Beta No. 225: Ghift

Twice now, the Pokegods have given me an opportunity to review Delibird on Christmas.

Twice now, I have missed my opportunity. We at NAPACE have no excuse - we are simply lazy.


So, beta-Delibird was named Ghift, and looked even more overtly like a lil' santaman. A clear hat and beard, and adorable heart tattoo above its groin? hmm. I can see why that was changed.

maybe I should also point out that Ghift's sack  bag is connected to his body, this time around. People have told me Delibird's sack  bag is connected as well, and sure enough the photographic evidence supports that theory, but I trust my own misconstrued biases and perceptions over "truth" or anything dumb like that. Speaking of perceptions, it's weird to talk about a bird's sack like that. I should change that to bag. I'm going to go do that now.

All that weirdness aside, I can dig Ghift. Delibird is the superior name, and the fluffy beard is better, but maybe a fusion of the two would bring us the santa-bird we've believed in all along.


Overall: 6/10

Beta No. 224: Bomseaker

YO who is this good boy?

I want to meet him. I want to learn more about him. I want to know his name. Bomseaker? Dope, I'm sold.

While we might like some of the designs, it's unfortunately true that most of these beta-mons have had conservative typings, which is no surprise given where Gamefreak's head was at the time. There wasn't really an impetus to fill out the obscure niches, or "play it fair" between the types, hence why Ghosts had to wait until Gen 5 to get their fair shake.

But this! This!! Fire/Water, a type so bold and controversial it hasn't been done yet in the official games! And a seal that balances a flaming ball on its nose is exactly the sort of coked-up nonsense that I love to see. I don't know why he's "Bomseaker", is that ball explosive? Is he a bomb-sniffing seal? Who cares, he's awesome!


Overall: 10/10

Beta No. 222: Bellmit

Here Comes Stupid!

Imagine catching a Bellsprout, evolving it into a Weepinbell, and then voluntarily choosing to evolve it into Bellmit instead of Victreebel. Couldn't be me. This dude looks like a bunch of rotten bananas. Or maybe a mandragora that got hit with an an ugly spell.



Although I'll admit - this artwork does him a lot of help! Altering the proportions and making the legs more... "leggy" really turns Bellmit from a piece of shit into something approaching decency! Honestly, I could buy this guy as an evolution of Bellsprout. It's weird to go back to limbs and stuff after Weepinbell, is the problem. But I think I've talked myself into kinda-sorta-liking Bellmit after all, imagine that. If they'd just split the line earlier (and used this artwork, the original sprite still sucks ass) then maybe it could've worked!


Overall: 5/10

Beta No. 220: Magby

The Babypalooza comes to an end. At last, rest for the weary pilgrim.


And fortunately, it's a high one!


They slimmed down Magby for his final version, and took away his Bart Simpson haircut, and I think it was a mistake. I love the look of this little guy. He looks like a thug, instead of a dork, which is appropriate for Magmar's line. Though I will say the artwork for this one seems to have ignored a key detail - I think Magby is supposed to have flame patterns on his belly! That makes him even better. Finally, Magmar has a prevolution that can stand toe-to-toe with Elekid.

Why couldn't all of the babies be like this one!?


Overall: 10/10

Beta No. 219: Elebabee

socially awkward bee


oh god it's CUTE tho!



Listen, the world is not fair. Elebabee is adorable, but Elekid already kicks ass. Maybe we can alter reality to make Elebabe the first form, and Electabuzz the final form? But then we'd lose Electavire, who is still cool in his own way. This sucks. Elebabee deserves to exist, looking like a self-satisfied ring-toss game, but it cannot without destroying something else of value. Leibniz was wrong, truly we do not live in the best of all possible worlds.


Overall: 9/10

Beta No. 218: Lipp

Let's get one thing straight - it's weird that Lipp is still based around kissing, when it's a baby.


And yes, those lips are still... just... offensive.


But all that aside, Lipp is a step up from Smoochum, I think? It dunno, I like the hair better, and I appreciate how it's wearing a dress like Jynx, instead of a generic baby-body. Still pretty bad overall, but not the worst thing ever. Improvement!


Overall: 3/10

Beta No. 214, 215 & 216: Lefmew, Dandemew & Cottomew

WHOAH EVERYBODY CAT PLANET TONIGHT YEAH





Doing all three of these furballs at once, because I would just be repeating myself.

so yeah, I think I can tell right off the bat why this line was changed. There's barely any progression from start to finish! They all look like the In-Training forms of Digimon. And they're all cute, sure, but I expect my Pokemon to at least achieve something on part with a Digimon's Champion form by the 3rd evolution.

Weirdest part is, the Hoppip line they came up with barely shows progression, either. At least it's more clearly a dandelion, instead of getting confused with the cotton plant toward the end.

Also interesting to note that the Lefmew family are supposed to be cats - the :3 face, the tail, the ears - but Hoppip, Jumpluff, and Skiploom are just generic plant-monsters. I think the dandelion concept works, and they can be cats, but they just needed to GROW. It's a shame, because Lefmew in particular is pretty good, but the promise goes nowhere.

Lefmew: 8/10

Dandemew: 2/10

Cottomew: 2/10

Beta No. 217: Ballerine

May I offer you an egg in this trying time?

ok, I can do this. I'm strong enough. It's the last group of babies. deep breath, let's do this...


Actually, no. Screw this, Ballerine sucks. Mr. Mime having babies is horrifying and I don't want to think about tiny clown mime eggs dancing all over the place and crawling into my nightmares. I hate the smiling egg baby.


Overall: no/10

Beta No. 213: Puddi

Puddi Puddi!

Let's close out the year with a whimper, I suppose. Bangs are overrated. You all know the script by now.

This is Chinese knock-off Growlithe. The ears are all wrong, the hair tufts are made of synthetic polymers, and there's not a trace of the noble soul we all associate with Growlithe. Reminds me of those robotic Poo-chi toys, though somehow Puddi here came first.


Overall: 1/10

Beta No. 212: Hitmontop

oh what the fuck is this shit

I do not know what I'm looking at here. I see at least 5 things I could interpret as eyeballs. Maybe the colored artwork will make more sense?


Dear Lord.

ok, it makes more sense, but I still don't like what I'm seeing. Unlike the final Hitmontop, who is just doing a head-stand, this freak has "legs" on his head and an eyeball in his stomach, just spinning on a point while he "kicks" you with his ear-feet. It's horrible, this isn't martial arts at all, if my Gong evolved into this I would try to reverse time and do it all over again. Let's just forget this madness ever happened, okay?


Overall: 1/10