No. 114: Tangela

Does Tangela remind anyone else of spaghetti?

Except, you know, blue. And with little red shoes.

Tangela is another enigma. what does its real body look like? Is it related to Shellder in any way? What the hell sort of plant is blue?

All these questions and more pop into one's mind when one thinks about Tangela.

Except, I can't be bothered to think about Tangela, because I have never used it in any game, only vaguely remember seeing it in Erika's party, and I don't think I even ever caught one. Basically, I don't give a shit about Tangela, and neither should you.

Overall: 3/10

No. 113: Chansey

Aren't Chansey like illegal immigrants, stealing regular human nurses' jobs?

But at least they seems good at their job. Or maybe it's slavery, and they're being forced to act happy? Let's not think about it.

Chansey is shaped like a big old egg, and she carries an egg in her pouch which SHE EATS HOLY SHIT. MAMA CHANSEY JUST ATE HER OWN EGG THAT IS LITERALLY CANNIBALISM.

Kangaskhan doesn't eat her babies, so why does Chansey? Maybe they're all duds, but that's still a little creepy. Let's not think about it.

Um, so Chansey has a lot of hp, but shit for other stats. That seems kinda dumb, it's like, if I have tons of hp but no defense, isn't it the same as tons of defense but no hp? except with the high defense at least small attacks will be ineffective, with just a lot of hp, you get whittled down by everything. Chansey is like a masochistic tank, you just keep beating her and beating her and she doesn't resist at all. This is getting strange. Let's not think about it.

so, uh, yeah. Besides all those things we're not thinking about, Chansey is a lovable ball of fun. fun, yeah. Not slavery, cannabalism, or masochism. FUN.

Overall: FUN/10

No. 112: Rhydon

Aim for the horn, Pikachu!

Rhydon is better than Rhyhorn, because Rhydon has a freaking drill for a horn, and he looks like he can move at more than 5 miles per hour.

but now that I'm looking at him, doesn't he kinda look like Nidoking?


yeah, you know what? I'm pretty sure Rhydon is some sort of bastard cousin to Nidoking, and probably is secretly in love with Nidoqueen. Where does that put us? Hell if I know.

Overall: 6/10

No. 111: Rhyhorn

The fact that no one noticed that I've had the numbers messed up for quite some time means either you are all too nice to say anything or no one even cares

And guess which conclusion will stoke my raging ego? Thanks, guys!!

Anyway, Rhyhorn is like a badass version of a rhino, but with more plate armor. except his horn is actually quite small, really. I was expecting more, Gamefreak.

Rhyhorn moves like a a house of bricks, and he's another damn ground/rock, meaning he falls over like a house of cards when you spritz him with water. And he probably smells like a house of shit.

Didn't Mewtwo throw one of these guys across a dining table in the movie? I think he did, that was awesome.

Overall: 3/10

No. 110: Weezing

If this was posted back on the 11th, then I think we all would've collectively shit our pants. oh wait Weezing is only the 110th what was I thinking

But Weezing is not that cool, so forget about it. He's just a big ugly mug with the worst case of smoker's lung I've ever seen. And is that mini-Weezing on the side a growth, or a polyp, or what? Some sort of sick parasitical siamese twin?

You know how much multiple brains freak me out, Pokemon. And yet you keep occuring, flying in the face of nature like some giant angry bird.

While Koffing looks high, Weezing just looks like stupidity personified.

Overall: 2/10

No. 109: Koffing

Oh, what a clever pun for a name! It's like they just took an adjective and spelled it wrong!

Lame name aside, Koffing is actually pretty good. He just kinda works.

Koffing is basically a tiny, sentient planet, whose craters produce gas, has a fairly cool skull-and-crossbones tatoo, and, judging by facial expression, is high 100% of the time.

Also, he's purple. (remember this! purple = poison type!)

A good example of a completely original idea, with no real base in reality, that actually comes out okay.

Overall: 7/10

No. 108: Lickitung

Imagine the plug for this Pokemon: "Hey, Tanaka-san, how about a Pokemon who just licks everything?"

"Hey, sounds good to me!"

Anyway, Lickitung is a kinda one-trick pony. Either you find it hilarious that this thing has a giant tongue, or you are not 10 years old. Sophisticated, mature people have gotten over this.

And if there's anything I know, it's about being sophisticated. after all, I am a student of life, with a graduate degree from the school of hard knocks, and 3 gold stars from the kingerdarten of getting the shit kicked out of me.

so Lickitung doesn't interest me very much. He's not horrible by any means, just kinda "TONGUE LOL" and nothing else.

Overall: 5/10

No. 107: Hitmonchan

Jackie Chan. Hitmonchan.

I really want to like Hitmonchan, I really do. Jackie Chan is, as they say, the man, and anyone named after him has to be pretty awesome. Plus, Hitmonchan is all about the punching, something I can sympathize with. He punches faster than the eye can see, and you know what that means? Rapid-freaking-punches-of-death.

However...

Hitmonchan is wearing little slippers. And a skirt. And they're both light purple. Plus a face that looks he's desperately trying to hide the fact that it was he who just let out that stinker, and I kinda lose my respect.

Gotta give the man props for the whole "punchin a lot" thing, but the miniskirt? c'mon now...

Overall: 6/10

No. 106: Hitmonlee

Bruce Lee. Hitmonlee.

It's no secret that I love fighting types, and so it should come as no surprise that I love Hitmonlee.

He just kicks, kicks, kicks, and he looks like a murderer. He legs and arms stretch like springs, and that makes him look pretty damn cool when he fights. Like in the manga, this one time he had Blastoise all tied up with his arms and was kicking the shit out of him.

I wish Hitmonlee was a little better, stat-wise, but he's so badass that I can't really complain.

Overall: 10/10

No. 105: Marowak

Yes, dead mama Marowak is like the saddest thing ever. let's move on.

Marowak looks badass, and did you know that he actually has like three unique moves? Bone Rush, Bonerang, and Bone Club. Sounds like Friday night at my house, if you get what I mean.

Anyway, Marowak is cool times. I wonder what he looks like under the skull, though. Cubone too. Probably some kind of dinosaur-looking thing.

Overall: 7/10