No. 855: Polteageist

 I still haven't played Luigi's Mansion 3

What really bugs me about the art for Polteageist is how the cracks on the teapot make it look transparent, as if you can see the ghost-body's outline through the porcelain. Or more like there's a rendering error, which would be really weird for a 2D image. But it's not translucent at all, and in fact you can clearly see through the cracks that Polteageist's body takes up the entire inside of the pot, but still. It's confusing linework, and kind of an amateur mistake to make. Just a simple change in posing (or removing one of the lines) would alleviate the issue.

But that's the only bad thing I can say about this funky fellow. The swirls in the cup have become eyeballs, and that pose is very charming. This was one of the ones I was most excited for, until the leaks revealed the entire dex. And maybe it's just another mono-type defensive Ghost, but sometimes all you need is a warm brew of ectoplasm.

What do you think Polteageist tastes like, anyway? Grape, cuz of the purple coloring? Tea would be obvious, maybe too obvious. I'm thinking it tastes like haunted Dr. Pepper.

Overall: 10/10

No. 854: Sinistea

 WHAT ABOUT MY Lapsang Souchong tea

You know, I forgot we were in England for a while, with all these octopi and centipedes and shit. Sinestea is a good example of "thing Pokemon" that people so often decry, but I love it. Haunted teacup, we Beauty & the Beast now. And check out that latte art swirl on the top!

Only question is... which is the Pokemon? the cup, or the liquid? The cup has a face, but the liquid is also clearly alive if you look at its animations. It's more like a slime that's inhabiting the cup. I think the face is just a coincidence, because there's actually a gimmick where some of the cups are "phony" and others are "antique". You can tell based on a tiny seal that you can only see in the Pokedex view mode. There's no difference in stats, but they take different items to evolve. Somehow I got stuck with a legit one, which is rare, but then I couldn't find any of the evolution items for the longest time...

Overall: 7/10

No. 853: Grapploct

 If an octopus put me in a sharpshooter, I have no idea what I'd do. Die, probably

First things first, this color scheme rocks. Second things second, notice how it only has 3 legs supporting itself? That's cuz the 8th is wrapped around its waist like a belt. Third things third, you'll never guess where Grapploct's mouth is. It's not where you'd think. Go ahead, look it up, I'll wait.

Back? Crazy, isn't it!?

Finally, I have to say Grapploct reminds me of Raiden from King of Fighters.

Also, its signature move Octolock is cool as hell. It locks the opponent from switching out, while also lowering both its defensive stats every turn. Would be cool if it also did recurring damage like Bind, but it's the rare stat-based move that I'll actually use. You're stuck in here with Grapploct for three minutes. THREE MINUTES OF PLAYTIME!!!


Overall: 10/10

No. 852: Clobbopus

 Octolings represent

Last gen, we had a Fighting-type Pokemon based on an aquatic animal, with a boxing motif. Crabrawler was ultimately a disappointment, but I'm happy to report that Clobbopus is not. Maybe it's a little weird to not be Water/Fighting, but we've done that type before so it's not like it would be new, anyway. Plus, there's plenty of turtles that are just Fire, and Krookodile was Ground, so I don't think you need to stick with the inspiration animal's real-life typing.

All of that is to say, Clobbopus is adorable and I wish it showed up earlier in the game, cuz I barely got to know mine before it evolved. But it's an octopus that punches, and I think that's spectacular. No need to even ball up a fist, this one came with the gloves built in.

Overall: 8/10

No. 851: Centiskorch

 I just wanna grill

Imagine having your eyebrows and mustache being on fire, then doing the same thing do your ass because why not. That's Centiskorch, coming or going he'll burn you both ways. I love how nearly reversible this boy is, but actually you'd never mistake which side is up - cuz his underbelly glows like a series of stove tops. Fantastic animation work here.

You know how Fire Blast shoots out that firey 大 kanji? Centiskorch basically has that on its face. This is the kickass shit I live for. I don't even care that he loses to Stealth Rocks, I don't play competitive. I just wreck face on all the in-game trainers with my goddamn flaming grilltop centipede of destruction.

Overall: 10/10

No. 850: Sizzlepede

 look ma, the bacon is cooking itself!

Another line that would've made me hype for the game if Gamefreak had let me know about it beforehand, Sizzlepede looks like an evil hot dog that got run over with a cartoon steamroller. Thing is slim like the new iPhone.

Centipedes are scary in real life, but somehow I've come around to liking them in fiction. I've always liked bugs in general, specifically the entry-level ones like scorpions, stag beetles, and spiders. But maybe it was James & the Giant Peach, or a couple of centipede bosses in Japanese video games, but I'm starting to think these guys kick ass. They're long-ass, edgy caterpillars. Sizzlepede is fine, but I can't wait to get on to his evolution tbh.

Overall: 7/10

No. 849: Toxtricity

 FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK

I love how I can't really tell what sort of animal this is supposed to be. And it's clearly not just a "human" either. Sort of a frog, maybe? But I don't want to know, that's the charm. Maybe I'll write a longer post specifically about this aspect of Pokemon designs that has been lost to time.

