No. 861: Grimmsnarl

wooly bully

See, it was all worth it for this titanic badass. I love the colors, I love the overall proportions, and I love the concept. Hair being used to accentuate his muscles, and as tentacles? That's amazing, keep it up. I especially like the face here, the mouth and fangs look very skull-like is the best way, and his nose & ears have elevated to become like three horns. The animations on this beast are also fantastic, check out the delivery on that lariat!

In a way, this is the beauty of Pokemon. If you showed me Impidimp, I wouldn't want it around. Morgrem was only tolerable because I knew what came next. But even the worst starts can lead into something wonderful.

Just... don't try to imagine the amount of poke-bucks you'd have to spend on hair product every month to keep a Grimmsnarl. 

Overall: 10/10

No. 860: Morgrem

pssht... nuthin personel, kid

In the past I've dogged on Pokemon for being unnecessarily emo, or for having random sections of their body different colors. And while it's true that Morgrem looks as if he just waded through a vat of green paint, it's all part of the transformation to being green and retired in his next evolution. Maybe there could have been, oh I don't know, a gradient or something? to separate the halves? but I'm okay with it.

And I'm also okay with the emo haircut, because again it feeds into the evolving theme - he's becoming a hair monster. And demons are emo or whatever, it tracks. I disapprove of Starraptor's stupid haircut, but on Morgrem it's his entire gimmick so I'll allow it.

That is to say, I'm not the biggest fan of Morgrem and his skinny spaghetti limbs, but I understand this is a natural part of the process.

Overall: 5/10

No. 859: Impidimp

1-900-490-FREAK

This little psycho took forever to get officially revealed. I remember he was in one of the E3 demos, but only as an enemy. Nintendo refused to mention him, they wanted to talk about the new corgi Pokemon instead. Then he showed up during that weird 24-hour mushroom forest marathon stream where they announced Galarian Ponyta, just running around in the background. Again, no official confirmation on whether Impidimp was real or a figment of our collective imaginations.

But finally the truth could be held back no longer, and here we are. Impidimp is real, and honestly I kind of hate him. On some level that feels hypocritical - he's a little dude based on an ambiguous imp/demon, without any of the usual faults I slam these things for aside from a grossly huge head.

idk he just looks freakin' stupid to me. Dumb ass face, tongue all hanging out, weird eyes and too many repeating crescent shapes. I appreciate a bit of design motif, but there's so much of it going on in his head region (and absolutely nothing on the rest of his body, which feels like a total afterthought) that it gets visually confusing. I'm amazed how noisy this design is, for only using 2 main colors

 But mainly I think he looks like an impossible idiot, and not in the fun way. If I was a demon I would feel insulted. (for legal reasons I must make it clear that I am not, currently, a demon)

Overall: 2/10

No. 858: Hatterene

be silent. be still.

Hatterene is a confusing Pokemon. Its entire deal is that if you make a sound in its presence, or even think hostile thoughts, it immediately rips you apart. And yet, this creature mimics a curvy female body.

I do say "mimic" because that's all just hair - the little body you see is the only true self, similar to Hattrem. So what's its goal? To attract horndogs and then obliterate them when they make a single false move? Actually nevermind, that sounds like a noble service.

Mainly I just hope Hatterene can hang out with Gardevoir and Gothitelle and drink wine sometimes. Clearly it's very high-strung and needs to have a girls night out to relax.

Overall: 6/10

No. 857: Hattrem

trans rights!

There's a strange resemblance with Hattrem and Reuniclus - they're both slow Psychics with a tiny "real" body and large "hands" that they can use to beat the shit out of you. Despite then having a low physical Attack.

I like big ol' witch hats, so Hattrem is cool in my book, especially because it slightly resembles a jellyfish at the same time. A jellyfish that's eating a piece of cotton candy? 

Overall: 7/10

No. 856: Hatenna

 shoutouts to Flipnote

Alas, all good things musts come to an end. The run of the last 10 or so Pokemon was about as good a consecutive string of hits as any, but the goodtimes train finally hits the brakes with Hatenna.

