No. 790: Cosmoem

reminding me hardcore of Olympia from X & Y

so while I could jam with Cosmog, I don't really see the point of Cosmoem. It's still essentially unusable, like Cosmog, because despite the better stats it still doesn't learn any real moves. So why not just have Cosmog go right into Solgaleo or Lunala?

As for the design itself, it's a single-piece immobile floating Psychic hunk, as if we haven't seen enough of that. The colorscheme is nice, but then you get to the pink and blue lines that have been added for apparently no reason. Sure, the overall effect is that it looks like an eye, but I'd rather have a literal giant floating space-eyeball Pokemon than a sleepy, tacky piece of costume jewelry. Wake up and turn into something useful already, dipshit!


Overall: 3/10

No. 789: Cosmog

Back from my Alolan vacation and ready to roll again! Sorry for the lack of heads-up this time.

And who is here to greet me, but this Super Mario Galaxy reject, Mario & Luigi ass, not-in-the-bag piece of stardust - Nebby T. Nebster himself. That's right, it's Cosmog.

Actually, let me dial it back a bit. I don't hate Cosmog. I've long been a champion for a Cosmic-type (though I have now come to believe that it wouldn't be practical without a major overhaul of the entire type system) so it's always neat to see new potential Cosmics.

And despite all the memes, I don't really hate Nebby, either. I thought it was a good way to introduce the legendary early in the game, make it a focal point of the plot from the get-go, and let you build up some interest and relationship with it before you eventually capture it. Kinda like how the movies do it. And while the Pokemon movies are certainly no Citizens Kane, they usually have more interesting plots than the games.

So it looks like I must issue an apology - Nebby (aka Cosmog): You Are All Right. Still look like you came straight outta Paper Mario, tho


Overall: 7/10

No. 788: Tapu Fini

If you've never read about the Fenian raids, which were when Irish terrorists attempted to invade Canada, conquer it, and then trade it to Britain in exchange for Ireland, you should look that up.

There's a few concepts at work here, but unlike Tapu Bulu, I think they lead into eachother - it's kinda a clam shell, kinda a marlin, and kinda a waifu. Er, I mean, kinda a mermaid. Tapu Fini is coming up out the water like the Birth of Venus or something, except with flotation wings.

It's no coincidence that my favorite Tapu are the ones who actually use their shell gimmick to look like things that could/should be hiding in a shell. The main body itself is nicely designed, and the shell looks cool, too. Actually, you know what? It's giving me Pelipper flashbacks. I don't blame Tapu Fini one bit for wanting to spend her life encased in a gentle, mouth-shaped capsule. A shame there's no room in there for me, I'll have to find my own mouth to live in and fly around and see the world.

Now here's the 500-dollar question - what does the T on her forehead stand for? Tapu? No, that's too obvious. Tsunami? Temptation? Triple Double? Terrance? Let me know in the comments what you think! (note: there is no actual $500 prize)


Overall: 10/10

No. 787: Tapu Bulu

bulushit

You know, for some reason I don't like this guy. Once again the shell looks totally superfluous to the rest of the design, and he almost looks like he's upside-down. Something about how his arms connect to his body. Basically I don't believe that he even fits inside his shell.

And get this - he's Grass type. Yeah, that's definitely what I think of, when I think of red-and-gold bulls, some damn ass vegetables.

Dummy broke his horns flipping open his shell and that just further confuses the silhouette, plus he has stupid hands that look like they can't even pour a bowl of cereal without making a huge mess all over the floor. And that's the #1 criteria I look for in a Tapu, obviously.

A lot of words written to say that basically, man is just ugly.


Overall: 2/10

No. 786: Tapu Lele

lel

Who's this cutie, peeking out from her shell? Why, it's Tapu Lele! D'awww!

I'm not sure exactly what her shell is supposed to be - people claim it's a butterfly, but that seems like a stretch to me. She looks more like her hair is made of coral or something, idk.

Also, unlike Koko from last time, Lele works with the shell and makes it a core part of the design, instead of feeling like an awkward afterthought. I'm not always a fan of the obviously-girly Pokemon, but this one is working for me.


