That last one right under this, marks the 900th post I've made!
that - that is a lot of posts to make!
I'm bringing it up now, because with only a dozen or so Megas left, and then some other business to attend to, I'm probably not gonna hit the big 1000 any time soon. It'll take Gen 7 to break it.
Once I do finish what I have to cover, I'm thinking this blog will just go on a hiatus. I use fancy bold to specify this, because I have plans about another blog I'd like to start to kill time until Gen 7, and to hopefully continue past that. Because obviously, I can be trusted to reliably update two sites with content at a regular pace, yes.
As always, thanks for reading NAPACE. I know I've slowed down like a Shuckle over the past year, but as long as there is breath in my body I will talk shit about Pokemon.
Monday, March 30, 2015
Mega Evolution no. 33: Mega Sceptile
i swear i will get through this shit if it kills me
Hey, remember Sceptile? He's back, except even busier and more extreme! Though first let me give props where props are due - the little "bite" taken out oh his leaf things is visually interesting, like Bayleef's leaf. Also, his tail looks more threatening, even if it has a straight-up christmas tree at the end of it, complete with a red topper. Oh, and those balls on his back kinda look like ornaments, now that I think of it. Man, with all the red and green, Mega Sceptile is keeping the yuletide in his heart like nobody's business, huh?
But where was I? Oh yeah, the good pats. Foliage on the shoulders is nice. Sceptile should have more of that, and less protrusions-the-same-color-as-my-skin.
so with that out of the way, can we talking about this freaking christmas-ass son of a bitch? he's got stripes, tips, flanges, orbs, it's just so damn much. Oh, and of course his orbs color shift towards the red end of the spectrum, because of course they do.
listen - this is a goddamn mess, but as I noted above there's a few good points, and I'm willing to pretend for everyone's sakes that the christmas connections were totally on purpose. And gaining a Dragon sub-type helps a lot too - it's always bugged me he was the only starter in his gen to not get a fun sub-type before.
Overall: 4/10
Hey, remember Sceptile? He's back, except even busier and more extreme! Though first let me give props where props are due - the little "bite" taken out oh his leaf things is visually interesting, like Bayleef's leaf. Also, his tail looks more threatening, even if it has a straight-up christmas tree at the end of it, complete with a red topper. Oh, and those balls on his back kinda look like ornaments, now that I think of it. Man, with all the red and green, Mega Sceptile is keeping the yuletide in his heart like nobody's business, huh?
But where was I? Oh yeah, the good pats. Foliage on the shoulders is nice. Sceptile should have more of that, and less protrusions-the-same-color-as-my-skin.
so with that out of the way, can we talking about this freaking christmas-ass son of a bitch? he's got stripes, tips, flanges, orbs, it's just so damn much. Oh, and of course his orbs color shift towards the red end of the spectrum, because of course they do.
listen - this is a goddamn mess, but as I noted above there's a few good points, and I'm willing to pretend for everyone's sakes that the christmas connections were totally on purpose. And gaining a Dragon sub-type helps a lot too - it's always bugged me he was the only starter in his gen to not get a fun sub-type before.
Overall: 4/10
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Mega Evolution No. 32: Steelix
good lord steelix calm down
I feel like someone missed the point here. Steelix is cool because he's as big as Nevada, heavier than a Kierkegaard treatise, and handles Special attacks about as well as Balrog kicks. But Mega Steelix is floaty, with glowy rainbow ice crystals and blue beadazzlements and a hovering asteroid belt. What the hell is this even
his stats don't even reflect a change towards the Special. It would be one thing if it just swapped his phys/spec stats and he became a Crystal Steelix like that one Onix in the anime, that would be kind of interesting. But it's not, he's just the same ol' Steelix, except even more.
And with a dumb design
Overall: 3/10
I feel like someone missed the point here. Steelix is cool because he's as big as Nevada, heavier than a Kierkegaard treatise, and handles Special attacks about as well as Balrog kicks. But Mega Steelix is floaty, with glowy rainbow ice crystals and blue beadazzlements and a hovering asteroid belt. What the hell is this even
his stats don't even reflect a change towards the Special. It would be one thing if it just swapped his phys/spec stats and he became a Crystal Steelix like that one Onix in the anime, that would be kind of interesting. But it's not, he's just the same ol' Steelix, except even more.