Who isn't even bad! Just, not excellent. It looks like a Kirby enemy, and I'm continually surprised to discover that this line isn't Fairy type. But it's a step above most pink blobs (maybe I should be grateful it isn't another pink Fairy gumball) by daring to have TWO colors going on. And its hair are like hands? It's wearing a party hat? It's not much, but I'll take it. There's something happening with this design, at least. It's unique.

Overall: 5/10

No. 855: Polteageist

 I still haven't played Luigi's Mansion 3

What really bugs me about the art for Polteageist is how the cracks on the teapot make it look transparent, as if you can see the ghost-body's outline through the porcelain. Or more like there's a rendering error, which would be really weird for a 2D image. But it's not translucent at all, and in fact you can clearly see through the cracks that Polteageist's body takes up the entire inside of the pot, but still. It's confusing linework, and kind of an amateur mistake to make. Just a simple change in posing (or removing one of the lines) would alleviate the issue.

But that's the only bad thing I can say about this funky fellow. The swirls in the cup have become eyeballs, and that pose is very charming. This was one of the ones I was most excited for, until the leaks revealed the entire dex. And maybe it's just another mono-type defensive Ghost, but sometimes all you need is a warm brew of ectoplasm.

What do you think Polteageist tastes like, anyway? Grape, cuz of the purple coloring? Tea would be obvious, maybe too obvious. I'm thinking it tastes like haunted Dr. Pepper.

Overall: 10/10

No. 854: Sinistea

 WHAT ABOUT MY Lapsang Souchong tea

You know, I forgot we were in England for a while, with all these octopi and centipedes and shit. Sinestea is a good example of "thing Pokemon" that people so often decry, but I love it. Haunted teacup, we Beauty & the Beast now. And check out that latte art swirl on the top!

Only question is... which is the Pokemon? the cup, or the liquid? The cup has a face, but the liquid is also clearly alive if you look at its animations. It's more like a slime that's inhabiting the cup. I think the face is just a coincidence, because there's actually a gimmick where some of the cups are "phony" and others are "antique". You can tell based on a tiny seal that you can only see in the Pokedex view mode. There's no difference in stats, but they take different items to evolve. Somehow I got stuck with a legit one, which is rare, but then I couldn't find any of the evolution items for the longest time...

Overall: 7/10

No. 853: Grapploct

 If an octopus put me in a sharpshooter, I have no idea what I'd do. Die, probably

First things first, this color scheme rocks. Second things second, notice how it only has 3 legs supporting itself? That's cuz the 8th is wrapped around its waist like a belt. Third things third, you'll never guess where Grapploct's mouth is. It's not where you'd think. Go ahead, look it up, I'll wait.

Back? Crazy, isn't it!?

Finally, I have to say Grapploct reminds me of Raiden from King of Fighters.

Also, its signature move Octolock is cool as hell. It locks the opponent from switching out, while also lowering both its defensive stats every turn. Would be cool if it also did recurring damage like Bind, but it's the rare stat-based move that I'll actually use. You're stuck in here with Grapploct for three minutes. THREE MINUTES OF PLAYTIME!!!


Overall: 10/10

No. 852: Clobbopus

 Octolings represent

Last gen, we had a Fighting-type Pokemon based on an aquatic animal, with a boxing motif. Crabrawler was ultimately a disappointment, but I'm happy to report that Clobbopus is not. Maybe it's a little weird to not be Water/Fighting, but we've done that type before so it's not like it would be new, anyway. Plus, there's plenty of turtles that are just Fire, and Krookodile was Ground, so I don't think you need to stick with the inspiration animal's real-life typing.

All of that is to say, Clobbopus is adorable and I wish it showed up earlier in the game, cuz I barely got to know mine before it evolved. But it's an octopus that punches, and I think that's spectacular. No need to even ball up a fist, this one came with the gloves built in.

Overall: 8/10