No. 818: Inteleon

The name's Pond. James Pond.

So once again changing themes with a swerve sharp enough to give you whiplash, Inteleon is some sort of secret agent lizard. Wasn't he a chameleon? Shouldn't that tie in to this somehow, give him stealth cloaking powers? Nah, he just shoots you like Yusuke and has a gliding cape.

Also he's skinny as a rake, and going to star in a Dreamworks film.

There's a weird imbalance among the starters. Grookey starts out energetic, gets mellowed out, and ends up... basically the same? He's just monkey. Meanwhile Scorbunny goes through an emo phase but ends up exactly the same as he started - energetic. And then Sobble can't make up his mind, going from timid to tryhard to... suave? Whatever emotion a spy would have. My point is, it doesn't add up. There's no cohesive theme or pattern, and it bugs me.

Especially when the end result is this dumbass. Can't even blame it on "had to fit the pattern the others established". Just poor decisions.


Overall: 2/10

No. 917: Drizzile

it's not a phase, mom

Man, Thwackey just looks better and better by comparison, huh? The other two got really into anime and System of a Down, but he's just hanging out. Drizzile looks like he lives at the mall and plans to get a tattoo of a pentagram on his ankle when he moves out of his step-mom's house.

File this green mitten scene kid right next to Staraptor and Midnight Lycanroc.


Overall: 2/10

No. 816: Sobble

him head too big for he got damn body

this bitch cries all the time and I don't think that's a cool trait to build into every Pokemon of the species. They're just all timid crybabies? an entire race of C-3POs? lame

Design-wise, though, Sobble is decent. Head feels too large, but it's not as distracting as Scorbunny because of the tail counter-balancing the weight.


Overall: 5/10

No. 815: Cinderace

Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cinderace is somehow a pure Fire type, despite giving every indication of being Fire/Fighting. I guess they know people are tired of that one. In fact, every starter is pure of type, which is an odd choice, after the last two gens tried to explore unusual typings.

But after being a weeaboo teen, somehow Cinderace is back to tearing it up on the field, with random splashes of color trying to hide the fact that this design is just a rabbit wearing pants. I almost think this could have been the original middle stage, but they couldn't think of any way to expand on the concept so they just threw some details in there and invented a new middleman.

Besides the obligatory "kick a flaming ball" signature move, it gets a frankly ridiculous move that lets it swap ALL terrain effects (spikes, light screen, etc) to the other side. So it's a strong Pokemon, I won't lie. But again, I must compare to that other beloved kicking-oriented Fire starter, Blaziken... and Cinderace looks like a chump.


Overall: 4/10

No. 814: Raboot

you can Naruto run but you can't Naruto hide

OK, we're starting this shit early, huh. Not even waiting til the final form to turn into somebody's Deviantart OC. Whatever.

It bugs me how his black fur has a solid-line cutoff at the feet, but his red fur doesn't at the wrists. So it's clearly NOT a jacket - but then it comes up over his face like an Akatsuki anyway. What the hell!? We can't ignore whatever the shit is happening in his stomach, either. Looks like an Alien baby is about to explode out, or maybe he's stuffed a cotton ball down his shirt. Which would of course be impossible, because it's not a shirt, it's just hair. Which is why it looks exactly like pants.

I hate it.


Overall: 1/10

No. 813: Scorbunny

remember Happy Bunny? god those were dark times

I hate that Scorbunny's feet are longer than its legs. I hate that it's head is larger than its body. By all accounts, it shouldn't work on a biological level.

And I know that rectangle on its face is meant to be like one of those nose bandages that rough-and-tumble shonen boys or tomboys get to show that they... do sports and are frequently injured (?) but the positioning makes it look like a damn single of cheese slapped on to its face. Then it stepped in some, too.


Overall: 2/10

No. 812: Rillaboom

And this... is to go even further beyond!!!


Again, we must mention how the in-game model carries a bigass drum around. I usually hate that sort of thing (Pokemon carrying stuff) but then he straps it to his back when he runs, so I guess it checks out. Strangely, it's not featured here. Probably because the big hair gets in the way, and was never intended to have a backpack, but they realized after adding the idea of the drum that it would need to be portable. Anyway.

I've been critical in recent generations of the trend for starters to look like "characters" rather than common monsters. But Rillaboom (sans drum) avoids that pitfall. He's just a big monkey with Super Saiyan 3 hair, and I can respect that.

On the other hand, he's hardly very exciting, either. Compared to Simisage, the Gen 5 grass monkey with a baller pompadour, Rillaboom falls flat. As exciting as the concept of "Donkey Kong in a wig" sounds, in execution it winds up kinda dull.


Overall: 6/10

No. 811: Thwackey

his jimmies remain unrustled.

So right away, the big difference between this artwork and 95% of the time you see him in-game is the sticks in his hair. Usually, he's got them out, ready to bonk people. And then you see his leafy mohawk, instead of a neat bun.

Not sure that would really change my score one way or the other, but it's an example of how the artwork no longer provides 100% of the information you need to judge a Pokemon anymore. On the other hand, the in-game model doesn't have the 'tude of this artwork, so it's a toss-up.

As for the design itself... what an ugly shade of lime green. His muzzle looks like a beak, and his arms look like they were pieced together out of clay. I can't help but envision Thwackey without the brown ears, arms, and tail. Just a weirdo green freakazoa running around and giving everybody nightmares.


Overall: 3/10

No. 810: Grookey

she said do you love me, I tell her im monky

Grookey was my pick, but that's not saying much. Underwhelmed with the starters in all their forms this gen.

That said, Grookey is fine. Decent proportions, funky little monkey baby, but his weird orange gloves should have been orange fingers instead. They don't signify anything in his evolutionary line, either.

And I'll give them props for designing a Pokemon that holds something (in this case a stick) but also giving it a natural place to store it, so we don't have to worry about what happens if he loses his stick. Like if Farfetch'd just dropped its leek it would instantly revert back into a normal duck, but Grookey stores his drumstick/beatstick in his leafy hair for safekeeping.


Overall: 5/10

DLC Expansions

man, I stay busy the entire month of December with family stuff, but now I'm back and ready to actually review this generation.

Coincidentally, they also just announced some new expansions, with new Pokemon! I cannot wait to talk shit about this clusterfuck of a design. Literally every where you look, something terrible is happening, and none of it goes together in the slightest. This Pokemon looks like what Picasso felt when he painted Guernica. It makes me want to write a letter to my congressman. I'm tempted to take up drinking, or give up drinking, whichever will make me more miserable.



I suppose I'll get around to him sometime in 2022, if my track record is anything to go by.