Pokemon Moon First Thoughts vol. 5

-Before going further, I took this time to make sure I had everybody I wanted from the routes:

Mr. Bear the Stufful

Hukilau the Comfey

Dr. Zaius the Oranguru

Pikaboo the Mimikyu

Gradius the Minior

Gelato the Sandygast

Humu the Bruxish

(plus some obligatory older-gen Pokes, but whatever)

-But after cruising through the trials until now, I got stomped by Mimikyu. I knew it would absorb the first attack, but then I tried to sleep it, missed the first time, and when I hit it immediately ate its berry and recovered. Also I didn't realize it was part Fairy. Re-ordered my party, and had Papaya Pluck that bitch first thing, and it was fairly simple after that.

-Then I got humbled again, fighting one of the Route Boss trainers I'd skipped over. I let Ledian set up both kinds of screen, so when Pinsir came out I couldn't KO him before he Swords Danced twice, and then he went Brick Broke Back Mountain on my ass. For the rematch I just got rid of Ledian in a hurry, so I still had an available avenue of attack to defeat Pinsir.

-After that, the real blow to my pride came. The Route Boss up on that mountain only had one Absol, and it Night Slashed my team to death like it was straight outta some 80's horror flick. No strategy, just too stronk. But, I realized a lot of my team was right around level 30, just a few shy of evolving. Grudgingly I turned EXP share back on for a bit, and evolved 'em all. Easily won the rematch, especially with Pikaboo taking point.

-Can we just say how absolutely amazing Mimikyu is? Tanking the first hit, of any kind, is SO damn good. Some times I use it to Swords Dance, sometimes I just use it for a free attack, it lets me switch in with impunity, and then the darn thing has the speed and attack to still make a difference, and the defense to stick around afterwards, too. I'll be singing this thing's praises very highly in a few weeks, or months, or whenever it comes up.

-Team Skull is amazing. Po Town was amazing. Guzma and Plumeria are amazing. I love everything about these boneheads.

-The story is actually maybe kinda good? Is that possible? I care about the characters, and it surprised me with some bits, more than I can say for any other Pokemon game, which tend to be as by-the-numbers as possible. Still not finished, but I'm invested and want to know what happens next. This is a first for me.

-Got to Poni Island, the Kaua'i analog... and the map is showing it's basically a wasteland without civilization. Big ol' dustbin where Kapa'a should be. Ever heard of Mt. Waialeale? Rainiest spot in the world? Or that Kaua'i is known as the Garden Island? Yet you decide to make it the desert level of the game. Fucking thanks, Gamefreak.

-but seriously, Lillie is adorable and I'm even starting to come around on Hau and I want to play more but I've been so busy with other junk

No. 728: Popplio

brought to you by Sculpey

Popplio looks like he would be extremely easy to make out of clay, is what I'm saying. His limbs, ears, and nose all look like there's no way they could have grown organically, someone had to stick 'em on there. And it's not even Will Vinton or Laika here, I'm talking some Gumby shit. I'm talking some Morph-tier half-assed claymation, the kind where you can see the fingerprints all over everything and the characters just glide around instead of walk properly because animation is hard.

And also I think his nose looks like a party had that he's wearing down over his mouth, instead of on his head. I didn't choose him, taking Litten instead, and Hau decided he'd rather take the elemental disadvantage and go with Rowlet than pick Popplio, and I don't blame him.


Overall: 2/10

No. 727: Incineroar

...AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CINEROAR


We continue the theme of unpredictable sub-types. Why isn't the wrestle-cat Fire/Fighting? I guess because he's a Heel, so he's Dark, and Fire/Fighting starters are overdone, but... it's like Decidueye being Grass/Ghost. More of a decision for interesting gameplay, than any sense relating to the design.

And this design is some Tony-the-Tiger-ass shit. The grey chest looks dumb, and there's something "off" about the entire face. And as badass as the flaming belt sounds, in practice it doesn't really work. Flaming shoulders would've been cool as hell, or how about a FLAMING MANE ON YOUR TIGER POKEMON JESUS CHRIST GAMEFREAK IS IT SO HARD

Speaking of wrasslin', the theme job here is half-assed. Sure, he learns a Lariat, but then he does a big goofy Zangief lariat that's more like a cyclone maneuver. And his Z-move is called Moonsault, but it's more like a 450 Splash. (I do like the trainer doing the YES fingers tho) Throat Chop is cool, but redundant when Darkest Lariat exists. And they missed an opportunity not giving him an ability where he powers up when you switch him in for an ally who was at low health. Hell, call it Hot Tag, that even works with the Fire typing. Gamefreak, call me. I'm doing your damn job for you over here.

