No. 876: Indeedee

shoutouts to that guy on twitter who draws nothing but maids skateboarding

Like all traditional depictions of the English Butler, the male Indeedee wears croissants in its hair. It also has tiny blue triangles that seem really strange, until you realize they're kinda like tiny spectacles. I think his harsh eyes and ^ mouth suggest a tsundere attitude, which is always something you want in a butler.

Meanwhile, the female of the species is a maid. Her pattern suggests an apron instead of a suitcoat, and the croissants have become twintails. I'm a little confused about the purple triangles though, they can't be glasses anymore so idk what they represent. Eyelashes? oddly, the Male is the one with the eyelash pattern on his face. Female Indeedee is a cutie though, so it's ok.

The pair remind me of Meowstic - gender dimorphous Pokemon with similar proportion, colors, and typings, and a moveset that suggests team battles. So while they're not unique in that regard, they're still pretty solid designs that I'm sure appeal to anyone who ever wanted a Poke-maid. Look, I'm here to judge the Pokemon, not the players.

Overall: 7/10

No. 875: Eiscue

 When are they adding Eisbahn to SFV?

Along with Dottler and Falinks, Eiscue plays a big role in making the Galar Pokemon feel like Super Mario Galaxy enemies. Just something about their energy, I guess. I can picture jumping on its head to crack the ice, then it runs away and you have to stomp it again to defeat it. 

By the way, the gimmick with Eiscue is that it can tank 1 physical hit for free, at which point its Defensive stats fall and its Speed increases. Funnily, if you use Hail afterwards you can set up the ice cube again. I actually love that sort of thing, it's like a combination of Minior and Mimikyu, two of my favorites from Alola.

The problem for me is that stupid hair, sticking up through the ice. Why does a penguin have a single hair like a dumbass cartoon baby? The Pokedex says it dangles its hair in the water to lure in fish, which is just stupid as shit. When its head is frozen, how can it possibly dangle that hair unless it stands on its head and floats upside-down in the ocean???


Overall: 7/10

No. 874: Stonjourner

 Let me speak the Stonjourner Truth:

I do not care about Stonjourner. Usually that's reserved for the most generic, basic Pokemon, but in this case it applies to Stonjourner, who would not be out of place in Super Paper Mario. That's not to say I hate it, merely that I had forgotten about it completely until just now and even when wracking my brain I can't find a single opinion to share about it.

The whole design feels like somebody said "hey what about a Stonehenge Pokemon? that's in England, right?" and they drew a sketch on a napkin and that was it. And to that end, it succeeded - I instantly see it and think of Stonehenge, but it's not cool enough to want to use, or weird enough to catch my interest.

The way the mud on its feet doesn't cover the stone "lacing" on its "shoes" is strange? I think that's the most I'm willing to say on the subject of Stonjourner.

Overall: 4/10

No. 873: Frosmoth

 Mother. Mother. Mothest.

It doesn't show up in the artwork, but Frosmoth's wings are slightly see-through in-game and that's a really cool effect. I love this type combo, and how they handled it. Frosmoth looks soft and fluffy in the same way a snowbank does, but also like a fluffy coat, which ties into the moth fuzz motif. Great stuff.

But that's just a lot of fancy words to say that I wish Frosmoth was my mommy moth gf

Overall: 10/10

No. 872: Snom

 smol snom

I wonder if Gamefreak knew they had a hit on their hands when they designed Snom. Like, it was by far the most memed Pokemon upon release, everybody and their dog were drawing fanart of Snoms sitting in places they don't belong, or cuddling up to ice cream or whatever. It just hit the perfect vein of "no talk me im angy" that was in the air at the time.

But did it catch them off guard? Did they have all the Snom merchandise ready to go, or did they have to scramble to capitalize on its popularity? Again, this is a fantastic Pokemon that wasn't mentioned before release, as were most of the best in this game. I'm not sure if they really wanted to surprise people, or if they just misunderstood their own game that hard where they thought advertising it with Galarian Weezing and Chewtle was a good move.

Anyway, Snom is wonderful because it's a tiny lil' bug with and a unique typing and nifty translucent shell. Maybe it got a little too hyped by the memes, but it's still great.

Overall: 9/10

No. 871: Pincurchin

N64 C-buttons for eyes

Probably the most forgettable Pokemon this generation, Pincurchin will be upstaged in the "little nugget" niche by Snom later down the line. I have no problem with making a sea urchin into a mono-Electric, but there's nothing exciting about Pincurchin to make me even care.

