The Worst Gen 4 Pokemon

If I am guilty of anything, it is my debilitating hatred of birds. But if I am guilty of two things, the second one is incurable laziness. So please excuse the delays, and I ask you to wait a bit longer for the glorious beginnings of Gen 5.

As for right now, let's talk about shitty Pokemon. Because there were a lot of them in the 4th Gen. I've said before that Pokemon can be awful in two ways - either they are messy, ugly turds, or they are boring, pointless wastes. However, I'm here forced to introduce a new kind of awful - the kind where they take an evolutionary line and mess it all up. The kind where you hate them so much, you start to hate yourself.

10. Dusknoir

9. Staraptor

8. Wormadam

7. Lickilicky

6. Drapion

5. Mime Jr.

4. Rhyperior

3. Burmy

2. Mothim

1. Uxie

Oh, would you look at that - all 3 stages of Burmy made it into the list. Somehow, I am not surprised. But now it's your turn, vent your anger! Which 4th Gen Pokemon make you want to punch things in the face?

The best Gen 4 Pokemon

haha, if you thought I was going to take a break to actually update the things I said I would, instead of just loaf around, then you must be a new reader. Yes, here at NAPACE, corruption runs deep. But I will promise to have everything fixed and brand-spanking new before I start the 5th gen.

Anyway, here's the cream of the Sinnoh Crop!
1. Luxray
2. Torterra
3. Lucario
4. Roserade
5. Hippowdon
6. Gible
7. Arceus
8. Giratina (Origin Form)
9. Abomasnow
10. Weavile


While I think it's telling that the 4th gen contained the fewest 10/10 Pokemon, that doesn't take away from the grandeur of these guys. Luxray especially, is just so frigging good I almost want to write fan-fiction about him. But how do they stack up against my cumulative top 10?

1. Haunter
2. Heracross
3. Scyther
4. Machamp
5. Blazekin
6. Pinsir
7. Cacturne
8. Typhlosion
9. Luxray
10. Blastoise

um... not very well, it seems. I mean, I have to ask myself, "Do I like Luxray better than Typhlosion?" and the frank answer is "no". And then I think about Torterra and Blastoise, and the better turtle is pretty clear. But enough about me, how about you cats and kittens? You got any favorite dogs in this fight?

4th Gen Summary

Oh boy. I don't know about you guys, but this gen, one of the smallest, felt like it lasted forever.

Now, I've made it no secret that Sinnoh is my least favorite generation, but I think you'll agree I've been more than fair with my assessments. It averaged out to a 4.9/10, which I even think seems a little high. I felt like I was handing out 1's like the ice cream man hands out fudge bars to kids in the Sahara desert. Between the birds, rodents, bugs, and fish, there were a lot of absolute stinkers. Well, compared to the 1st Gen (6.2), the 2nd Gen (5.8), and the 3rd Gen (6.1), 4.9 is significantly lower.

See, the recurring complaint I have with this gen is "pointless". Pointless new rodents and birds. Pointless gimmicks on awful Pokemon. Pointless hoops, dots, and bands on otherwise solid designs. Pointless amount of legendaries. Pointless baby forms of Pokemon that no one asked for.

And you know what? Out of 107 new Pokemon, 28 relied on previous Gens to evolve into or from. That means this is arguably the most natural expansion, but on the other hand holy shit only 3/4 of the Pokemon were actually "new". This is when people say Pokemon ran out of ideas, because 25% of the time all they could think of was to rehash an existing design. And sometimes (Roserade, Weavile, etc) it worked. But mainly (Happiny, Magmortar, Dusknoir) they absolutely did not. It was as if they forgot the original Pokemon's idea, which makes me wonder why they even bothered making it an evolution if they clearly wanted to go this different direction with it.

But I do appreciate the advances in gameplay that Pearl, Diamond, and Plantinum brought. The Physical/Special split especially. Now, a Water Pokemon with high Attack can still be viable, because Water Tail and Waterfall are Physical attacks, instead of being classified as Special along with every other water move. Adding more 3D models was neat, as was the gender differences, which help make every single Pokemon just a little more unique. Team Galactic was kinda goofy, though.

So while the 4th Gen definitely had some highlights, and advanced the gameplay, for me I've always thought of it as the weakest by far.

No. 493: Arceus

In the beginning, there was screen glare. Then Arceus said, "Let there be Back-lit LCD screens", and it was Good.


First, let me say that the cut-scene in Pokemon Platinum that ties Arceus to the creation of the Poke-world, and gives you a level 1 of Dialga, Palkia, or Giratina, is one of the funniest fucking things I have ever seen in my entire goddamn life. I laughed til I cried.

