No. 650: Chespin

you don't know how good it felt to type that title. it's like coming home.

Like coming home to find that your house has been taken over by suitors vying for the hand of your wife, eating your food, wearing your clothes, beating your servants, and mocking your son. And their names are Chespin.

I mean, shit. this is the thanks I get? Big 'ol hiatus, give GameFreak time to come up with some good ideas, and the first thing they can cook up is "generic rodent in a hoodie"? seriously? seriously?

Chespin is ass. First off, he's not a reptile. That ought to be enough to know things are going south. It's like whenever there's a Fire-starter without live flames on it. Just not the same. Secondly, he barely looks plant-y at all. No one knew what he was even supposed to be at first, he's just got that freaking generic pikachu-esque body type, and green whatevers a'comin' outta his head.

Further research shows he's supposed to be like a chestnut, but I'm not even close to buying it. Also that orange tip of his tail pisses me off, especially since I know it's a design choice that's going frigging NOWHERE.

Look, I want to like this generation, and I think I probably will, but this is NOT the welcome I wanted. Chespin is easily the worst starter Pokemon I've ever seen.


Overall: 1/10

Pokemon X First Thoughts Vol. 7

well, here it is, the final volume. I'm more than halfway through the game at this point, and have made it quite far enough to start opining on the Gen 6 Pokemon.

-Clawdaddy evolved into Clawitzer, and he keeps getting KO'd. but I think it's more because I keep putting him in dangerous situations than his being actually weak

-Wow, Laverre Town is really neat-looking. so was the gym, and the Furisode trainers inside. Gym Leader's Sylveon really gave my team a beating, but Hermes actually came trough, despite being a Dragon-type. I had taught it Infestation and Thunderbolt, y'see. (and the name is supposed to be a reference to JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, when Hermes Costello was turned into a snail-person due to the effects of Heavy Weather. Also I liked how the "herm" suggests "hermaphrodite", which snails are. also the irony of a slow snail being named after Hermes, god of speed.)

-In general, I love the npc trainer art in this game.

-Team looks like it'll be Brave One, Solarpowered, Archnuxilean, Vanilla Ice, Clawdaddy, and Calimari. though if I meet some kewl doods, I might be inclined to switch somebody out...


Overall, I'm really enjoying this game. Love the 3D models, the movement, the music, most of the new Pokemon are neat, and all the gameplay upgrades are appreciated. I'm gonna go back into regular review mode tomorrow, starting with Chespin, so look forward to that.

Pokemon X First Thoughts Vol. 6

-Returned power to Lumiose City, Team Flare is a hoot as always

-the badlands were cool, especially how the Pokemon chased you, but the wind was frustrating

-There aren't any good Ground-types in Gen 6, so I wasn't very prepared for the Electric gym. Beat it with Gogoat's and Solarpowered's Bulldoze, though. screw that Magnemite, Thunderbolt really hurt at this stage of the game

-Got lost in the city. I feel like they should have been able to make the streets connected, instead of loading new areas every 5 seconds. breaks the immersion and ruins the point of having a giant city. between this, the lack of new Pokemon (less than 100 even counting Megas), and the frame-rate issues I've mentioned before, I'm starting to think GameFreak is just piss when it comes to optimization. makes me remember an anecdote about how Iwata was the one who condensed the GSC code to the point where they could fit Kanto in as a bonus, because it definitely wasn't planned from the start. And because of that, my friend goes "can you go to the other regions?" whenever I talk about any Pokemon game and dismisses them with a "wow that sucks you could in Gold" when of course you can't. pisses me off. especially since the new regions are larger than both Johto and Kanto put together.

-wow that one got out of hand

-caught a female Goomy, named it Hermes, 10 internet bucks to whoever correctly places the reference

Pokemon X First Thoughts Vol. 5

I guess the "15-30" sweetspot I mentioned earlier actually extends to at least level 40 in this game. Errbody evolvin' left and right all ovah herr.

