin himself would've performed the mercy kill.

but... somehow I can't bring myself to hate Carkol. Maybe it's the way you meet him actually travelling the tracks in the mines, in a rare example of Pokemon placed organically into their environment. Or maybe it's just the cool way he glows up before he attacks.

This is the sort of goofy dude I usually despite, but somehow there is room in my heart for Yung King Cole.

Overall: 5/10

No. 837: Rolycoly

Wear a mask, kids. That's all I'm gonna say.

But let's try to get back on track with this indeterminate lump. Thank God I know what the 3D model looks like, or I would have severe difficulty parsing this artwork. It looks like a Voltorb after he blew up, and lost an eyeball. Now he's sad.

However, with the context of the next evolutions, I think that's supposed to be an angry eye instead, and in fact is his entire head. Dude zooms around on a unicycle wheel, getting soot everywhere and ruining everything.

I think we need more cyclopses (cyclopes?) in Pokemon, though, so I'll give Rolycoly the benefit of the doubt. Also his name is fun to say.


Overall: 5/10