Shauntal of the Unova Elite Four

I once knew an absolutely wretched girl by the name of Shauntal. So I thank this one for giving my someone else to think about when I hear the name.

I think Elesa better watch out, because Shauntal is rocking a very well-put-together outfit. Max fashion points. Notice how she not only got her shoes to match her brooch(?) and glasses, but also her book and pen. That's dedication.

The only thing is, she looks a bit like she got her head stuck in a gigantic dark purple flower. But maybe that's a good thing? I think it's supposed to be a combination gigantic ruff and bow, but looking at it I'm not sure anymore.

She's a Ghost specialist, so her colors match. And she's an author, which sort of fits the image of a lonely girl, surrounded by haunted books in a spooky library. Which may or may not be a trope, but for some reason I think I've seen it before. Usually the girl turns out to be a ghost herself, or a dracula.

In short, you could say Shauntal is a Ghost Writer.

*pause for groans*

Seriously though, she has a really cute design and a memorable motif. I think it's interesting that we've had three Ghost-type elite four women, and not a one of them has been a generic gothic lolita Rachel Alucard style. Instead, Shauntal suggests hidden knowledge and deep, secret interests that you don't want to find out about. It's a subtle kind of spooky.


Overall: 10/10

Marlon of Humilau City

Marlon, you know, like Marlin? From Finding Nemo?

This dude got the most severe tan line I've ever seen. My man could get a job as the Coppertone model. Dude looks like he was made by one of those mix-n-match books, and his legs came from a different person than the rest of his body. Call this dude Michael Jackson because he's Black and White. Or better yet, call him Gen 5, for the same reason. My guy just caught himself a fresh bag of Pokeballs, no clue where he even got that, did he buy them at the store? did he put them in the water to wash them off? But let's get back to his skintone.

How do his feet stay so pale, though? Does he wear flippers or footie pajamas all the time or what? Trust me, you hang out at the beach, your feet get some sun. How the hell did he keep those things so pristine? does he just stand waist-deep in the water for hours at a time?

But hold up, there's more - the hair. You see it sparkle? How does he do that? is it sea-salt, crusted in his hair? does he have a shark fin up there, is that what that is?

Also those pants are, and I mean this with the utmost respect, the fruitiest things I have seen all year. Looking like what Elton John would wear to swim class.

Marlon makes me laugh, but let's be honest - it's an awful, awful design that tries to be something but gets confused about which fetishes exactly it's supposed to be catering to, and splashes spectacularly. I would not trust a man with a gym when he can't even remember his Sun-bloc.


Overall: 1/10

Roxie of Virbank City

Punk Rock Girl! What do you see? Punk Rock Girl! Please look at me!

Anybody with a Scolipede guitar is pretty damn cool. Roxie combines this with an oversized sweater and boots, for a certainly unique appearance.

She's a Poison-type trainer, which is unusual, since it's one of the last popular types and Gamefreak tends to associate it only with villains. But I think it works well, in being both somewhat edgy but also appealing, like Roxie herself.

Also that's a strange combination of black, blue, and purple that I don't think I've seen before. Things like this make Roxie much better than Lenora (who she replaced), and actually I quite like her. I think it would be different if she were a Tank Girl-style punk, or like Poison from Street Fighter, but a little girl trying to be hardcore but her dad won't let her? now that's interesting.


Overall: 9/10

Cheren of Aspertia City

Despite being saddled with a woman's name, Cheren seems to have made something of himself.

I thought the idea of multiple "rivals" was cool in Black and White - more opportunities for recurring characters is good, it helps tie the overall story together and increase the feeling of being in a real, functioning world.

Even cooler, is that in the sequel, Cheren and Bianca got jobs as a Gym Leader and Professor, respectively! I liked it when Blue took over Viridian city, and I like this as well. The thing I gotta ask though, is - what happened to the other gyms that got replaced? Were they just decided to be so shit that they got kicked out? Because I could understand that.

In any case, Cheren is the 1st gym leader you face in BW2, and he's a Normal specialist. So in other words, he's pretty much as generic and safe as you can possibly get. But that's kind of what you want from a first boss, right? Eh, sorta. At least it gets the boring crap out of the way early.

In the end, I suppose I like the idea of past characters re-appearing in new roles more than I like Cheren himself. Who is wearing two ties and a pair of pants so tight I'm worried he's cutting off circulation in his calves.


Overall: 4/10

Iris of Opelucid City

Jesus girl, calm the eff down

Perhaps to balance out the sheer amount of man Drayden brought to the table, the other possible Opelucid City gym leader is Iris, who is basically Willow Smith before she got pretentious like her brother. She's cute and energetic, and that hair could smother you to death. And I guess it's kind of funny that the 8th gym leader and master Dragon-trainer could be this little girl.

