No. 168: Ariados

This one is weird.

Like, weird even for Pokemon. For one, it has two legs on its back. They - they're not doing much, just kinda chilling there.

Legs don't go on the back, Ariados, what are you thinking.

Then, it abandons the butt face (bad move) in favor of... two spots and a stinger? I guess it still kinda looks like a face, but only in the way of "hey look two things and then another thing sad chair is sad lol" that only stupid shitheads think is entertaining.

And it keeps the horn and mandibles, managing overall to look just enough like a spider for us to go "That was once a spider? Oh god where did it all go wrong." So in that sense, it totally works. It looks alien and "other", and that fits for a creepy bug thing.

So actually, while I prefer the cute little Spinarak, and would like to see a more literal interpretation of a spider, Ariados does what it set out to do: Creep us the hell out.

Overall: 8/10

No. 167: Spinarak

Aw, look at this cute little dude!

He's a cute bug, with a happy face to see you! Don't worry about the spiderwebs that keep you from running away... that just means he likes you!

Seriously, Spinarak is neat. He reminds me a little of a skultula, in that he has a face on his back. Isn't there like a real life spider with one of those? Maybe, I can't be assed to find pictures right now.

But some people might notice that Spinarak is not technically an arachnid, because it has but 6 legs. To which I respond, "that's why its a Pokemon not an arachnid dumbass" but really I don't mind. It is a simplified design, and it works well.

Stripedy spider legs is cool, but why the little horn? I think they just kinda throw that on when they don't know what else to do. See: Seel, Nidoran, etc.

Overall: 9/10

No. 166: Ledian

okay, time to actually focus on the Pokemons at hand.

Ledian is alright. Certainly not great, and about as useful as a hammer made of tin foil, but he doesn't inspire me to anger.

I kinda like it when bug pokemon are made more humanoid, like Ledian does here. It looks a little like it's wearing a helmet.

Actually, Ledian might be the coolest looking ladybug I've ever seen. Which isn't saying a lot, but hey. You didn't suck. Good job, Ledian.

Overall: 5/10

No. 165: Ledyba

okay Ledyba is a dumb bug whatever

So shinies. I got beef with them.

What I wish, is that if they are going to be so rare, that they actually look like cool variant colors. For most Pokemon, using a monochrome color scheme with bits of red would do it. Just look at shiny Charizard and Rayquaza. They are freaking beasts.

but even still, they should not be so rare. Like, I should be able to find at least 6 shinies in the course of just playing the game. That doesn't garuntee I'll get the shinies I want, but I would have some and it would be awesome.

Especially since I could just trade online with hackers and get all the shinies I want, the rarity is only frustrating, but not actually real. If they were just really rare in-game, then people wouldn't bother with hackers, they'd just deal with the rarity.

but seriously, would it be too much to ask for shinies to not SUCK ASS all the time? Color inversion =/= cool times. Use some sense.

Like, Ledyba's shiny is just the same but a slightly different orange. what a little piss.


What if the shiny was black with red spots? Wouldn't that kick so much ass?

You know it would.


and I guess I should deal with Ledyba while I'm here. well, here's the deal - it's a dumb little bug. whatever.

Overall: 3/10

No. 164: Noctowl

Ash caught a shiny Noctowl, the lucky bastard.

But I was never so lucky. Although a shiny Noctowl is kinda lame as far as shinies go... but I'm gonna take some time to rant about shinies.

They often are sucky pieces of shit. Half the time they can't be bothered to pick out another color scheme, and just give them a different color tint. Sometimes it is slight enough to be head-deskingly pathetic.

This is regular Scyther.

And this is Shiny Scyther.


If you thought to yourself, "wow that is a good alternate form that I am willing to waste a 1/9000 chance to get" then you are obviously a shit-eating cock-sucking mongrel bitch and I hate you. THAT IS THE WORST ALTERNATE COLOR EVER.

Why couldn't they have made it red? Then it would be like a proto-Scizor. Or white, that woulda looked badass. But not-quite-the-same-green? Shockingly horrible.

But that brings me to another point: They are far too rare. I have only caught one, ever, and it was Beedrill, check out my post about Beedrill to find out more. But that is in so many hours of play, only one legit shiny.

And then when you find it, you get this turd:

Look at him. He looks like a ball of shit.