And with a dumb design
Overall: 3/10
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Mega Evolution No. 31: Slowbro
okay, you're just screwing with me now
This isn't real, right? Oh God, it is.
Look, I shouldn't have to explain how ball-breakingly stupid this is, right? it's just - wow. the "shellder" on Slowbro's ass just continues to eat him, leaving only his head and arms remaining. Oh, and also the tail bit. Shouldn't that have been digested?
Honestly, Slowking is already what Mega Slowbro should have been. This crap is just unnecessary and hilarious.
Also, check the look on his face - "i have made poor life choices"
Overall: 1/10
This isn't real, right? Oh God, it is.
Look, I shouldn't have to explain how ball-breakingly stupid this is, right? it's just - wow. the "shellder" on Slowbro's ass just continues to eat him, leaving only his head and arms remaining. Oh, and also the tail bit. Shouldn't that have been digested?
Honestly, Slowking is already what Mega Slowbro should have been. This crap is just unnecessary and hilarious.
Also, check the look on his face - "i have made poor life choices"
Overall: 1/10
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Mega Evolution No. 30: Pidgeot
I feel like I should be Scarlet Witch saying "no more birds" instead of "no more mutants"
Okay, yeah, this really didn't need to be a thing. Someone let Pidgeot into the paint, and he gots his feathers all dyed blue on the tips. Also he's started styling his hair like he think he's Gotenks, and that's gotta stop pronto.
Look, Mega Pidgeot, I get that Pidgeot kinda sucks but like, who cares? All you can manage is to look like Braviary's scene-ass cousin. You even have the eyeshadow, and that blue? he's painting his nails. It's worse than I thought, we have a serious case of emo on our hands. Is that still a thing? or did all the emo kids get replaced by hipster kids?
eh, I don't have much to say about this guy, and if I go any further it'll just be inarticulate ranting about middle school, Hot Topic and System of a Down.
Overall: 2/10
Okay, yeah, this really didn't need to be a thing. Someone let Pidgeot into the paint, and he gots his feathers all dyed blue on the tips. Also he's started styling his hair like he think he's Gotenks, and that's gotta stop pronto.
Look, Mega Pidgeot, I get that Pidgeot kinda sucks but like, who cares? All you can manage is to look like Braviary's scene-ass cousin. You even have the eyeshadow, and that blue? he's painting his nails. It's worse than I thought, we have a serious case of emo on our hands. Is that still a thing? or did all the emo kids get replaced by hipster kids?
eh, I don't have much to say about this guy, and if I go any further it'll just be inarticulate ranting about middle school, Hot Topic and System of a Down.
Overall: 2/10
Monday, March 16, 2015
Mega Evolution No. 29: Beedrill
I can't imagine the misery it is to be a Hornets fan.
But Mega Beedrill is here to make it all right. He's here to make everything in the world Right. "Santa Claus does exist, all dogs go to heaven, and I will end your life right now and prove it to you if you cross me", that is his message.
Mega Beedril slam dunks it home with not three, not four, but FIVE large pointy bits. It also sticks to the established color scheme (though when you're doing a bee it isn't hard), and generally just gives you Beedrill, except MORE. If this thing had been around back in Kanto, Ash would've died along with his Medapod in Viridian Forest.
Overall: 10/10
But Mega Beedrill is here to make it all right. He's here to make everything in the world Right. "Santa Claus does exist, all dogs go to heaven, and I will end your life right now and prove it to you if you cross me", that is his message.
Mega Beedril slam dunks it home with not three, not four, but FIVE large pointy bits. It also sticks to the established color scheme (though when you're doing a bee it isn't hard), and generally just gives you Beedrill, except MORE. If this thing had been around back in Kanto, Ash would've died along with his Medapod in Viridian Forest.
Overall: 10/10
Saturday, March 14, 2015
No. 720: Hoopa
If you remember Hoopla Sports Cards, and the ads they used to have on Kids WB back in the early 2000's, then you are my brother.