-Calimari evolved, and is now more badass

-Goemon is now in his final stage, and as I thought, it's the best option out of the starters. Caught a Clauncher, named it Crawdaddy, and am training it to replace him, though...

-my dear Brave One became a Talonflame, and now is competing against Nala the Pyroar for a spot as my Fire-type. If I decide I even need one, that is.

-Looked it up and evolved Solarpowered with a Sun Stone, Parabolic Charge is still such a pro move

-That grass gym was easy, but fun. Vanilla Ice just ate everything stone-cold raw, and the few things he couldn't wipe out were Bravely dealt with, if you get my drift.

-The music is pretty good in this game, I gotta say. I usually don't listen to Pokemon music, just play the games with the sound off, but maybe I won't end up doing that this time.

Pokemon X First Thoughts Vol. 4

Didn't get a chance to play much today.

-Beat the 3rd gym, it came up pretty soon after the 2nd. Makes the gap from 1st to 2nd seem even more insane.

-I'm coming to dislike my friends. Fat kid won't say a sentence that isn't about dancing, and the Rival girl talks tough but gets beat like a rug. Shauna is cute but seriously needs to find a purpose in life, and the redhead is okay.

-Reflection Cave was pretty, reminded me of Voltstone Cave.

-Pancho evolved into a Fighting/Dark, and I'm disappointed because for some reason I thought he would be Fighting/Grass.

Pokemon X First Thoughts Vol. 3

there sure are a lot of people playing this game.

-it took freaking forever to get to the 2nd gym, holy piss. If the rest of the game keeps up this pace, it's gonna be a long long game.

-New catches (some of these might be old and I forgot to mention):
Arco Iris the Hawlucha
Calimari the Inklay
Carbuncle the Carbink
Cedric the Espurr
Vanilla Ice the Amaura
Solarpowered the Helioptile
Amazy Dayzee the Flabebe

-Picked the Ice fossil because making all Normal-type moves into Ice-type is based as heck.

-I find it funny that they give you walking, running shoes, skates, and also a bicycle. we multiple levels of speed now, baby

-Team Flare is hilarious. These fools literally just want to get fabulous, and they come right out an say they don't give a damn about other people or Pokemon. a welcome break from all these well-intentioned-extremists that have been Pokemon villains the last few times.

-still trying to feel out my final team. I usually have this sort of thing planned from the get-go, but this time around I've been just catching and trying to use everybody. Calimari seems weak, and Acro Iris is surprisingly not as good as I'd like.

Pokemon X First Thoughts Vol. 2

Played it all night and as much as I could today. Damn, I'm having fun. Just entered my favorite phase of the game, the "levels 15-30" phase, when you being actually catching cool things, dudes are evolving right and left, learning cool moves, the plot starts to kick in, and all while the levels still come easy.

-speaking of easy, the new Exp share seems kinda powerful. The guy in front doesn't split anything? EVERYONE else gets 50% of what he got? that's crazy. some might say it makes the game "easier". But honestly, Pokemon has never been "difficult", just "time-wastey". and this new exp share cuts down on the grind significantly.

-Just finished the whole "wake up Snorlax" quest. That palace was legit, reminded me of the Palacio Real in Madrid. of course I know this one must be based off something in France, but I'm pretty sure the Spanish one is better.

-New Pokemons added to the mix:
Napoleon the Furfrou
Archnuxilean the Honedge
Tony Tony C. the Swirlex
Bomba the Charmeleon
Pancho the Pancham
Skiddo (got in trade)

-Been doing some trades with random people online. So far got the aforementioned Skiddo, a Japanese Pansage, and a Japanese Pikachu.

-Goemon and Brave One evolved. Gotdayum am I glad to see a bird that isn't Normal/Flying. It's like all my prayers were answered.