Overall: 9/10

Bonus question: Are those white things eyelashes? Or a mustache? Or some sort of reverse eye-black, like baseball players wear? Or are they two tiny mouths? Discuss.

No. 785: Tapu Koko

I'm in love with the koko

The Tapu-series are interesting Legendaries because they actually go with the theme of the region. I mean, Xerneas and Dialga could have swapped designs and it wouldn't have really mattered. But the Tapus are specifically Polynesian, which is kinda neat.

There's a cool quality to seeing how they fold up into their shells - reminds me of high-quality McDonalds' Transformers toys. And I mean that in a good way! Another reason you can't just judge a Pokemon on its still artwork alone anymore.

But at the same time, wow those giant half-shells on your arms must be awkward. I appreciate the gimmick, but I think I'd honestly like Tapu Koko even more if it were just a cool little dude with claw-hands and a radical mohawk.


Overall: 7/10

No. 784: Kommo-o

Off the Florida keys / there's a place called Kommo-o ~

imagine how much noise this guy makes just moving around. Every daily activity is a constant cacophony of rattling plates and scales. The tiniest motion sets off a chain reaction of clattering and banging. It must be deafening.

That aside, Kommo-o is looking regal af with all that bling, peep the headdress and damn Royal Scepter of a tail. Random fringe of fur (feathers?) around the shoulders plays into it, too. Actually, looking back at Jangmo-o, he's got a tiny tuft on his chest, so I guess the feathers (fur?) aren't totally random.

I think there's a truly badass concept at work here, but there's just a little too much of it. It's all a cohesive design, repetition of the same motif, so that's better than some other disorganized messes of Pokemon, but it's just enough to push it into the "shoulda been a Digimon" territory for me. We're talking like 10% too much? Remove the all-grey plate dangle, maybe calm down the neck a bit, and it would be perfect.


Overall: 9/10

No. 783: Hakamo-o

If you've never actually got to see a haka performed live, I recommend it. It is terrifying.

ugg I don't like those shoulder nobules. They look like scales that haven't finished forming yet, which is kinda gross. Same with the stuff on his chest, just make it golden like the rest!

That aside, I'm lovin' Hakamo-o. Reminds me of the more saurian Gen 1 Pokemon, especially with those eyes and that snout. Also, he picks up the coveted Fighting sub-type, which almost never fails to make me like a Pokemon more.

And check this sly dog - he grew his awkward heart-shaped headplate into... a toenail? Eh, nice attempt, but I'd still clown him for it. Or at least I would, until I saw him uppercut a dude's head off his body. I'd probably give it a rest after that.


Overall: 9/10

No. 782: Jangmo-o

I got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle

When you're born with a heart-shaped scale on your forehead, there are two options - either get picked on mercilessly for being a care bear reject, or become such a badass that nobody dares mock you. Jangmo-o is clearly choosing the latter.

That expression and that strut let you know not to screw with him, he's 10 pounds of ass-whuppin' in a 5 pound sack. Don't you DARE make fun of his comically large, bulbous head.


Overall: 8/10

No. 781: Dhelmise

Dead men tell no tales...

Here's a riddle - why do I love Honedge, but not care for this guy at all? They're both inanimate-object-mons, that hardly look like anything more than their object. It's not like Vanilluxe, who's a pile of snow on top of some icicles, resembling (but not literally) an ice cream cone. No, with these boys, they're straight up a sword/anchor, that's possessed by a ghost.

So I can't really knock it on concept, I guess it just seems too busy? If it was just an anchor, or just the steering wheel, I think I'd like it more? Another thing that pisses me off is when they try and go "no its totally a face look see" but it hella does NOT look like a face. I see one eye, maybe, and then a pattern that people tell me should resemble jack-o-lantern teeth, but I can't see it. I can see faces in chairs, cars, and electrical outlets, but somehow not this pile of flotsam and jetsam.

Oh wait - the Pokemon is just the seaweed the whole time, and it's carrying around the anchor and wheel? So any resemblance to a face is entirely coincidental anyway? Wow, now I don't have to feel bad about disliking Dhelmise anymore. the way it sneaks in Steel-type STAB is nice tho, ain't even gonna front


Overall: 3/10