Okay, what's a Sonic the Hegehog character doing here? Isn't there a djinn in Sonic who steals his rings and stuff? It seems like something that exists. Anyway, Hoopa looks kinda cool. I like floating arms, and I like side-head horns. The rings are I guess sort of a reference to him being bound by them (despite only one looking like it's doing any actual binding), or the Ring of Solomon, idk.
But hey, for a little trickster genie imp, he's pretty neat.
Confined: 8/10
However, things are never that simple. Of COURSE he has an additional form, and of COURSE it isn't a Mega Evolution. I mean, it shouldn't be, or maybe it should. They've had alternate formes for years now, and maybe just retroactively making all those Megas would have simplified things a bit. Say Zen Mode Darmanitan is just Mega Darmanitan. And this would mean that Megas aren't always superior, but sometimes just alternate ways to play the Pokemon - like the grooves and -isms of Capcom vs SNK.
However, we have both going on, and it's just stupid. But back to Hoopa - he's unbound, and just breaking out in every way. Six arms, dimensional portals everywhere, big ol' hair, demon tail, he's got it all. And you know what? It looks freaking rad.
But it doesn't look like a Pokemon. I LOVE the floating arms, and the way he makes pink and white look badass. But he's more like Final Fantasy's Gilgamesh if you removes his arms, than a Pokemon. I gave Golurk and Bisharp shit for this, so I'm afraid I must do the same to Hoopa. He's cool, but really does not fit in the game at all, and I don't like that they continue to introduce new stupid Formes when they already have Megas. Take out the Megas and keep formes, or make all formes Mega. Can't have your cake and eat it too, Gamefreak.
Unbound: 4/10
Overall: 6/10
Okay, what's a Sonic the Hegehog character doing here? Isn't there a djinn in Sonic who steals his rings and stuff? It seems like something that exists. Anyway, Hoopa looks kinda cool. I like floating arms, and I like side-head horns. The rings are I guess sort of a reference to him being bound by them (despite only one looking like it's doing any actual binding), or the Ring of Solomon, idk.
But hey, for a little trickster genie imp, he's pretty neat.
Confined: 8/10
However, things are never that simple. Of COURSE he has an additional form, and of COURSE it isn't a Mega Evolution. I mean, it shouldn't be, or maybe it should. They've had alternate formes for years now, and maybe just retroactively making all those Megas would have simplified things a bit. Say Zen Mode Darmanitan is just Mega Darmanitan. And this would mean that Megas aren't always superior, but sometimes just alternate ways to play the Pokemon - like the grooves and -isms of Capcom vs SNK.
However, we have both going on, and it's just stupid. But back to Hoopa - he's unbound, and just breaking out in every way. Six arms, dimensional portals everywhere, big ol' hair, demon tail, he's got it all. And you know what? It looks freaking rad.
But it doesn't look like a Pokemon. I LOVE the floating arms, and the way he makes pink and white look badass. But he's more like Final Fantasy's Gilgamesh if you removes his arms, than a Pokemon. I gave Golurk and Bisharp shit for this, so I'm afraid I must do the same to Hoopa. He's cool, but really does not fit in the game at all, and I don't like that they continue to introduce new stupid Formes when they already have Megas. Take out the Megas and keep formes, or make all formes Mega. Can't have your cake and eat it too, Gamefreak.
Unbound: 4/10
Overall: 6/10
Thursday, March 12, 2015
No. 719: Diancie
Feels strange to write a title like that again.
Kalos was mercifully light on Legendaries, but as we all know, we have to have the little-prancing-fairy archetype, and in this case it is literally a Fairy. So that makes sense, I guess. Hey, and it's Rock/Fairy, any connection to Carbrink, that one random dude who looked like he totally needed an evo?
No?
oh...
Well, it looks cute at least. But I'm mad flustered that they took the "crystals emerging from a raw stone" gimmick and used it twice without bothering to connect them, or even mention the other.