What's less funny, is that she somehow becomes Champion in Black/White 2.

And suddenly, I'm reading her as a soiled brat whose daddy let her be Champion for a day, and she's just messing everything up. Those sleeves are far too big, that is like sleeping bag diameter, not sleeve diameter. She looks like she tried to tame her hair, or at least reel it in, but it ends up somehow looking messier. And what the hell is that pink ribbon dingle doing, how is it even staying on?

She was fine at first, but this little princess has gone to far. She is making a mockery of the position of Champion. Do you think Cynthia, Blue, Lance, or Steven would stand for this? Hell no.


Overall: 5/10

Drayden of Opelucid City

The second best Mayor in video games, after Mike Haggar (R -Metro City) of course.

He seems pretty in-control, with those business suspenders in action. Another trait he shares with Haggar. Except Drayden wears two of them, and his have spikes, which is admittedly hardcore.

But I confess I'm distracted by his... well, I can only assume it's facial hair. It doesn't really resemble any beard I've ever seen, given that it contains no mouth-hole, just a seamless expanse of white.Which also comes up around his nose in a manner seems upside down? or something? It's not natural, is my point.

So while Drayden might not really appear that Dragonic, he at least is a total badass, someone I'd expect to see in the final town or Elite Four. so he's living up to his stature in that regard. Also his town had the best music, just sayin'.

But seriously what the eff is up with that mustache


Overall: 7/10

Brycen of Icirrus City

[kabuki intensifies]

For some reason, Brycen feels out of place in Black and White. He seems to me like he ought to be from the Gold and Silver games. Possibly because his limited color pallette seems very easy to accomplish on the GBC, and possibly because in my head I'm conflating Pryce and Falkner.

In any case, I never got much of a read on him. He's stoic, I guess? But also theatrical? Or rather, he also has a job as an actor. Man, what is it with these gym leaders all picking up part-time jobs? is job security that poor for being a Gym Leader? (I guess it is, seeing as how a good number of them were replaced by the time BW2 came out)

So I got nothing against the guy, except that I now realize his hair hangs down despite also going up in a braid. That's really freaking stupid, just do the braid and lose the rest.


Overall: 5/10

Skyla of Mistralon City

Does she remind anyone else of Mega Man? Or is it just me?

But seriously, between Skyla here and Elesa, I'm detecting an uptick in the fanservice department. Especially with the Black/White female protagonist wearing Daisy Dukes. And I can't say I'm complaining, no sirree, I'm just saying I'm noticing it.

Last time we had a Flying-type gym leader lady, she was utterly forgettable. I think she was wearing a flight jumpsuit of some sort? Maybe with wings on her head? In any case, Skyla obviously took the lesson - to get remembered, show some skin and get a nice tan because it's bikini season in Unova or something.

Skyla's got a spunky personality, a propeller in her hair, and makes a flight suit look good. What's not to like?


Overall: 8/10

Clay of Driftveil City

The only hard part of Black &White. But maybe that's because 4 out of my 6 Pokemon were Weak to ground, and I didn't have a single Pokemon Good against it...

I kind of like this take on the classic Cowboy. Instead of being yeehaw 'merica, he's basically an oil tycoon. Which is a stereotype I don't see that much anymore.

So I mean, Clay could have run with it a bit more. Maybe an all-white suit, more rhinestones and fringe, I don't know. And as it is, he's got quite a bit of colors going on. I think it's the patch of blue on his crotch that's bugging me, I wish he just wore brown pants, or just blue jeans. The chaps look odd.

Still, he's alright. No Elesa, but a far cry from the infamous Busboy Bros,


Overall: 5/10

Elesa of Nimbasa City

"Let it go, let it - " oh wait, Elesa, not Elsa. Nevermind.

She's stylish, she's poised, she's hip, and I can't decide if those are flesh-colored panels on her front, or actual cut-outs. I'm hoping for the latter.

Elesa is really cool. Not only does she have her colors down, but her heaphones look like gigantic earbuds, except maybe the tips of those cords can be used to electrocute people. I don't know.

But I do know that she's hella chic, and so the nation-wide search for an exemplary Unova Gym Leader at last comes to an end - we've found our girl. Her gym is also pretty cool, and I liked her hometown a lot as well. I spent more time there than I did in the supposed "big city" of Castellia.


I'm not sure I like her second outfit as much, because it seems a little too lady Gaga for me. I guess that's the point, because she's a fashion model? But the gigantic puffy coat really isn't working thematically with her swimear-looking outfit, and you've lose the earbud connection with her headphones, meaning the random red just seems... random.

It's like she Mega Evolved, and turned out about as well as most Megas. And since I took previous redesigns into account, I'm afraid this has to count against her overall score. A pity.


Overall: 8/10