No. 814: Raboot

you can Naruto run but you can't Naruto hide

OK, we're starting this shit early, huh. Not even waiting til the final form to turn into somebody's Deviantart OC. Whatever.

It bugs me how his black fur has a solid-line cutoff at the feet, but his red fur doesn't at the wrists. So it's clearly NOT a jacket - but then it comes up over his face like an Akatsuki anyway. What the hell!? We can't ignore whatever the shit is happening in his stomach, either. Looks like an Alien baby is about to explode out, or maybe he's stuffed a cotton ball down his shirt. Which would of course be impossible, because it's not a shirt, it's just hair. Which is why it looks exactly like pants.

I hate it.


Overall: 1/10

No. 813: Scorbunny

remember Happy Bunny? god those were dark times

I hate that Scorbunny's feet are longer than its legs. I hate that it's head is larger than its body. By all accounts, it shouldn't work on a biological level.

And I know that rectangle on its face is meant to be like one of those nose bandages that rough-and-tumble shonen boys or tomboys get to show that they... do sports and are frequently injured (?) but the positioning makes it look like a damn single of cheese slapped on to its face. Then it stepped in some, too.


Overall: 2/10

No. 812: Rillaboom

And this... is to go even further beyond!!!


Again, we must mention how the in-game model carries a bigass drum around. I usually hate that sort of thing (Pokemon carrying stuff) but then he straps it to his back when he runs, so I guess it checks out. Strangely, it's not featured here. Probably because the big hair gets in the way, and was never intended to have a backpack, but they realized after adding the idea of the drum that it would need to be portable. Anyway.

I've been critical in recent generations of the trend for starters to look like "characters" rather than common monsters. But Rillaboom (sans drum) avoids that pitfall. He's just a big monkey with Super Saiyan 3 hair, and I can respect that.

On the other hand, he's hardly very exciting, either. Compared to Simisage, the Gen 5 grass monkey with a baller pompadour, Rillaboom falls flat. As exciting as the concept of "Donkey Kong in a wig" sounds, in execution it winds up kinda dull.


Overall: 6/10

No. 811: Thwackey

his jimmies remain unrustled.

So right away, the big difference between this artwork and 95% of the time you see him in-game is the sticks in his hair. Usually, he's got them out, ready to bonk people. And then you see his leafy mohawk, instead of a neat bun.

Not sure that would really change my score one way or the other, but it's an example of how the artwork no longer provides 100% of the information you need to judge a Pokemon anymore. On the other hand, the in-game model doesn't have the 'tude of this artwork, so it's a toss-up.

As for the design itself... what an ugly shade of lime green. His muzzle looks like a beak, and his arms look like they were pieced together out of clay. I can't help but envision Thwackey without the brown ears, arms, and tail. Just a weirdo green freakazoa running around and giving everybody nightmares.


Overall: 3/10

No. 810: Grookey

she said do you love me, I tell her im monky

Grookey was my pick, but that's not saying much. Underwhelmed with the starters in all their forms this gen.

That said, Grookey is fine. Decent proportions, funky little monkey baby, but his weird orange gloves should have been orange fingers instead. They don't signify anything in his evolutionary line, either.

And I'll give them props for designing a Pokemon that holds something (in this case a stick) but also giving it a natural place to store it, so we don't have to worry about what happens if he loses his stick. Like if Farfetch'd just dropped its leek it would instantly revert back into a normal duck, but Grookey stores his drumstick/beatstick in his leafy hair for safekeeping.


Overall: 5/10

DLC Expansions

man, I stay busy the entire month of December with family stuff, but now I'm back and ready to actually review this generation.

Coincidentally, they also just announced some new expansions, with new Pokemon! I cannot wait to talk shit about this clusterfuck of a design. Literally every where you look, something terrible is happening, and none of it goes together in the slightest. This Pokemon looks like what Picasso felt when he painted Guernica. It makes me want to write a letter to my congressman. I'm tempted to take up drinking, or give up drinking, whichever will make me more miserable.



I suppose I'll get around to him sometime in 2022, if my track record is anything to go by.

No. 809: Melmetal

oh lawd he comin

It's really neat how this is another magnetic Steel type that combines to evolve, but doesn't feel like a Magneton ripoff in the slightest. It's also a "dozens of tiny Pokemon fuse" evolution, but doesn't look totally stupid like Zygarde.

But I love this Plasma Wraith looking son of a gun. Big shoulders are always in vogue, as are equally big smashing hands. Aint got no fingers, we don't need those. You think Melmetal will be shaking hands with anybody? playing cards? signing autographs? Hell no. His hands are for punching and nothing else.

also he's immune to bullets, because he would just catch them with that nut in his stomach and let them pass through without doing damage.


Overall: 9/10

No. 808: Meltan

Love me some of that 808


It was pointed out that I never actually reviewed these guys, who came awkwardly late to the 7th Gen. I lost track of these slippery bastards, because they aren't present in the game when I play it, and I'm not tuned into the movies anymore. But here's Meltan!

First, lemme say that I really like the reflections on this artwork. That subtle gold reflecting near its head is really making my day. This is why I want to wait on official illustrations for the Gen 8 Pokemon - models are nice, but the drawings are often better, and capture something about the spirit or personality of the Pokemon that a static model can't!

Anyway, Meltan is cute. I'm not bothered by the superficial resemblance to Ditto, and if anything it's RPG tradition to have a slime and a metal slime. The way it creates an eye out of the negative space in the nut is clever.

btw, does anybody else have a compulsion to press down on its head and squish its body, making it ooze out the sides like when you use too much glue? Just me? ok


Overall: 7/10

Gen 8 reviews?

I want to do them!!

But... we're lacking official artwork for most of the Pokemon. We only have the starter's first forms, even. So be patient.

Besides, I'm not even done with the game yet. I'll do a writeup of my progress and stuff to stall for time, if they can't find those official artworks soon.

10 years.

Wow.

10 freaking years.

I suppose it's not like I did anything to make 10 years pass, they would've passed regardless. And I haven't been active enough to qualify as "keeping this thing running" for 10 years of steady updates, but...

still. damn. 10 years.

10 years ago there were only 500 Pokemon. Now there's set to be over 1000, when you count the alternate forms and Megas and stuff.

10 years ago I was in high school. Now I'm out of college and employed full-time.

10 years ago Nintendo was still riding high on the DS and Wii. Now we've come through the dark times of the WiiU into the success of the Switch.

10 years ago I loved Pokemon.



Now, I still do, despite everything I might say.



I just saw the leaks for the new Pokemon, and there's some good ones in there. I'm finally allowing myself to start to get excited for Sword & Shield. I'll be here to review them, for any of you loyal NAPACE readers who are still hanging around. I can't promise it'll be on a regular schedule, but I'll do at least this one last generation for all of you. Not sure if there's much point in continuing past, since it'll be another few years until a new generation, and the site would be silent for all of those years... but hey. Someone's gotta tell you knuckleheads which ones of these Pokemon are any good, right!?

Thanks for reading.