Why? Because it's so ridiculous. Pokemon is about catching, training, befriending, and battling little monsters, as they grow into badass monsters. But then suddenly we have an entire Poke-Pantheon forming, with truly godlike entities, finally coming to a climax with the Godhead Creator itself - Arceus. Which can be caught by a 12-years-old kid. I don't know, maybe it's an intentional sacrifice thing? My point is, if you revealed that you had Buddha or Jesus locked in your basement and you called them out to beat up thugs, that would probably reflect badly on your immortal soul.

Anyway, blasphemy aside, Arceus is a wonderfully strange-looking dude. It's some sort of space-llama, jumping through a space-halo. But I actually like the design, because it is just so crazy and weird. It isn't some eldritch horror, but rather an incomprehensible being from beyond mortal understanding. Not good, nor evil, Arceus simply Is. And the ability to be any time at all is also cool, and makes sense. As does its perfect stats, which will likely never be contested.

While I think this leap in power is pretty silly, I do think Arceus does it well. And as long as no other legendaries try to come close, then it's fine. And judging by the 5th gen, I don't think Gamefreak is planning to, they knew they pushed it pretty damn far, and will back off. And once you accept the Arceus into your heart as your personal lord and savoir, then you will know peace.


Overall: 10/10


But so yeah, this is the end of the 4th generation, and what a note to end it on. Nearly 500 Pokemon, from the lowliest karp to the mightiest god. I've got hella feels about Sinnoh that I'll share in my summary, as well as favorites and such. Expect a delay, because I want to take this time to finally go through and re-do the links and tags.

No. 492: Shaymin

Ch-ch-ch-chia! Chia! Chia-pet!


This is a brilliant idea for a Pokemon. A hedgehog, with a literal hedge on its back. That flower on the side adds a vaguely tropical flavor. It's cute, and I like the colors. In that one movie Shaymin may be an utter bitch, the Queen Bitch from Bitch-topia, but how can you stay mad at something so damn cuuuute?

Wait

what?

This is a legendary Pokemon? Huh?

That - that doesn't make a lick of sense. Oh, it also has an additional form? Well, let's check that out, maybe it'll be more "legendary" -


eh, still not really doing it for me. Now it's a little dog that flies around with its ears and wears a scarf, which is also incredibly precious, but still not really giving me the "legendary" vibe. I know it has the stats, but not the look.

It just seems wrong to have cute, simple-looking Pokemon like Shaymin (and to an extent, Manaphy) in the same Legendary class as the masters of time, space, anti-matter, and the Lord of All Creation. Why so many legendaries, Sinnoh? It's not like you didn't need some extra filler to populate your routes...

I'm going to give Shaymin a good score, because I really like it, but I want to make my displeasure at its legendary status clear.


Overall: 8/10

No. 491: Darkrai

Yo, one time I heard this guy pronounce it like "Dark-eye" and I thought he was throwing some racist slur around, so I punched him in the teeth. True story, homes.


But anyway, Darkrai is a little bit of a badass. You can tell because he's all dark and shadowy, with red and white highlights. He also has immense power, which he struggles to control. Some theorize he secluded himself on Newmoon island so that no one gets harmed by his uncontrollable power. He also in one of the movies sacrifices himself to save the town or something. He's basically listening to Linkin Park and wearing pants with buckles, you guys.

But I still like him anyway. The design is striking, and I like the way the edges are all fleeting, like smoke or a shadow. Also that's a pretty neat collar. I kinda wish the color was the mouth of his true head, and the white trailing thing is just his tongue, so he's pull that shit back in, and snap the jaws shut, and then step right into the nightmare dreams of children everywhere.

Maybe Darkrai should've been a Ghost type, but I still think it's fine legendary. He's more, well, dark, than a regular Pokemon should be, but as the legendary who controls bad dreams and shit like that? Great.


Overall: 9/10

No. 490: Manaphy

Okay, this one I can deal with.

Like Jirachi, Celebi, and Mew before it, Manaphy is a cute lil' sprite, a-frolicking around adorably, and somehow harboring great power to guard the entire ocean or something.

It reminds me of a Chao, from Sonic Adventure, which is a good thing. But I question the wisdom of entrusting all this responsibility to something so immature. That's why Celebi got beat like a drum in the 4th Pokemon movie, and Manaphy got played like a violin in the 9th one. At least Mew had the smarts to actually fight back when Mewtwo started talking shit.

Anyway, Manaphy doesn't bring anything new to the table, but it also doesn't do anything wrong. (I'm choosing to pretend Phione isn't real). I think its signature move, Heart Swap, is pretty pointless, because swapping stat changes is lame. If they use swords dance, and you want that boost, why don't you just use it yourself? Wait, Manaphy doesn't have that move. And there's probably some meta-strategy about anticipating the opponent's buff, and getting it for yourself instead. But I don't pretend to know about high-tier strategies. I just get mad at trivial things on the internet.


Overall: 7/10

No. 489: Phione

wait hold up here. shouldn't Manaphy be next? Isn't that our cute-lil-fairy legendary for this gen? What the piss is Phione!?