It has a Mega Evolution, which is just as overwrought and pointless as you'd expect. What's the goddamn point of a Mega Evolve on legendary, can't you just GIVE it those good stats and GIVE it the full design? All it's doing is taking up a potential Mega Stone slot on your team. It's a nerf, for crying out loud. I kind of like the look of it as a crystal chandelier, but I'm just pissed about it even existing at all. I thought the whole point was that new Pokemon don't need Megas, because they're already so good?
bleh
Overall: 3/10
Kalos was mercifully light on Legendaries, but as we all know, we have to have the little-prancing-fairy archetype, and in this case it is literally a Fairy. So that makes sense, I guess. Hey, and it's Rock/Fairy, any connection to Carbrink, that one random dude who looked like he totally needed an evo?
No?
oh...
Well, it looks cute at least. But I'm mad flustered that they took the "crystals emerging from a raw stone" gimmick and used it twice without bothering to connect them, or even mention the other.
It has a Mega Evolution, which is just as overwrought and pointless as you'd expect. What's the goddamn point of a Mega Evolve on legendary, can't you just GIVE it those good stats and GIVE it the full design? All it's doing is taking up a potential Mega Stone slot on your team. It's a nerf, for crying out loud. I kind of like the look of it as a crystal chandelier, but I'm just pissed about it even existing at all. I thought the whole point was that new Pokemon don't need Megas, because they're already so good?
bleh
Overall: 3/10
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Hoenn Redux Roundup Part 3
Sidney
Holy shit, Sid looking Triad af. Dude looks like he would cut your fingers off if you cheated at a Pokemon battle. Before he looked like a kind of slick billiard ace, but this looks much more Dark, I like it. I like it a lot.
Overall: 10/10
Previously
Phoebe
One of the few instances wheree it's exactly the same design. Like, completely. So, uh, all my previous comments about her being cute (but why Ghost?) still apply.
Overall: 8/10
Previously
Glacia
Before, she looked vaguely like some sort of viking shield maiden. Now, she looks much colder, and more elegant. I'm glad she dropped the pants-under-dress thing, and dose gloves look great. I admire Gamefreak's creative integrity in NOT just making her literally Elsa.
Overall: 8/10
Previously
Drake
Another design that really hasn't changed at all. Still the captain of his fate, and master of his soul. Still rocking the no-shirt-long-coat-jeans-tucked-into-pants like he's Dante. Still with that magnificent 'stache. Still more nautical that Dragonical.
Overall: 9/10
Previously
Stephen Stone
Okay, somebody shrunk his pants in the wash. Those things are clinging far too tightly to his shapely legs. He seems more svelte in general, not that he was ever husky, and I don't think I like it as much. The open jacket seems to go in line with making him more fabuous, though I gotta say the inside being shiny silver is pretty dope. And I dig the silver crowns for cuffs. It's not bad at all, but rather taking him in a "harlequin prince" sort of direction, instead of "cool businessman" like he was before.
Overall: 9/10
Previously
Holy shit, Sid looking Triad af. Dude looks like he would cut your fingers off if you cheated at a Pokemon battle. Before he looked like a kind of slick billiard ace, but this looks much more Dark, I like it. I like it a lot.
Overall: 10/10
Previously
Phoebe
One of the few instances wheree it's exactly the same design. Like, completely. So, uh, all my previous comments about her being cute (but why Ghost?) still apply.
Overall: 8/10
Previously
Glacia
Before, she looked vaguely like some sort of viking shield maiden. Now, she looks much colder, and more elegant. I'm glad she dropped the pants-under-dress thing, and dose gloves look great. I admire Gamefreak's creative integrity in NOT just making her literally Elsa.
Overall: 8/10
Previously
Drake
Another design that really hasn't changed at all. Still the captain of his fate, and master of his soul. Still rocking the no-shirt-long-coat-jeans-tucked-into-pants like he's Dante. Still with that magnificent 'stache. Still more nautical that Dragonical.
Overall: 9/10
Previously
Stephen Stone
Okay, somebody shrunk his pants in the wash. Those things are clinging far too tightly to his shapely legs. He seems more svelte in general, not that he was ever husky, and I don't think I like it as much. The open jacket seems to go in line with making him more fabuous, though I gotta say the inside being shiny silver is pretty dope. And I dig the silver crowns for cuffs. It's not bad at all, but rather taking him in a "harlequin prince" sort of direction, instead of "cool businessman" like he was before.
Overall: 9/10
Previously
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