No. 826: Orbeetle

where my Mecha fans at, we eating good tonight

This thing has Getter Robo eyes, Victory V Gundam crests, and hits a Gunbuster pose when it attacks. It's the most mecha Pokemon ever, and it's not even a Steel type. I love it.

Orbeetle looks a bit awkwardly put together, both in this artwork and in its model, but the way its limbs are just dangling from the main body somehow works. Hovering like a UFO, opening up its wings and all the spots glowing with Getter Ray Energy, I fully expect it to launch an Itano Circus barrage of missiles.

Who's Ledian? never heard of 'im


Overall: 10/10

No. 825: Dottler

Dottler Doclittle

I may have spoken too soon about those eyeballs going away - you can still kinda see them on Dottler, but the effect is muted because you only see the lower half. They mostly just register as glowing eyes.

Speaking of which, it's neat how Dottler's spots light up in its animations. Bug/Psychic is a fresh combination, I applaud Gamefreak for doing something for the regional bug besides Flying or Poison. Also, notice those V's return as... hands? whiskers? Who cares, just jot that down for later.

So, overall I'm positive about Dottler, but there's something about it that doesn't sit right. It doesn't feel like a Pokemon, but instead more like a Super Mario Galaxy enemy. That's a very specific and weird comparison, I know, but I'm a specifically weird guy. idk, something about it looks as if it comes from another game entirely.

so I'll just roll Dottler like a d20 to decide the rating


Overall: 16

No. 824: Blipbug

👀

I well and truly hate this stupid thing. Dumb ass aspect ratio stretched out head, eyeballs permanently looking down and to the side, why would any loving Arceus create such a foul creature? it can't even reach the ground with all its legs because its head is too big.

I do note that the V theme going on will be continued, but thankfully nothing else of this wretched abomination carries over through the rest of the line.


Overall: 1/10

No. 823: Corviknight

You, you! Me me Pickle Pee! Me, me Pump-a-rum!
I don't know what brave soul decided that the regional birds should just NOT suck and instead be awesome, but I want to shake their hand. Ever since Gen 6 it's been a home-run each time. Corviknight is sick as hell.

I love how he's almost entirely one color. It's the sort of design choice they would make due to sprite limitations in the past, but now it's done purposefully. And it works! Corviknight looks menacing with those obsidian wings and black armored face. With the piercing red eyes (which don't extend past his eyesockets, thank god) daring anyone to step to him.

It's funny that such a badass bird is used as a common taxi, but whatever. That doesn't diminish Corviknight's threatening aura.


Overall: 10/10

No. 822: Corvisquire

We're all lucky that this Pokemon came out before the pandemic hit, or else the online would be flooded with shitty COVID-pun names

I wish they'd worked in another chess pun to fit the Rook and Knight names. And, yes, still the eyeball issue. But somehow, this one works better? I read it like he has eyeglasses, which is cute.

And besides that, Corviquire is one handsome bird! What a gallant profile, fluffy chest (take notes Greedent) and powerful talons. I think this is the most I've liked a middle-stage bird since Pidgeotto? He just looks cool!


Overall: 8/10

No. 821: Rookidee

Venom Bird

I'll come right out and say it - I don't like that its pupils extend past its eyeball. I know that the "pupil" is actually the entire eye and the "eyeball" is just coloration, intended to trick predators into thinking it has larger and scarier eyes. I'm aware that I'm being tricked like a dumbass cat into thinking this bird has bigger eyes than it does. I understand all this.

I still don't like it.

Everything else is fine, though. As far as generic birds go, this is one of the better ones. Especially because it's not even Normal/Flying - that's right, they finally made the regional bird PURE FLYING!!! It's a little thing, but I appreciate it.


Overall: 7/10

No. 820: Greedent

Greed isn't Good.

So first off, looking at Greedent's ears, they seem to be oriented sideways. Which may have been the case for Skwovet, who I perhaps misjudged. But what I have written, I have written.

Greedent at least tries to up the fluffiness factor with all those untamed hairs rising out of its tail, but at this point they feel tacked on in arbitrary places. It's especially clear on the 3D model, nobody would be tricked for an instant into thinking that tail had any amount of fluff to it. They just look like spikes. And as a connoisseur of fluffy tails, I have to say that's a disappointment.

Heightening this displeasure is the fact that Greedent canonically stores candy and shit in its tail. Getting all covered with hair and squirrel-stink. And there's nothing appealing about a Pokemon that is essentially the backseat of a family minivan. French fries and fruit cup lids stuck under the seat. Sand everywhere. Random forgotten broken toys. Old lollipops gathering lint and dirt. Never have children, my dear readers. Your life will cease to be your own, and everything you own will become sticky and broken.

Look, forget this big chungus bitch, let's move on to some better Pokemon.


Overall: 1/10

No. 819: Skwovet

those eyes stare into my soul

so what exactly is this guy's ear situation? I see little flesh bits on the sides, but then the ears continue upwards anyway. And while I want to appreciate their attempt to make Skwovet feel "furry" by drawing that tuft of fur sticking up like an ahoge, it just seems weird because everything else is so smooth.

I dunno, this little dude is just boring and sucks. We've had good Squirrels before (Pachirisu), this ain't it. Skwovet isn't exactly driving me nuts here.


Overall: 2/10

No. 818: Inteleon

The name's Pond. James Pond.

So once again changing themes with a swerve sharp enough to give you whiplash, Inteleon is some sort of secret agent lizard. Wasn't he a chameleon? Shouldn't that tie in to this somehow, give him stealth cloaking powers? Nah, he just shoots you like Yusuke and has a gliding cape.

Also he's skinny as a rake, and going to star in a Dreamworks film.

There's a weird imbalance among the starters. Grookey starts out energetic, gets mellowed out, and ends up... basically the same? He's just monkey. Meanwhile Scorbunny goes through an emo phase but ends up exactly the same as he started - energetic. And then Sobble can't make up his mind, going from timid to tryhard to... suave? Whatever emotion a spy would have. My point is, it doesn't add up. There's no cohesive theme or pattern, and it bugs me.

Especially when the end result is this dumbass. Can't even blame it on "had to fit the pattern the others established". Just poor decisions.


Overall: 2/10

No. 917: Drizzile

it's not a phase, mom

Man, Thwackey just looks better and better by comparison, huh? The other two got really into anime and System of a Down, but he's just hanging out. Drizzile looks like he lives at the mall and plans to get a tattoo of a pentagram on his ankle when he moves out of his step-mom's house.

File this green mitten scene kid right next to Staraptor and Midnight Lycanroc.


Overall: 2/10