After doing some research (read: skimming the bulbapedia page), it turns out Phione is the prevolution of Manaphy. Except, it can't evolve. Into Manaphy. It's just there. Oh, and also this means Manaphy is like the only legendary that can breed, and it produces a stunted offspring. Who can in turn breed into more Phione.

This is mind-boggling to me. Why on earth would anyone make this into a thing? Manaphy is simply better in every way. And Phinone isn't even that good. It's just a pure Water type. It looks like Manaphy's second cousin. Why does this exist? Who thought this would be a good idea? Were they so desperate to fill space they resorted to making Chinese knock-off versions of their own Pokemon!?

I mean, shit. What's the point? Manaphy is already there. Why not just make Manaphy able to breed? Also, has there ever been any explanation for this phenomenon? In the movie centered around Manaphy, Phione didn't make an appearance. I'm sorry if I'm asking too many questions, but that's about all I can do. I'm just wracking my brain, trying to deduce what the fuck is going on here, but I'm drawing blanks.

I don't know if I can even give this one a score. Are you sure it really exists? Is this all just a giant prank? I think my mind is refusing to believe something this freaking enormously stupid and redundant could even be.


Overall: nope/10

No. 488: Cresselia

oh shit you guys I honestly forgot about this one


And it's no surprise. Cresselia has a bunch of crescent moons around her, and yet somehow manages to be completely forgettable. Maybe it's the pure Psychic typing, maybe it's the fact that she's completely optional and quite redundant, maybe it's the lack of a gimmick, maybe it's the way her overall body shape is like Latias and Latios, or maybe it's every damn one of these things.

I think it has some power over dreams, or making you feel happy, or peaceful love moonbeams, but I don't give a single shit. It looks like it has a banana peel stuck on its head, and its holding its hands like a bra or something. Man, there wasn't even any point to remembering Cresselia.


Overall: 3/10

No. 487: Giratina

Now here comes trouble.


Trouble with a capital T that rhymes with G that stands for Giratina! Red, black, grey, and gold are a bunch of colors to work, but I think the big G works them well enough. I think I've mentioned before how much I like it when things have 6 legs, so that's another plus.

In the interest of fairness, tho, I should point out that holy shit does Giratina have a bunch of hoops and stripes and bands and stuff. and I think those wings might be a bit much? It looks like a powerful engine of destruction, but a lumbering, awkward kind.

Altered Form: 7/10


All the better to contrast with the pure form, the one it takes when it is at home in the Dark Dimension or Negative Zone or whatever. Evil black tentacles (with the spikes from the wings becoming claws), those neck hoops open to be like actual claw-spike things, the head gets badass and streamlined, and it now has more proper bands like a snake. Also spikes alongside, because why not? I love the hell outta this design, it lives up to the Ghost/Dragon typing, and even if it is over-the-top and digimon-like, screw it. This version of Giratina is supposed to be the scariest, evilest damn thing around.

Origin Form: 10/10


Overall: 9/10

No. 486: Regigigas

You think that's a lot of g's? Gogiga Gagagigo would like a word with you.


Supposedly the fusion of the three Regis, Regigigas somehow doesn't remind me of any of them. I mean, he's got those color-coded lights on his chest, okay, but everything else? Moss, space-rings, and monochromatic designs? Well, I guess he's actually just their leader, but then why bother with the tiny shout-out at all?

I kinda like the moss, actually, because it reminds me of the Laputa robots, and makes me think its been sitting for ages, getting overgrown and shit. But that, and the yellow hoops, and the lights, on top of the black-n-white? It's a little overwhelming. Taking out the lights would go a long way, since they barely suggest the Regi trio as it is. But I like the overall frame of the thing, it seems like some unstoppable colossus, a golem from ancient times.

However, it is a complete butt in play. Slow start? Halving its Attack and Speed for the first 5 turns? Yeah, good luck ever making use of that. Makes him easier to capture, I guess...

Oh, and that one time in one of the movies when Regigigas had to stop a glacier or something? That was badass. Regigigas has a few more good points than bad points.


Overall: 6/10

No. 485: Heatran

gonna run a Heatrain on your ass


Heatran is this fearsome beast who lives in volcanoes and eats magma and shits lava. However, he feels a little out of place in the suped-up realm of the Sinnoh legendaries. Dialga and Palkia control space and time, respectively. The admittedly horrid lake trio created all wisdom or some bullshit. The literal creator god will show up later on. And what can Heatran do? Make a volcano explode? laaaaaaame

Okay, not so lame. I like his design, it reminds me of some Legend of Zelda boss. The fierce eyes, the whale-belly, the crumbly rocks sticking to his molten skin, it's all pretty neat. I guess I question his placement, seeing as how he even respawns, making him not-very-legendary at all, but whatever.

Heatran is hot shit, and he knows it. Just - just don't compare him to his older brothers, is all.


Overall: 8/10