I'm giving this guy a low score mainly for being so much wasted potential, and also for being a roody-poo candy ass jabroni. And that's the bottom line, 'cuz NAPACE said so.


Overall: 3/10

Pokemon Moon First Thoughts vol. 4

Finished out Akala, and did the Electric trial in Ula'ula.

-I was playing with Exp Share on, because I was catching a bunch of dudes and swapping them out all the time, but now that my team is solidifying I turned it off, for a better difficulty curve. It's not really "hard", because the NPCs still only use 1 or 2 Pokemon, but it doesn't feel like a cakewalk either.

-Papaya evolved into Toucannon, and is definitely the MVP of my team right now. But that might just be because he's the only one who's fully evolved...

-I want to see Guzma and Kukui in a Hell in a Cell match. NOW.

-Aether doesn't appear evil, but Lusamine made a creepy face and wants to mommy everything. Also, it's funny that Pokemon has now made both animal-rights activists and conversationalists into its villains. Next they'll go after orphanages or something.

-Z-Moves aren't as busted as I was expecting, but I still think they're kinda unnecessary. The animations are actually fun to watch, but it's the posing and redundant textboxes beforehand that slow it down for me.

No. 726: Torracat

If you were on the Detroit Lions, would you be pissed about having to play every Thanksgiving? Discuss.

Torracat is just a bigger Litten, and there's nothing wrong with that! Though the outline around his eyes makes him look even more like something outta Hanna-Barbera.

Since I don't really have much else to say, let me just mention how the touch-your-Pokemon feature is a lot better implemented this time around. I didn't bother with it at all in XY, but here, when you can access it immediately after battle and even use it to heal status effects, I use it all the time. You can call me David Cop-a-feel because my hands are all over these Pokemon.

And it's funny how Torracat's little bell collar thingie burns your hand. Attention to detail is nice!


Overall: 6/10

No. 725: Litten

shit was lit af

I just got a new cat in real life not too long ago. He's a troublemaker, always getting at the blinds, trying to knock things off shelves, etc. So I felt obligated to pick Litten this time around, even though he's nothing special.

The tufts of fur seems too even to me, I'd prefer something a little more natural-looking, but this is modern Pokemon after all. And I like his eyes, heavy-lidded with disdain for the world. So cynical at such a young age.

Honestly, Litten is kinda boring, but he's not doing anything wrong (unlike my cat. Bad kitty, bad! Stop chewing on that!!) so I guess he's alright.


Overall: 6/10

No. 724: Decidueye

I can only imagine how many kids are getting into fights over how to pronounce this name. Dyslexic kid can only cry.

So, Grass/Ghost, huh? Why? Just 'cuz? okay...

I dunno you guys, this one feels sorta Digimon-esque to me. Could see it named Robinmon or Sherwoodmon or something. Also, I've identified something else that just felt "off" about Chesnaught last gen - it's not a reptile thing. All the previous Grass starters have been like dinosaurs or snakes or lizards or whatever, somehow it just doesn't feel right to see a bird up here. And I know everybody and their mother has been inventing Grass-owl starters for years but I've never really been a fan. Not as a starter.

It's a fine design, and I get the theme of feather/arrow/darts. I also get how they're doing another RPG-Job-Class trio, and I just don't know if I really like that either.

I don't hate Decidueye by any means, the design isn't bad, it's just not "Pokemon". I think I need to put him in the same category as Golurk and Bisharp. Get him his own game that's more Fantasy-RPG with animal characters and less collectible-pets.

Overall: 5/10

Pokemon Moon First Thoughts Vol. 3

Beat the second Kahuna, now I'm about to go fly to the Aether HQ to probably have them lie to my faces and tell me that they aren't secretly evil. Because Lillie was totally helping Nebby escape in the opening, and because the only people who wear all-white are yakuza or Klansmen.

-Can we talk about how saturated with Best Girls this game is? I mean, Gamefreak has always been on the leading edge of waifu technology, but I just went through that section where Plumeria, Lillie, Burnet, and Olivia come up to you in quick succession and dang.

-It didn't hurt that I'm playing the female avatar, either. I thought her little hat was too cute to pass up, and I'm having some fun dressing up and stuff. But I wish we could use any of the clothes options the NPC trainers get, that would be cool.

-Not many new additions to the squad, just Sizzle the Salandit and Skullomania the Cubone. The latter of which ran roughshod over the fire trial, one-hitting everything. I've heard people say Totem Salazzle was a hard fight, but I mean... Bonemerang. I wasn't even overleveled.

-Totem Lurantis made up for it, though. I still won, but I was getting pissed from all its Synthesis bullshit. And then its Trumbeak tagalong spamming supersonic, yeesh.

-Have I mentioned how good the music is in this game yet? I could listen to Konikoni Town's theme all day.