-I chose the Charmander because of the following reasons:
Used a Venusaur on my last run of FireRed, like two years ago
Going to use either my starter, or Clauncher as a water-type, Blastoise would be redundant
Might use Nala or actually the Brave One as Fire, so honestly Charizard is redundant

and in the end, I just went "hell if I'm not going to use any of them in endgame anyway then why not Charizard" and just picked that mother.


how far are you guys? I'm already at level 20 even, but that friend is being pokey, so we delayed our match until level 30. If there's anyone at similar levels, we should battle or something. Friend code is 2406-5163-4164, send me an invite or whatever. If you're already at like the 5th gym, though, don't bother, you know it won't be fun for either of us.

Pokemon X First Thoughts Vol. 1

Got the game this morning, but because I had to do something in the afternoon I haven't played it as much as some of you out there.

regardless, I just beat the 1st gym, so I feel like this is a good time to make a post.

-The game looks/feels/sounds great. Models are good, and moving in 8 directions is more fun that it should be. also the music has been pretty neat so far, I especially like the Pokecenter and Clothes Shop. I just wish the 3D worked better, not having it on the overworld, and then dropping all the frames in battle, it's slightly lame.

-I've been catching all the Gen 6 guys I run across, but not really bothering with the older pokes. so my current team is as follows:
Goemon the Froakie lv. 11
Brave One the Fletchling lv. 12
Bedbug the Spewpa lv. 10
Hopalong the Bunnelby lv. 10
Nala the Litleo lv. 12

-First gym wasn't much of a challenge, the Brave One and Nala just steamrolled everything. Neat aesthetic, though. Gym leader was a photographer, which is a nice way to set her apart from the other Bug leaders. In general, I like the characters in this game. Having a group of friends is neat

-I love that you can reorganize your part just by dragging their icons around on the bottom screen.

-Had a battle against my friend, we both got 5 dudes to level 10 and fought it out. He had a Pikachu, though, which trumped both Goemon and my Brave One, so I was on the defensive. I ended up losing, but it was close enough to leave me satisfied. We're having a rematch at level 20, so hopefully I'll be ready that time!

-on that note, the wifi stuff is actually pretty cool. Being able to just tag random online people for a trade or battle, or see their customization, it's pretty much the interactions a "pokemon mmo" would have, without all the other bad stuff that would go along with it.

So yeah, really enjoying myself. I'm not really sticking to a "post a day" schedule right now, because I think I might have to post more often than that. Just kinda whenever I feel like it, for this next week.

Steven Stone of the Hoenn Elite Four

a dude cool enough to have a last name, a rarity in the Pokemon world

Steven is such a better Champion than Wallace. I mean, Wallace is alright, but it's redundant to have a Water Gym and then a Water guy in the Elite Four. And Steven is just so damn great, he makes a lot of "good" characters look "okay".

First, check that swag style. Black suit, purple stripes, red cravat. striking effect. subdued, yet you can tell he means business. but the best part is those steel arm rings, and steel rings on his fingers. Did you know he was a Steel-type specialist? maybe not, because he's not being garish about it, but you can pick up the hints. Also those rings look badass.

Mr. Stone doesn't go all-out to make the sort of impression Lance does, or have quite the attitude that Blue carries, but he certainly looks in-control and makes for an exciting climactic battle. and like I said, the dude knows cool. super-smooth super-swag steel-plated cool, that is.


Overall: 10/10

In the remake...

Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

yo watch out we got a stone-cold killer comin' thru

Drake looks like he just wandered in out of some horrible storm of salt and spray. His coat is tattered, he lost his shirt, but he didn't lose his captain's hat by God, and he sure as hell didn't loose his gallant 'stache.

He's a badass. He's probably strangled an octopus with his bare hands, eaten more kinds of seagulls than I'll ever know about, and spent over a years worth of combined time adrift at sea.

however - he's a Dragon trainer. which is still kinda badass, but... you've got this obvious nautical theme going, why use Dragons? because you don't want to be associated with those pansy-asses Wallace and Juan, I guess.

Other than that, Drake is exactly what I want to see in my Elite Four. Not sporty-looking, teacher-looking, well-mannered, official-sanctioned waypoints. But the Elite in their field, tested over years of hard work and sacrifice. and few characters sell that as well as Drake does right here.


Overall: 9/10
Previously