Of the two forms, I have to say I prefer the Amped, because yellow/purple is exactly what I think of for Electric/Poison. But Low Key is good, too - the dual mohawks are better than one, and the arrangement of its chesticles is more streamlined. Maybe an idealized version would be the Low Key design but with Amped Up colors?

oh yeah, I should probably say something about how this guy strums those thingies on his chest like his torso is a guitar. It's weird and probably a sex thing, but that's just how Toxtricity rolls. how he Rocks and Rolls, to be precise.

Overall: 10/10

No. 848: Toxel

 baby boy. baby.

Look, I'll be upfront - Toxel and its evolution are my favorite Pokemon in Galar, hands-down. I really wasn't excited for the game, cuz most of the revealed Pokemon were underwhelming, then I saw these little psychopaths in the leaks and I fell in love. So you'll have to forgive me if I sound biased here, but actually it's my freakin' blog so you'll have to ask for my forgiveness if you disagree.

Anyway, Toxel is great because he's just a weirdo electric baby monster. Vaguely reptilian, but mostly an ambiguous monster that you rarely see in Pokemon anymore. Plus, he's Electric/Poison, which is a fresh and radical combination.

I'm on record for vociferous dislike of "baby Pokemon" but I'm okay with this literal baby because he's not a babified version of an existing concept. He's designed like this from the start, and he's perfect in every way. That white electric soul fire on his forehead, like Black Bolt or Tsuna Sawada, is the icing on the cake.

Overall: 10/10

No. 847: Barraskewda

 all points, no quills, no pillows

ok, this one is kinda raw though. Barraskewda is a 4 foot torpedo of a javelin, swimming along at 100 mph and punching holes in boats and whales. The muppet eyes no longer look goofy, they give it a deranged air. That is the face of something with exactly enough brain cells to know how to kill you, and not a single spare.

But what really makes this design, to me, is the tail. It rotates like a propeller, which is such a cool, unnatural movement! I wish static art could convey it.

And its fishbone decals on the side are pointed the right direction, emphasizing speed, unlike Arrokuda. The only thing keeping this from being perfect (and I can't believe I'm responding so positively to what is basically just another random fish) is the color scheme. But that shiny variant? Oh mama.

Overall: 9/10

No. 846: Arrokuda

 Heathcliff was all the time eating this thing out of garbage cans

I was afraid that Arrokuda was created simply to accommodate Cramorant's gimmick, which would be fairly inexcusable - two throwaway slots for the price of decent gag? but Arrokuda is a legit Pokemon of its own, or at least it'll come into its own with its evolution.

But for now, it's just Arrokuda. Pretty much your basic fish, but with a curly Sanji eyebrow of a smile, and big goofy muppet eyes. The problem is that real life barracuda are scary mofos, so a Pokemon version of them has a lot to live up to, and Arrokuda doesn't quite get there. It's still stuck in "generic fish" territory, after all.

Overall: 4/10

No. 845: Cramorant

Poor thing was only created so it could deep-throat a Pikachu, and it knows it.

wait that sounds wrong - Cramorant has a gimmick where when it uses Dive, it emerges with a fish in its mouth, which it then spits at the opponent. That's kinda neat! But rarely, it'll emerge with a Pikachu in its mouth, which it also spits and causes paralysis. I question why Pikachu were diving deep enough to get scooped by mistake, but once you go there you have to question how it can use Dive at all in the middle of the desert, or why fish Pokemon can just hover in mid-air, and it's better to leave it alone.

Still, it's a Pokemon that was created around that gimmick, and that's all it has going for it. This seems to happen a lot with birds - Delibird, Chatot, Oricorio, etc. I'd feel bad for them, but I'm clinically incapable of feeling empathy towards birds.

Overall: 3/10

No. 844: Sandaconda

big ups to Lucky Star

Sandaconda is slightly cool - even though I dogged on Silicobra for sneezing his attacks, Sandaconda looks like a double-barreled shotgun or something. I'm into it. Reminds me of Mr. 4's dog, from the Alabasta arc of One piece.

But once you get past that, there's so much going wrong here. The whole damn snake is backwards, how can it possible move in any direction but roll sideways like this? it's coiled like a spring, but never does anything with that implied elastic tension. It just sits there and sneezes at you.

I dunno, this seems like one of those Pokemon that are just unfortunate. Whether it be Darwin or Arceus, they've evolved into a being that can't possibly function and only exists to suffer for our amusement.

Overall: 2/10

No. 843: Silicobra

guess who's back

   

Silicobra reminds me of a Yo-kai Watch monster. I think it's the eyes. Not in a distractingly bad way, but I'm just saying.

Like Tepig, this one shoots stuff out its nose. I never know what to think about this, cuz I feel like nose-sand would be grosser than if it shot it out of its mouth like a normal freak of nature. But maybe it doesn't matter much in the end? It's still sand (or Fire, in the case of Tepig). It doesn't gain the Snot Element.

But still, use a tissue, yo. Especially these days.

Overall: 4/10