Also, its mouth looks like a butt.

Overall: 4/10

No. 870: Falinks

Me: I promise I won't form a perfect 256-man Macedonian phalanx tonight

3 Drinks Later:

It's been a while since we had a "swarm" Pokemon, isn't it? Maybe all the way since Exeggcute, or arguably Klinklang? These little guys are adorable with how hard they're trying, it's really charming marching animation and how they rearrange into formation to pivot or make attacks.

I thought they would be Bug/Fighting at first, cuz clearly there's a resemblance to your classic caterpillar or Mario's Wiggler. This confusion isn't helped by Flying still being effecting against them, but at least they went with the single type that maximizes strengths instead of weaknesses. (I love ya, Bug-types, but it's just Not A Good Type)

And since Falinks doesn't evolve, we don't have to worry about which part of the hive-mind survives the evolution! Just assume they all hatch from the same egg, a noble band of brothers. I want one of them to patrol my house and guard my orange juice.

Overall: 8/10

No. 869: Alcremie

Comes in 31 Wonderful Flavors!

Fairy-type Pokemon have to be the most edible of all Pokemon types, right? They keep making them into cake, or ice cream, or cotton candy, or whatever. Alcremie looks delicious but also looks like a cutie, and it's really neat how you can get different variations depending on what item Milcery holds and which direction you spin to whip it up.

I'm not gonna review each of them, but in general I think I'm a fan of the original or the pure-white color, with strawberries or heart candy toppings. They're all pretty good, though. What's your fav-o flav-o?

I know I'm usual Mr. Cool Guys Only when it comes to my favorites, but Alcremie juts hits the spot, you know? Makes me think of the familiar from a Magical Girl anime, who tells the protagonist she has to wield the Wand of Patisseries and save Crème de la Crèmeland~

Overall: 9/10

No. 868: Milcery

we're all thinking it but we're not gonna say it 

Anyone remember that old Disney movie, Aristocats? About those french cats who got lost and had to find their way back home? Well there was one scene where they were all lapping up bowls of cream, and their little mouse friend came out with a cracker and dipped it in the cream and ate it, and I always thought that looked delicious. So I would dip my Ritz crackers in milk too, but honestly it just made them soggy. Maybe it hits different when you're a mouse and the cracker is as tall as you are.

I forget where I was going with that, but Milcery's eyes are just empty parenthesis () () and for that I'm going to dock it points.

Overall: 4/10

No. 867: Runerigus

killlll meee... 

Runerigus looks like shit. I'm not gonna beat around the bush, I'm just gonna come out and lead with the conclusion here. Cofagrigus is one of my favorite Pokemon, and I'm extremely glad normal Yamask don't evolve into Runerigus.

It looks like when you accidentally break your mom's vase so you have to try and glue it back together and hope she doesn't notice, except the glue is an evil shadow monster or something. What bothers me so much about this sort of design is that it looks haphazard and ramshackle, except EVERY Runerigus is exactly the same. The same shattered pieces being held together in the same "random" way. Perhaps I've let other Pokemon slide for similar crimes, and I'm being too harsh on the ol' broken art project, but being a hypocrite is just one of my many virtues.

What stings as well is that the completed slab isn't even cool looking - it's just kind of a worm that was drawn in crayon. I'd rather see a design where this is used as the base (ala Spiritomb or Cursola) and then the ghostly dragon rises from the lines as if summoned, but that's not what we got.

I'd also be okay if this was the payoff for collecting all the Unown or something - going back to what I said about Yamask, imagine if each one held a different chunk and you collected them all to get this Legendary Pokemon. it would still look dumb, but the method of finding it would be cool. As opposed to the completely arbitrary method you actually use - I won't repeat it here, just look it up yourself and think about how anyone would ever discover that on their own. Sirfetch'd has a weird requirement to evolve as well, I'm not saying that sort of thing tanks a Pokemon. But it certainly doesn't help Runerigus here.

Anyway, to make a long story short - Runerigus looks like shit.

Overall: 1/10

Galarian Yamask

Return the slab...

I've always felt like Yamask and Cofagrigus could be Ghost/Ground, because they're Egyptian mummy adjacent and when you think Egypt, you think sand. Same with Dusklops, too. So making a regional variant that covers those bases seems like a natural step, rather than a weird shake-up.

