No. 197: Umbreon

Wow, blogger was down yesterday. I wasn't even being lazy but now it looks like I was being lazy on Thursday the 12th 2011.

Lots of people like Umbreon, and I guess I can see why. It's got a nice, solid design, and it is pretty simple to draw.

I don't remember if it's good to use in actual play, though, or anything. Dark solo types don't strike me as something as useful as the many dark dual types.

But at least Umbreon looks like a fox, which is good. Also, another Pokemon with an excellent shiny sprite. The eyes turn yellow, and the bands turn blue. But thank god the fur doesn't turn like bloody-shit pink, because that would ruin the whole thing.

also I've got a question: I see a lot of Pokemon with these carrot-shaped ears, but none of them have visible earholes. What's up with that?

Overall: 7/10

No. 196: Espeon

Eeveelutions round 2, go!!

This guy evolved only if you leveled him up in daylight. That's like 60 times more manageable than finding some dumb stone. Except he had to be max happiness, which I honestly don't know much about doing. I know my Pokemon act all nice and stuff to my face, but I kinda suspect that when I'm not around, they make fun of me behind my back.

Anyway, Espeon has a clever name, and looks very psychic. The forehead jewel, split tail, and of course being purple. It all adds up to one psychic cat-fox.

Speaking of which, Espeon looks a lot more catty than foxy. Huh.

Overall: 8/10

No. 195: Quagsire

Meet Herp D. Le'Derpington Esq.

Quagsire is probably one of the most derpiest sons of bitches there ever was. He always has a blank look on his face, his body type could be described as "blomp", and his mouth is usually stretched from non-existent ear to non-existent ear in a manner that can only be described as DERP.



But dammit, I love the guy. He has that loser-cool, like he's so cool, you don't even know he's cool. Plus he continues to have a good typing and move pool. (surf and earthquake > most of the game)

I don't know why I love him so much. Maybe its because he manages to convey 'I am dumb' without actually looking lame or stupid.

Overall: 10/10

No. 194: Wooper

WOOP WOOP

Finally, a good Pokemon! And a great one at that. Wooper is a neat little guy. He's based on the axolotl, which is sort of what you get when nature throws up its hands and says, "Here! A salamander with antler-gills that can't go on land! I don't know what I was thinking!" but Wooper makes it awesome.

side note: Axolotls are sold as "Wooper Loopers" in Japan, which makes me so happy.

also, Water-ground is a great typing. All he has to fear is grass, which you don't see as often as you'd think. Even better, he looks pure water, so some cocky little brat sends out his Raichu to give you the works, but UH OH. It had no effect! And then earthquake for the win. I guess this latter part applies more to Quagsire, since he's the evolved form, but eh.

Wooper is Sooper Dooper. (I can't believe I just wrote that...)

Overall: 10/10

No. 193: Yanma

more like YAWNma amirite

It is literally just a dragonfly. Nothing really special, maybe a few fangs, a kinda-cool tail, but yeah. lame.

At least they had the decency to not name it "Dracofly" or something stupid like that.

I give it a low score for being an unimaginative piece of shit, but at least is isn't as bad as Seel. Urg.

Overall: 2/10

No. 192: Sunflora

There are a lot of songs about walking on, in, or around sunshine aren't there.

Sunflora looks really high, I think we can all agree on this. He also probably sucks, but that takes a backseat to my REAL topic today.

Why isn't there a Light type?

To do against the Dark type, I suppose. It would be good against dark, which would be good against it. WOOOO YING YANG BALANCE WOOOO but seriously. Grass would be good against it, because it can just soak it up, and also light would destroy ghosts (while dark wouldn't). also maybe light could be good against ice or something, because it would melt it? something like that.

and the moves would be sunny day and hyper beam and stuff. And like light bombs and lasers and things. It would be cool.

As for the pokemon that could be retroactively typed with Light, Sunkern and Sunflora obviously. They evolve only with a sun stone. Then Ho-oh would be Light/Flying, which honestly makes a poop ton more sense and doesn't double-up our legendary bird typings. Um, Solrock could be Rock/Light while Lunatone could be Rock/Dark, that would be neat. There's lots of Pokemon that need this type to make more sense, and it would just be cool.

anyway.

Sunflora is mediocre, you shouldn't need me to tell you that. And it kinda seems weird that you have to go to the trouble of getting a sun stone to evolve him, when his pre-evo sucks big time, and he is pretty bad too. There are so many better grass-types hanging around in the first 2 gens. But he is a living sunflower, so that's cool I guess.

Overall: 5/10

No. 191: Sunkern

literally the worst.

Sunkern is literally, proven, statistically, and completely, the worst Pokemon in terms of gameplay. It's not the worst overall, not by a long shot, but to that in a second.

I just want you to think about this for a second. When you add up all of Sunkern's stats, all of them, the total will be lower than that of Pichu. Or of Zubat. Or of Ratatta. Even the unspeakable one has better stats. Sunkern is just the crappiest little turd in the toilet when it comes to mattering in the game.

But look at him. He doesn't know he sucks. He thinks life is grand, hell, he just sprouted his first leaf. His mother probably told him he was special a lot.

And, for what he is, a seed, he's fine. I would expect a seed to suck majorly when it comes to doing anything, but it's kinda funny to think that "yup. this is is. the Pokemon with the worst stats of all time."

So I can't give him grief for being sucky, because he's supposed to be horrible. He's a goddamn sunflower seed, Alex Rodriquez goes through sixty of him in an inning. So I feel a little bad for the poor guy. He is a special boy.

Overall: 5/10

No. 190: Aipom

cheeky little monkey

While his face looks like he just ate an entire pound of crack cocaine, Aipom is a pretty cool guy. I don't know how prehensile most monkeys' tails are in real life, but I'm fairly sure that Aipom beats them all.

He literally has an extra hand on his tail, which is fortunate, because he apparently forgot to evolve fingers.

There's nothing wrong with Aipom, but nothing spectacular either. Just a solid mid-tier Pokemon monkeying around in the grass.

Overall: 7/10

No. 189: Jumpluff

Finally done with this lackluster trio.

It's not that I dislike these guys, it's just that I don't give a damn about them.

I really don't have anything to add at this point. It looks generic, but I like blowing dandelion seeds all around, so that's cool I guess. Sucky stats, bad typing, no reason to use this one at all.

And I realize that all the compliments I've been giving them have been because of dandelions. frigging dandelions. It's sad that I find common weeds more interesting than some Pokemon.

Overall: 3/10

No. 188: Skiploom

That's a dandelion flower on its head.

In case you couldn't tell, because, let's face it, nobody really gives enough shits about dandelions to know how to recognize one on sight.

and holy piss I totally found out why I don't like these guys. I went easy on Hoppip yesterday, but DAMN. They gots no moves.

In the original gold and silver, Skiploom only learns three moves that deal damage. tackle, mega drain, and tackle again. It doesn't even learn any flying type moves, NOT EVEN BY TM, meaning that its flying type is only a vulnerability. By the fourth gen it's learning a few more moves, and is able to use better TMs, but I thought there was a reason I never used this line, and now I know why.

Overall: 2/10