Alolan Geodude

thick eyebrows = martial arts prowess, it's confirmed

I've wanted a Rock/Electric type for a while. Honestly I sort of wish Nosepass and Probopass had gone that route if it was supposed to be magnetic, instead of Rock/Steel and bizarrely hairy. So already I'm into this on a concept level.

But the two-tone rocks remind me of Mega Aerodactyl in a bad way. I get that they're like the magnetic filaments or whatever coming to the surface, but I'd like it more if the whole guy was a single hunk of magnetic rock. Still, the typing is worlds better than the redundancy of Rock/Ground. But it had the potential to really elevate itself. Speaking of elevation, Geodude now has an excuse for why it levitates (magnets n shit), yet still lacks the Levitation ability and takes 4x Ground damage... one step forward, one step back.

but did you notice he's got mitten hands now? That's not even a positive or negative change, just - why? Being magnetic means your fingers fuse together now? Did someone forget to add the lines? is it like wearing thick insulated gloves to deal with electrical situations? Less fingers = simpler to model???


Overall: 4/10 -> 5/10

Alolan Dugtrio

You know, Japan, tanned people don't HAVE to have blonde hair.

Now I understand that the pointless Alolan Diglett was just an excuse to get to this. And don't get me wrong, I get the joke, I'm laughing - a trio of gyaru Digletts IS funny, isn't it?

[pause for laughter]

With that out of the way, screw this. Dumb ass Dugtrios in wigs, what the heck, yo. I almost want to give it points for being so-bad-its-good, but honestly I feel insulted. This is even worse than that time Mega Ampharos was just Ampharos with hair.


Overall: 3/10 -> 1/10

Alolan Diglett

wait, what's the difference?

Oh, I see. It's a shade darker, and has little hairs. And black dirt, which represents volcanic soil but of course that's stupid, because it's not a part of Diglett anyway, a regular Diglett in Alolan ground would kick up the same color dirt. And it shoulda been the famous Kaua'i Red Dirt if anything.

So other than those exceedingly small cosmetic changes, how is it different? Gained a Steel sub-type, so now it has even more weaknesses? Lost Arena Trap? Wow, what a great idea.

There's no way in which Alolan Diglett is better than regular Diglett, and those hairs are stupid. Well okay, they're not that stupid, remind me of a Yoshi's Island enemy, but it's all so pointless. If anything, I'd hope a remix of Diglett would reveal what's below the surface. Like make Alolan Diglet walk around above ground or something, wouldn't that be fun?

Nope, they just gave it a tan and glued a few muppet hairs to the top. What a waste.


Overall: 10/10 -> 3/10

Alolan Persian

Now where could my pipe be?

You know, I'm really glad I gave Persian a 2/10 way back then. It makes room for me to give this Heathcliff lookin' pancake-face piece of shit a lower score.

Yes, vanilla Persian was boring. But Alolan Persian is offensively ugly. The face doesn't belong on that body at all. Maybe if the guy was fat all around, it could work. But this marks the second time the Alolan Form has just been "the same thing, except Dark-type, and fatter". Oddly, the others have either been blonde-and-tanned, or frosty. Those are the only three ways we can re-imagine Pokemon, apparently.


Overall: 2/10 -> 1/10

Alolan Meowth

In Hawaiian, cats are called "popoki", from hearing the first white settlers cooing to their cats, "poor pussy~"


Like Alolan Ratatta, I would be okay with Alolan Meowth replacing the original. Normal types suck on an intrinsic level, so even though we already have a Dark type cat Pokemon, this is better.

I like his sassy attitude, something they perhaps took from the anime incarnation of Meowth. Wait, Game Theory: Anime Meowth came to alola and knocked up all the local Meowths, passing along his intense Sass genes, and since then they've grown up saucy and flippant. And, uh, purple-grey. Because... well it's not a perfect theory, alright!?


Overall: 6/10 -> 7/10

Alolan Ninetales

what if in the Alolan dialect they spell it "Ninetails"

Ninetales has always been a very cool, elegant, feminine Pokemon. And the Alolan version cranks that up, frosty hair flowing like when Elsa Lets it Go and her braid clips through her shoulder.

The addition of a Fairy subtype is interesting, and ties into how Ninetales has that vaguely supernatural stuff going on. I woulda accepted Ice/Ghost as well, but this works. I like the way the tails are all billowy, like mist or something.

Also, despite what the illustration shows, Alolan Ninetales is basically just all one color. It doesn't have clearly defined blue/white segments, it's just sort of all-white, but produces blue shadows like snow does. We have so many Pokemon with additional colored segments, even if it's just the belly, so it's nice to see someone rock the monochrome.


Overall: 9/10 -> 10/10

Alolan Vulpix

When we heard there would be regional forms for the new tropical region, I don't think anyone expected new Ice types.

But by God, am I glad we got them. Alolan Vulpix doesn't have a neat spin on it like Sandshrew, where becoming an igloo made perfect sense, but it still looks perfect anyway. I could totally believe this was the original concept, a little snowy fox. The 6 tails lose a little distinction, but they end up looking like a snow drift, so that even works out. If every Alolan form were reinventions of this quality, I'd be a very happy man.

I just feel sorry for poor little Alolan Vulpix, it is pure and adorable and needs to be protected from the internet deviantart creeps. I know it's happening, I can feel it in my bones. Knock it off, you guys. I said STOP.


Overall: 8/10 -> 10/10

Alolan Sandslash

straight outta Planet Remulak with that cone head

Still cool, but I think I like the original best. Spikey icicles makes me wish we had a proper procupine Pokemon, but they just don't look as natural as vanilla Sandslash's spikey plates. And what's up with that one coming from the shoulder? How does that work? Looks like his arm is clipping through the spike.

But even with all that, he's got some sick claws and the overall design is solid. Solid like an ice cube. But with a little crack, because it's not perfect. Look, it's not the best metaphor, but it's all I got, okay?


Overall: 10/10 -> 8/10

Alolan Sandshrew

I like that these don't have to be tropical-themed alternate forms, it's less limiting.

First off, Sandrew is cute as h*ck and so is this icy version. A simple color pallet swap turns the bricks into ice bricks like an igloo, and actually makes more sense given his round shape.

To make things even better, the little guy slides around like a curling stone! It's amazing! If you don't love him, then I'm going to call the police and have them confiscate your 3DS, you're clearly not responsible enough to handle it.


Overall: 8/10 -> 10/10

Alolan Raichu

truly, we are in the Age of Gyaru.


Raichu got this way from eating too many pancakes, which is insane, but I'll buy it. Actually, it looks kinda like a pancake or cinnamon roll or something itself, all fluffy and glazed. I'd eat one, is what I'm saying.

But I'm also saying that those ears are over-simplified, and I just flat don't like the eye color. I think it contrasts poorly with the fur. The whole design reads like they got my memo about "simplifying" Pokemon, and just re-made Raichu with a delicious color scheme and smoother geometry.

The surfing gimmick hearkens back to the old Surfing Pikachu, but bizarrely doesn't learn Surf! Huge oversight. It doesn't need to be Water-type, just learn that one move, it would've been perfect. But no, instead it just psychically floats on its tail. If it's psychic, why does it need to float "on" anything? Shouldn't it just be able to float?

I still wanna butter one up and dip it in syrup and take a big bite, lil' guy looks like a nice golden brown marshmallow, the feet look like cream puffs...


Overall: 9/10 -> 5/10