With that said, the direction they chose to go was making Yamask carry around pieces of a clay tablet, instead of anything sandy or pharaonic. So I'm not sure where that leaves us, it's a sideways move rather than an upgrade. Black, Red, and Gold has been changed out for Black, Purple, Red, and Grey, and those are also cool colors.

I like the concept of a bunch of ghosts inhabiting different shards of an ancient slate, who all come together to break a curse or possibly end the world. It would have been cool if the Yamasks held different pieces then, instead of all getting the same tail chunk.

Overall: 6/10

No. 866: Mr Rime

 No rhyme or reason to this disaster.

If I was British, I would be offended somehow. I don't think a dapper little dipshit, tap-dancing and twirling a cane, is the sort of image I'd want to project to the world. Mr. Rime seems to have forgotten that Mr. Mime was supposed to have clown hair, and instead has developed wings of a sort. Attached to his hat, which is also part of his head, naturally. Because everything must be a nightmare.

I'm not even going to comment on his Poirot-ass mustache, or his icy clown shoes that must leave him slip-sliding all over the goddamn floor, but I do need to question what in the hell is going on with his stomach. Is that a second face, trying to form? It looks a little bit like Mime Jr. Does Mr. Rime sprout Mime Jrs. from his stomach like a sponge, reproducing via budding? That's horrific.

Overall: 1/10

Galarian Mr. Mime

 "You can't shoot a dancing man."

What's the only thing worse than a mime? A tap-dancing mime. Holy shit I hate this Pokemon on a conceptual level. I will admit that he's got a fine color scheme, but that's the only concession I'll be making today. I hate his nose that looks like the nasal cavity in a skull. I hate his skinny arms that look like easily-snapped twigs. I hate his big clonking clogger shoes. I hate his stupid dumbass dance. I hate this Pokemon and I wish it never existed.

Overall: 1/10

No. 865: Sirfetch'd

shuba shuba shuba 

After truly learning the ways of the sword... er, leek, Sirfetch'd gains a noble countenance and heroic gleam in his eye. Truly, this duck has become the parfit gentil knight. I just wish that Don Patch Sword was a little bit smaller?

like, Galarian Farfetch'd actually seemed to have better proportions with his oversized weapon - it was big, but like Timburr's 2x4 you can imagine him swinging it around with all his might. But Sirfetch'd sword is more like a lance, and with those tiny legs I can't believe he gets any leverage on that thing. I think it's fun and cool to have a big weapon, but I've always been a nitpicky bastard and I think it ought to be maybe 70% as big? Here, look at this:

idk somehow that just looks more balanced to me. Anyway, Sirfetch'd is pretty cool even with his big ol' leek. I'd trust him to save me, if I were a damsel in distress.

Overall: 7/10

Galarian Farfetch'd

It was too big to be called a sword... Massive, thick, heavy, and far too rough. Indeed, it was like a stalk of fresh leek.

One of the best things about these regional forms is that they get to re-cast obscure Pokemon that otherwise have no purpose. Farfetch'd was just one more Normal/Flying, but as a Fighting bird it stands out!

I dig the personality on display, with its manly furrowed brows and eyes that say "heh... my sword has cut another worthless thing."

Do not fuck with this duck.

Overall: 8/10

No. 864: Cursola

May those who harm the reef come to ruin and suffering! Heed the curse of the coral!

Heck yeah, this is even more gonzo than the prior evolution. Now it's broken out of its mortal husk and exists as a freaky coral tree, with its core looking honestly shocked by the whole turn of events, as the ectoplasm shell grimaces in netherworldly anguish.

It's part coral, part smoking incense, part vengeful spirit, all awesome.

Honestly I didn't come here today expecting to like Cursola so much but damn I forgot how weird and cool this thing is! I dig how the remains of its old form act as an anchor, but at the same time it looks like it's in in the constant state of exploding into a mushroom cloud of phantasm.

Overall: 10/10

Galarian Corsola

Don't step on the reef, y'all. it's a living thing, too.

Aside from making me face the grim reality of ecological destruction, Galarian Corsola is kinda neat. Turning Corsola into a Ghost is very off-the-wall, and I honestly like it more as just a weird spooky dude than literally a dead reef.

Despite just being Corsola, but sad and ashen, I rather like it. too bad this wasn't in Sword, because I definitely would've sought it out.

Overall: 7/10