No. 808: Meltan

Love me some of that 808


It was pointed out that I never actually reviewed these guys, who came awkwardly late to the 7th Gen. I lost track of these slippery bastards, because they aren't present in the game when I play it, and I'm not tuned into the movies anymore. But here's Meltan!

First, lemme say that I really like the reflections on this artwork. That subtle gold reflecting near its head is really making my day. This is why I want to wait on official illustrations for the Gen 8 Pokemon - models are nice, but the drawings are often better, and capture something about the spirit or personality of the Pokemon that a static model can't!

Anyway, Meltan is cute. I'm not bothered by the superficial resemblance to Ditto, and if anything it's RPG tradition to have a slime and a metal slime. The way it creates an eye out of the negative space in the nut is clever.

btw, does anybody else have a compulsion to press down on its head and squish its body, making it ooze out the sides like when you use too much glue? Just me? ok


Overall: 7/10

Gen 8 reviews?

I want to do them!!

But... we're lacking official artwork for most of the Pokemon. We only have the starter's first forms, even. So be patient.

Besides, I'm not even done with the game yet. I'll do a writeup of my progress and stuff to stall for time, if they can't find those official artworks soon.

10 years.

Wow.

10 freaking years.

I suppose it's not like I did anything to make 10 years pass, they would've passed regardless. And I haven't been active enough to qualify as "keeping this thing running" for 10 years of steady updates, but...

still. damn. 10 years.

10 years ago there were only 500 Pokemon. Now there's set to be over 1000, when you count the alternate forms and Megas and stuff.

10 years ago I was in high school. Now I'm out of college and employed full-time.

10 years ago Nintendo was still riding high on the DS and Wii. Now we've come through the dark times of the WiiU into the success of the Switch.

10 years ago I loved Pokemon.



Now, I still do, despite everything I might say.



I just saw the leaks for the new Pokemon, and there's some good ones in there. I'm finally allowing myself to start to get excited for Sword & Shield. I'll be here to review them, for any of you loyal NAPACE readers who are still hanging around. I can't promise it'll be on a regular schedule, but I'll do at least this one last generation for all of you. Not sure if there's much point in continuing past, since it'll be another few years until a new generation, and the site would be silent for all of those years... but hey. Someone's gotta tell you knuckleheads which ones of these Pokemon are any good, right!?

Thanks for reading.

Wednesday Ramble

this is such bullshit.

Beta Gen Summary

(if you don't know what this is, click here)

I suppose I shouldn't keep you waiting any longer. Let's look back on the dream of things that might have been.

The 69 Beta Pokemon I reviewed averaged out to 5.9/10. That's pretty good, even with the host of stupid babies dragging down the average!

Of those, 30 were rough drafts of existing Pokemon, and half of them turned out better than their final counterparts, for a net gain of 27 points. They shouldn't have second-guessed themselves!

Now, using the ratings I gave to the actual Gen 2 Pokemon, if Gold/Silver had shipped with the Beta Pokedex, it would have averaged out to 5.8/10. Which is... exactly what the actual Gen 2 got. How did that happen, when I just said the beta-versions were better overall? Well, keep in mind that because the Beta version had original Pokemon like Bellmitt and Twinz, it was missing actual Gen 2 Pokemon like Heracross and Chinchou. And it all ended up evening out.

So what's the moral, here? Apparently if the Beta had been final, it would've still been about as good. There's no need to wish for an alternate universe, here. But I do wish that we could get that top crop of Beta-mons in the real games, some day.

Now I want to see the discarded designs for all the generations...

The Best Beta Gen Pokemon

I weep for what never got the chance to exist. We were missing out, man.

10. Pangshi

9. Beta-Magby

8. Bomseaker

7. Dynabear

6. Anchorage

5. Rinring

4. Bellboyant

3. Warwolf

2. Tigrette

1. Octillery

I made the executive decision to bump Beta-Scizor from the list, because while he is indeed awesome, he's equally awesome to his final version, whereas Beta-Magby was a vast improvement. And this also opened a slot for another original Pokemon, Pangshi, to squeeze in there. Hey, it's my site, I make the rules, ok?

How about you - which Beta Pokemon do you wish were real?

(no all-time ranking update, since I'd be comparing idealized phantoms with the all-too-fallible flesh)

The Worst Beta Gen Pokemon

Presenting the argument for "this beta should never have seen the light of day", we have:

10. Puddi

9. Cleffa

8. Blossomole
7. Likk

6. Para

5. Grimey

4. Grotess
3. Hitmontop

2. Golpy
1. Ballerine

Yeah, it wasn't a good day for babies. It's hardly ever a good day for babies, but this day was worse than most. Thank goodness Gamefreak saw reason, and removed most of them, along with these other foul shitstains.

(again, no cumulative ranking, for Reasons)

And you? What Beta Pokemon make you say "sometimes dead is better"?

Beta No. 251: Leafeon

Finally, we've made it to the end! Just in time for E3.

And waiting for us is not Celebi, but an Eeveelution. All the way apart from Umbreon and Espeon. That's so random and unfitting, that I think we can say with certainty these dex numbers were never intended to be final, at least not down at the end.

It's odd, most of the early version of existing Pokemon are from Gen 2, but Leafeon wouldn't be revisited until Gen 4. And when they did, they should've kept this one! My complaint about the real Leafeon is how it's just a generic mammal with some leaves glued on, this one looks like it's properly foliage. The greenery is everywhere on it, not just ears and tail. Not the most exciting end to the beta-dex, but at least it's a strong note - an example of an early design which surpasses the final result.


Overall: 7/10

Beta No. 250: Tael

Give a big hand for #250!!!

Again, weird dex numbers. I have no explanation. They were probably drunk.

Clearly, this would become Aipom. In the process, it would stop looking so lemurian, and become more simian. Aipom is a freaky freak, but Tael looks like a friend. Actually, I'd quibble with that art - maybe Tael was always meant to be a cat? a cat with thumbs??? I rather like the fact that his tail-hand is an honest-to-goodness cartoon glove, instead of Aipom's strange little fingies.


Overall: 8/10

Beta No. 246: Sneasel

Nestled between the Legendary Dogs and Legendary Birds is... Sneasel.

It's only a demo, maybe the numbering wasn't set yet? Perhaps a placeholder? Cuz it's a weird ass position for a random single-stage Pokemon.


To make matters worse, this version of Sneasel is... significantly more boring than the final one, to say the least. It's just a cartoon weasel, with no flair. It's a fine cartoon weasel, but nothing more. But, it was only pure-Dark. I was hoping to discover the justification for Sneasel's Ice typing (perhaps the original had heavy fur?) but no dice! They just made that up to get more Ice in the game.


Overall: 4/10