Pokemon Moon First Thoughts Vol. 2

Finished off Melemele, completed the first trial on Alaka, and am now ready to go into that volcano park.

-I still am not a fan of taking control away from me every area to give a little cut-scene, I just want to be left alone to wander and figure stuff out.

-but this game is funny, though! Team Skull is a hoot, Lillie keeps getting lost, and professor Kukui is like Ric Flair meets Randy Savage.

-caught some new Pokemon:
Ponyo the Wishiwashi
Orchid the Fomantis
Sooki the Mudbray
Exxon the Grimer
ACDC the Grubbin
(and a bunch of ones from past games, just out of habit)

-I love how they've replaced HMs with these partner Pokemon. Good riddance to HM slaves. Also, did they turn down the encounter rate while surfing, too?

-Accidentally went into that Fantasy Festival Plaza thing. I had no goddamn clue what was going on, people just kept asking me questions I couldn't possibly know the answer to, confetti everywhere, it's my responsibility, Cinderella's castle in the background, fat Greek kid shouting at me, people running back and forth rearranging folding chairs until somebody gets hurt, it was like a David Lynch film. I'm never going back.

No. 723: Dartrix

Look at this Arin Hanson-looking punk.

Rowlet was cute, but Dartrix is full of shit, apparently. Thinks he's God's gift to owls or something. Well, the fact is, you look like you have a shaggy brown beard and a green mustache, so yeah. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

I guess he's not too bad, but that little hair flip pisses me the piss off. I think we all knew a kid in middle school who thought he was so anime he could get away with it, except he totally wasn't.


Overall: 5/10

No. 722: Rowlet

get ready to hoot and patoot


First off, Rowlet looks dead and stuffed in this artwork. But as I've said, these days you kind of have to factor in the in-game model and animations. They don't just leave it all on the table with the artwork anymore, which I kinda don't approve of, you ought to be able to communicate everything you need to know about a Pokemon with a single image, but.

and Rowlet is pretty dang cute in the game! He's got an adorable little bow-tie, and rolls his head all around. I still think they could've given him less creepy eyes, but it's a fine effort anyway. Probably the best-looking starter this time around (but we'll get to the much-more-important Final stages later...)


Overall: 8/10

Pokemon Moon First Thoughts Vol. 1

Picked up the game last night. I've been busy so I'm only about 5 hours deep, but it's not like I want to rush this anyway. I like to take my time and enjoy it, island-style, ya dig?

-I really like how the environments feel less blocky. We went to full-3D movement with XY, but you could tell it was still designed on a grid. But right away in Moon, I see paths that curve around, and the patches of grass feel especially natural.

-With that said, the technical limitations of the 3DS are on full display. The models themselves are fine, but that pixel resolution, forced outline, lack of anti-aliasing, and often terrible texture quality are very noticeable. I've heard rumors of a version for the Switch, and honestly it feels like about time Pokemon stepped into the modern realm of graphics. The utter abandonment of 3D is funny to me as well, but I guess it only served to create more lag, huh?

-I like how they're actually committed to the Hawai'ian theme. Last game was in "France" but it didn't really feel particularly French to me - the people were too polite, and smelled too good! This time, there's tan skin aplenty, and I see slang like Howzit thrown around. I'm glad they didn't go overboard and try and full Pidgin it, but it's nice! Can't wait til I get to Kauai, where I lived.

-damn there are a lot of cut-scenes and hand-holding. I just want to play the dang game already but bitches keep hassling me every 10 feet to tell me about some cool new feature and hand me an exp share or something.

-I try to run a team of only new pokemon for a first playthrough of a game, but so far I've hardly met any new ones! I've got a Litten, named Rocky after my irl cat, a Pikipek named Papaya (who just evolved into Trumbeak actually), and I'm filling out the rest with an Alolan Meowth named Bad News, Wight Lady the Gastly, Perry the Wingull, and Avedakedavra the Abra.

-the music is pretty neat, too. I dig the little jingle for picking up items, it's really keeping in theme!

SUN AND MOON ARE HERE

Guess who's back, back again. NAPACE is back, tell a friend.

That's right, people. The new games are finally here, so finally I can start digging into this new generation and telling you which ones suck. Last time, when X and Y released, I wanted to hold off for a while, so I could play the dang game and get to know the Pokemon involved. And I still think it's important to see how a Pokemon feels in-game before making a final judgement about it, especially now that so many Pokemon take advantage of the 3D animations to display parts of their design that aren't readily apparent in their artwork.

But, it feels like it's been so long since I've had anything to post, that I'm itching to just get started. Hopefully I can play at a faster rate than I can review (and longtime readers know I can review at a pretty damn slow clip if I put my mind to it).