Man, I have a lot to say about shinies. Who's up next, Ledyba? Okay, I'll give you the rest tomorrow, I don't have much to say about Ledyba.




oh wait, I was supposed to talk about Noctowl. Well, he's an owl, and is a freaking NORMAL-FLYING TYPE ARGH GOD DAMN THESE FEATHERY FREA-okay, this is just too much rage. But I stand by what I have said in the past: Too many normal/flying types. You gotta be great for me to care at all.

Overall: 2/10

No. 163: Hoothoot

I like to pronounce it "hoo-thoot"

Except wait. Pokemon are named based on what they cry out, right? So Hoothoot went "Hoot! Hoot! Hoot-hoot!" and they named it Hoothoot.

But... what if it was just a regular owl? What if Hoothoot is just a completely normal owl? It's like if they saw a dog and thought it was a Pokemon named Arfarf. It is baloney.

also, does Hoothoot have two legs, or one? I think I remember seeing it run, once, but it also hops on one leg... it's cooler if it only has one, so I'm going with that. Although that would make it pretty obvious that is isn't just a regular owl. Then why was it making a sound like a regular owl? At least its better than Seel, who apparently makes a sound like what he looks like. That's like if all fat people went around saying "Fatty! Fatty! Fat-fat!" and then Prof. Oak entered them in the pokedex as "Fattie".

what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Hoo-thoot.

Overall: 5/10

No. 162: Furret

No, not furry. Furret.

It's actually a kind of cool pun. So Sentret is a sentry, right? Then Furret is like a furry turret, like some sort of adorable Age of Empires thing.

Also, it can learn surf, which is pretty damn cool. I imagine it just belly-surfing like and otter, which it actually looks like quite a bit.

But in the end, it will just be a lame normal-type, so that costs some points. I like it, but I wouldn't use one at all.

Overall: 7/10

No. 161: Sentret

Sentret is Gold and Silver's Ratatta.

Except whereas Ratatta has a divisive name and is completely unremarkable in every way, Sentret is cute as a button and looks very distinctive.

Sentret is kinda like a raccoon, but with the instincts of a meerkat. And a giant round target on its chest, making it a favorite game of poke-hunters.

and does Sentret remind anyone else of a stuffed toy? It does to me.

well, whatever, Sentret is more memorable than Ratatta, but still just an early-game normal type.

Overall: 6/10

No. 160: Feraligatr

CHOMP

CHOMP CHOMP is what Feraligatr does. He is all about the CHOMP.

but, I find him a little disappointing as well. He's pot-bellied. That - that's never been cool. Ever. If he was just a fat bastard, then we could talk, but hunchbacked and pot-bellied is not my image of "badass crocodile".

story 'bout Feraligatr, though: In Soul Silver, there's a house where you can battle trainers. Some of the trainers are provided by the game, but if you've connected with any other people, then the game makes a record of their team and puts them in the house as well.

I did not know this.

So I come up to a trainer, the first one I talk to in this house, and I notice that he's got the same name as one of my friends. This is not spectacularly eventful, so I don't think anything unusual is going on. Then he sends out his first Pokemon. "Go, Flesheater!"

holy shit.

You do not know how much I pissed my pants hearing and NPC sending out a Pokemon named "Flesheater". It wiped out most of my team, and it didn't help that he had a Gengar named Soulsucker and a Machoke named Godkiller as well. The rest of his team were HM slaves, so I was somehow able to make it through. Then I got his parting speech, which presumably is taken from some sort of field you can enter somewhere.

"Bitch!"

man oh man, what a great time.

But yeah, Feraligatr is kinda threatening, but he just doesn't do it for me.

Overall: 7/10

No. 999: Wargreymon

awright, finally we get to this badass!

Wargreymon is pretty much the biggest badass there is. He basically uses Goku's spirit bomb as his attack, he has armor and shit, and remember Blackwargreymon? HOLY SHIT THAT DUDE WAS LEGIT.

He just went around, screwing everything he came across, villains and heroes alike. He honestly didn't have a single shit to give.

anyway, I sill have this one transformer one, that goes from Augumon to Wargreymon. (talk about a digivolutionary leap!) and it's still really cool, and actually looks great in both forms.

The entire Augumon line is just full of so much win, and Wargreymon is a perfect capstone. Or it would be, if we still didn't have the forms beyond Mega to cover, which I guess I will do for a few of the major lines. But not everything, because damn.

Overall: 10/10





happy April 1st, everybody.